Luna of the Beastly Lycan King

Chapter 17. Purpose

☉DANIKA

The days passed quickly, and I found that soon I had left my perpetual domain—feeling, being, constantly in high dudgeon—and had now settled in some kind of calm that I could not explain. Perhaps it was the sweetness of the weather, or it might have been the winding effects of Finafern’s coronation celebrations. Or it might have been the fact that I had not expected to find a friend in Fergal who was incensed against Finarfen.

Perhaps that was why I was happier when Fergal was around, for we both were furious with Finarfen. For whatever reason it was, I liked that I was happy.

That is until I am reminded of Finarfen at any point in time.

I had gone to his chambers several times since the day after his coronation, seeking an audience with him. But the guards would not let me see him. They would not let me in, and neither would they tell me where he had gone.

I had gone to his chambers again today, in the hopes that I would finally meet him. I reasoned that there would be no other excuse that the guards would give today that would be plausible, so there I was again, walking back to Finarfen’s chambers with nothing in hand this time for fear that it would be the same old story.

Alas, upon arrival at the door, the fated guard was already in place. He stood straighter when he saw me, and adjusted the angle at which he held his spear, blocking access to the door.

I scowled at him and continued my imperious marching, pretending to be oblivious as to the reason why the guard had made all the initial unnecessary motions.

“Good day,” I said with my eyes nearly closed. I flipped my hair and took another step towards the guard, but he blocked me with this spear.

We stared at each other for a fraction of time.

“I’m here to see the king.” I declared.

I mimed the reply of the guard along with him, “The king has decreed that no one is to enter his chamber unless---”

I would not let the guard finish his speech. I lurched forward in a move that I thought was masterful of myself, and I shot towards the door while the guard fumbled with his spear. But I had no sooner touched the door of Finarfen’s chambers when I found myself slung back. The guard had his hand in the crook of my forearm, and when he pulled me away, he slung an arm around my midriff.

“Lady Danika, I would request that you refrain from such actions.” He boomed passionately, but I was kicking and pushing against him.

“I have a sword,” he declared. As if that could hinder me. When he saw that I was unrelenting in my onslaught, he threw me further away from the door, and in one swift moment, had his spear levelled in my direction.

“Lady,” he boomed again.

I huffed and snarled and hissed at him.

“I would request that you please refrain from such actions.”

We both had our feet planted in stances as though we were about to take flight or rush forward. After what seemed like an eternity, I relented and stood straight again. I cleared my throat and smoothed my hair back, dusted the creases off my gown, and said in my most court-like voice, “I see no reason to continue this squabble here. But I will return.” I cut my eyes at him as I turned. “Do you hear that?”

The guard did not drop his stance until I had rounded the corner. Then I heard his tell-tale creak of armor as he stood back in position, defending my most sought-after treasure: the entrance to Finarfen’s chambers.

As I walked back dejectedly to my own chambers, the words that Finarfen had spoken to me the first time we met floated into my head.

“If you are tired of living for yourself, maiden, why not live for me?”

Those had been his words. I had been at the edge of death’s door when Finarfen had found me that day in the woods. I was reeling from the shock and pain of losing Eirin. I had desired death for myself—anything to stop the aching I felt deep in my soul. And he had come, and he had saved me. Like a bolt of light piercing through the darkness, Finarfen’s words had given me the strength to surge ahead.

His words had given me life, and even though he might not have been aware of it… even though he seems to have forgotten about it now, I had chosen to live for him. I had no other ties to this mortal world. There was nothing left for me again.

I had abandoned my pack and for all I knew, everybody there was either dead, or they had forgotten about me. I had lost Eirin. I had lost myself. There was no one else that I had but Finarfen, and if he suddenly decided that he did not want me anymore, then what had I to live for?

I contemplated going to my room and locking myself in with a bottle of essence of wolfsbane. It would not be so easy to procure, but it would provide an easy escape—a way out. Or I could climb up high to the top of the castle and cast myself off the ramparts. I could end it easily.

And yet… I could not let myself go just yet, because Finarfen had asked me to live for him. I had been tasked with that responsibility. I had to fulfill that responsibility to him, or there was nothing that I was useful for.

Just as I reached the door to my chambers, it suddenly occurred to me that I had been too preoccupied with wanting to see Finarfen in his chambers, but he was not really one to spend his entire day lazing around in his chambers. He would be—

My feet were already running before I let the thought complete in my head.

I flung open the doors to Finarfen’s study. There were no guards here, only the wide and expansive space full of books. The room had a musty smell and just some distance in front of me, there was a large wooden table upon which sat a bottle of ink and several quills, with more than one piece of parchment spread open and weighted down.

I walked forward slowly, reverentially, as I took in the surroundings. I had not been here in a while. Finarfen had stopped bringing me here prior to the days leading up to the Battle of Rites. He had been more focused on training and honing his skills. And now…

“Finarfen?” I called out. Over the shelves of books and the dusty tops of stacked scrolls and written text, my echo floated back to me, unanswered. My spirits sank. I pored over the pieces of open parchment on the table, barely acknowledging anything that was written.

The names of more than a few council members as well as their portraits were before me. My fingers toyed with the neck of a paperweight that was sculpted like a boy with a very large head.

I was frustrated. Just where was Fianrfen?

I squeezed my hand around the paperweight and flung it at the door. It was at that very moment that the doors swung open and I cursed my luck as the paperweight sailed right past the open doors. A hiss followed and I wondered if I should hide.

“I’m so sorry,” I found myself saying as I ran to the doors. It opened a crack, then opened much wider as Finarfen stumbled in, forehead red and angry.

“I didn’t mean… to…” the words sputtered and died off on my lips. “Finarfen.”

“Woman,” he growled and took his hand away from the smarting bruise on his forehead. “What are you thinking?”