UNEXPECTED

The last thing I remember of my world is lying down next to the love of my life, the man I would marry, and falling asleep in his arms. I was warm, safe, and dreaming of days to come with a contented smile on my face, heart finally at peace after so many years of hardship and future so, so bright. If I had known what was to come… I wouldn’t have wasted those final moments with sleep. I would have kissed him. I would have told him how much I loved him, how much I would miss his voice in the years to come. That I was sorry, and that he had to be strong. For me. But the tragedy that came next would change the course of my life forever, and that last, perfect moment would be the end of my peace for a long, long time.  This was the start of my fate intertwined with two boys who in the end, would restore for me as much, if not more, than they destroyed. I would learn that the love between brothers could be stronger than any tragedy this world could conceive to break it, and that very same love would save us all.           An unpleasant cold seeped into my bones, permeating my entire body and pulling me from my peaceful slumber. I tried to ignore it, but as time passed the sensation became more and more insistent. Thinking I might be dreaming, I attempted to turn over and bury myself further into the covers to banish the chill.  I couldn’t move.  Alarm seeped into me slowly as I struggled to become more aware, the cold turning sharp as needles against my skin. Sound intruded now, a white noise of rushing winds drowning out everything else, even the sudden racing of my heart. The cold became more distinct, more recognizable as I realized it was water freezing my nerve endings and trickling down my skin. I was lying in the rain.  Other senses came back to me. As the paralysis eased a little, I inhaled deeply in shock. A pungent odor stung my nose, like the crispness of wet grass. But it was wrong, almost unrecognizably sharp, as if my senses had been enhanced, enough so that it coated my tongue in bitterness. Pushing the sensations aside for the moment, I focused on trying to clear the fog slowing my thoughts and figure out where I was. Outside. But how? I struggled to open my eyes but they were heavy and unresponsive, as if I’d had way too much to drink. Only, I hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol for months, and it had been years before that I had stopped overindulging enough to lose my memories.  The wind picked up, rustling the grass and tugging at my damp clothes. A violent shiver tore through my frame once again and panic bit at me sharply as the signals to move died a swift death in my mind before they could reach my limbs. Move dammit! Was I suffering from hypothermia? Was my body already shutting down, dying? No, I can’t, it’s not just my life in jeopardy. I needed to move.  NOW! A clap of thunder went off like an explosion, adrenaline to spiking horrifically through me as it shook the earth. My eyes snapped open with a startled gasp, nerves sparking as if I’d been struck by lightning. The pain was such that I could swear my vision had gone red for a moment, blinding me to all else.  But the blindness did not ease, even after the red had gone. With frantic jerks of my head and rattling gasps I looked around and saw…nothing. I could feel the rain falling into my open eyes, but I couldn't see! I clumsily sat up, at least relieved that the spell on my limbs was lifted. I scanned my surroundings and realized that my problem wasn't blindness; it was the fact that it was night. They sky was a black abyss above me, impossible to look into for the stinging rain. Slowly, my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I began taking in details around me, calming slightly.  I was lying in a grassy field, the blades churned by the thrashing of the rain. I could feel the mud beneath me cling to my limbs and slip through my fingers, though I could feel little else through the numbness. Visibility was poor, but I could faintly make out a light, perhaps half a mile from myself that could be a house. I fingered the clothes I was wearing in confusion, the t-shirt much too large for me and completely unfamiliar. More startling than that, I was barefoot and I didn’t even think I had on any underclothes. It was more than alarming, and I wanted to examine my state further, but another frigid gust of air had me focusing on more important matters than my strange attire. How on earth did I get out in the countryside? I lived in the middle of a city; there wasn't country in a twenty-mile radius in any direction. Another violent shiver worked through my body and I awkwardly folded my leaden arms across my chest for warmth. Again there was an intense feeling of wrongness, but I was too numb to figure out what it could be. I ignored it for the moment and focused on getting to my feet. I had to get to the source of light in the distance.  After much flailing, I managed to finally stand and take a few stumbling steps toward the hopefully life saving light. My balance was noticibly off and it occurred to me that I might have a concussion in addition to hypothermia. That would definitely go a long way in explaining why I continued to have so much trouble with normal motor functions. I felt so small under the roaring gale and tried to move faster, stumbling a lot and tripping more than once, leaving bloody gouges on my bare knees and feet. I finally made it, breaths coming harshly through my burning lungs. In front of me was a quaint two story house, light colored with two porches, one on each floor. I struggled to the front porch and gazed longingly into the windows that showed bright enough to make me squint. An old wooden sign served as a resting post for my tired body and I leaned against it heavily. Although I had only walked half a mile, I felt exhausted, as if I hadn't eaten in days. I curled my arms around my stomach, a habit I had taken to in the past few months…  My grasping hands met nothing but air. "What?" The rain took my voice, roaring in my ears. Slowly…so slowly…I dragged my hand from my sternum to my pelvis and felt...nothing.  The numbness I had been feeling fled from my body in a wash of vile adrenaline and I scrabbled frantically over my torso looking for something that should be there, but wasn't ! I tore at my shirt and stared down, squinting past the water in my panic filled eyes and straining to see by the dim light from the windows. To my abject horror, my blurred vision only registered what my other senses had been telling me. I looked past my flat, flat chest to see an equally flat stomach. I screamed. This isn't happening, this isn't happening, where is she, WHERE IS SHE! I howled incoherently into the air, gripping my torso in panic. This was wrong! WRONG! It's not possible, how could I lose her WHERE IS SHE! The door to the house slammed open with a bang, but I did not hear it. Small hands roughly shook my shoulders, but I felt nothing. The rain pounded down around me still, but I was beyond its cold touch. The only thing my panic filled mind could register was that I didn't know where I was, I was cold and exhausted and disoriented, and I was no longer carrying my beautiful unborn Alyssa.