Between Brothers

A Little Clarity

A Little Clarity

Tara

After Julian left I was joined by Marisol, finally. I needed her to guide me down the path of mental stability. 

These men, my life, none of it makes any sense. Christopher, Julian and Daniel. 

My p***y clenches to the thought of any of them, I should not be this turned on by the thought of them. They are all a bane of my existence but I love every last one of them in different ways. UGH!

Mari stares at me as she pours our fourth glass of wine, I know she wants to know details but unless she asks directly…

“b***h! What happened? Talk to me” She says, wiggling her eyebrows. She wants the juicy details, the details I haven’t told anyone.

“Fine, quick version. I lost my virginity to the douchebag and he left without saying goodbye”

“Long version!”

“Fine but, I’m gonna need more wine”

“Fine! But include the cutie I saw leaving too. I wanna know how all of them end up with you?”

The thought is daunting.

After Christopher apologized for treating me like a disease, our relationship hit a wall.

We barely spoke, even though I was there with him almost everyday.  We fell into this groove, I would wait around for him from work and then we’d f**k and sleep. I liked it, it was nice but something was definitely lacking. Probably the status of us? 

I remember the day things got extremely interesting.

“How do I look?” I asked, passing by him in the backyard, He was busy loading wood onto the back of his pickup for a project he was starting in the morning. I even gave him a twirl so he could see how my dress was, it was a little black dress with silver bows down the back. 

“You look like a doll. Where are you going?” He asks, raising his eyebrow. He looks confused, as if he missed a detail or two. He never listens, I told him about the summer bonfire for the past two weeks but he must’ve forgotten. 

“Bonfire, remember?” I stop, placing my hand on my hip. He leans against the truck, staring at me. I feel like he’s about to scold me but he doesn’t, just shakes his head and goes back to what he was doing.

“You don’t wear dresses like that to a bonfire”

“How would you know?” 

“I’ve been to a few f***s around a fire”

“That’s not what’s gonna happen, d**k”

“Sure it’s not. You’re not going and you definitely not going dressed like that”

“f**k you! You have no say”

“How don’t I?”

“You’re not my father, boyfriend or GOD!”

“I’m…”

“You’re what? You’ve avoided every goddamn conversation we’ve had about US. You act like it’s going to kill you to tell me how you feel”

“I feel like you’re getting on my goddamn nerves. I like you ok… I like you ALOT”

“You’re an asshole! I tell you everyday I love you, I spend every damn minute with your miserable ass but you tell me ‘you like me alot’ how f*****g nice. I’m leaving and you can leave me the hell alone”

I walked away and went to the damn bonfire. It was fun but the mood was killed because of the argument I had with Christopher. Daniel was there but he was off pissing in the wind with his friends, so alone I sat. on a log. In a f*****g dress. Getting splinters up my ass. 

Everyone was drinking, I was nursing the beer I grabbed when I arrived. The fire started to feel warmer and I started to sway and move to the music that was playing in the distance. Before long I was stumbling into the woods to find a place to pee, I didn’t realize I wasn’t alone.

“Hey baby! You look good enough to eat, I might just need a taste” A random voice calls from the shadows. I spin around trying to find my footing and landing on my ass instead. 

“Go… Go away, I don't need anything from you. Asssshole” My words are slurred, I’ve drank too much. A chill goes down my spine, I wish I had listened and brought a jacket or changed. I’m now ground crawling around and pretending I’m invisible, I feel gross hands wrapping around my waist and lifting me onto  my feet. The smell of cheap weed and beer wafts off of them and makes me gag. 

“You better not throw up on me b***h!” One jackass says. 

“Yeah, not before we’ve had fun sweetie” another says. f**k, there’s more than one.

“Oh yeah, nice ass” One says in the distance, f**k me. I’m gonna get ripped open if they touch me. 

I feel hands grabbing my body, pawing at my breasts and ass. I’m clawing at them, trying to push them away but their hold on me just gets stronger and I can’t wiggle free. Someone in the distance is slowly approaching, they look familiar but darkness is masking their face.

“See why I said you needed to change your damn clothes!” His voice is laced with anger, I’d know that voice anywhere. 

My Christopher is here!

“Who the f**k are you?” One of them says, yanking me back away from Christopher. 

“Let’s say for the purpose of this convo, I’m her much older boyfriend and I will crack your skull open if you don’t let her go”

“Is this true sweetie? Is this your boyfriend?” 

I nod furiously, agreeing with Christopher. I’m trying to pull away and push towards him, but they keep stepping back away from him dragging me with them.

He’s not alone, I see the shadow of someone else. Their stature is the same but menacing at the time. 

Julian! They’ve both come to save me, thank god!

“Chris, you’d think we were retarded or something! LET HER THE f**k GO and I WON’T KILL YOU!” Julian says, his teeth gritted and jaw locked. Showing only in the flicker of bonfire on the trees nearby. 

One whips out a knife and starts swinging at Christopher. The brawl broke out and a crowd began to form, things have gone haywire and my head is spinning. Things are getting blurry and I’m trying to hold myself up, I feel the wind being knocked out of me and a hand wrapping around my hip.

I must’ve passed out because when I woke up, I was lying in Christopher’s bed. I sat up in the darkness and noticed that the only light was the moon peering in through the window. Christopher is sitting in the corner, sulking as usual.

He’s so sexy when he’s angry, but what’s he angry for? I didn’t do anything.

“How’d I get here?” I ask, wiping the sleep from my eyes.

“Funny how that works… You do something stupid, I come and save you and your first question is ‘how’d I get here’. This is stupid.”

“You’re stupid! I didn’t ask you to come”

“Yep, you didn’t. And yet had I not shown up, you’d be bleeding from all holes.”

“I would've fought them off”

“Oh really? Quick question, how’d you plan to do that when they pretty much had your panties around your ankles?”

“f**k you” I spat back, tears streaming down my face. I hate that he’s being an asshole.

“f**k me? That’s how I got in this mess in the first place” He leans back in his seat, still staring at me. Angry as ever, I swear I can see the smoke pouring off him. 

“What do you want from me?”

He sighs heavily, hitting his fist on the arm of the chair.

“What do you mean?”

“Why do you keep me around? You clearly don’t like me, is it only to f**k?”

“You wish that was the only reason. Fine, you want to know what I want from you?”

“Yes, I just said that asshole”

“I want… I want you”

“Me? How?”

“You, all of you.”

I feel my cheeks growing warm, am I blushing? His voice is quiet, he sounds nervous. Is that even possible? Christopher never sounds nervous, always dominant in his ways but right now, he seems meek. Was he scared for me? 

I crawl to the edge of the bed, landing on his lap. Lying my head on his shoulder, he wraps his arms around me. This warmth is a beautiful feeling and if I weren’t so sauced I’d probably appreciate this more. 

“I love you Christopher”

He clears his throat but says nothing in return, I know he feels it but he’ll never say it. 

This man… he is mine.

“So let me get this straight… you were in a full relationship with him?” Marisol asks, sippin from her refilled glass of wine. 

“Kinda, he has always been a difficult read”

“What caused the split?”

“He did. On my 17th birthday, to be exact. He f****d me, and I woke up the next morning to him gone. No trace, No note, No goodbye.”

“Explain why you’re really mad? That’s not it.”

“I was made to seem like an obsessive teen, I was made to give up my baby and forcefully admitted in a mental health ward for a year to cleanse myself of him. I did it all alone, any mention of Christopher and I landed back in therapy.”

“Awe, mamita. I’m so sorry, let’s move on to something else.”

The tears already wetting my cheeks, I feel the need to talk about something else. I knew the topic she was going towards, but I let her do it anyway. 

“Tell me about the cutie in the hallway”

“Julian?”

“Duh!” She’s rolling her eyes, I hate and love her. 

“Fine… but that’s it”

“Nope, then you have to tell me about Mister Daniel”

“Hahaha, fine. Then I’m kicking your nosey ass out”

“I’ll gladly leave… my bed will be calling me. So, Julian”

What can I say about Julian? He’s always had a place in heart, no matter how he got there… he’s there. 

I remember the last day of Summer and I was finally able to do normal stuff, like shower without being monitored. I left the house early so I wouldn’t have to deal with my pestering mother, she’s become a thorn in my side. A staggering resentment has formed and I prefer not to deal with her, it’s just not worth it. 

I rode my bike across town to the hair store, I think I’m in the mood for a color change. The normal brown isn’t cutting it, I’m thinking neon blue or honestly any color to piss off Mommy Dearest. 

I’m riding like my name is Lance Armstrong, or whatever that cancer bike guy's name is, totally paying attention when the back wheel of my bike is clipped by a motorcycle. I go flying and skid across the pavement, what the actual f**k!

The sun is blocking my vision and my head is pounding, I try to get up but fail drastically. My leg must be broken due to landing on my knee first on it because the pain is unbearable. A crowd of passerby people stop to stare at the accident, none offering help. I hear the noise of ambulances coming towards me, this is how I die isn’t it?

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so f*****g sorry” I hear the voice, repeating this mantra over and over because they f*****g hit me. 

Wonderful.

The arrival at the hospital happens after everyone and their mother gives their account of the accident. The lights are just as blinding but easier to tolerate, more so than the burning sun. Great! My mother is going to complain about my tan, I smack my forehead causing a searing pain to emerge. 

I’m going to kill whoever hit me. 

“I’m so sorry Tara, I didn’t mean to hit your bike” The voice is familiar but my head is fuzzy and I can’t put it to a face just yet. Lucky me, he steps out of the shadows and stands by my bed. 

Julian.

“YOU! YOU f*****g HIT ME?!” I scream at him, instantly regretting it. I fall back onto the pillow and stare at him, he can’t bear to look at me. He looks… ashamed.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.” I can hear the stress in his voice, he seems to mean it. 

“Look, I’m not in the mood for any of this. I want to get out of here”

“The doctor is waiting for your x-rays. I might’ve fractured your leg, or so they say”

“Look, help me escape and I’ll forgive you”

“Where would we go?” 

“I don’t know and I don’t care but I think it’s the least you could do.”

He looks like he’s thinking hard, trying to find a way out of this but we both know it’s not gonna happen. He’s going to either help me or I’ll kick his ass.

“Look, can we at least get you patched up and I’ll be your personal b***h boy until you’re all better?. That’s the least I could do” He’s staring at me and for the first time I notice his eyes are a shimmering grey, just like mine. 

“Ok.”

“Ok? No argument? No fighting me on this?” He raises his eyebrow, he seems surprised. 

“I said ok, leave it alone”

He throws his hands up and backs away towards the door, looking for the nurse no doubt so she can knock me out. I’d prefer to not be sedated, I’ve had enough of that for a lifetime. 

“You’re awake! That’s wonderful. How do you feel?”

“Like I was run over by a car, oh wait. I was.” I say smirking and looking at Julian, who is now standing by the door.

“Very clever. I see you’re feeling a bit better, it seems like you’ve been blessed with a broken leg love. No worries, we’ll get your cast and crutches and get you home. Your father is here speaking with the Doctor so you should be free soon.”

Blessed with a broken leg? Are you insane lady? This leaves me vulnerable to my mothers clutches, it’s the only thing blocking me from complete and total freedom. It’s the only thing stopping me from taking a bus out of this poisonous town and leaving forever. A broken fuckin’ leg, what the hell am I gonna do with that?

After three agonizing hours, I was allowed to go home.  Percocets, Crutches, An ugly cast and stitches is all I got for the day. My daddy tried to make me feel better, but that witch had to ruin it all. 

You know what she said to  me?

 “Oh, my stupid little girl. I told you not to ride that old bike, especially not with all the weight you’ve gained. I’m sure the accident was your fault.” Then she disappeared upstairs with her glass of wine. 

Daddy perched me on the couch but I had other plans, I knew I bought a tent for a reason.

I popped my percs and stuffed them in my pocket, while hobbling over to the door. Grabbing the tent I hid behind the couch so I could put more distance between me and the big bad witch. I’m really hoping that one day my Dad tells me she’s my step-mother and my mom died giving birth to me, because there’s no way I’m from the womb of this woman.

Once I got everything outside, I realized I had absolutely no way to put the damn thing up. 

I didn’t think this through. Nor did I think about not locking myself out, stupid Tara.

So, I texted Julian. Lucky me, he lived four houses down. 

“Why are you outside?” He says, walking into my backyard. I ignored the fact he was half dressed and tried to grab my bag and pull him in the direction of my building site.

“We’re building a tent” I say, sounding as if I’m drunk. I’m definitely not, maybe a little special due to my drugs. 

“A tent?” He crosses his arms and looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind.

“Look, I can’t live in that house with her. She’s insane and I refuse to spend another iota of time with her. I need my own space”

“I get that, trust me I do. But, with your leg being broken, how do you intend to do anything? Eat? Bathroom? Bathe? Sleep? All you have is a tent”

He was right, I have nothing but the clothes on my back and she would never allow my Dad to help me. Maybe I could use some of my money to build a tiny house like Christopher did? No. I’m sure that’s a few weeks' process and I don’t have that long. Oh well, I’ll have to rough it. 

“Build! If you Build it… They will come”

“Who? Who will come?” 

“They will?”

“Who’s they?”

“I don’t know… will you just build my damn tent?”

“Fine but don’t come asking me to take it down tomorrow”

And a mighty fine tent he built. It was better than expected and sturdy too. I’m glad I got the tent big enough to fit a family of 10, it was almost like having an apartment. Then it hit me, he’s my b***h boy right? Then he can live with me out here until I’m better. 

“Julian?”

“Yes” He says, `I've stopped him in his tracks as he was trying to flee. 

“I’ve come up with a reasonable solution for our issue”

“Our issue?”

“Yup! OUR issue. You hit me with your car, you’ve agreed to be my b***h”

“Yep and I already don’t like where this is going”

“Stay in the tent with me overnight”

“Just tonight?”

“Hell no! I’m thinking every night until I’m better.”

He groans and lies in the center of the tent, he is most likely kicking himself for making that statement earlier but a promise is a promise.

“Fine.” 

His final words before the rain started, I lay down next to him and went to sleep. 

YAY, I won.