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1153 Words
When they finally stopped they called me weak and pathetic before leaving the house.
I had forgotten about Jay, my best friend in the whole world was coming around to do homework when he saw me lying there he called the ambulance and went to the hospital with me. I lied that night, telling the cops we had a break in and they mustn't have thought that there was anyone in until they saw me and beat me up to keep quiet.
Jay saw straight through me and once the cops were gone all the questions started flooding from his mouth I didn't want to answer but had no choice a week later when my brothers confronted me again telling me to keep my trap shut or they would make sure I wouldn't live to see another day.
Their hurtful words never stopped making me believe that I was good for nothing and I shouldn't be here. I believed every word they said that was the first day I cut myself but not it wasn't the last. I bled out that night.
I lost consciousness when I woke the two people I loved the most were there; Jay and Seina, my best friend and sister. I eventually came clean about what happened and begged them not to tell anyone. They agreed as long as I stopped self-harming. I agreed to stop so they would keep silent.
I tried I did, but with everything going on at home. It was my way of escape and Jay knew that all too well.
I looked up at him and smiled. "Same old same old, you?"
"Same. My father is an alcoholic bastard and my mother refuses to leave him thinking he'll get better. What utter bullshit, that prick prefers to drown himself in alcohol instead of talking his problems out." He looked at me. "So are you still? Do you know? Cutting?"
I nodded.
"I understand G. I do, but please be careful. I don't want to walk in to find a dead body next time."
"You won't. I promise."
He smiled. "Good cause I don't want to have to be the one that tells your sister you never stopped. She's scary."
I laughed. "I know, but I love her that way."
"I know G she's got a heart of gold, just like you. Pity your family can't see it."
"Yeah, I know." I sighed.
"Come on, let's get to class or we'll get detention."
Oh, how I wish.
Jay Ambrose
I'm Jay Ambrose. I have been friends with Gian since we were four years old. He's been my rock and my Saviour when I finally hit rock bottom even though he has problems of his own he has always helped me through mine. I love him.
My problems started two years ago when my father lost his job and got into a heap of debt. Instead of paying it off, he started drinking and blaming everything on me and my mom.
Mainly me, he said he'd made a mistake of not using protection when he slept with my mother then he would never have had to marry her and I wouldn't be here. A useless kid that would never account for anything because of my disability. I know I am disabled but does he have to keep reminding me? It's all their fault that I am disabled not mine.
They f****d up by doing drugs and alcohol, causing me to be like this. It could be a lot worse than me just cursing out loud in class, at home and in the street.
I could've been paralysed and not be able to talk at all. I have marks all over my body because of that asshole. I wish I was as brave as Gian to cut myself and conflict pain to cover the pain.
But I vowed to his sister I would make sure he wouldn't do it ever again I feel like I'm betraying her because he has never stopped and I knew when he agreed he wouldn't he meant the exact opposite, but Seina believed him and let it drop. I just hope we never find him like we did that night.
His brothers have got some answering to do.
I am Jay Ambrose I have Tourette's syndrome. This causes me to make involuntary sounds and movements called tics.
Even though I have Tourette's it has never stopped Gain from being my friend. He's one in a million. I just wished his family saw him as I did. like Seina did.
I am in love with my best friend.
"Hey, Jay why are you staring at Gian?"
"s**t was I?"
Callum nodded.
"f**k I didn't mean to. I was just thinking."
"You need to tell him, bro."
"Tell him what Cal? He's My best friend."
"And you want more."
"So I'm just supposed to go up to him and say Hay G I know we're best buds and all, but I have a thing for you and see that desk over there I want to bend you over it and take you and f**k you so hard you'll be screaming my name?' I questioned him and he sat open-mouthed. "I don't think so."
Mr Ambrose. Mr Keith, do you have anything to share with the class?
"No nothing Miss."
"Then please keep your voices down unless you want detention. "Sorry miss."
Gian looked over and smiled. It was usually him getting into trouble or both of us.
"Back to work class."
We all put our heads down and continued to work till the bell rang. We all headed out of class.
"Hey, what was all that about in there?"
I looked at Gian who was walking beside me. "Nothing."
"Yes, there was. You're usually quiet in class when we have crabby pants."
"It was nothing, okay."
He grabbed my arm pulling me into the boy's bathroom. He looked me in the eyes. s**t, this isn't good. He always gets me to come clean; he does this all the time when he knows I'm hiding something and he always gets it out of me.
"Out with it."
"Out with what G?"
"What did Cal say to you to almost get detention?"
"I already told you nothing."
"You can't lie to me Jay so out with it, what got you so ri…"
I slammed my lips on him to shut him the f**k up. I hate when he gets like this demanding to know what's going on when you don't wish to talk about it.
I moved away, he stood frozen mg eyes searching for his, f**k I shouldn't have found that f**k I'm going to lose my best friend.
"What... the.. hell.. was.. that?"
"I'm sorry I'm so f*****g sorry." I ran out of the bathroom with tears in my eyes "Jay!"
I ignored him and kept running.
Why Does It Feel So Good?
- Writer
