UNEXPECTED

CHAPTER 3

Pinako found me the next morning in the kitchen. I stared out of the quaintly shuttered window, glaring listlessly into the rising sun. I had awoken sometime before dawn and could not force myself to go back to sleep. Not that I wanted to. The dreams I had been forced to endure were… unsettling to say the least. Even more unsettling than my current situation, which is saying something. 

With some shuffling I found a strange old-fashioned coffee maker on the counter which looked like something from the 1920's. I may be in some kind of strange alternate reality, but at least some things–like good old fashioned coffee–were consistent. I put it to immediate use, afraid of falling asleep again. Despite it’s enticing familiar aroma, the drink burned like a bitter acid on my tongue. To my consternation this body was clearly not used to the acquired taste.

My new body was…strange. My sense of smell was sharper than I ever remember it being, as well as my eyesight. I had perfect vision, while in my other life I wore contacts. My previous body was a lot taller than my current four and a half feet, and still I struggled to balance. Where wide hips should be they were narrow. Where there should have been weight on my front there was none. Where before I had waist length chestnut hair, it was now short and light blonde, falling into my eyes. I brushed my bangs aside irritably, never having liked the way short bangs felt, preferring to grow my hair out beside my face. 

But this was not my body. Did it even matter anymore what my own preferences were?

Brushing aside that unsettling thought, I decided to try and figure out where I was. All I could see from my vantage point was rolling grass hills in every direction, so no help there. I also could not place the accents that Alphonse and Pinako spoke with, since I had always been pretty bad at distinguishing those. When you grow up in a melting pot like America, all of the accents just kind of blended together. Besides that, it wasn't that strong, and I could understand them perfectly.

Who's to say I was even on earth anymore? I mean, everything looked normal, besides the unusually short Pinako, and even then, midgets weren't all that rare. Also, the technology was the same, if a bit outdated, but that could just be Pinako's taste. Old people were sometimes like that, collecting old things that reminded them of their youth, or perhaps just too stubborn to change with the times. The technology in that procedure room discounted the latter, however.

It wasn't like there were any establishments close-by to compare to, though, so I couldn’t possibly tell if it was normal or not. In fact, it didn't look like there was anything out here at all, except for a dirt road leading off into the distance, the grass colored pink by the slow sunrise peaking over the hills.

Ok, so probably on Earth then. However, this was not my Earth, surely. As far as I knew, there was no such thing as binding souls to suits of armor or bringing back the dead. So was this some kind of alternate reality? No matter how insane that sounded, it was nothing compared to the very fact that I had somehow been trapped in a young man’s body, so I couldn’t discount it.

The sun drifted higher, allowing the pink to bleed into blue. My Kyle, my lover, would be waking up right about now. I wonder what he would find, my body in a coma? Or maybe–

I cut off my thoughts with a scalding gulp of coffee. I could not bear to think it. If I were to survive this situation with my sanity intact, I would need to avoid thinking the worst. I tried to empty my mind and control my emotions, a challenging thing at the best of times. Today was going to be long and trying, and I needed my focus.

That was how Pinako found me; a young boy staring out into the sunrise, a blank expression on his face. Dull green eyes reflected the morning light, heavy bags underneath them. She took in the scene for a moment before grunting and busying herself with a foot stool so she could get her own coffee.

"You shouldn't drink coffee you know, you'll stunt your growth." Her voice was a dry rasp that brought me out of my musings. 

I did not turn, only replied in a somewhat bitter tone, "I have already done my growing."

Pinako sighed but did not comment. I wondered what she thought about all of this. Alphonse had called her aunty, so they could be family. Was she looking on me with resentment, since I stole her nephew’s body? I cast a furtive glance in her direction, but detected no malice. She only looked tired, a sad frown causing deep lines to etch in her skin.

Her old wizened face only made me feel guilty for using such a harsh tone, so I looked away just as quickly and set the rest of my coffee to the side. It tasted terrible anyway. Uncomfortably I cleared my throat. "Can I meet Tyler today? Is he stable?"

Pinako did not answer for a long time. I waited patiently for her answer. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen that face so serious," she said wistfully. "Those boys have been through alot this past year, and even more in the last few days. I would ask you to be as gentle as you can, and to not antagonize them."

My brow crumpled in sudden crushing fury, obliterating the tenuous calm I had managed to create before. Me, antagonize them? They were the ones who ripped me from my world and forced me into this body. They were the ones who stole me away from my precious unborn baby who could be dead for all I know! I was forced into a body that was drastically different from my own, and there may never be the chance to go back. I think I have the f*****g right to be upset!

Pinako must have caught onto my mood, because she hastily retracted her statement. "I don't mean you shouldn't be upset with them, or that what happened wasn't absolutely horrible, but those boys are seriously hurting right now." She paused and took a deep breath, not cowed by the ferocious glare I sent her way. "Yelling at them won't change things any faster…they are just boys who lost their mother and made a terrible mistake."

I furiously turned back to the window. "And in doing so, they stole my birth given right to be a mother myself." My voice dripped with acid, and an equal amount of despair. As far as I was concerned, they had kidnapped me, murdered my baby and sterilized me in one fatal blow. And I was not so quick to forgive them just because of their age.

"They have lost just as much," Pinako said softly. I shook my head in denial. She walked to my side of the table at which we sat and pulled me slowly around to face her. "They may be too young to understand this, but I know you can. Once you become a parent, you learn that the world does not revolve around you alone, and that others are depending on you. I need you to understand that these children are hurting right now, and they cannot be expected to react rationally. Tyler in particular has always been…expressive. He may react violently to your presence. Even though I am a complete stranger and I have no right, I am asking you to keep a cool head like the mother I know you to be."

“But I’m not a mother,” I choked, tears once more running down my face without my bidding. “She’s–she’s gone and I never even–” The lump in my throat prevented any more words, only silent grief.

“You don’t know that,” she whispered, taking my face in gnarled calloused hands. I let out a mirthless laugh, not able to bring myself to hope. But without that hope, I couldn’t–wouldn’t– be able to go on. So I pushed down my doubts. There had to be a way.

Her frown was serious, but held warmth that I only ever felt from my own mother. I clenched my teeth. It wasn't fair. Those kids were rational enough to do a complicated ritual to remake their mother, but they weren't rational enough to take responsibility for their actions? And I, who had lost everything through the fault of another, was forced to show compassion to the strangers who had not only destroyed their own lives, but mine as well? How could that possibly be right?

But then I remembered the desolate face that was shown to me in the mirror, the suit of armor that had wept above me, begging for forgiveness from the world at large with none but myself to answer, and the intense feelings that had consumed me when we touched. Those were not the emotions and remorse from a monster, but a child who had lost everything he held dear. And if Tyler felt anything close to what I experienced from Alphonse…I took a shuddering breath and tried my best to push down my fury. Pinako was right, they were just kids. They were children who made a grievous mistake, but children nonetheless.

Pinako sensed my calm and patted me approvingly on the shoulder. "Tyler is in no more danger of dying, bar a sudden infection. That doesn't seem likely though only time will tell. Until last night, he had not regained consciousness, so his mental wounds are still fresh. It will be to him as if his experience only happened hours ago. Allow me a little while to break the news to him." As she shuffled out of the kitchen threw over her shoulder, "Help yourself to anything we have. You are welcome to stay as long as you like."

As if I have a choice , I thought bitterly to myself. With a mental shake I brushed off the last of my bitterness for now. It was not like it was helping anything, and it was only serving to alienate the only people who were helping me and knew my situation. There would be time in the dead of night, when all hope was gone and I lay alone, to regret and grieve the turns my life had taken. But that time was not now. Right now I had to be strong, because I no longer had anyone to fall back on. I was alone.

Half an hour later saw me sitting in the sun on the grass just a few yards from the front porch. I chewed on a sandwich as I lazily watched the clouds go by and tried not to think of anything. It really was a lovely place, wherever I was. The grass glowed a beautiful bright green in the early morning sun as it was swept in waves by the gentle warm breeze. There was no sign of the violent storm that tore through the countryside the night before save the slight dampness in the grass below my seat. Similarly, my emotions had fallen into numbness. I had always been a bit odd like that. When I was sad or angry the emotion would tear through me like a flash fire, violent and sudden, and then burn out just as quickly, leaving little behind. My grief had finally subsided to a dull, manageable ache in my chest and I was no longer in danger of being consumed, protected, I suppose, by the unwillingness or inability to face those emotions any longer. It was still hard, and I was still so very sad, but my sanity was intact. For now.

The now somewhat familiar sound of clanging metal interrupted my silent contemplation and I anticipated the arrival of Alphonse, this time a bit more prepared for what to expect. The clanking stopped beside me and I did not open my eyes, but waited for him to make the first move. After a moment, he sat beside me and I turned to regard him. He pulled his legs to his chest again and folded his arms over them childishly, the pose looking a bit absurd on such a fierce looking suit of armor. "So you're Alexandria," Alphonse's sweet voice tentatively broke the ice. The tinny quality made it decidedly difficult to decipher his mood but I could tell he was just as desolate as yesterday, if not a bit more controlled.

"I guess it's Alexander now," I tried to joke, but even to my own ears it sounded flat. I snorted mirthlessly to myself and Alphonse did not respond. A slightly awkward silence fell over us after that and I let it sit, content to wait for him to continue. Eventually he did.

"Do you remember what happened?" he asked.

"No." I said at length. "If you mean do I remember the night you tried to bring your mother back then I'm afraid I can't help you. From what Pinako tells me, I showed up three days after the fact, but I don't really know how long I was out there. One minute I was sleeping in my own home and then, bam, there I was in the middle of a field in this body."

"You mean we somehow stole your soul."

I lowered my head into my own knees, trying to block out the feelings threatening to overwhelm me again. I knew I should try to stop this, but I couldn’t find it in my heart to deny it. The statement was uttered with the terrible conviction of one who knew they were right and was devastated because of it. "How old were you?" He continued.

"…23."

"Did you have a family?"

"Alphonse." I knew where this was going. These questions would lead down a self-destructive path that neither of us needed at the moment; the path of self-blame. Even if it was true, even if it was entirely their fault, this would help nothing, only make us both feel worse.

He plowed on anyway, disregarding the warning in my tone. He was looking down at the ground and no longer seemed to notice I was there. "Were you married? Did you have a home? A child?"

"Alphonse!" My shout startled him into looking up and he found me in his face, gripping his helmet. I looked into the bright red eyes floating in the black abyss that had so frightened me the night before. Instantly at my touch I felt the same drastic influx of emotion that I had felt hours earlier, but this time, with my own emotions in check, I was able to handle it. I shuddered in surprise, but did not let go. "Now is not the time to be thinking about that." I tried to go for comforting, but my voice was strained. "None of us have any power to change what was, and feeling guilty will not solve anything." The boy's emotions were spiraling out of control, but my words seemed to bring him back into focus. I released him and plopped back down beside him, suddenly exhausted. Experiencing that much emotion was draining enough for one person, but feeling the emotions of two was almost unbearable.

Alphonse nodded, but I wasn't sure if it was in response to what I said or his own thoughts. "That happened last night as well," he said in a calmer tone. "It's like, when you touch me I can feel everything again." He lifted his hands and stared what I fancied as forlornly at the leather and metal appendages. "This body does not allow me to feel anything. Not the wind or the touch of another or even pain. But when we touch, it's like I suddenly have all of my senses back, but I can feel your emotions as well."

I let my head fall backward to regard the sky and rolled that one around in my mind. "Yeah, that's pretty weird all right. I can't say I know anything at all about this alchemy thing, so I couldn't tell you what that's about. What do you think?"

"Well," Alphonse started slowly, "bodies might be just naturally attracted to the souls they were born with, so it might just be that we are connected, and that connection gets really strong when we touch."

I hummed to myself. "If that's the case, then why doesn't your soul just push mine out and be done with it?" That was a terrifying prospect. What would happen to me then?

"I don't know…Brother would know…"

The silence fell between us again, but this time it was a more companionable one.

"Say Alphonse," I drew my knees up to mirror his position, something that hadn't felt comfortable to me in a long while in my own body, "do you remember what happened? Or maybe what might have happened to me?"

"…I'm sorry, but I don't remember what happened that night either.” He said slowly. “I recall Brother and I putting our hands on the transmutation circle to complete the ritual, but I blacked out after that. The next thing I remember I am in this body and Brother is losing a lot of blood. So much blood…And that thing we created," Alphonse's voice began to tremble, "it wasn't even her…it was in pain and we created it! It was screaming–"

"Hey!" I shouted, slapping the back of my hand on his armor. I instantly regretted it as I felt his emotional backlash again and we both flinched, but I brushed it aside. "What did I say about self-blame?"

"None of us have the power to change what was, and feeling guilty will not solve anything," Alphonse intoned as if reciting a law from a book. I blinked, slightly impressed that he had remembered that word for word. He made my hasty words seem like an elegant line from an epic, but I supposed this was a prodigy we were speaking of. When I was ten, I was still playing with Hotwheels, not bringing people back from the dead, so I couldn't relate in the least. It was a little sad that these kids had given up their childhood, accidental or not, and that their innocence was gone forever.

"Hey Alexandria, can I hold your hand?" Alphonse asked timidly. I looked at him seriously and considered it. He said that when he touched me, or his own body rather, he could feel again. I couldn't imagine how hard it must be to lose all of your senses except for sight and sound. And it was his body, no matter that I inhabited it. I couldn’t imagine what that must feel like. But still…

"Are your emotions under control? It seems to be really hard on my-er-your body to and my mind feel the emotions of two people." Also, it was incredibly invasive on both our parts.

"It's ok, you can say it's your body for now. It's just too confusing otherwise," he said kindly. I blinked, surprised. I don’t know if I could have that outlooks were our roles reversed. "Yeah, I think I'm calm now. Please, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd give anything to be able to feel again, even if all I feel is pain…"

"Alright," I sighed after a loaded moment of silence. I hesitantly extended my hand and he took it, the warm leather bending around my small digits with a creak. It was hard at first, but by allowing the creeping numbness in my chest to suppress my own emotions, I was able accommodate his and give us a balance of sorts. Not the healthiest way to do this in the long term, but something we could work on until we were returned to normal (I refused to think 'if’ we returned to normal). Alphonse sighed in contentment and I could feel his emotions smoothing out just a little more.

"Hey, you smiled!" I said.

"How can you tell?" I looked pointedly at our gripping hands. "Oh," he giggled, and it had to have been the cutest laugh I had ever heard. Maybe all of their innocence wasn't gone after all.

"Hey Alphonse."

"You can call me Al if you want. All my friends do."

"Al," I said with a slight smile. This kid was just too cute. I can't believe I was afraid of him when we first met, despite the intimidating armor. "Then you can call me Alex. All my friends do." A little bit of warmth seeped through our linked hands and both of us giggled this time. "You're a smart kid. Can you tell me about this place? Like where I am, how this world works and what this alchemy business is?"

"Sure," he said, voice just a little more cheerful. With that he launched into an in-depth explanation that my college professors would have been proud of. Cripes, this kid was intelligent.

For the rest of the morning I sat beside my new friend Alphonse, our hands linked as he shared the wild tale of his world.

-o0o-

My first impression of Tyler was 'what a pathetic looking creature'. A small boy sat slumped over in a wheelchair, tangled golden bangs hanging over a gaunt, pale face. Gold(?) eyes set over heavy dark bags looked up to regard me. Thin pale lips pinched together under a perfectly straight nose. Overall it was the most forlorn and defeated expression I had ever had the privilege of seeing.

One leg dangled over the edge of the wheelchair that was too big for him, while the other was merely a stump wrapped tightly in white bandages. Similarly, his opposite arm was missing, his other hand limp in defeat.

I stood before him with Al at my back, my body straight and tall and perfect, and I am ashamed to say that I felt pity. This was not the monster I had envisioned that stole me from my home, but a pitiable child who got too close to the sun. All I could see was the aftermath of his fall.

But still I couldn't clamp down on the undeniable anger I felt. Al had explained to me that it had been Tyler's idea to bring back their mother, and that it had been Tyler who insisted past all of his little brother's pleading to do otherwise. Of course he hadn't said it like that, but that’s definitely how I understood it.

I stared at him blankly, waiting for him to speak first.

"So you're her," he said. I flinched internally at the sound of his voice. It was breathy and low, and filled with pain. On any other man, I might have said it was attractive, but on this child it sounded freakishly mature compared to the sweet voice of his brother.

"Him now, actually," I said without inflection. Al shifted slightly behind me, but Tyler did not react to my deliberate jab.

"You're eyes are green," he continued, as if I had not spoken at all. "How could this happen….My calculations were perfect…was it–" Tyler slumped down even further and continued to mumble to himself incoherently.

"Brother," Alphonse whimpered beside me, but Ed did not acknowledge him. 

Anger flared within me in a wave of heat in my chest and face. This was my only hope to get home? This pathetic child who could not deal with the consequences of his actions?

"Tyler Crowler," I snapped loudly. His head jerked up in response to his little brother's voice using his full name in anger. "I get it, you're upset, but I need you to focus. You are the only one who remembers what happened that night and you may be the only one who can make it right."

"Don't talk to me like that using his voice!" He shouted suddenly, "How can you possibly understand what I am going through, you're just an invader in my brother's body! You're just–" Tyler cut himself off and flinched badly at the expression on my face.

I didn't understand ? I was an invader ? As if I was the one who had stolen Al's body away from him, like I had wanted to! Like I had a choice! Like I had wanted to be ripped away from the happiness I had finally found in my own life! Just like a damn kid he was trying to put the blame on anyone else but himself! What was next, was he going to blame his failed transmutation on me, or blame me for giving him the idea in the first place? How dare he! I opened my mouth to give him a piece of my mind, but Al beat me to it.

"Brother!" he barked, the sound ringing harshly. Tyler's despairing eyes switched over to his real little brother, who continued in a softer tone. "Don't blame Alex for our mistakes."

Tyler slumped forward, breaking eye contact with us both. "I'm sorry," he whispered in that hitched, too deep voice of his, "I'm so sorry…."

Disgusted, and tired of listening to this pathetic pity fest, I turned on my heel and stalked out of the room, cursing badly when I stumbled over my unfamiliar feet. Al made a slight noise of protest, but didn't follow me as I slammed the door. If that child really was my only way of getting home, then I was surely doomed.