The Assassin's Destiny

Chapter 9: Live for the future or die for the past?

Chapter 9: Live for the future or die for the past?

Argent

             I reread Penelope’s texts, my heart aching as I sort through her replies. Her sadness resonates over every word. She didn’t deserve to be treated the way I treated her. She should have been with someone who would hold her in the morning and tell her how amazing she was. I should have stayed. I wanted to stay. I guess I am the coward she labeled me.

             She doesn’t know it, but I’m the one who bought her painting. I emailed the artist and paid him an extraordinary amount of money for it. I didn’t want him to know who I was, so I had a private company take care of the process. The painting is now hanging in my weapon’s room where no one but I can see it.

             Right now, I’m in the Confradia plane heading towards Manaus along with several other Confradia members and Assassins. The plane’s exterior is luxurious with comfortable reclining leather seats, a stacked bar, and several flat screen tv’s mounted on the wall. The walls are royal blue, and the floors are covered in distressed wood.

             It’s past six in the morning in LA, which means it’s one in the morning in Brazil. Penelope texted me while lying in bed. According to her, she sleeps n***d, which is a visual that makes my body erupt with unbearable l**t.

             I look down at the phone again and bite my lower lip before I slump back in my seat with an imperceptible moan.

             “Is something wrong?” Logan “Hades” Blake quirks a dark questioning brow when he notices my odd behavior. I straighten in my seat, feeling embarrassed at being caught daydreaming. I’ve never been the type to be distracted while on assignment, but this thing with Penelope has me twisted.

             “I’m fine,” I mumble unconvincingly as I settle my mobile on the armrest.

             Logan sits forward in his seat and narrows his eyes. “You seem preoccupied. Is it something I can help you with?”

             I release a deep sigh and look back down at the mobile screen. “It’s… personal,” I reply reluctantly.

             At first, I think he’s not going to respond. But to my surprise, Logan sits back in his seat and crosses his arms in front of his chest. “Personal? As in a woman?”

             I run my gaze across the plane’s cabin. The other men are either talking to each other, at the bar, drinking, or toying with their mobiles. Logan is the only one listening intently.

             “Yes, it is. Do you remember the house I raided in search of my traitorous colleague, Sebastian?”

             Logan nods. “Yeah, the virgin auction.”

             “Well, there were two women there who were being auctioned. I happened to be there when they auctioned one of them. I even bid for her. Either way, I saved her and the others, but she and I remained in contact afterward.”

             Logan c***s a knowing brow. “And something developed from your interactions?”

             Logan is a very perceptive male. I could tell that he wasn’t very fond of me when we first met. I don’t blame him because I was an unknown entity that questioned the decisions he and the New York Assassins made. The New York board director, Jaxon Maxwell, was far more accommodating and diplomatic than Logan, which is funny because both men are close friends. It wasn’t until I helped him save his woman, Bella, that his perception of me changed. We’ve become good friends since then. I’ve even stayed at his home. His wife, Bella, is beautiful and sweet, and Logan is completely devoted to her. I don’t blame him. She’s stunning with long dark hair, dark eyes, and a toned body.

             I guess I’m biased because I find that Penelope is far more beautiful with her long honey-colored hair, crystalline eyes, and creamy skin.

             “Yes, it did. I tried to resist, but we ended up becoming intimate. However, I told her that it wouldn’t go beyond that. I loved my wife and daughter, and I’m not sure that I want to be with someone else. Even if I can’t stop thinking about her.”

             Logan lowers his arms and clasps his hands together with a thoughtful expression. “You know, when I met Bella, I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship. In fact, I never planned on getting involved in any way with anyone. She kind of snuck up on me, and even though I resisted, I realized that she made me happy. I like having someone to come home to. I don’t have to be on guard with her or be an unemotional robot. With Bella, I feel a sense of serenity that I’ve never felt before. She makes me want to be better, and she calms the wildness inside of me. I also realized that I couldn’t live without her. You saw how I reacted when she was shot.”

             His lips tilt with a secret smile. He gets that way every time Bella is mentioned. “Look, Argent, I’m not a relationship expert. But something I do know is that there’s no such thing as living in the past. In fact, I say that you’re dying when you can’t move forward. I know that you loved your wife and daughter, but they’re gone. You devoted a decade to their memory. Don’t you think your wife and daughter would want you to move forward and make new memories? Isn’t that what you would want her to do if the roles were reversed?”

             I glance down again at my mobile’s screen, then back at Logan. His words resonate in my mind. I know that what he’s saying makes sense. However, it’s difficult to let go.

             “Thank you, Logan. I’ll think about what you said.”

             Logan gives me a dubious look then changes the subject. “Any news on, Sebastian?”

             My jaw tightens, and my nostrils flare with rage at the sound of Sebastian’s name. “No, not yet. But we’re getting close. Mateo is closing in on him. I should be getting something any day now.”

             The other men join us a moment later and lighten the conversation. The cabin of the plane feels small with so many tall, intimidating figures. Most of the men on the flight are good friends. I remember the first time we met, Priest and Jaxon commented on the fact that most of the men were either married or dating women who were good friends with each other. They all seem content in their relationships. They even tease each other. Savage keeps getting ribbed by Reaper because he keeps calling his wife and daughter.

             “You’ll see when you have your own kids.”

             Jaxon pats his back with a commiserating smile. “I feel your pain, Savage. It’s hard being away from Mal. Especially now that she’s pregnant.”

             “Are all of you married?” I ask curiously.

             Believe it or not, it’s rare for an Assassin to be married. It seems that the New York branch is the exception to the rule. None of Logan’s men are married, or mine. It’s unusual.

             Priest takes a seat across from Jaxon and nods his head. “Reaper, Savage, Ares, and I are married. Outlaw is engaged, Cameron was married, and Connor is still too young to settle down. Savage, Ares, and my wife have been best friends since college. Reaper was the first one to get married.”

             I glance over to Reaper with his dark as sin eyes, angelic golden locks and quirk a brow. “How did you meet your wife?”

             Savage breaks into gales of laughter at my question, making Reaper give him a heated glare.

             “Do you want to know how he met his wife? Well, Reaper’s wife, Jade, walked up to him in the street and kissed him.”

             Reaper’s glare disappears to be replaced with a smile. “Oh, yeah. It was definitely surprising.”

             Savage chuckles. “My story was not as amusing. Sophia’s father married my mother, and we got together after I found her lounging n***d in a pool with her ex.”

             My eyes widen in shock. “What did you do?”

             Savage’s smile becomes deadly, his jade eyes glowing with unholy calculation. “You mean after I almost choked the guy to death?”

             The men laugh at his tone, unaffected by his deadly statement. I look at Priest, who is sitting in his spot contemplatively. His eerie silver eyes glow like orbs in the dim light of the cavern. “How about you?”

             “Sage and Sophia are friends. However, Sage and I got together after I saved her from a stalker.” He answers gruffly.

             Jaxon smiles in commiseration. He’s the most put together one of the group, with is coiffed blond hair and blue eyes.“I had actually met Maleah before any of the men met theirs, but I was shot in the back and didn’t reunite with her until a mafia boss tried to kill her.”

             Savage sifts his fingers through his wavy brown hair and points an index finger toward a stoic, Outlaw’s direction. Unlike the other men, Outlaw seems more guarded. His blue eyes are running appraisingly over every corner and shadow in the room.“If you think that’s crazy, Declan’s fiance is his half-brother; Connor’s half-sister; and Dragon’s on and off girlfriend, Ivy, was going to be sold into s*x trade along with my wife, Sophia.”

             I reflect on my own experience with Penelope. It’s not that much different than the other men. “It seems that you met your mates under some rather dangerous circumstances.”

             Logan shakes his head. “Not me. The first time I met Bella, she was dancing around my bedroom in cutoff jeans and a sexy top.” He mutters with a satisfied smirk. Reaper joins in. “I can top you on that one, Hades. Jade was wearing a schoolgirl uniform when I met her.” Both men give each other a self-satisfied grin at the recollection.

             It’s definitely a boys-will-be-boys moment. However, even though they discuss their women, they remain respectful. Most of them sound nearly worshipful in their descriptions.

             You can see that they’re all deeply in love. It definitely explains the successful cohesiveness of the group. Is this what love does to a man? It’s been so long since I lost Lauren that I don’t remember. Is Logan, right? Am I dying because I’m living in the past?

             Savage takes a swig from a drink that Outlaw hands him and c***s his head appraisingly. “How about you, Apollo? Are you married?”  Logan stiffens in place and gives me a dubious look. He knows that I lost my wife and daughter. “You don’t need to answer that, Argent.”

              I shake my head, grateful for his assistance. However, I know that they deserve to hear my story after they were so open about theirs. “I was once, but my wife and my daughter were killed in a bombing.”

             Outlaw’s face blanks at my honest response. “I’m sorry. That must have been horrible.”                    

             “It was over a decade ago. However, thank you for your thoughts.”

             Cameron Matthews, one of The Confradia’s former director, gives me an understanding nod. “I understand, Apollo. I lost my wife to cancer many years ago.”

             The cabin grows silent as everyone contemplates their fortunes in love. It puts into perspective for those who have someone in their lives how easily they can lose the ones they love.

             Savage breaks the silence. “I think all of us have experienced a level of loss. Yet, here we are moving forward. Hopefully, you and Cameron can find happiness again.”

             Cameron and I both give him a solemn smile and take a swig of our drinks.

             The subject changes to lighter conversations after that. I also feel closer to these hardened men. It’s as if when I handed them a piece of my past, we became bonded. They seem less tense around me, and I feel less guarded around them. Even though the trip is a lot more pleasant, I still can’t help looking at my phone and rereading Penelope’s words.

             It’s eye-opening to see how the men’s demeanors change as soon as we get to Manaus. I’m sure I looked as grim and determined as they do. We’re about to pull a coup against our company by breaking out and killing one of the most dangerous men to work in our organization. Willem Kazik has caused enough damage in these men’s lives to live.

             The plan is to have Cameron Mathews meet with the local anthropologist while the men scope out the area. This mission is strictly recon.

             We meet with several experts, including the anthropologist, who turns out to be a very beautiful woman named Dr. Ariadne Phillips. Unfortunately, she and Cameron did not seem to see eye-to-eye. It was a bit disconcerting to observe their contentious banter.

             What is odd is that the highly respected doctor was extremely pleasant and courteous to the rest of us. Of all of us, Jaxon and Reaper seemed to be the most amused by their animosity.

             Once our plans were refined, we headed to a nearby watering hole to drink.

             I look at my screen again and rise from my seat to find a more private spot. I need to talk to her. Especially after the way I cut her off earlier.

             Unlike Penelope, I don’t text. Instead, I dial her number and hold the phone to my ear.

             “Hello.” Her voice is husky with sleep. It’s a little after seven in the morning. I didn’t think about it until now, considering that I’m back in Brazil.

             “Penelope,” I reply softly. “I’m sorry for waking you. I forgot that I’m no longer in LA.”

             The line is silent for a moment, which makes me a little nervous. Is she going to hang up on me? She has every right to considering what a bastard I’ve been.

             “What do you want, Argent?” She mutters in a snippy tone.

             That’s my girl. I tell myself. And this time, I don’t flinch at the thought.

             “I know that I’m the last person you wish to speak to, Little one. But I needed to talk to you.”

             I can hear the shuffle of sheets as she straightens in her bed, her breathing heavy with tension. Once again, I wonder if she’s n***d.

             “I do want you, Pen. That night was amazing, and I don’t want to forget it, or you.” I reply quickly.

             “You confuse me, Argent.” She mutters softly.

             “I know, and I’m sorry. But I want you to know that I don’t regret it. I can still feel your sweet body and hear your needy moans in my head. I can’t sleep because all I can think about is touching you again. I get hard just thinking about it, but I’m just not sure where we go from here.” My head spins for a moment. I’m sure that I’m a bit more sloshed than I thought.

             Penelope’s breath hitches. “I’m not asking for forever, Argent. Not yet, at least. I just want you. I meant what I said before. I don’t want you to forget your wife or daughter.”

             “I know,”

             Silence reigns for the next few minutes. Is this what Americans mean when they say they’re making someone sweat? Because I can feel the strain of her indecision, and it’s an uneasy feeling.

             “You didn’t answer me, Argent. What do you want?” She asks, a bit firmer this time. She wants me to be sure before she commits to anything, and I can respect that.

             “I want you, Pen. I want to make love to you again. But this time, I want to wake up with you in my arms.” My voice lowers an octave as my desire intensifies.

             “Fine. I’ll give you another chance, but just one. You screw this up, and I’m done with you.”

             I’m smiling like a fool at that moment, and I don’t care who notices it. “Are you bare?” I ask the question that has been rattling through my mind since I made the call.

             Her husky laugh rings through the receiver, like music in my ears. “What if I am? It’s not like you’re here to do anything about it.” Her sensual retort makes my body harden further.

             “Have you ever touched yourself, Little one?” Anticipation courses through me as I await her response. The thought that she might be lying n***d in bed, tweaking her hard little n*****s, and sliding her hands between her wet folds to stroke her swollen nub is enough to bring me close to bursting. My cockhead throbs between my legs like a heartbeat, and the tip weeps and trembles with desire.

             “I have.” She finally answers. A roar of triumph erupts through my mind. However, I maintain a calm demeanor. I don’t want this to end before it begins. “Tell me how you do it?” My voice is hoarse with passion.

             Another sigh escapes her lips. This time it sounds like an anticipatory sigh. Her breath hitches and speeds up. “Well, I usually lie back on the bed and run my palms up and down my breasts. I like how my n*****s tingle, so I pinch them and rub them until I can’t bear it anymore.”

             Desire coats her words like molten honey. Unable to speak, I tighten my hands around my mobile and close my eyes. The picture she’s weaving is so sensual that I have to stifle a moan.

             “Then, I slide my hands down my belly. It tickles, but it also feels so good. I know that I should touch myself, but the anticipation is so bittersweet that I hold off for a moment. I’m so wet by the time I reach my wet sheath. I’m so swollen, and my little hole feels empty because it needs something. It needs your cock.” She whimpers. That’s how I know that she’s touching herself. She’s doing what she’s describing, and it’s driving me insane.

             “I like to caress my folds for a moment. They’re so soft and velvety. Do you remember?” She asks.

             “f**k, yes.” I manage to croak out in a throaty whimper.

             “I can’t help it. I need to touch my clit. So I swirl my finger around it softly at first, but then harder. It just feels so good.” A hiss of pleasure echoes across my ears.

             “But I need to be filled, Argent, and since you’re not here, I have to use my fingers. You were so big, and it felt so good to be wrapped around you. I didn’t realize that anything could feel that exquisite. I loved the feeling of being filled by you and how powerful your big body felt against mine. You know, I’ve never seen a n***d man, and you didn’t disappoint me. Your body is perfect. I love your firm chest and muscled shoulders. I love how you thrust into me with so much force so deep inside that I could feel you in my womb.”

             Her breathing accelerates as she hastens towards her release. I can hear the urgency in her voice now, and my body responds to it.

             “You’re the perfect one. Every time I close my eyes, I see your tight little body. Come for me, Little one. Make yourself feel good until we see each other again.” I growl through the receiver.

             Penelope’s moans strengthen, followed by rapturous mewls until she falls over the edge of her release. I keep my eyes closed tightly, my nostrils flaring as I try to gain control of my senses. I can’t come in my pants. Not when the men are mere feet away. I’ll save it for when I see her. And I plan to see her soon.

             Once her pleasure is spent, Penelope exhales deeply. “That was good, but it would have been better if you had been here.” She manages a throaty response.

             “I will be there soon. No holding back this time. You’re mine. Do you understand?” I state firmly. 

             “Yes, and you’re mine, too, Argent.”

             I rest my hand above me on the wall and lean my forehead against it, willing my body to regain control. “I have to go now. I’ll call you.”

             Penelope hums in concession. “Okay, bye.”

             Once the call has been disconnected, I head back to the men. This time my thoughts are centered on what I’m going to do once I see Penelope because I’m not letting her go this time. There’s no turning back.