Dearest Luke

Chapter Nine - Reaching Out

☽ Nia ☾

I watched Luke drive away and I just knew that it was over. I had no idea if there was any way to try and explain what I had tried to do. Guilt hit me like a punch to my face and I groaned out loud as the headache pounded. I could no longer see the tail lights of Luke’s truck so I headed back inside and was met with two very unhappy wolves.

“Um…” I hesitated, unsure of what to say or how to explain things.

“Care to explain what the hell is going on Nia?” Zion asked me. He looked worried and tired and I glanced over at my mother, who looked like she could kill me. It was the first time in a long time that I was facing my parents. I had been avoiding them for so long that it felt weird to be seeing them again. 

“Yes, please explain yourself,” Sherie added for good measure. I shrugged and wondered if I could get away with not explaining. Zion suddenly turned around and headed back upstairs. I let out a sigh of relief but Sherie crossed her arms, waiting for my explanation.

“Um, that was Luke, who, ah…” I looked back at the front door over my shoulder and then back at my mother. “He just left,” I finished off with a sigh. Sherie uncrossed her arms and untied her white silk gown and then re-tied it.

“Well, why on earth did he leave?” she questioned. I looked down at her slippers on her feet and once again wondered what I should do.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out. Sherie looked shocked, as she should, but instead of saying anything to me she turned around and headed upstairs. “Ah damn it,” I muttered.

“Language!” I heard my father’s voice and I flinched. I went into the kitchen and turned on the light. It was almost pointless to go back to sleep. I filled the kettle and then put it on.

“Here,” I turned around at the sound of my mother's voice, to see her holding out my woolly pink gown. I looked down and realized I wasn’t wearing much. I quickly took it from her and slipped it on, wrapping it around me and tying it up.

“Thank you,” I said as I pushed a loose strand of hair out of my face.

“Sit,” Zion said as he came into the kitchen. I sat down by the kitchen table and he sat down across from me. Sherie prepared three cups for tea and I shifted my attention to my father. “Why didn’t you tell us you were pregnant?” he asked.

“I don’t know, I guess I was afraid you would force me to keep it,” I explained.

“Oh? Is it not Lu- oh, it is his then is it?” my mother said.

“It’s Mitch’s,” I answered.

“Is that why Luke ran off?” Zion asked and I quickly shook my head.

“No, I went to see a shifter doctor in another town and she gave me something to drink…” my voice trailed off as I panicked on how to explain myself and what I had planned to do. I felt disgusted with myself and yet disappointed. What a mess!

“Oh Nia,” Sherie gushed out as she came over to me and hugged my head. “You really should’ve come to us,” she added as she pulled away.

“We can understand why you wouldn’t want to keep the pup, but again, why didn’t you tell us?” my father asked. “And don’t give me that bullshit about being scared. You’ve never been scared to come to us when you’ve had a problem before,”

“Well, dad, this isn’t exactly a problem. It’s just I can’t imagine raising and loving a pup that was conceived in such a way,” I finally admitted. “I don’t remember what happened and I don’t ever want to remember, but I also don’t want a pup around to constantly remind me about it,”

“Alright,” my father said as he sat back. Sherie placed a steaming cup of milky tea in front of him and then another in front of me. I wrapped my hands around the cup, warming myself.

“What happened with Luke then? Is he upset that you are carrying Mitch’s pup?” Sherie asked as she sat down next to my father with her own cup of tea.

“No, he walked in on me…I was going to drink that stuff the doctor had given me,” I explained. Both my parents nodded in understanding. “I think I’ve lost him though,” I said softly as I looked down at my tea.

“Give him time,” my mother said.

“Why would you think that?” my father asked at the same time.

“He watched me try and murder an innocent pup, dad, that’s why I think that,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Don’t you roll your eyes at me, missy,” he warned. I didn’t pay much attention to that little threat. “Just talk to him, explain things,” he said further.

“I tried but he just rushed off,”

“Well, like your mother said, give him time,”

“But Dad,” I whined.

“No Nia, this is not something you can just force someone to accept,” he said as he sipped on his tea. “Give the boy time to calm down and then you can talk to him, ok?”

“Ok,”

☽☽☾☾

Two weeks have passed and although I’ve gone on with my life, I still haven’t been able to contact Luke. He wouldn’t answer my calls or reply to my text messages. I even tried Florence, who just told me to wait for him to contact me. I was done waiting. I needed to talk to him. I wasn’t doing as well as I should be and according to our packs doctor that was because I was stressed. Well, no s**t! Of course, I was stressed and worried and slowly losing my mind. My mate had abandoned me, with good reason, but I didn’t know how much longer I could wait for Luke to come around. It was then that my mother had suggested that I write him a letter and send it to his apartment at the council. Well, that I could certainly do. I sat down at the desk in my father's office and thought about how I was going to explain everything to him. It didn’t take me long and I put pen to paper and wrote until my hand started to pain. Once done, I placed it in an envelope and left it on my father's desk. I knew that either he or his beta would post it for me. Leaving the office, I felt somewhat better but honestly not much. Writing down my feelings, thoughts, and emotions wasn’t as easy as I had thought. Not only that but it made me realize just how much of a mess I was. I needed Luke, more than I had originally realized. Now, I had to wait and pray that Luke would get my letter and hopefully respond.

☽ Luke ☾

I was tired, exhausted actually. I pushed open my apartment door and headed straight to the kitchen. Not only was I tired but I was hungry too. Placing my keys and phone on the kitchen counter, I spotted the laundry basket with my freshly washed and ironed clothes and smiled. Living here wasn’t so bad and since I hadn’t seen Nia in the last three weeks, I wondered if I could move here and stay here until I die. Sad isn’t it? I pushed aside my depressing feelings and pulled open the fridge. The apartment cook had labeled the lunch boxes and I searched for Friday’s meal. Pulling it out, I opened it and found spaghetti bolognese. I shoved the container in the microwave and warmed it up before getting a fork. I took the food and a tin of coke to the sitting room and flipped on the TV. Sitting back and eating whilst I watched some random s**t on TV was what my life had come too, well, that and the work I did for my community service. As I finished off my meal, I spotted a letter with my name on it sitting on the coffee table. Odd, who would send me a mail? I placed the empty container on the table and picked up the envelope. I didn’t recognize the handwriting and there was no return address. Opening it up, I unfolded the two-page letter and began to read.

To my dearest Luke,

I hope this letter finds you well and since you aren’t bothered to answer my calls or reply to my messages, I figured that writing may be my only option.

I don’t expect you to understand what you saw but let me clarify it. I am pregnant with Mitch Owen’s pup. Wow, just writing it down makes my skin crawl. I don’t want to remember what happened that night and I never will. Carrying this pup is not something I want. I do not want to be reminded of an incident that happened to me. One that stole something from me.

I know it may be harsh and cruel, to murder an innocent pup, but what choice do I have?

I really need you to understand this if I chose to deliver this pup, who knows what will happen? I may fall in love with him or her and then where will I be? I don’t want to resent a child. I don’t want to have to explain to him or her about how they were conceived or who their father is. I don’t want to possibly look into the eyes of Mitch Owen’s spawn.

I went to see him you know, I thought it may be wise to inform him that I am carrying his baby. Do you know what his response was? I should probably tell you, but it hurts to even think about it let alone write it down. Let’s just say he made a mockery out of me.

I know I went about this the wrong way; I should’ve told my parents and I should’ve told you.

But, I didn’t.

I made a mistake, one that I have to live with for the rest of my life.

I still don’t know what to do with the unborn pup, but I do know that I don’t want him or her in my life. I don’t want to deliver this baby.

You may not agree with me, but it is my choice. You may not like it and neither do I, but as I said, I cannot bring this baby into this world.

I hate that you ran away without giving me a chance to explain. I hate that you aren’t talking to me because I need you, Luke. More than you may realize. More than I may realize. You helped me get better once before and I need you once again.

That may be selfish, and I won’t apologize for that.

However, if you don’t plan on coming back or giving me another chance, then please, just reject me.

In case you didn’t know, I am in love with you.

Please, Luke, don’t wait too long.

All my love

Nia

I re-read the letter and wiped the tears from my eyes. She had admitted to being in love with me and I knew in my heart that I was in love with her too. It was so wrong that she hadn't been given the chance to tell me to my face. I couldn’t imagine what she was going through but yet, she didn’t bother to understand why I had gotten upset in the first place. It wasn’t that she was doing it behind my back, that I could forgive her for. It was about the fact that she didn’t know or didn’t bother to know that there were wolves and even humans out there that struggled to conceive or lost their baby. Like I had. Did she bother to think of that? Or had she hoped I wouldn’t find out? I wondered how I should respond and then I decided that next weekend I would go and see her. Would she have gotten rid of the baby by then? I wasn’t sure but I also realized I had no right to tell her what she should do. I should respect her decisions but yet, I had to move past it before I could. She wanted me to reject her if I was not going to be with her. That was a simple request and I did respect that. It hurt my heart to think about rejecting her.

☽☽☾☾

I dragged my feet up the stairs as I headed to my apartment. Another week had passed and although I had thought about visiting Nia this weekend, I had decided not to. I was in no shape or form to address the issues we faced. I was ashamed and a coward. I never should’ve left her, yet I had. I should’ve taken her calls, replied to her messages but I didn’t. I let her down, disappointed her during her time of need. How could I face her now? A month had passed and yet, I had done nothing to reach out to her. I read her letter every day and carried it in my wallet. I wasn’t a fool, I knew I had to do something but yet, I couldn’t bring myself to do the right thing. I had a meeting with Florence tomorrow, and I needed to talk to her about all of my problems. Hopefully, she would be able to help me. As I reached my floor, I saw Zion standing at my apartment door and I froze.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him in surprise. He turned to me and I thought I would find him to be angry, but he wasn’t. He looked sad and defeated. Had I waited too long? Was Nia alright? I rushed forward, eager to hear what he had to say. “Zion, what is it?” I questioned.

“Open the door,” he said, his voice was thick with emotion and I hurried to put the key in the hole and then unlocked the door. Zion pushed it open and went inside. I followed him in and kept my eyes on the wolf as he checked out the small apartment.

“Zion, please,” I wasn’t one to beg, but my heart was pounding so fast as I thought about all the possibilities of what could be wrong. “Is it Nia?”

“Yes,” he said as he sat down on the sofa. I stood rooted in my spot, waiting for him to continue.

“Zion, please tell me, what is it?” I pleaded softly. Zion’s head fell and his shoulders shook as he cried. That took me by surprise. To see a grown wolf, an Alpha, cry. I didn’t know what to do. should I comfort him? Should I cry too? I tried to feel Nia, I tried to feel for my mate but because I had been so long away from her, I couldn’t. I cursed myself as I forced myself to move forward. “Zion?”

“She…” he didn’t get passed that as he let out a loud sob.

“What is it?” I pushed, eager to understand. He shook his head.

“She…Nia…she…” he once again trailed off and I growled out frustrated with him.

“Spit it out! You are killing me here!” Zion lifted his head and looked straight at me and I caught my breath as I looked into his eyes. Bloodshot from crying and tired from exhaustion. From what, I wasn’t sure. Overall, he looked like s**t. Zion opened his mouth to speak but the sudden shrill of my mobile phone ringing interrupted and he closed his mouth. I groaned as I dug into my back pocket for the damn thing. “What?” I barked out in greeting.

“Luke?” it was Sherie.

“Yes, it’s me,” I said, watching Zion as he had gone back to crying. Now that I had his wife on the phone, maybe I could get some answers.

“Is Zion there?” she asked softly. I could hear in her voice that she was trying not to cry. What the hell was going on?

“Yes, he is here. What the-”

“Is Nia there too?” she asked, interrupting me. Nia? Why would Nia be here?

“Um, no, why would she be here?” I asked. This whole thing was confusing me greatly and I wanted answers. Sherie didn’t answer as she burst into tears, sobbing in my ear. Zion and Sherie were both crying, and I had no idea why. “Sherie, please, can you tell me what is going on?” I asked her. Sherie sniveled and seemed to be trying to calm herself down.

“It’s Nia, she is missing,” she finally said. I took a moment and thought about what she had just revealed. Nia was missing.

“Since when?” I questioned softly.

“Since last week,” she said.

“Why the hell am I only finding out about this now?” I demanded to know.

“You left her Luke! You didn’t do anything to reach out to her! She thought for sure you were going to reject her and then…” she burst into tears once again. “And then she…” she hiccupped, and I wondered what the hell Nia had done.

“Did she abort the pup?” I asked. Maybe by asking questions, I would get some answers. I saw Zion shake his head and Sherie mumbled out a ‘No’ in my ear. Ok, so she didn’t abort the pup, but then what? “She ran away? I don’t understand Sherie,”

“Yes, she ran away after…after she…” I wanted to shout and scream and go completely crazy on these two that wouldn’t just spit it out.

“What? After she what?” I tried again and waited as they both seemed to calm down. I waited for Sherie to answer me, but it wasn’t her that answered.

“She lost the pup,” Zion declared, and I dropped the phone.