Protect Me From Myself

Book 11 - Crossed - Chapter.1

Welcome to book 11! This is Greg and Dani's story. There are a few ups and downs in this one, and also talk about sensitive topics. I will warn you of those when we reach them. Enjoy!!

Greg

“Get up!” Hands grab me, pulling me toward the edge of the bed I've been lying in for the past week.

I grip the sheets, yanking myself away from those big hands.

“I'm not kidding, Greg. Get the fu.ck up!”

“Leave me alone, Kory.” There's no conviction in my words. There never is these days.

“You can't keep doing this, Greg. You need to get up, take a shower, eat something, and get the hell out of this house for a while.”

I pull the sheet up to my chin and stare at the wall in front of me.

There are no imperfections on that green wall. Trust me, I've scanned it like crazy to make sure.

I can't see my big brother; he's standing behind me.

I can't face him.

I can't face anyone.

It's been months since it happened, months where I acted like nothing had happened.

Months burying myself in work just so I didn't have to think about it.

Months where I tried to pretend I didn't care like it hadn't affected me the way I knew deep down it had.

How the hell could it not? I lost everything!

It wasn't until Kory came to Seattle, forced me into this stupid vacation time, and brought me back to Oak Springs, my childhood hometown, that I finally let it sink in.

With nothing to occupy my mind, everything that had happened came crashing down on me. I couldn't cope. I can't cope.

I am so lost that I don't know who the hell I am right now.

“Greg, please. Just get up, shower, eat something. I don't know, go for a walk along the front. Anything but this. Everyone is so worried about you, man. You can't go on like this.”

He's right; I can't. What's done is done; nothing that happens now will change that. I've been burned, but I'm not dead. I've had my heart torn apart, but it's still there. I've had every ounce of faith crushed, but I'm still breathing.

And I will go on breathing and living. I will fix myself and move on from the mess that was my life. I'll move on and make the future brighter.

Jesus Christ, I sound like a damn storybook!

I take a deep breath in through my nose. “I'll be up in ten.”

I sense my brother's smile. “Good man. I'll meet you in the kitchen.” He leaves the room.

I drag my sorry ass out of bed and into the shower. Once I'm done, I shave the beard that's grown over the past week. I scrub my teeth three times and spit.

I look at myself in the mirror. I look awful. I've lost a little weight from the stress. I scrub my hands over my face and sigh. I need to eat something, get to the gym, or jog along the waterfront.

Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll work my way up to the gym. I need to sort myself out. I will sort myself out. My life isn't over because of one woman. I won't allow what she did to ruin me. Yes, I loved her. Yes, I would have done anything for her. But we drifted apart long before I found out the truth.

She was never mine; to begin with, I was never hers. Why I married her, I don't know. Why she said yes is an even bigger mystery.

But it's done now. I'll grieve the little boy I loved more than life itself. I'll grieve for the times we'll never have, for the times we did. I'll grieve for the fact I'll never see him smiling at me, laughing as he runs to me while calling me Daddy.

I'll grieve for the football games I'll never take him to, for the ice cream we'll never eat. For the teenager, I'll never know, or the advice about girls he would have asked me.

Maya stole it all from me, and all I can do now is move on with my life.

I pull on a pair of light gray sweats, a wife beater – ironic name – and my sneakers. I'm ready to run this poison out of me. I strip my bed. The sheets need a wash after sweating in them for a week. I know it's disgusting, but I've been out of it. But I'm back now.

I drop the sheets by the washing machine in the laundry room and then follow the sound of toddler laughter to the kitchen. My sister-in-law and brother are sitting at the table, obviously waiting for me so they can start breakfast. My little niece, Echo, is showing her parents her ballet dancing. I don't know if, at two years of age, she even knows what ballet dancing is.

But there she is, spinning around in her little pink Tutu, her blonde hair up in a tight bun, giggling her head off as her parents clap their hands in appreciation. That baby is everything to Kory and Aimee. Literally everything. They go out of their way to make her happy. No matter what she wants to do, they'll sit and watch and listen to her with smiles on their faces and pride in their hearts.

All of my siblings love their children, and all of them are amazing parents in their own right, but it's my brother whom I admire right now. I never thought he'd have kids, but Echo came along, and Kory changed so much.

Echo was born just weeks before Roya gave birth to her daughter, Ella. Beautiful little girl who looks just like Echo, with the same color hair and eyes. She's the image of Roya, who is the image of Kory. Both little girls often get mistaken for sisters. They are little best friends, and they are so loved.

I know what it's like to love your child more than anything in this world. I also know what it's like to lose that child. Don't worry, my son didn't die. He just turned out not to be mine. And trust me, losing my boy was like losing him to death. The pain I've felt since the day I found out he wasn't mine and his mother walked away with him has been like grieving for a dead child.

I don't even think at this point that it will ever not feel this way. I think about Dean all the time. I wonder if he misses me. I was his father for three years of his life; surely he wouldn't forget me right away?

Maybe it's better if he does. I can't bear the thought of that little boy crying for me, asking when I'm coming back. Even though Maya ensured he knew I was never his father, Dean would still cry for me. It kills me to think about it, so I try not to.

I stand in the doorway and clap my hands. Baby girl spins on the spot, sees me, laughs, and runs into my arms. Of all my nieces and nephews, and I have a lot of late, Echo is the one who loves her Uncle Greg the most. It might have something to do with the fact I'm hardly ever around, so I don't see much of the others. Or, I didn't until I came home.

But Kory usually brings Echo and Aimee with him when he comes to Seattle, so I see a lot of this beautiful little girl, the image of her daddy. We have a special bond.

“Morning, Greg. It's nice to see up and showered.” Aimee smirks at me. “Come sit down, I'll serve breakfast.”

I nod and sit Echo in her chair and sit beside her. Aimee hands out plates of eggs and bacon with toast, and I eat like I haven't eaten in a week. Wait... I haven't.

I eat heartily; my hunger seems to have come at me with a vengeance. It's not like I can't afford to put the weight back on that I've lost. Plus, my sister-in-law makes a mean breakfast.

Jesus, I really have let myself go if I think bacon and eggs are a damn feast.

After breakfast, I make my way to town on foot and sign up at the gym owned by my brother-in-law, Bryton, my youngest sister's husband. While I'm there, I work out for two hours straight. I know I said I'd work up to the gym, but I couldn't help myself. God, did I ever need that. Weights, treadmill, cardio, you name it, I did it. I've even run along the waterfront. I swear I feel ten times better; my head is clearer. Things don't seem so hopeless anymore. I'll get through this; I know I will.

I'm walking past the firehouse, and two paramedics are standing beside their ambulance, talking and laughing. I recognize one of them, Enzo Ryker, who is married to my sister Della's best friend, her husband's little sister, Paige.

I don't recognize the woman beside him. She's stunning, even in her uniform. Long wavy brown hair tied up in a messy bun and blue eyes like I've never seen before. They're so pale it's almost unreal. Her lightly olive-tanned skin is flawless. She may be wearing her regulated paramedic uniform of green, but it's not hard to see that she has the body type I cannot resist in a woman. Pert breas.ts, slim waist, full hips, and thick thighs. Christ, I've never seen a woman that beautiful, yes, beautiful, in my entire life. And I've known beautiful women.

What the hell am I thinking?

How can I be attracted to this woman when my heart is broken?

Attraction is normal, Greg. There's nothing wrong with liking someone new. It means Maya didn't destroy your faith in women.

I know not all women are like my ex. Not every woman cheats and lies their way through a relationship. I won't let Maya turn me into someone I have never been.

I haven't seen this woman around here before, though. I know I've been away for a few years, but this is a small town. I grew up here, I know everyone.

Who the hell doesn't?

But this girl must be new in town.

I have no idea why my feet are carrying me toward her, but I can't seem to stop myself. I don't know what it is about her; she's not even looking at me, but she draws me to her.

I've been drawn to many women, including my ex-wife. I'm a lover of women. A playboy once upon a time. But none ever captivated me the way this paramedic has. My heart is beating too fast. I'm sweating from the heat outside, and the fact this woman, just looking at her, is churning me up inside.

What the fu.ck is the deal with this sh.it?

“Afternoon, Enzo.”

Enzo turns with a smile, his hand held out to me. I take it and shake it. “Nice to see you up and about, man.”

“Thanks.” I haven't taken my eyes off the exotic beauty staring at me, a smile on her face.

“Greg, this is my partner, Danika Ashford. Dani, this is Greg Harper.”

“Nice to meet you, Greg Harper.” She smirks as I take her outstretched hand. The electricity that flows through me is instant. By the gasp and the look on her face, I'd say the feeling was mutual.

“Nice to meet you too, Danika Ashford.”

She swallows hard and tells me, “Call me Dani; everyone else does.”

“Dani.” I smile.

She pulls her hand out of mine and turns to Enzo. “We need to get going.”

“We do?” He looks confused, standing there with his arms around his chest. They haven't been sent on a call; she just wants to get away from me. She felt that spark as much as I did.

But she's right to get away from me; I'm no good for any woman. And Dani doesn't strike me as the kind of girl interested in one night. She doesn't seem like the kind of girl a man would be satisfied spending only one night with, either.

“Yes. We do.” I chuckle under my breath at the sight of her wide eyes and the tip of her head toward the ambulance. She so wants to get away from me.

I'm not sure if I should be offended; I've only said a handful of words to her.

“Yeah. I guess we need to go. Good to see you, Greg.”

“You too.”

I watch them jump in their ambulance; the engine starts before I turn and jog away. There's something about that girl. I can't put my finger on what. I won't use her to forget the past, but that's not to say I wouldn't like to get to know her.

We'll see.