In Love With My Rival

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: so confused of

            It was another uncomfortable silence again between Ava and Zephyr after Mason walked into them almost kissing for the second time. So uncomfortable that Ava was not ready to look up and stare at Zephyr's face. Mason was a killer joy. Was it even joy?

            It's a sin!

            Ava thought. 

            A joyful sin?

            Ava wanted to facepalm and slap her own face for acting so stupid. Once again, she just embarrassed her own self. It was nobody’s fault that she was trying to avoid her bodyguard as she sat at her desk, but hers. Not Mason’s, but hers.

            “Can I make up for what my father said?”

                Her own words kept running in her head and she almost cursed out loud right there when she realized how so stupid it sounded. It was the dumbest remedy she had ever thought. But, she wondered if it would work. Maybe? She almost frowned at herself. Zephyr seemed not an easy guy. He looked stoic sometimes. 

                But then, she remembered his own sincere words…

                “You don’t have to feel about it. I did not mind it… honestly. I am used to people judging me.” He started. His voice was so soft. “I don’t see as a problem because it is not my problem, but their. Please don’t worry about me, Ava.”

                What was to make up for?

                Zephyr had told her that he did not really see it as a problem and there was nothing to worry about. What was there to make up for? Realizing that, Ava let out a groan, not caring of Zephyr was sitting there at the couch on the other side of the room. Her shoulders slumped as she laid her cheek against the cold tabletop, facing the opposite side so she could see Zephyr. But even if she could not see him, she could feel him staring at her.

                Why did I say that to him? What’s wrong with me? I sounded so desperate. I shouldn’t have said that.

                She could not stop thinking about it. She felt so defeated, but there was nothing she could so. Helpless, she was. She wished for the office floor to open up and swallow her. She just wanted to disappear for a moment and maybe came back when she thought everything was cool. Would it be cool?

                What’s done is done.

              Ava Lauren was getting paranoid with her own silly thoughts. She was trying her best to be nonchalant but it was so difficult to keep calm when all she could think about was her own stupidity. 

               Maybe, my mind is not mature yet? Oh my God. Am I immature? Just no way. 

              “If you are thinking about it, please stop. You won’t be able to focus on your work if you keep thinking about it.”

                Zephyr spoke all of a sudden and as if he could read her mind. When he saw her looking so bothered and flushed, it came to his mind that she might be thinking about the fact that Mason walked in on them for the second time and saw their close again. Mason clearly got the wrong assumption about them. Zephyr was worried too that Mason might think he and his boss were on… as in something was going on as a man and a woman and that they do what a man and woman alone do. He did not want Mason to get that assumption because he would be wrong.

                It’s my fault too. I did not stop her when I should have. I let her.

                Realizing that, he wondered what would happen if Mason did not walk in on them. Yup, they would finally kiss, but would he still stop her?

                What if gets heated? Will we make use of her room?

                Zephyr closed his eyes and shook his head in an attempt to clear his dirty mind, but it was no use when he felt a familiar pain in his jeans.

                Damn this.

                He almost cursed out loud when he saw the visible bulge of his crotch. Was he seriously having a boner just thinking about the kiss that did not even happen? It was just ALMOST. He was making a big deal of it too when he should not. The last time he got a boner was when he dreamt of her last night. He woke up with an evident bulge underneath his checkered white and black boxers. He spent a good cold shower every time he dreamt of her. It was not the only thing that happened during his cold showers sessions too. He had to spend some sweet time with himself, feeling so bad, but good when he came to right on his fingers. 

                No, he was not s*x-deprived. He might not have it for a long time now, but he was not craving for it? His blunt reason? 

                I can make myself feel good without s*x. Men are men.

                Back to the situation at hand, Zephyr tried to think of ways and where he should fix the situation. He just could not do it right where he was sitting on the couch. It would be so f*****g graphic if he would stand up from the couch and just himself right in front of the woman who was too embarrassed to look at him in the face. He needed to be away from her when he does that. Lifting his head, he looked at Ava, he saw her still laying her cheek against the tabletop and facing the other side.

                Why isn’t she facing me yet? Does she feel embarrassed again?

                Zephyr let out a sigh as he stood up from the couch and walked towards the bedroom door. But before he put his hand on the doorknob, he turned to look at her who was still in the same position. 

                 She needs to stop thinking about it too much. 

                “Please don’t go out. It won’t be long. I just have to use the bathroom.” He softly said, hoping it would lessen the embarrassment she was feeling. He did not feel strange or manipulative at all when he gives her orders. It was for her safety. He just wanted to make sure she would be safe at all times. It was traumatizing enough to think about the incident when she got harassed by two men at the hospital parking lot. Speaking of which, he wished he did not let them go. He thought they were just random hold uppers. He wished he knew that something had happened for that (firing), then he would have never let the two punks ago. 

                Zephyr waited for a reply, but a minute had passed and he heard nothing from her so he just opened the door and walked into the room. He headed into the bathroom and hurriedly unbuckled his belt and zipped the fly of his jeans open. Without wasting any more time, he adjusted his aching manhood inside his boxers and a sigh of relief came out of him when he was finally done. He clutched the edge of the counter as he breathed out in relief while staring his reflection in the mirror. After zipping up the fly and buckling his belt, he washed his hands, putting an adequate amount of lavender liquid hand soap on his palms. Once he was done, he walked out of the bathroom and out of the room to her office.

                Closing the door behind him, his eyes softened and he felt a pang in his chest when he saw her special boss sleeping. She could sleep easily, she thought. Before he even knew it, his feet were already leading him towards Ava. He sat on the chair in front of her and like an i***t, he stared at her as she sleeps. Creep. But he did not care. She looked like an innocent kitten. Her angelic sleeping face led him back to when they first met. 

“You owe me an apology.”

Her voice. It was the voice of an angel, a piece of music to his ears. But, why did he owe her an apology? He was a bit confused. Maybe, because he hurt her. Yes, it was probably that. When he sensed her staring at his face, he suddenly felt uncomfortable. He had to get away from her before he would break his promise and lose his sanity. Remembering his promise, he ignored the woman and walked past her.

 “Hey!”

The same angelic voice called out for him. He stopped and waited. He had his back to her when he heard her say, “It’s bleeding.”

Yes, sweetie. It is. You wounded my heart.

Cringing at the thought, he cursed at himself and continued walking towards his bike.

“Wait!” This time, he finally managed to completely ignore her, cranked his motorcycle, and left the angel in the dark.

                She looked so peaceful and he did not want to wake her up. It was when he realized how beautiful she was. With her eyes closed, he could see how long her lashes were and curled they were. Her nose was so cute he wanted to poke the tip of it. Her skin was as smooth as the baby’s skin, foundation-free. Her lips… those lips that he almost tasted. Just from the looks of them, how wet and pink they were, he knew they were sweet. He could only confirm that when he would taste them, but when?

                He had never met a woman who looked so intimidating but also sweet at the same time. There was just something about her that made him want to say. She was worth the praise although he didn't know her that much yet. He was learning. Had noticed little things about her like how she would bit her bottom when she was seriously working on something, how her nose would scrunch up when she hear or see something she disliked, and how her eyes would just drift into space when she was distracted. Those were just little things, but he thought they mattered. 

                Zephyr’s promise to himself popped into his mind again, reminding him how important the reason why he was with her. It was only the first day and he found himself slowly breaking it. It was wrong, he thought. So wrong, but it was so tempting that he could not almost control his own self when he was so close to her. It was annoying him already, but he still wanted something to happen. He wanted to feel her, those lips, and everything about her.

                Just one taste. Just one touch. 

                His mind was getting clouded just staring at her face and it scared him a lot. He wondered how long he could make it without diving into her. How long could he make it without kissing the hell out of her? How long could he make it without breaking his promise?

                “What are you doing to me?”