Satisfied Secrets (18+) [COMPLETE]

[4] Kissing You

~JENNA~

That kiss I harbored within my heart for so long killed a piece of me but also gave me an unspeakable closure to an unforgiving chapter in my life.

For a year, I tried to forget. I tried to pretend that it meant nothing when it meant everything. All the years of yearning for him. The years I spent silently watching him with Caroline, wishing it were my hand he held; my ear he whispered sweet nothings in; my eyes he gazed upon with such affection my heart would leap in joy. To satisfy my sister, I kept my feelings silent so they could be happy, and on their wedding day, after that kiss, I realized I’d made a distressing mistake.

I had it for a minute.

Uncertainty filmed his chocolate eyes, the suns’ yellowish-white rays penetrating through the window to shine on them beautifully. Younger, there’d be nights when I’d think about his eyes, joyful and sweet, making my insides melt until the next time I could see them in person. That’s how I’ve felt for a year. As though my insides melted into a puddle, awaiting the day I’d get to see him again and the feeling evaporated with his gaze.

I had him.

He stood still, watching me inch closer, his bodily warmth blanketing me tightly. Silently, he bit his bottom lip, a subconscious habit he’d give into when he pondered on a hard question in his head. The pull of his jawline, quivering of his thick eyebrows, the wisp of his thumb hesitantly resting on my hip told me what question bounced through his head. Should I kiss her again? 

So, I made the decision easier. “The best experience of my life had been kissing you, Troy,” I confessed, my fingers steadily moving up his arm. His biceps flexed at my touch, nostrils flaring, breath becoming rapid while he looked down at me. Probably thinking, “She’s changed.”   

He’s right though. 

I changed in the year since we last saw each other. No longer did I gaze downward shyly or make half-hearted jokes to settle the s****l tension that balloon inside the pit of my gut. Those were the reasons we’d never admitted our feelings for each other. Because, unlike Caroline, I lacked the confidence and brazen approach to getting what I wanted in this world.

And I wanted Troy, even for just a moment in time.

Troy’s married now...to Caroline, my conscience reminded me. Don’t be your sister's homewrecker.

“I don’t want to hurt Caroline but it’d be stupid of us to fight our feeling after that day.” The words seemed to answer my conscience while also grasping Troy’s hesitation.

Letting go of his bottom lip, his body loosened beneath my palm, expression softening. Although the living situation would be temporary, we both knew these carnal emotions for each other were permanently solidified within us. I couldn’t be the only one who wanted to act on those emotions, right?

He wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss him, right?

“Jen─”

With the most delicate of urges, I arched my toes, hand caressing upwards to the nape of his neck. His brown eyes widened, the chocolate brown of his eyes mutated from icy panic to warm fervor. The same look he gave me before he swung me back into his arms and awakened the lust that now haunted us. Unwilling to squander this moment, I pressed my lips to his, closing my eyes and savoring the sweet, forbidden flavor of him. Gradually, his reluctance simmered, his arms firmly wrapping around my waist, lips devouring me with a hopeless passion.

Pulling him closer, running my fingers through his hair, I knew in every bone in my body that this, our bodies embracing, was destined to me. I craved him and his kisses on every bit of my body and soul, igniting the warm flame between us.

That string that connected us, the one I thought I’d cut a year ago, slowly mended itself, his lips becoming ravenous as he pressed closer to my body, making me step back into the corner of the bed. I moaned; he emanated a deep growl that made me tremble, his thumbs pressing my waistline. I wanted so much more of him, of us, of…

He yanked himself back as though snapping himself out of a trance, eyes fluttering open and his body retracting. “No,” he blurted, hands still holding my waist, the essence of our attraction bubbling between us. He shook his head like a child refusing to take the baited candy from a stranger. “No, I can’t...we—”

“Jen-Jen!” Caroline shouted upstairs, voice resonating along the walls. “Your omelette is ready!” 

Catching my breath, I gazed into Troy’s panicked eyes, guilt now swallowing the scraps of our heated euphoria. Before she could head upstairs, I called out, “I’m coming!”

From the words, I noticed Troy’s eyes darkening with hunger for a split second before vanishing. A smirk pulled at my lips as I silently stepped out his arms and headed towards the door, never looking back.

*~*~*~*~*~*

I’d arrived at Turner Prep a few minutes earlier than expected to greet the headmaster, Dr. Elliot Samson, and my co-workers. Having changed into a nice white blouse with gold trimmings and black slacks, setting my hair in a ponytail, I noticed the male (and a few females) faculty members gaze upon me. They sat around a large oakwood table in the faculty meeting room, eyes lingering on me, a few gentle gestures of a nod or a wave. Instinctively, I wanted to lower my head and hide behind the curtain of my hair like I used to. But no more. 

Touching the silky fabric of my shirt over the right side, above my chest, I took a deep breath and smiled at their attention. “Good morning, everyone,” I greeted. “I’m Jenna Clover, the new Honors English teacher.”

Everyone introduced themselves and the class that they taught, respectfully informing me if I needed any help around campus, they’d be willing to lend a hand. One of the teachers closest to my right stood, offering her petite hand.

“I’m Nicolette Garçia, the biology teacher,” she introduced, raven hair plaited in a braid down her shoulder. “I’ll be showing you around. School tradition that the last rookie shows the new rookie the ropes.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you and thank you.”

That morning, Nicolette showed me around the vast campus, pointing out where the faculty break room was located along with faculty perks like a gym membership, pool access on the weekends, and other goodies. She handed me the school codebook, pointing at a student whose skirt was hiked up too short and a boy who’s shirt wasn’t buttoned properly.

“I, personally, don’t care how these kids dress but the headmaster is a stickler for the dress code,” she warned. “So when you see him in the hall, scan the area, and find someone to scold. You get brownie points if it’s within eye distance.”

I politely nodded, although I already knew most of the dress codes and locations from when I went to Turner Prep. Although a new headmaster roamed the halls, the walls had been repainted, and I now participated on the other side of the looking glass with the faculty. Honestly, Nicolette made it an easy transition, pausing just outside what would be my office. 

She handed me my schedule with a warm smile. “The office has been cleared out of Mr. Peter's things so you can decorate it any way you want. Your first class starts in an hour, and”ㅡshe looked at the clock on the wallㅡ“I should be getting ready for my class. I’ll talk to you later.”

I watched her walk away through the crowd of students heading to their lockers and gossiping before entering my office. The walls were bare, the room cold and dark before I switched on the light. There was only a slit of a window above the barren bookcase behind the wooden desk. Wiping off the two chairs in front of it, I placed my purse, sizing up the room. I would have to go to the supply closet but I had a few books in Caroline’s car she let me borrow for the morning.

She thinks my car is being shipped from the Eastside.

I haven’t told her about the crash yet.

Touching my right shoulder, looking around once more before I step out to get the remainder of my things.

“...and what about you?!” a shrill voice shouted the moment I opened my door. 

My eyes focused on three students, two girls and a boy with scruffy styled blond hair, hands folded over his chest. The two girls looked like sisters, maybe even twins with matching color-dyed ends. One had turquoise ends, her uniform in order except for the orange beanie on, while the other had bubble gum pink ends, her uniform skirt hiked to her butt and the top buttons of her shirt undone to display the edges of a bold red bra. The turquoise haired sister, with an embarrassed expression, pulled the pink-haired girl away from the boy by the wrist before the pink sister brushed her off, glaring up at him. Silent overtook the halls as students started to peer at the trio’s altercation. By some of the eye rolls and hushed whispers, I could tell this wasn’t unusual.

“What about me, Dani?” the blond guy retorted. “I wasn’t grinding on Brian Mitchells like some kind of hussy!”

Dani (pink hair) chortled at his insult, hands on her hips. “No, you weren’t, were you?! You were too busy making out with Grace Dolinsky like the w***e you are!”

As the hall gasped and exclaimed with a childish “oohh”, I took a deep breath before approaching them, remembering that I wasn’t the student anymore, but the teacher.

The guy scoffed. “You’re one toㅡ”

“Do you all think this is the best time to be having your little quarrel?” I asked them both, standing a good head above the girls but shorter than the muscular blond. 

Taken aback, they all retreated from each other, the boy adjusting the shoulder strap of his backpack nervously. The turquoise sister looked down shamefully. All the while, Dani’s hazel eye sliced through me, aggressive and cold. Honestly, it sent shivers down my back, reminding me of days in this hall when the cheerleaders would snicker at my “poor wardrobe choice.” I ignored the chilling memory, looking between all of them. 

“I would suggest you head off to your classes.” Dani continued to glare, her petite frame appearing more domineering than I would have expected. So, I matched her attitude, crossing my arms and looking down at her with my own glare. “I would hate to write you all up so early in the morning.”

She flinched, button nose wrinkling at the threat. “You’re not a teacher here,” she smirked.

“As of today, I’m replacing Mr. Peter’s as the Honors English teacher. I’m Miss Clover. And who are you three?” 

Politely, I offered my hand which she sneered at, flipping her pink dyed hair over her shoulder before looking away. I already knew her name but I didn’t want to admit it, make her think she had the upper hand. Staring down at her, a rush of familiarity clung to my chest for a split second, reminding me of the little antics Caroline would get up to within these same walls as a teenager. 

The cool girl.

Dani smacked her lips, taking a step past me. “We’re heading to class.” Swiftly, she took the boys’ hand and they both headed down the hall, whispers crescendoing around us as they gradually vanished around the corner. Looking around, I gave them all a look that made them recoil.

“Get back to what you were doing. This isn’t another teen drama.” They all quickly shuffled, a symphony of lockers slamming, tentative whispers, and shoes scuffing the ceramic floor, playing through the halls.

“Thanks,” a meek voice said. Playing with the ends of her hair, the turquoise girl looked up at me with genuine gratitude. “I’m sorry about my sister. She’s...a challenge.”

“I can tell,” I sighed.

She offered her slender fingers, nails painted coal black. “I’m Angela and that was my sister, Danielle, and her...boyfriend? They have a big fight like that once in a while but they’ll get back together by the end of the day.”

Accepting her hand, I nodded just as the warning bell rang loudly in our ears. “It’s nice to meet you, Angela. How about you head to class?”

She nodded with a tight grin. “Yeah.” I turned to head back to my office. “Oh, Miss Clover?" Pausing, I looked back at her. "Thanks for not, you know, writing us up.”

"No problem."