The Gamma's Dark Witch

4 - Temporary Home

(Nisha)

We hadn’t been here before, but that wasn’t saying much. I wanted to start mapping out where we went so I know where I had been, but I didn’t know if I wanted to see the vastness of our world, knowing I wouldn’t have the autonomy to see the parts I wanted.

I was alone in the loft, unpacking my few belongings. It was a ritual. No matter where we went or how long we stayed, I would unpack the first morning, finding temporary homes for everything. It was like an anchor to each place we drifted through. It helped ground me and attach me to the newness of the space.

“When does the feeling go away?” I grumbled to myself.

Zephyr's head popped up from the ladder to our temporary sleeping quarters.

“What feeling?” she asked, exasperated, a dark blonde brow raised as if I were directing my question to her.

I scowled. “Just because your gift allows you to her doesn’t mean to need to spy.”

She tilted her head, and her blonde unruly locks shifted slightly, seeming to die down a bit. “Fine, if you don’t have any questions.” She gave me a wry, knowing smile that made my anger flare.

“Wait,” I whispered, exasperated.

She gave me a satisfied smile and heaved herself over the ladder, and came to sit across from me with her legs crossed.

Out of all of my sisters, she was the one I never truly connected with. Kevari was always kind and sweet, Soleil I immediately bonded with, and Zephyr was... Well, she was fine. She had her purposes but mostly kept to herself; I guess we all did.

We developed a comfortable friendship out of habit and forced proximity. But if we were in the real world, if that was even an option, I think we would have steered clear of each other. I think she would have steered clear of most.

The wind picked up even though we were inside, it swirled around me, too, enclosing us in a safe space, and I felt a prick of gratitude and warmth for my coldest sister.

I fought to sort through my unspoken questions. When does it make sense? When do my feelings start to align with this life I never chose? When does this become easier, and my needs become those of my purpose?

“When does the feeling go away of wanting something else?” I kept my voice low, not able to meet her gray steely eyes.

Zephyr's jaw was ticked, and her churning eyes hardened. “It gets easier.” She paused, shaking her head almost imperceptibly.

I studied her face, but it gave nothing away.

“When will I start speaking in riddles, then? I asked.

She met my gaze and barked a laugh. I stilled; it was such an unexpected thing from her. Her gaze was back to its normal assessing coldness, and I thought I might have imagined it.

“I wasn’t speaking in riddles. I was trying to remember,” she said, her voice softer than normal. “I remember being angry, really angry. I was confused and scared and-” She shut her eyes. “I channeled it into this.” She looked around at the swirling wind around us.

“Does it ever make sense? Or did you just accept it?” I asked, hoping my question made sense.

“They became the same thing.” She fixed me with her gaze, but it was softer than usual. It was more terrifying than when she was mad. “Learning to accept this helps. I know- I know I have been hard on you, but part of that was because I want you not to be so d.amn scared of the power inside you.”

“I am scared.” I averted my gaze. I never opened up about it besides to Soleil.

“You must learn to wield it. You must not succumb to it,” Zephyr said.

My power thrummed like dark tendrils caressing under my skin. Sometimes it begged to be let out; other times, it asked. It was always waiting, always lurking, reminding me of what I might be capable of if I unleashed it.

“It will change me.” I swallowed.

“Yes.” Zephyr fixed her stare on me, her jaw set, motionless besides her wind-whipped hair. “But you were not cursed to live a dull life. Accept what you are, what we are. Your power is malleable. You do not become it; it becomes you.”

I blinked. That might have been the best advice I’ve gotten from the last person I thought it would have been from. I knew enough about life to know nothing was ever black or white; everything was varying shades of gray. Maybe I should have given that same understanding to my powers.

I would try. I just needed a space to let them out where I couldn’t hurt or scare anyone.

“Thank you,” I said, “Really.”

Zephyr nodded once, and the wind died down around us. My silver hair settled at my sides, and my normal dark tendrils mixed with the new sparks of warm starlight as I opened and closed my palm.

- - -

Once, my sister's breathing evened, and the last fire was barely glowing from the open room downstairs. I slipped out of bed and tugged on a thick shawl to help against the cold. I wasn’t sneaking out, really, but I couldn’t help the guilt and adrenaline that twisted through me.

I walked until the cabin was a speck in the distance, my sisters safe from me, before I sat down. Part of me was worried that now that I would try my powers that they wouldn’t work. I knew that wasn’t true, though. I moved through shadows with ease that night. The night when I felt something tethering me to the werewolf queen and that mountains too far to see now, even though I kept glancing at where they must be.

I shook my head, trying to relieve it of any thoughts.

I opened my palms up, an invitation for my powers to surface and be let out. It took a moment for me to relax enough and remove the habit of locking my darkness deep inside.

It thrummed under my skin and crawled out, unfurling itself, twirling and swirling. It was cool and crisp but felt somewhat soothing.

I opened my eyes and saw tendrils of darkness covering my hands. I lifted them up, they looked like clouds of shadows, but I wasn’t sure what to do with them. I thought back to what Zephyr said about the powers being malleable, changing.

What did I want to do with it, though? What could it do?

I lifted my hand and willed it to change to something, anything.

The shadows drifted away from my hand but came back.

I saw a rock in the distance and shot my hand toward it. The shadows left me, but I could still feel them. They wrapped around the stone and carried it back, placing it into my open hand.

Interesting, but not something I couldn’t do before without the darkness. However, I wasn’t expecting the black shadows to be able to do anything that wasn’t death and destruction, and it was a welcomed relief.

I willed the shadows to expand. They shot out and warped and wrapped around me, waiting. I wondered if could use them as protection, if they could turn into something physical. If they could move things, then maybe they could.

I lifted my hand out, palm up, and the shadows came back to me; they twisted around my hand, seeming to go through me. As they swirled, I caressed the cool shadows, the part of me that I was so scared of.

Once it was out of me, I calmed. I wasn’t sure if it was because I felt that it was gone, that it wasn't inside of me, even though I knew it was still part of me, or if I could finally assess it objectively. Whatever it was, it helped.

The shadows were soft and beckoning and malleable like Zephyr said.

And I could accept them.