What have we became?

Promises and fear

London. Miles and miles away, different times. I blink a few times, but my mind is blank, I can't make up a single thought. I let my eyes wonder in the school's gardens for a whole minute before looking back at my feet. Still I'm not able to talk.

"Earth to Katherine!" Nathan's voice takes me back to real life, and I look a t him. He has a sweet smile, or is that compassion? 

"What?" I shake my head and take a deep breath. London. Ok. 

"You zoned out." His head tilts a bit and he carefully strokes my harm, almost with a little fear of my reaction. I open my mouth but I really don't know what to say. I'll be alone for the entire summer. At least I've got no excuses to not be focused on work. It will be all I can do.

 "I'm sorry Katie.. I didn't know until this morning." he looks so worried, I can't do this to him. I close my eyes and when I open them I fake a big smile and I pat him on the shoulder.

"Don't worry Nat. I'll be good here. It's just a couple of months." My stomach is hurting and I'm on the verge of screaming my lungs out but.. I'm fine. This is fine. It must be, at least he's safe away from here. Nathan relaxes and it hurts a little bit to know that he doesn't pick up the big ass lie that I'm telling. On the other hand I'm glad, it means that I'm good at it. And he won't be worried about me.

"I'll text you every day ok? " Nathans puts his arm on my shoulder and we walk together to the parking lot. I place my head in the hollow of his shoulder, it fits so good, almost like I was made to be in this position.

"I told you don't worry Nat, enjoy your holiday, get some girls and have fun ok?" I hug him as well, putting my arm around his hips. I look up at him I a genuine smile appears on both our faces and we laugh it off.

*A week later, the airport*

I felt so empty this past few days. I spent all my spare time with them. I feel like I've got a hole in my chest and it's growing larger every day. I take a breath and look at my two friend in front of me, ready to go and enjoy their holiday. Maddie his eagerly, she's going all the way to Florida. She has a mini blue sundress and a big straw hat, ready to go.

"Come on guys, you're gonna miss your flights." I open my arms to hug them both.

"I'm gonna miss you girl!" Maddie jumps on me and almost strangles me whit her hug. While trying not to suffocate I glance at Nathan, whit only a backpack, he has his hands in his pockets and his shoulders are low. He's looking intensively in my eyes and captures my gaze.

"Call me every day ok? And say hi to grandma Josie for me. Tell her that her meals are always the best I've ever eaten" I finally free my self from Maddie's arms and smack a giant kiss on her rosie cheek.

"Ok Katie. Bye guys, see you in September ok?" She has a big smile on her face and puts on her big black sunglasses before starting to walk to her terminal.

"Sure thing. By guys!" Both me and Nathan stare at her back as long as we can see her. I dare a little look at him, he seems so sad. He's looking at his feet, fidgeting whit his fingers.

"I'm gonna miss you pretty girl." My eyes swell up with tears. Oh boy, what I'm gonna do without him? Come on Katherine, shut down the pain. Now it's not the moment. 

"Me too Nathan.." I try to smile but it doesn't last long. He suddenly grabs me and hugs me so tight. I bury my head into his chest trying to remember his smell. Lemon and spring's flowers. Yeah. I look at him and we lock eye contact, I'm feeling like drowning in that dark ocean. That look.. is full of lust. The sadness is gone and he's almost eating me with his stare. And I'm lost.

"Nathan.." He puts two fingers under my chin and I close my eyes leaning onto his hand.

"Ssh.. please Katherine." And with that he kisses me. At first it's sweet and hesitant but then I let him take control of my mouth and he gets angry and passionate. I take all I can and so does he. I cling to his arms to avoid falling while his hands explore my body, like we were alone. Oh good God, I'm gonna faint. Chills of pleasure run trough my body, jolt of electricity shot from every inches of my skin that he touches.

FLIGHT 269 FROM SAN FRANCISCO TO LONDON. TEN MINUTES.

We break our kiss and he presses his forehead on mine, squeezing his eyes. We are both panting.

"Just.. wait for me Katherine." I stroke his cheek and I shake my head.

"Enjoy your holiday, don't think about me." He opens his eyes and I can see that he feels lost. I couldn't agree more.

"How? You're constantly in my mind." Stay strong. Deep breaths. In and out. Don't cry Katherine. Don't f*****g cry.

"Damn your stubbornness, Nathan Walker. I already told you that I'm not.." I try to get out from his arms but he keeps me thigh to his chest and I roll my eyes.

"No. Stop it. We both know that there's something between us. You can see how I look at you. And I can see the way you look at me. I'm not dumb." I'm shocked. How could I hope to not be caught?

"I'm far from good Nathan. You will get hurt and I rather die now than see you ending up like that." I frown and look away. I should have cut bridges from the beginning. I f*****g knew it.

"Listen to me. Give it a try. If it doesn't works, fine. Friends like before. But if it works? I don't want to waist anymore time." His look, I can read his hopes running in his black eyes.

"Oh Nat..." We're still in the same position. Forehead against forehead. I can feel his heart pounding through his chest into mine, mixing with my crazy heartbeat. I don't want to leave him. Oh screw everything! This is my damn life! I gently stroke his cheek, whispering.

"Ok. I'll wait." A giant smile spread across his face and I can't help it but smile myself. He's like a kid in a candy shop. His face lites up, almost sparkling fireworks.

"Really?!" He picks me up in a big hug and spins around, movie style. I laugh out loud, everyone around us is staring and smiling at this view. Two teenagers falling for each other.

"Ok ok lover boy. Don't make me change my mind. You have to go now. " He puts me down and place a gentle kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes and cherish this moment.

"I can't wait to come back." He begins to walk through the gate but in the middle of the path he turns around with the sexiest grin I ever seen. 

"And by the way, that top is a little bit see-through. I enjoyed every second of that view. " My jaw drops. What?! I look down at my tank top and he's right. s**t! I feel the blood rushing to my face but when I look back at him  he's already gone. Leaving me red like a tomato, speechless, and with the stupidest smile on my face.

I got back to my car, Marcus is leaned on it, waiting for me.

"So, how did it go?" He's smiling and looking at me like I'm a stupid little girl.

"What?" I pretend that nothing happened and hide my face behind my hair, getting in the passenger seat as quickly as I can.

"Oh don't play dumb with me Katherine Moore, I know you like my pockets. Your lipstick is smudged, you're flushed and you're smiling from ear to ear. " He's relaxed in his seat, trying to hold back his laughter.

"Promise me, on what is more important to you, that you're not gonna tell my dad. Like, f*****g never. " I dig my dinger in his shoulder but I can't help it and laugh with him.

"I promise, you paranoid. Spit it out. " I tell Marcus everything that happened. I like to talk to him when he's like this, he's actually a very good friend. He will be the best right hand that I will ever have.

"Be careful Katie. Don't let your guard down. You're still a target. And for God's sake, keep love and work separate." We are pulling in our driveway and he parks the car.

"I know.. that is one of the things that worries me." He strokes my head and gives me a little smile.

"Only time will tell beautiful." I roll my eyes and punch Marcus on his shoulder. I get out of the car laughing, and we race to the front door like two kids.

**** 

Three weeks have passed since Maddie and Nathan are gone on holiday. When I told her what happened at the airport after she left, Maddie almost jumped through the phone with happiness. I'm on the phone with them every night before bed but I'm feeling every day more lonely. I try not to have spare time. If I'm not out for a run, I'm beating the crap out of someone, mostly like Marcus, or I'm at the shooting range. 

Tonight we're going to the docks. We have a big shipment coming in and I have a strange feeling about this. I can't put my finger on it tho. Probably is my mind playing tricks on me, I must have gone crazy.

* At the docks *

"Alright people. Listen carefully. Savannah, spread your group in the dock. I want every corner covered." My dad is in the passenger seat, talking to the rest of us in the van. 

"Katherine, Marcus you take the shipment to the west safe house as soon as possible, don't look back. We'll meet here." Me and Marcus load our guns and we nods, giving knuckles at each other.

"Jordan, cover their back, don't let anyone near them, am I clear?" Jordan nods too and puts his hoodie on.

"As usual, shot everything that moves. Come on now. Let's get going kids. "

Me and Marcus move through the dock as fast as we can. We reach our container in a matter of minutes. I'm about to open it when I notice where it comes from. London. All the sadness repressed comes to surface and I can feel the tears coming. A warm hand lays on my shoulder.

"You ok? I can do it if you want." Marcus has a sweet smile on his face, lately he has been on his best side, I'm wondering what's going on.

"Yes please. Thank you Marcus." I sigh and stare into the dark see, a few feet from us. Nathan is on the other side of the world.

"No problem Katie. Just.. try to hide it better. For your own safety. " Marcus turns his back at me, starting to open all the locks.

"I know Marcus. It's just.." I can't finish my sentence. A sharp, indescribable pain spreads from my shoulder, followed by two other pushes, like fists into my stomach and on my heart. The force of the impact slams me to the floor. My whole body is on fire and I can't breathe. I hit hard ground with my head and the dark sea melts with the night sky. Suddenly everything is black and I feel myself passing out. A far voice comes to me, the screams feel like a whisper.

"Just what? Katie? ... holy s**t!! Kate?! f**k f**k f**k! KATHERINE?!"