Secretly Married

10

Zanaya's POV

It's okay Zaya, you can definitely do this. You've practiced so hard for this. I told to myself as I prepare in backstage.

I was on a variety show where I need to sing and people would have to guess who I am.

I am truly grateful to our CEO for allowing me to do this and I don't really want to put this chance a waste.

And then I remembered how Seth happened to be one of the panelists outside.

He didn't really know it was me right?

Not once did he ever complimented my singing and I bet he was a little disappointed that I won that round.

But the way that he looked at my direction earlier feels like he was able to see through my mask.

To be honest, I never even thought about getting past the first stage but I was glad and thankful. But them again, I was never used to getting on stage alone. For five years, it was always me and the girls.

I gulped.

It's time.

*singing*

Why is it so hard for you

To properly

See me trying

I get shocked to see

How much I get hurt because of you

My days are a struggle

Even my dreams are painful

If it was you

How would it be

If these crazy days became yours

If you break down as much as me

Will you know?

All the pain that fills me

To the point where my heart is about to explode

How much I want you

If it was you

I would just love me

If you break down as much as me

Will you know?

All the pain that fills me

To the point where my heart is about to explode

How much I want you

If it was you

I would just love me

I don't even know why but somehow, the very first day we met kept flashing on my mind, how he was an ass to me and hurt my feelings.

Is it really that bad to get married to me?

I guess it's because I just wasn't good enough.

I know you already answered me

I know the meaning of an answerless answer

But I pretend not to know

And I'm lingering

Do you know how I'm doing these days?

I can't even fall asleep

I can't even swallow anything

Do you know that I'm becoming

More ruined as I look at you? I feel like dying

I feel like dying

Even though there's no way you'll come to me

Even though I know you're looking somewhere else

I don't think

I can let go of you...

Though I was closing my eyes the entire time, I feel like the whole world is judging me right now.

My eyes looked at the direction of the panelists, particularly to that one person, Seth Devon.

What the heck - why was he biting his lip?

Badump badump

Wait, was that my heart?

Not even sure why I felt like I needed to see his reaction. My hands automatically landed on my chest as I try to catch my breath.

For once, I can to mutter a short thanks whoever thought of this concept because I'm so grateful Seth can't see me right now.

After our little incident last time, this is the first time I saw in a month and he looked so f*****g hot.

Oops, I'm glad I didn't say that loud.

After a few minutes, I and the other singer was already standing side by side facing the judges.

Good for me, I can actually look at his face without him knowing.

But why would you do that?  I thought you hated the man?

I was thinking a lot all by myself that I didn't even understand what's happening.

"I want to ask something to Circus girl." one of the panelists said so I try to pay attention. "That song, like what the lyrics say, have you ever felt those before?"

With his question, all eyes went straight to me, waiting for an answer.

Did I? I asked myself.

"I'm not really sure how to answer that." and then I laughed a little. I am glad my face was covered with a mask and my voice was changed.

I am an idol and a rookie to begin with. I don't think it's a good idea to say those words at this time.

Although my mind is saying otherwise. I don't want Seth to think that he's actually affecting me.

The MC suddenly spoke, "How about you Seth, what do you think?"

And then I saw him pick up his mic making himself ready to talk...  

So my heart started beating faster. I am getting more nervous than earlier when I was about to deliver the song earlier.

But then I remember the article that I read the other day.

Dispatch had released some photos of him and Sally allegedly together in an event. Though both companies never released any statement. it hurts to read some comments on how people ship them.

The thing is, I don't even have the right to be angry. I may be the wife but he never love me. He was married to me because of our families and nothing more.

I don't even know why I was getting affected.

These days, my mind is being clouded with images of me and him together.

I admit that I was attracted to him even before we even met but I never knew how it escalated to something deeper this quick. Plus, we barely even see each other and those times aren't even the best moments of my life either.

"I think I know who Circus girl is," he said, his eyes straight into mine.

He doesn't even see my face but I feel like he can see me entirely.

"Really?" the host asked. "And what do you think of her?"

"She really has a wonderful voice and I hope I can collaborate with her in the future."

What does he mean? It's impossible.

Soon, the result was shown and sadly, I didn't win.

Before I can even reveal my face, Seth was already gone because he had a sudden schedule change.

Of course, I will never admit that I was disappointed.