The Beta Wants Me

Chapter Eleven

" We don't talk enough, We should open up, Before it's all too much. Will we ever learn? We've been here before, It's just what we know. "

                                 - Harry Styles

                             ( Sign Of The Times )

KAI COACHMAN

[September 3rd 2020]

We were at some fast food place that sold Pizza, sitting in a clean red shiny booth with a solidly clear window wall to the right. I sat in the middle with Elliot to my right and Finnick on my left with our respective mates on the other side of the table, facing us.

Finnick was wearing a blush, preoccupying himself with sucking on his drink that was literally already gone but I assume it was his way of avoiding the glare that Killian wore. Elliot, on the other hand, was coloring with a blue crayon on the children's menu that the waitress brought to us no longer than seven minutes ago. He, similarly to a Finnick, didn't want to meet Elijah's questioning gaze.

I was doing this thing where I looked down at my lap and played with the loose strings from the rips in my jeans then I'd momentarily, and very quickly, glance up at Declan then I'd regret it and look back down. Declan was livid, actually, that's an understatement; the man was steaming. And I don't mean steaming in the way where he's hot as f**k and is steaming, I mean he's so pissed that I think he'd actually consider breaking the table and the booths itself in half and slap the broken pieces into the face of everyone here.

Would that be a hot sight to see? Hell yes. Did I want him to do it? f**k no.

"Care to explain what the f**k you think you were doing, Cub," Declan chewed out with irritation.

I look up and I see his once unique blue eyes shifting into the color black and that's when I knew I was in deep s**t. I scowled inside, mentally blaming May for putting us all in this situation. May is automatically the cause of my problems from now on and no one can tell me otherwise.

I flinch slightly, the anger as he spat out 'cub' lightly puncturing my heart. I would never admit this out loud but when he called me cub my heat did these weird flips that had me feeling overwhelmingly giddy. It made me feel special as the term of endearment was only used for me and it was like it was our exclusive thing. To hear him spit out the pet name like that really shredded my insides.

"It was Mays fault," Elliot muttered, playing with the crayon in his hand.

"How is Kai's locking lips with my f*****g mate Mays' fault?" Killian raged and Finnick pouted slightly as he lowered his head at Killian's tone despite it not being directed towards him.

I glared slightly.

"You can calm down now, it was a harmless kiss," I said, directing my attention to Killian.

I hate whenever people made Finnick feel smaller than he already thought of himself. Of course he was getting better and better with his social anxiety and the problems he faced internally, but he was still the same boy I bumped into in junior year when the biggest fight of the century was occurring. He was the stuttering adorable kid I instantly knew I wanted to be friends with. He was still Bolt.

I knew Killian didn't mean any harm by the anger that laced his tone because he loved Finnick and he made it known every single day, something I hated because ew romance, but I liked it as well knowing my best friend had someone who loved him. But Finnick most likely felt guilty and Killian's rage didn't help in that.

Besides, it was Mays fault.

"It's not a harmless kiss when I catch my mate smacking lips with someone who isn't me," Declan said, his voice was deeper and holding a whirlwind of different feelings.

There was anger, no surprise there, jealousy, annoyance, irritation, sadness and every negative adjective out there. Though anger is what was held in his voice, I felt briefly and lightly how his heart felt sad and I felt guilty as a frown was placed onto my face.

"You hardly initiate any romantic contact with me so how the f**k do you think it makes me feel seeing you kissing someone else?" Declan spat and my heart collapsed.

I swallowed, my throat stuck as I found my brain actually clear with nothing to say in reply. His eyes began to lighten and his original eye color returned but the sadness that came with it made it hard for me to breath.

He stood, as if sitting down there in front of me was too much for him, and he nudged Killian with his elbow to move out of his way so he could leave. I grasped the table tightly with my hands, automatically knowing the last thing I wanted was for him to leave. I was frantic inside but my throat felt so dry that I felt like my voice would crack heavily if I spoke.

"Declan," Killian sighed, calming himself down, "we can hear them out."

"Yeah," Elijah agreed, "besides, I don't know this May girl but I have a feeling the kiss shared wasn't there idea."

I was pleading with Declan not to go with my eyes but he wasn't looking at me and he made a point not to as he released a breath, shoving his hands in his pocket and squinted his eyes at the wall across from where he stood.

What I wanted desperately was for him to look at me, to see the usual seductive or playful or childish glint his eyes held. I never knew how much it'd hurt me to feel the sadness, hurt and anger that radiated off of him.

"I need air," was what he said as he grabbed the table that separated me from him and lifted it up with a single hand.

He ducked under it, allowing the furniture to drop on the floor afterwards, a loud sound filling the eatery as the table smashes against the floor. There were probably cracks on the tile floors now but what was more apparent were the eyes that widened seeing Declan's impeccable strength that was inhumanly possible considering the table wasn't one that moved but was glued on the floor by some kind of adhesive.

What captured most of my attention was the ring of the bell that was on top of the door, a signal that Declan left.

"There's air in here," muttered Elliot softly.

I turned to Finnick and he instantly stood up, allowing me to rush after Declan. I pushed the door open harshly and found Declan walking in the direction of clear forest, where I knew he'd end up shifting and going back the pack house or even disappearing if it came to that.

I hated running so much but I tossed all my dislikes aside as I sprinted after him, slightly huffing because he walks fast. I make it to him and grasp the back of his shirt in my hands, my grip tight and urgent. He stops walking but doesn't turn around but I hear the sigh that escapes him.

"Declan, I can explain," I huff out, my voice was dry and pleading.

"I don't need it," he says as he turns around and pulls my hand off of his shirt.

I bite my lip, shaking my head and grasp the front of his shirt this time.

"No, y-you do. What happened—"

"It was May's fault?" His voice is stiff and I don't say anything as he grasps my hand that grips his shirt tightly, already creating wrinkles in his shirt, "I know it is. That isn't the problem."

He pulls off my hand and I now hold his arm with whatever amount of strength my smaller body in comparison to his had.

"Then what is it?" I urge.

Never would I have imagine myself to be pleading for Declan like this, I never imagined that a fear of mine would be for Declan to leave me and never forgive me or be in my life. A life without Declan was now the scariest thought and my eyes were beginning to get glossy with tears that have yet to be shed.

Declan sighs, looking up at the sky before back down at me and holding my eyes.

"It feels like you don't know how much you mean to me. I f*****g loathe myself from time to time because I didn't save myself for you and I feel like I should have. What crushes me though," he pauses, my heart races, "is that I think you don't even want me as your mate sometimes. You don't realize how much I want to hold you, or how much I want to protect you. It's insane how jealous I get when someone else touches you or how lonely I get when you're not around. I just—I want you to be mine."

My heart accelerated, my hand slipping from his arm as I allowed the waterworks to begin. I haven't cried like this since Lyn's funeral and even then, the only reason I cried was because my mom was crying and it brought to life the past that I was intent on escaping and forgetting.

Seeing Declan all broken up like this ripped my heart in half. I never knew a hurt like this could pain me so much but it did and it was crazy how I felt like I was stabbed in the gut.

"D-Declan," my voice cracked, "I am yours."

I could almost distantly feel how his heart leaped within his chest. I took a step closer to him, feeling my arm shake as I lay my palm on his right cheek.

"I'm sorry," I said instantly, sniffling as my tears blurred my vision, "I just—I'm me, kinda trash, I was only thinking of myself. I didn't mean to hurt you like this but I will always, always be yours even if I act like an asshole."

He cups my hand that lay on his cheek, his eyes looking deeply into mine and I shiver at the intensity.

"Share a room with me," he says quietly.

I furrow my brow. What did that have to do with this?

"What?" I question.

"Share a room with me," he repeats, "unless I don't mean much to you..."

"No." I say quickly, "we can share a room."

"Great. Vera already moved your stuff," he smiles, grabbing the hand that was on his cheek and placing a kiss on the back.

"Wait," I was trying to connect the dots before realization dawns on me and my eyes widen as I rip my hand away from him and point an accusing finger at him, "You tricked me!"

"I have no idea what you mean," he smirks innocently.

I glare and swat the back of his head, causing him to hiss and clutch the back of his head with a frown. I raise my hand to hit him again but he runs and I chase him. He wears a smile, chuckling as I run after him while panting because I hate running.

"It was out of love," he yells as runs around a pole and I follow.

"Shut up, you tricked me!" I yell back at him as I chase him around in a circle.

"It was a trick of love," he chuckles.

I was breathless but he looked perfectly fine as he ran away from me as I ran to try and catch him.

"I hate you!" I yell, stopping and breathing heavily as I lay my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath.

He's laughing while continuing to run as if to taunt me. He runs into a pole and falls and I smile to myself.

He was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Ddkddmdk I think this is soooo CUTE. Declan and Kai are goals, anyone who says otherwise can chew on licorice, I hate licorice.

Btw; today's my birthday but I had to update.

~xoxo, Babybird.