“Thanks, Derek, so nice of you to say so.”
“f**k off,” he said bluntly. “Do you wanna know about the clobber or not?”
“OK, what’s the deal?”
“A mate of mine has a warehouse over in Kegworth that stores remaindered clothes that the big shops need to move on. He distributes it to discount outlets and charity shops and stuff.”
“Charity shops? I’m not that desperate!” I protested.
“Just listen will you?” Derek persisted. “This is good stuff – Armani, Jaeger, Hugo Boss – it’s all designer clothes, and genuine labels too, not fakes. It’s just that it’s last season’s fashion.”
“OK, but even if it’s well discounted it’s still probably outside my price range,” I pointed out.
“I haven’t told you the good bit yet. In that heavy rain we had last night his roof sprung a leak. A load of stock was ruined by the water and he can claim that back on insurance.”
“Right. Still waiting for the good bit,” I said patiently.
“A lot of it’s perfectly OK. It was wrapped in plastic bags, so it didn’t get damaged by the rain, but in the panic they just grabbed stuff and moved it out of the way. Now there’s a whole bunch of perfectly good clobber piled up in the yard. He said I can take a look through it and I can keep anything I find. So I’m saying to you, do you want to hop in the car with me and take a look?”
“It’s all free?”
“As a bird,” said Derek. “There’s no guarantee you’ll find any stuff in your size, or that matches anything else. But if we don’t look, we’ll never know.”
“I’m in!” I said. “Can we take Dave as well?”
“Oh just invite the fuckin’ world along!” said Derek, sarcastically. “This is a gift from me ‘cos you refused p*****t for helpin’ out. Besides which I’ve only got a couple of hours before I have to open the bar, so unless your mate Dave can teleport here right now…”
I pondered it for a second. I felt guilty not telling Dave, but then I thought I could call him on the way and find out his shirt size or something and see if there was anything for him in the pile.
The trip turned out to be a gold mine. I found three nice casual jackets, two of them fit right away and the other one had longer sleeves, but I knew my mum could make the alteration for me. The real prize was an Armani suit: jet black, and totally sexy. It was all crumpled up in one corner, but a trip to the dry cleaners should fix it. The trousers were too long for me, but only by an inch, so I was sure they could be taken up.
I also found half a dozen nice shirts by various designers, plus three more for Dave – who has a mutant thin neck size but still seems to be able to function somehow as a human being.
Just as we were leaving, I noticed another pile of clothes. This lot had clearly been well soaked but maybe they could be saved. I had a quick look and within five minutes I’d found a pair of 501s and two other pairs of Armani black denim jeans in my size that all needed a good wash, but otherwise were fine.
Derek also found a whole bunch of stuff for himself and his brother, and in the end it was a good job that Dave hadn’t come with us because the back seat of the car was piled high.
“I don’t know how to thank you, mate,” I said to Derek as he helped me bring the stuff to my room.
He put a hand on my shoulder. “Do you really want to do something for me, John?” he asked.
“Sure!” I told him. “Well as long as it’s not illegal.”
“Ask Amy out on a date, will you?” he said seriously. “She was in the bar with her mates the other night. She had a face like a wet weekend. She’s such a lovely girl. I don’t know what you’re playing at.”
I sighed. If one more person told me I had to ask Amy out I think I’d scream.
That same evening Christine called me. It wasn’t a Fire Drill. Over the course of half an hour she described her plan for the coming weekend. It would be a special occasion for me for two reasons. First is that the university was breaking for the three week Easter vacation and second, it was the weekend before my birthday.
“I’m going to use your birthday as the excuse,” Christine told me. “And if this works I think Laura will forget all about wanting to pick up men in bars,” she said confidently.
Her plan was quite amazing. I couldn’t wait.
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