Baby Steps

Chapter Four

Bella

My heart feels like it's going to thump out of my chest and fall onto the ground as I wait impatiently in my car. Once in awhile, I would glance down at my wrist watch to check the time but to realise that only a minute has passed. My appointment is not in another five minutes but the anxiety in me would slowly begin to eat me alive if I don't step out of this car—then again, I am currently waiting for someone.

Why would I wait for him? It just doesn't make any sense but here I am, trying to prove myself right that he won't come and all the things he said a few days ago was a big, fat, lie.

I'm not trying to comfort myself but deep, down inside of my heart, I just want him to show up. I just want him to actually prove me wrong that, there is a decent human being out there, giving me the slightest hope in humanity. However, do not get me wrong on my own words . . . I remember precisely what I told him; to just stay out of my life and don't play his part in the baby's life, if I choose to keep it, which I am still deciding.

Regardless of what I said, I still feel like I want him here. I feel like there is some unfinished business going on between us, that there could be more than just co-parenting but that's probably my mind playing tricks on me. I really need a proper man in my life because honestly, the whole facade of being an independent woman, is starting to get weary. I am, after all, just a woman that needs an attention from a man.

I look down at my phone, picking up a call from my best friend.

"Hi, Kate."

"Don't tell me you're still the car . . . waiting?" She says from the other line, knowing exactly what I'm doing right now. Even if I try to deny it and lie but she's been with me for years, she knows the best in me, she knows my worst—she can even read my mind if she wants to. "Bella, are you hoping he'd show up?"

Another spot on. Perfect.

"I'm not. My appointment is not in another five minutes," I respond, trying to remain calm.

"Bullshit. You're waiting for Adam, you're waiting for him to show up!"

I roll my eyes, "Then, please don't tell me the obvious."

"I have to meet this guy. I have to know how he looks like because you are smitten." She continues to talk, "Honestly, Bella . . . this isn't the first time you had a one night stand but this is definitely the first time that you are feeling a little, something, something. You have hopes in this guy—I mean, he must be really good-looking or he made you o****m twice."

"God, damn it . . . Kate." I mutter under my breath, "I don't have hopes in this guy or anything else that you're assuming. He said he wanted to be here so I just want to see if he would really be here. I just want to know if he's the one percent,"

Kate chuckles from the other line, knowing well enough I've made a fool of myself.

"Believe me, he's not the one percent. He's the damn ninety-nine percent, like the rest of the useless men in this world." She states, completely firm. Let's just say that when it comes to Kate, she's very particular. She had her heart broken once but it was very, very, very, painful—she had given him everything, poured her heart and her soul to only being left on the side, as he chose another woman. She was loyal for years but she regretted her every decision when she was with him. I don't blame her for being cautious or for hating men, it's a traumatic experience and it cost her ten thousand dollars in therapy to realise that she was gaslighted and mentally abused.

In all honesty, it would take a one in a million, to soften her heart.

"You're right. That one percent probably doesn't even exist," I nod.

"Don't let your mind play tricks on you. Don't get your heart broken, babe. It's not worth it,"

"I totally agree with you. Look, I have to go inside out—I'll call you once I'm done."

"Alright, take care."

After hanging up the phone, I immediately step out of my car and head straight inside without sparing a second glance at the other women waiting. They seem to be eyeing my outfit but I'm used to getting these type of stares, it doesn't bother me anymore. I used to be uncomfortable when people stare but I come to realise that they either envy or they want to be in my shoes. Well, I never blame them, I am standing here in my Louboutin.

"Isabella Coleman."

"Okay, please have a seat and we'll call your name in a bit."

I smile, making my way to one of the empty chairs. Once seated, I take out my phone to scroll down my emails; it has became a habit in always checking my emails when I'm waiting or during any free time because I don't want to miss important schedules or meetings.

My eyes wander around the room to see pregnant women, a couple are not showing yet but some of them are already looking like they're ready to burst. It terrifies me to see the size of their stomach and it still makes me wonder, how is our body even capable of doing that? That is what we see on the outside but on the inside . . . our organs are being pushed aside just to make some room for a baby and then, we'd have to push it out. It scares me.

I end up looking at a couple, seems like she is only a few weeks away. They are smiling as they talk, with his hand slowly caressing her baby bump and deep down inside of me, get envious of that. A normal, simple, life that is fulfilled with beautiful moments. They seem to be madly in love and by the rings on their fingers, I can tell they're a married couple—probably expecting their first born.

"Isabella Coleman?" Someone calls out my name which causes me to look up, finding the nurse gesturing me to follow her.

I stand up, picking up my handbag but to be stopped by a person slowly grabbing my hand.

I turn around to find Adam beside me as he drops his grip, somehow panting with a few drops of sweat on his forehead. His hair tousled in different directions as if he has been running for miles. His backpack is hanging on one shoulder and he has a couple of books in his hand, making me wonder if he actually did run all the way from school.

"I'm sorry I'm a bit late," He says, trying to catch his breath.

"Actually . . . you're just in time." I mutter.

A few people have actually raised their heads to look at us but Adam doesn't seem to mind as he nods, trying to fix his hair. Both of us follow the nurse into one of the rooms.

"You can lay down for awhile and the doctor will be here in a minute," She says and I respond with a smile, as she leaves the room; leaving Adam and I by ourselves.

I put my handbag on one of the empty chairs before slowly making my way on the bed, making myself comfortable. Adam, on the other hand, awkwardly sits as he places his stuff beside mine. I manage to spare a few glances towards his direction as he keeps on looking around and it's not a surprise to see him feeling like he's out of place. "Were you running all the way here?" I ask.

Our eyes meet and he stutters, "I was nearby."

"Huh, okay. I didn't think you'd be here, actually."

"I was already asleep when you texted me last night . . . woke up in quite a rush. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to respond," He replies and just as I'm about to say something, the doctor walks in with a smile plastered on her face—leaving Adam and I to drop the conversation.

Truth be told, I don't blame Adam because I texted him around one in the morning; after I finished studying a case. I just didn't think he would've even spared a glance at the text but the whole day after, I was a bit anxious about it and I kept looking at my phone at work. It's just because I want to see whether he has responded or not because I hope he would've but then again, here he is, in the flesh, without needing to text back.

The obstetrician takes a pair of gloves before wearing them, "I'm Dr. Rina. Is this your first pregnancy?"

I nod, "Mm."

"Okay . . . let's take a look at the baby. This will be a little bit cold," She points out at the gel before placing it all over my stomach and using the scanner to roll around. Our eyes are plastered on the screen hung up on the wall and just within seconds, she manages to find a spot. "There you go, that's it. The baby is currently the size of a blueberry."

Dr. Rina points out, "Right over there . . . do you see it?"

I nod a few times before turning to look at Adam, who seems completely amazed as I am. It takes me awhile to realise that I'm actually smiling; regardless of the situation or how I got myself pregnant. Everything just disappears and I can only imagine a life full of happiness with my unborn child. All of the possibilities, all of the new experiences and it starts to excite me.

"Well according to this ultrasound, everything looks the way it should. You're probably seven weeks along but we will have calculate with your last menstrual cycle to estimate your delivery. Your baby may seem very small but fun fact, the baby's mouth and tongue are forming. Kidneys, too." She continues to speak, while I'm just in awe.

"So, everything seems fine?" I ask, blinking a few times.

"Yes, everything looks fine. There's nothing to worry about. I'll even get prints for this one," She presses onto a certain button, taking a picture of the ultrasound before moving around on my stomach again. "Do you have any symptoms lately? Morning sickness? Swollen breasts?" She asks.

"Uh, yes. I've been throwing up almost every morning and my breasts are pretty swollen, they're quite uncomfortable." I respond.

"That's also completely normal. Trust me, it'll get worse overtime but you'll manage." She jokes and we both chuckle, as Adam stays completely still on the side. I manage to catch another glimpse of his face and it surprises me to see his eyes tearing up but he covers it immediately with a cough—why would he cry? Maybe, he just finds this moment beautiful.

It is our baby, after all.