Between Brothers

Seriously?!

Tara

After about a week of roughing it, I finally caved and begged my dad for an airbed. He did me one better and got me furniture, like a real couch and bed. His reasoning was, it would teach me how to survive on my own and I could take it with me to college. I absolutely love my daddy. 

Julian has been out there with me, losing his mind sleeping on the hard ground. So how surprised he was when he came back and found a bed in his designated space, it wasn’t pretty but hey it wasn’t the ground either.

He didn’t ask questions just went with it. I ordered pizza and all was right in the kingdom of Tara… or I thought it was. 

We spent the better half of a week trying to hack the internet for my mothers wifi, she changed the damn password to keep  me out. Finally figured it out and we were able to watch Friends on my laptop.

Julian did everything I asked without question, argument maybe, but he never questioned it. Until I asked him to do something, he wasn’t quite comfortable with,

“Why not?” I ask, lying on the rug.

“Because, No”

“It’s only one time, no one has to know”

“Your leg is still healing, you have like three more weeks. AND you’re my best friends girlfriend”

“WE WERE NEVER!!!!”

“Save the bullshit for someone who believes it. I know better than anyone else he was in love with you and you him. f**k that!”

“He’s gone! He’s literally been erased from my being. So, are you gonna f**k me or not?”

“No”

“I know you’ve been jerking it every night”

“Nosey brat”

“That’s not nice!”

“Neither is listening to someone”

“I know you moan my name when you c*m”

“You’re the reason most men will go crazy. The answer is NO”

We spend the next few weeks like this, a constant circle of no and maybe.

We’re half-way through the school year and getting ready for winter break, and I get the joy of removing this goddamn ugly cast. The difference of color is hilarious, I’m a sunset yellow on my one leg and a caramel melt everywhere else… This is sad. The pain is still very present but I can move more without this damn cast and I’m happy.

Daddy finally decided to stop listening to my mother and bought Christophers’ old house for me, since I’m being stubborn about going back into the house. The smell of him is everywhere, I almost fell back into a depression because I could almost feel his presence.

 I cleaned everything from top to bottom and spent a good portion of the time crying my eyes out. Julian helped when he wasn’t at work but that was a task within itself. Hiding from the wicked witch of the west, that evil monstrosity was always lurking in the shadows watching my every move. 

Julian has more than repaid his debt to me, more than fixed what he made wrong. Yet, I still feel like he’s missed something, as much as I tell myself it’s because we’re in this mess because of him, I hate when he’s gone. The night this changed was different, something shifted in how he looked at me.

My parents went away for the weekend and I was thankful because this means I can enjoy the backyard and light up the damn fire pit. I lie there soaking up the slight sun trying to get my thigh and leg to match the rest of my body. Julian bought hot dogs, he wants to feel like we’re camping out. i***t.

“So, hot dogs?”

“Yeah, it’s a staple. Every fire pit has cooked hot dogs and marshmallows.”

“Yet you leave the marshmallows and bring the dogs?” I say, rolling over trying to make my tan even.

“I bought marshmallows, they’re in my bag. So hush”

“Ok chef boyardee, let’s see how this goes.”

He smiles and opens his backpack, he’s stuffed all of the mixings in there. He’s a mess really, but it’s cute watching him get so excited about cooking over an open fire. When my ass starts to feel like the cold wind is going to take a chunk, I slip my pants on and snuggle in close by the fire to warm up.

“Hey” He says, smoking a cigarette. The smell of nicotine fills the air and swirls around us, it’s kind of what I remember from my time with Christopher.

“What?” I ask, leaning my head onto his shoulder. I feel him relax, as if he’s been on pins and needles this entire time.

“I think… I should go home. I’ve intruded a week longer than needed and you’re better now, you don’t need me anymore.”

“That’s not true, you killed that spider this morning and saved my life”

“I think a shoe would suffice my dear”

“Oh my! I’m a dear” 

“You’re more of a doe”

“Smartass”

“That’s why I went to school”

“Fine, spend tonight and if you must go, leave in the AM”

“Ok”

We sat in silence, it was deafening. So much going unsaid but I know we shouldn’t say it. I feel him shift beside me, probably putting out his cigarette but he leans too far forward and I fall onto the mat beneath us. He’s lying beside me, staring at me. 

“What weirdo?” I say, turning to lie on my side as well. He looks confused, as if something has taken over him and he’s just following suit. 

He doesn’t say anything but leans in and kisses me. My eyes widened in surprise, not because he kissed me but the fact that he chooses now to do this.

 What changed?

He pulls away but I don’t want him to. I want to feel his lips over my body, the electricity between is alluring and I want more.

He’s staring into my eyes as if he’s waiting for permission. I've been begging him for this for weeks. What more permission does he want? 

“I need verbal consent”

“What is this, a cheesy porno?”

“No, this is a man and a woman in the middle of a backyard. He’s asking for consent to do more to you, so much more.”

“Permission granted weirdo”

“There’s one thing I’ve been wanting to do for a while now.”

“And what’s that?”

“I want to shut you up” And before I can respond his lips are back on mine, fervently exploring. His tongue dancing on my lips as it dips between them, his hands grabbing my body and pulling me closer. 

Then it starts to lightly snow, the wicked smile that grows on his face is more than I can bear.

“I want to take my time, do this nice and slow. Right here”

He slowed down and kissed me slowly, pulling my pants off as he nestled himself between my thighs. The warmth pouring off of him was all I needed in this cold setting, I didn’t realize how much I missed being held.

The light kisses he left on my lips, then cheeks, then neck caused me to shiver under his thumb. I moaned his name and he groaned in response. The bulge in his sweats gave me more confidence. 

I did this to him. 

I pulled him closer, wrapping my legs around his waist. He reaches between us and I feel him pressing against my panties, when I say his length and girth was more than appreciated that is f*****g understatement. Yes, I’ve been with Christopher whose c**k  is bigger than most but it’s been awhile and Julian may just break me.

He pulls my panties to the side and uses my wetness to guide him in, I… Cannot… Breath. I gasp at the feeling of him stretching me open, causing the moan stuck in my throat to come out in a groan. I hear him utter a low “f**k”. 

He slowly starts to move and I can feel my lungs filling with air again. Did he break me or did he just revive me? The slow motion is building to something more, like a volcano dormant for years and bubbling close to the surface. 

I want to combust. 

Rocking in rhythm with him, hearing him pant in my ear, the snow falling around us. The only thing keeping us from freezing is the heat we’re building between us, walls are spasming. Trying to take more of him in, this is impossible, yet I’m yearning for more. He groans out loud and stops, I feel my world shatter to pieces around him. He’s staring into my eyes, watching the fireworks go off and slowly dissipate. Still panting and catching our breaths, the scene played before me was slow and slightly romantic but yet I still feel worn out. Tired at best.

“Let’s go inside, I think Harry Potter is on HBO”

“Absolutely! Can we have those marshmallows?”

“Only if they go in Cocoa”

“Duh”

We climbed inside and spent the night between s*x, Harry Potter and Cocoa. 

Life was good.

“Oh, so how’d that end?” Marisol asks, I keep forgetting she’s here.

“Well… I ended it. I decided to leave for school and I kind of cheated on him with Christopher, so I told him it was me and he was great and deserved someone better.” I winced at my own words, how stupid am I? He was an absolute catch and I gave him up for a chance with Christopher? WHO f*****g LEFT AGAIN!!!!

There’s not enough wine in this bottle and honestly I’m tired of repeating my mistakes outloud. So I kick Marisol out, promising to tell her more another day. I turn on the radio and the smooth voice of Sade is playing, I start to sway with my last glass of wine in hand when I’m found by Daniel. 

He puts me to bed but I don’t feel him in bed, I guess he’s pacing the floor again.

The warmth of these blankets and the slumber inviting me, f**k it. I’ll worry about him tomorrow. 

Goodnight cruel world.