Finding My First Love

Landyns POV It's been six months. Six long ass months since my alpha ceremony. It's been hard adjusting to all the new changes. Six months, I've dedicated nearly all my time trying to find Silas, Lexi, Maureens mom, and my parents. It's like they all completely vanished. I've been sitting in my office the last two hours just thinking how differently things have turned out and nothing how I expected it to be when we were in high school. Lily's seems to be kicking ass as a mom and as my acting Luna until I can find my fated or a chosen mate. She's been a natural at it. Like I expected she would be. Myles has been nothing but an exceptional Beta. I think growing up learning the ropes of being a ranked member helped a lot. I actually think he would be a great Alpha as well. Him and Lily make the perfect team, and I can't help but hope to have that one day. So far, I've had no luck finding my fated mate or really met anyone that I would consider taking as a chosen. Not that I've really tried. I haven't even left the packhouse enough to even meet someone. I've been so busy learning the ropes of running a pack and losing hope that I will ever find mine and Maureens moms. Lily has been constantly reminding me that I'm running out of time. I only have half a year left before I have to be mated and marked if I want to keep the alpha title. Truth is, I pray every day to the moon goddess that Ben will wake and take over being Alpha. I'm starting to lose hope that the day will ever come. Lily goes down every day and talks or reads to him. She believes he just needs a little more time. Maureen, however, hasn't been as hopeful and positive as Lily. Actually, she has completely shut down. She won't talk to anyone about her feelings and just dedicates all her time to school and working in the pack hospital in the afternoons. We hardly even see her anymore. She's let everyone believe that she no longer visits Ben, but I have one the nurses keep record of who goes in and out, and she informed me that Maureen goes down every night around two am. I'm assuming she thinks that everyone is asleep and that no one would know. Not that anyone would ask her about it. We were all too scared to upset her further. For awhile there, she was in Ben's room countless times a day, hoping that the mate bond would help heal him. She desperately wanted to make things work with Ben. But as more time passed, the less time she would go see him. I could tell she was slowly losing hope that she had built up. Now she avoids us all at all costs, including me. I thought after the rogue king and Meghan were killed that things would magically get better, and part of me thinks things would be if Ben just woke up. Lily says Maureen has this constant agony feeling when she learned her mother was alive. She doesn't understand how she faked her death or why she would in first place, and it's be tearing her up. It's crazy how all our lives have shifted because of this. How much of a toll it's taking on us all. I'm half convinced Maureen hates me and Myles because we convinced her to give Ben some time to heal, and she won't admit it, but now she's too attached to reject him. I think she's just ashamed of herself, which she really shouldn't be. I just wish she would open up about it more instead of trying to hide it from all of us. I continued to stare at the pile of paperwork that sat on my desk and the numbers of the construction company I now own that help support the pack. Along with a dozen coffee shops in town. Tomorrow would be my first time visiting since I took over, and I'm mostly nervous about what they will all think of me. Most are humans with a few of our pack members who work for our business. I'm not nervous with the pack members, just the humans that don't know the situation and probably wonder why some young guy is running the company. Rodger is planning on making the introduction, including the part of me being his son to make this go a little more smoothly. I know most humans will just think I'm an intitled brat. Lily just told me to let out some of my alpha aura to shut them up, or she can come with and do it for me. Luckily, with Myles' help, I convinced her not to. That actually would make my situation ten times worse. I honestly felt like i was as prepared as I could be. I was going to be judged either way, so I might as well come off strong and confident even if I was slightly unsure. I realized it was nearly two am. and decided to try to get at least a couple of hours of sleep before heading to bed. The thought dawned on me that Maureen is probably in the room with Ben. It probably would be the only chance I could snag to talk to her. She's been avoiding me for weeks now, well, really the last six months. I walked down to the hospital, and nurse Kelsey gave me a nod, knowing why I was coming down here in the first place. I walked into Ben's room without knocking, and Maureen had her head on his bed. She shot up when she heard the door shut. I could tell she had been crying. Her eyes were severely red and blotchy. "What are you doing down here, Alpha Landyn?" She said the Alpha part way to snarky for my liking. Im not even sure when things got like this between us. "Well, since how you're constantly avoiding me now, I figured this would be the only way I could get you talk with me." "What makes you think that I want to talk." "Maureen, you're making everyone think that you've stopped visiting Ben. We both know that's not true. You're here every night at this time." "Great, now you're having your little nurse friends spy on me." "No, not just you. I ask for a record of everyone who visits Ben and when. Why are you trying to hide the fact that you come see him?" The tears were back to pouring down her face. "Because I'm tired of everyone feeling sorry for me. I see how everyone keeps looking at me like I'm completely pathetic for spending all my time here. For a man, i don't even know." "No one thinks you're pathetic. I'm sure most of everyone in this pack would be doing what you're doing right now. " "What, crying hysterically?" I shook my head at her. She's really become a smart ass.I think she's been hanging with Amber too much. "No, they would spend all the time they could to be with there mate." "Part of me just wishes I rejected him six months ago when I was unsure about all of this. But now I can't. Now, it physically hurts to be away from him all day. It's like my body craves to be near him. I never felt like this towards Silas. It's just all new and confusing. " "It's normal, Maureen." "It's normal to want someone who might not ever want you back?" "I'm sure everyone has felt that way somehow. Maybe not in the same way, but I know everyone has felt it, including myself." The tension picked up in the room. Part of me will always have it in the back of my mind if things were different that we could have actually been something. There will always be that what if with this girl. She didn't say anything more. "Well, I'm going to head up to bed, Maureen. I have a big day tomorrow." "I heard. Good luck, Landyn, with everything." I didn't say anything more and left her to be with Ben. It didn't seem like I got through to her, and honestly, she will probably continue to avoid us all. Even Lily is struggling to connect with her since Maureen learned her mother was alive. Lily's struggling with it more than anyone because her dad still won't tell Raya what him and Maureen saw. He said that until he gets real evidence, she's alive he wont. He just says there was no point in upsetting Raya for something that may not be true. Now Maureen won't visit them and is conveniently away from the pack when they are visiting here. Lily says Raya is getting suspicious because now Prince Charles won't take over as King yet. I got to the alpha floor, and it was honeslty way to quiet for my liking. It was just lonely. It was nothing against Lily. She did an amazing job helping me redecorate my room. It just still didn't feel right being up here. I finally got myself settled enough to fall asleep even if I was only going to get a couple of hours.