Breaking Through

Chapter 1

1

Hilary

This part of the evening was okay. Familiar, even.

I sat in the driver seat of my car and looked at the house in front of me. I had known this house since I was a baby, and it had always been associated with good memories—even if it was a ranch beside a smelly stable.

That all changed three years ago.

Right after the incident, I had a panic attack just thinking about coming to my sister’s house. Noticing my anguish, and probably wanting to erase her own memories, Hannah had a huge house makeover. Everything about the house was different, except for the foundation. She had redecorated the bedrooms, the kitchen, and the living room. Even the exterior color of the house wasn’t the same anymore. There were no signs of that terrible day.

I took a deep breath.

I hadn’t gone to my therapist in five weeks, but I did call this morning when I realized what we were doing tonight and begged her to see me. She was able to squeeze me into her busy afternoon for a twenty-minute session. It seemed too little, but anything was better than nothing.

She told me I could do this, so I kept repeating that mantra in my mind.

I can do this.

I cursed under my breath.

Stop being a wimp, Hilary.

I just had to face this evening as if it were normal, as if there wouldn’t be anything different.

I glanced to the side where the girls’ cars were parked. Only Hannah’s sports car and Bia’s Grand Cherokee were here. I looked around. Leaving my car in this area of the parking lot would mean I would have to stay until it was over. I turned on the engine and parked my car in the farthest spot from the house, closer to the entrance road—it would be easier to leave later.

I made my way to the house and knocked on the door to announce my arrival before opening the door and letting myself in.

“Hannah? Bia?”

“In the kitchen!” Hannah yelled.

I closed the door and went to meet them in the kitchen. Hannah, Bia, and Gabi—I kept forgetting she was visiting—were around the kitchen island, preparing our food and drinks for the evening. I could hear the popcorn popping into the microwave.

“Hey you,” Bia said, coming to embrace me. “How is L.A.?”

I forced a little smile. “It’s okay.”

Gabi gaped at me. “L.A. is just okay? Ugh, I wish I lived in L.A. too.”

Bia chuckled. “Gabi, as far as we know, you wish to live anywhere in the country, as long as it’s this country and not Brazil.”

“Sim. Sad but true,” Gabi said, laughing.

The microwave dinged. “First batch of popcorn is ready!” Hannah announced. “Let’s put some more in.”

We usually had a girls’ night out once a month for the last three years. Even when Bia was living in Fort Murray, Hannah and I kept up the tradition, even if that meant I had to come up from Los Angeles more often. Then Pedro started dating Iris, and she was welcomed into our little group.

Not to mention Gabi. She wasn’t around much since she lived in Brazil, but she was part of our group nonetheless.

After Hannah made tons of popcorn and Bia made chimarrão, we went into the living room.

It was impossible not to look around this place. Eric had assaulted Hannah and me here. I confess the changes Hannah made in the house made me feel better, but I still avoided the corner in the living room where the couch had once been. Now it was a bookcase full of happy pictures and a few trophies.

Soon, Iris arrived, and we put on a sappy romantic comedy about desperate single people.

Besides Gabi and me, Ri and Gui were the only single ones in our group. We had our bets on when they would finally meet girls who were able to tie them down and add two more to our group. Though with Ri, we knew it would take some time for him to forget what Joana had done and move on, so we didn't really count him.

The bet was more for Gui. Knowing how much he loved the three Ps—polo, parties, and pretty girls—I had bet that it would take him another ten years to start thinking about settling down.

As for me, I wondered if they had bets about me too. If I had to guess, I would say the options were that I would be single much longer than ten years. Maybe forever. Well, even I thought that was possible.

I sighed and tried focusing on the movie.

The main couple was kissing. I sighed again. The last time I kissed a guy had been before that day. Over three years ago. Gosh, that was too long. I still couldn’t think about touching a guy, let alone kissing one.

Bia stretched and nudged my knee with her foot. She slipped her phone to me, and I read the message on the screen.

Leo: We’re arriving.

I reached to the curtain behind me and spied out. I could see the cars’ lights approaching. Right before they turned the last curve on the private road inside the ranch, they turned their headlights off.

I picked up the remote control from the side table and raised the volume, hoping it would drown out any noise coming from outside.

Hannah lifted an eyebrow at me. I shrugged. Let her think I was enjoying this sappy movie. Thankfully, she returned her attention to the TV.

I spied out the curtains again. They had parked their cars closer to the stable. In three seconds, they were out and unloading the equipment.

I shifted my gaze back to the TV and pretended to enjoy the movie, even though all I wanted to do was bite my nails. Or go out there and help. But that wasn’t part of the plan. My part of the plan was to make sure Hannah didn’t see or hear anything until it was time.

Ten minutes passed.

Bia looked at me with a crease on her forehead. She checked her phone and shook her head. Gabi, seated on the floor, looked fidgety too, but she didn’t stop staring at the screen. Good girl.

Twenty minutes.

I spied outside again. Besides all that was going on out there, I couldn’t see much with the cloudy sky. The only lights on were a couple inside the stables, probably so it wouldn’t catch Hannah’s attention. How they were setting everything up in the dark, I didn’t know.

Thirty minutes.

Bia typed a message on her phone.

The movie would end soon, and there wouldn’t be anything to cover up their noise then.

Bia smiled at her phone before passing it to me so I could read it.

Leo: We’re almost done. When the movie ends, bring her out.

I smiled and handed the phone to her.

Gosh, this was really happening. I could barely sit still. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and thanked God for moments like this—moments that gave me hope life could be pretty again someday. Hope that the darkness of the past would someday relent and let go of me. Hope that someday I would be open to fall in love again and find my own Leo.

A shudder ran down my spine and that magical feeling was gone, along with all the hope. Damn it. I would never get better.

Bia nudged me with her foot. Pushing back the demons inside my mind, I looked at her. She nodded toward the TV. The couple was kissing again. The makeup and final kiss before the movie ended.

I sat straighter on my corner of the couch.

Ten.

Nine.

Eight…

The movie ended. Hannah and Iris exhaled a happy sigh.

“Ah, that was so good,” Hannah said, taking the remote control from the side table.

She stopped the movie and I held my breath, sure she would hear the banging and whatever from outside. There was nothing. Not even crickets.

“Hannah,” Bia said, jumping from the couch. “I forgot something in my car I need to show you.”

“Oh-kay,” Hannah said. “Bring it in.”

“I can’t.” Bia clicked her tongue. “It’s too heavy. Just come and see.”

Bia turned around and marched to the door. Hannah glanced at me, a what-the-hell-is-she-doing look on her face. I shrugged and followed Bia.

For dramatic effect, Bia paused at the door until Hannah was right behind her. Then, she opened the door and stepped out. I took Hannah’s hand and pulled her outside.

The lights came on, illuminating everything in the parking lot between the house and the stable. Hannah gasped, Bia and Gabi laughed, Iris shrieked, and I smiled.

Loud country music started playing from big speakers set on either side of the precarious wooden stage assembled in the middle of the parking lot. The light beams came from four high metal pillars installed on the four corners of the stage.

Holy crap, the guys had really put some effort into this.

Dressed in jeans, boots, plaid shirt and hat, Leo came up on the stage, a wide smile on his face and a microphone in his hand.

“What’s going on?” Hannah whispered, her tone suspicious. She looked around, her eyes wide, slowly taking in all the people around the stage. Our parents, Leo’s family, Jimmy, close friends. There were around a hundred people in her ranch’s parking lot. “Hil, what’s going on?”

Before I was able to say anything, Leo raised the microphone to his mouth, and on cue, the music stopped. “This is for you, morena.”

Then the other guys joined him on stage. Ricardo, Pedro, Guilherme, and even Garrett, all dressed like Leo. A new song started and the guys began dancing.

I tugged Hannah’s hand and pulled her through the crowd until we were right in front of the stage.

My sister had an open-mouth smile as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing, as if it was too good to be true, too crazy to be true.

Well, I still couldn’t believe my eyes, and I had known about this since the beginning.

The guys swayed and stomped their feet and moved their hips while Leo lip-synced—it was like looking at the country version of the Backstreet Boys. With the difference that these guys were actually way more handsome than the real Backstreet Boys.

My smile widened. I was always a little relieved when I ended up noticing things like that—if a guy was handsome, or hot, or both. Perhaps it sounded silly, but in my case, it gave me hope that I would be okay. Someday. In the far future.

The lights blinked when the song changed. Then the guys were undressing. Looking like they had just gotten out of a Magic Mike movie, they threw their hats to the people around the stage, and opened their shirts button by button, while still moving their hips to the beat of the song. They all had a white tank underneath, one that hugged their torso—damn, playing polo sure gave a guy some impressive, lean muscles.

The women screamed and catcalled while Gabi uttered an “ew” behind me.

I smiled. Yeah, my therapist would be happy. There was still hope for me.

Leo threw his shirt at Hannah, and she caught it with a huge smile. I loved seeing her like this. Pedro and Garrett threw theirs at their girls, Ri held on to his, and Gui threw his randomly. The daughter of one of my mother’s friends from the club caught it, and she screamed like crazy. I shook my head, a little jealous that she got that excited about a smelly shirt.

Two minutes later, the song stopped and a spotlight fell on Leo.

He raised his microphone to his lips once again. “I got a second chance when my family and I moved to the United States three years and some months ago. At first, I thought it was a second chance at polo, but then, after I met you, Hannah—” Beside me, Hannah bit her lower lip, holding her breath. “—I realized it was a second chance at everything. A second chance at life. I didn’t even know I was looking for someone to share this new life with until I found you. I found you, and it was like my life was complete.” He took a deep breath. “Morena, I think I loved you the first time I saw you right outside this ranch.” He pointed to the road leading out, and we all followed his gesture with our eyes. “And I’m sure I love you more each day I am by your side.”

On cue, Bia, Gabi, and I pushed Hannah forward. Ri and Pedro jumped down from the stage, wound their arms around Hannah’s back, and lifted her. Leo was ready—he caught her outstretched hand and pulled her onto the stage.

Then, he did it.

Leo knelt in front of my sister, holding a black velvet box. “Hannah, my love, will you marry me?”

Eyes wide, Hannah’s hand flew to her mouth. We all waited with bated breath for her answer; although, she must have forgotten she was supposed to say something. Hannah stared from Leo to the ring and back at Leo, a couple of tears running down her cheeks.

“Say something!” Bia yelled.

That jerked her from her stupor. Hannah lowered her hands, revealing a big smile, and nodded her head. “Yes!” she said in a confident, strong voice.

With a matching smile, Leo stood and embraced Hannah, burying his face in her neck. He spun her around once, twice, before setting her down and putting the ring on her finger.

Hannah stared at the ring on her hand for a few seconds before turning to us and wiggling her fingers. We all cheered and the real party started. Music was once again playing on the speakers. Leo and Hannah came down from the stage, and people lined up to congratulate the couple. Waiters distributed champagne and hors d’oeuvres. After greeting the happy couple, the guests started mingling and dancing.

A sudden panic bubbled inside me.

It was too much, too quick. Bodies close together, suggestive touches, loud giggling, and too many fake smiles. My eyes darted around and all I saw were the men, the guys at the party, grinning at their victims. After a moment, their faces blurred and become the face of only one man. Eric Bennett.

A shudder shook my body and I let out a deep breath.

“What a great surprise,” my mother said from behind me. I turned around and found my parents grinning at me. She handed me a champagne glass and clinked hers on mine. “Well done.”

I shrugged. “The only thing I had to do was come over this weekend and entertain Hannah while Leo and the guys set up everything.”

“The details don’t matter,” my father said. “We’re just glad it was memorable.”

“It was, wasn’t it?”

My mother tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. “Now it is your turn to find your prince charming.”

I rolled my eyes. “That again?”

“Joyce,” my father said, his tone almost reprimanding. “If she says she’s not ready, she’s not ready.”

“But it has been three years. Of course she’s ready.”

Oh my freaking God. “I think I see Bia calling me,” I said, turning around. I marched away before my mother could say anything else. Or maybe she did, I just wasn’t there to hear it.

I snaked through the crowd, nodding my head to the people who patted me and congratulated me on the engagement of my sister and for helping organize the surprise party. I almost flinched every time someone got too close, let alone touched me, but I swallowed the flinch, the disgust, the panic.

Even though the living room lights were on, I doubted there was someone inside my sister’s house right now. Even if there were, it was probably to use the bathroom or grab something in the kitchen. I could sneak up the stairs and hide in the guest room upstairs, or go to Hannah’s room and watch TV. I guess she would be occupied at the party for a little while—unless Leo got tired of dancing and wanted to enjoy his fiancée. Well, I had seen them sneak off at parties before. The guest room and my phone would do the trick.

I left my untouched champagne glass on a table and was about to climb the porch steps when Gabi’s hand closed around my wrist.

“There you are,” she said, pulling me to the side right into the Fernandes group standing by the end of a precarious bar set up along the porch.

Ricardo drank a beer, Pedro had his arm around Iris’s waist while they swayed to the beat of the music, and Garrett and Bia laughed at something Gui had said. Reese and Malcolm, players for the Knight House, were here too, talking to Gui, and Gabi danced among them all. We were just missing Leo and Hannah, who were still making the rounds and talking to everyone for a little bit.

I looked around, feeling too self-conscious to dance. I squeezed between the group, hoping to disappear. I raked my mind, trying to think of something to say to distract my mind so I wouldn’t panic over being among too many people.

“Tomorrow is Mother’s Day,” I said. Gabi looked at me. “Won’t your mother be mad at you that you’re so far away from her?”

Gabi’s perfect brows knitted. “Probably. But this isn’t the first time I’ve been away during a special date, and it certainly won’t be the last. Are you spending tomorrow with your mother?”

“Not sure if all day, but I’ll definitely have lunch with her.” I scanned the area, trying to find where my mother and father had gone. There were too many people here. It was impossible to find them from here. I returned my attention to Gabi. “And how’s polo?”

She shrugged. “The same. Women’s polo in Brazil is a joke. We spend weeks without any training, and there’s only one tournament a year.”

“That sucks,” I said, trying to be sympathetic. Not that I didn’t care. I did. It was just hard to focus on someone else’s problems when fear and panic flared up my spine every thirty seconds.

“It does.” Then, surprising me, Gabi leaned closed to me and whispered, “I see Reese stealing glances at you.”

“What?” I squeaked. “No.”

“Sure he is. You’re blind if you don’t see it.”

I glanced at Reese. He was talking to Gui and Malcolm. Garrett and Bia also participated in the conversation every now and then. Ten seconds in and the guy glanced at us. At me, actually. Okay, that could have been just him looking around. But another ten seconds, and he looked again and this time he held my stare. Oh-kay, not so subtle, were we? I turned to Gabi.

“Told you,” she whispered.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply for a brief second. I could do this. The guy was even cute, I guess, so it wouldn’t be too hard. It shouldn’t be too hard. I could flirt a little.

Once more, I dared a peek at him. This time he was waiting, looking at me. When he saw me looking at him, he smiled. Gui noticed his friend’s reaction and followed his line of sight. Gui’s usual content expression became closed, and he slapped the guy’s chest with the back of his hand. He said something I couldn’t hear over the song, but the gesture was enough to make my courage go away, to make disgust and fear come back in full force.

“Excuse me,” I said before rushing away.

I darted inside Hannah’s house and hid in the guest bedroom. I lay on the bed, took my phone from my pocket, opened a reading app, and continued reading a romance novel about trust and redemption.