Red Creek Renegades

Chapter 4: Banner

It's been a long day, but honestly, the best end to a long day is to spend it with my family. Most twenty-one-year-olds are looking forward to leaving the nest, going out and experiencing all the joys of not living with parents anymore, but I love it, love being around my family and knowing I'm safe.

Moving out isn't even on my radar.

"I'm home!" I yell as I enter through our front door.

I saw both my parents' vehicles outside, so I know they're home.

"We're in here," I hear my dad's voice call from our kitchen.

Taking off my jacket, boots, and gloves, I hang the coat on the hook by the door. I hadn't been sure I'd have to use them when I left early this morning, but snow started around two this afternoon and looks to be sticking. Carefully I put my boots on the rack and my gloves on the catch-all table. If there's one thing my mom's always been a stickler for, it's that everything has a place and it should all be in that place. Once I'm down to my regular clothing, I walk to the kitchen.

"Something smells amazing," I almost moan out and sniff as my stomach growls loudly from the aroma in the air.

"Decided to make chili," Mom says as she grabs a potholder, opens the oven, and leans in to get something out.

"Did you make cornbread too?" I'm doing my best to look in, but she's blocking me.

"She sure did," Dad grins from where he sits at the breakfast bar, looking over some papers. "I don't know about you, Ban, but I'm starving."

"Me too." I hop up beside him and have a seat as I watch my mom work around the kitchen.

Cassie Clark works a kitchen like no other mother I've ever seen. From the time I have memories, this has always been the center of our home. Didn't ever matter what dad or my grandfather did for a living. It didn't matter if they'd come home with blood on their hands and don't get me wrong sometimes they did. The heart of this home has always been here with my mom. Everyone swears I look like her, but I only see a portion of it. I swear she's a seventies hippie who never grew out of it even though she was a teenager in the eighties. Mom has never had short hair in her life. It's always been long, dark, curly, or braided. And feminine, she's always feminine. She doesn't look a day over twenty, even though she turned forty-one this year. I hope I look like her when I get to be her age.

"I hope you two are hungry; I think I made too much," she laughs as she puts the chili on the bar, along with the cornbread.

"You always do," Dad replies with a smile and reaches out, grasping her fingers in his. "I'll just take the rest to the shop for lunch tomorrow."

"Good. You know I worry that some of them don't eat enough."

Without saying it, I know she's referencing Hawk. Since Dominic and Hawk showed up around seven years ago, she's always worried about them. I can't even count on both my hands the number of times she's accidentally made extra food or accidentally bought a shirt too small for my dad and taken it to them.

Since Dominic got married two years ago, she's been a little better, but she still worries about Hawk. Truth is, I do too, so I totally get where she's coming from.

Cassie, he eats." Dad knows exactly who she's talking about too.

"I worry. Most everyone else in the club has someone to lean on, and he doesn't."

"He has his brother," I remind her as I take a bite of my chili. What I wouldn't give to tell them I'd like for him to lean on me, but so far my Dad doesn't actually see me as an adult, so it's possible that putting that out in the universe is going too far right now.

"Yeah, but he just always seems so sad."

"Woman," Dad says and puts his spoon down. "That's how Hawk is. He's never been the type to smile freely, even when he's really happy about things. That kid is a closed book. Whoever gets him to open up will be a very special person."

I desperately want that person to be me.

"But until that day comes, we've got to respect his boundaries which means not forcing the happiness we feel on him. Maybe he's not ready for it."

"Who's not ready for happiness?" Mom argues.

"Lots of people. Not everyone knows how to process it. Just let him live his life." He laughs when mom sighs heavily. "He'll be fine. As he gets older and when he finds that woman, he'll figure it out."

"Just hope I'm alive to see it," Mom mumbles.

Dad lays a firm hand down on the counter. "Look, I know he's become your pet project over the past couple of years, but honestly, you've got to give him space. If he feels smothered he might run, and none of us want him to do that."

"I know." She pouts slightly as she takes a bite of her cornbread.

"Stop." Dad says as he reaches over, touching her under the chin.

It must tickle. She tries to hold it back, but a giggle escapes her mouth.

This right here, this is the relationship I want: the giggles, the being brutally honest with each other, the way the two of them look at one another. I want it all.

Sighing, I lower my eyes and go back to work on my bowl of food.

* * *

Later on that night, I've taken a long bath and I'm lying in bed watching Netflix when I hear my phone ping with a text message. Not getting up, I struggle to reach over and get it. With the tips of my fingers, I pull it towards me, looking to see who texted. When I see it's Alyssa, I grin and quickly unlock the phone.

A: My moody brother-in-law just left. When are you going to finally tell him how you feel and f**k that bad mood out of him?

I can feel the warmth flood into my cheeks. As far as I know, Alyssa's the only person who knows about my crush on Hawk. She swears up and down he has one on me too, but nobody, and I mean almost nobody, can read the man.

B: Ha! He has to notice me first. We talked a little today, but I can never really tell what he's thinking.

A: He practically lives here, and I can't tell you what he's thinking. The way he watches us with Jacob though, I get the feeling he wants what we have. He just can't say it.

B: I would give him that and more.

Gladly. People say I'm young, and that's fine, but I know what I want. I work hard for what I have, and I'm never afraid to put in effort for something I really want. But Hawk, he's different, as Dad said earlier tonight. If people start to smother him, he'll fly away. That's not what I want. I want him here, in my life.

A: I know you would, and that's what I want you to do. Next week, we should get together and make a plan. You'll be twenty-two soon, and you're coming into your own more and more every day.

B: It's not soon. Valentine's Day isn't soon.

I roll my eyes, because for someone like her, in love with her husband and kid, every day is Valentine's Day.

A: Sooner than you think! But really, lunch next week?

B: Sure, just let me know when and where. Bella won't mind.

A: Cool. Jacob is whining so I gotta go put him down for the night. I think Hawk is doing another job tomorrow. Maybe look extra cute when you show up to teach Jackson, since, ya know Hawk might be there.

B: Good night!

I would love to say that I paid no attention to what Alyssa told me. I would love to say I rolled over and fell into a deep sleep until morning but the truth is, I get up out of bed and look through everything I own.

Eventually, I settle on a pair of black tights, a red long-sleeve dress, a black leather jacket, and a pair of black boots. I braid my still-damp hair tightly so that it'll be curly in the morning, and I do a little plucking of my eyebrows.

"You're stupid, Banner," I tell myself.

He's not going to notice. He's never noticed before. But this night, for some reason, feels different. Like a tide is about to turn the only problem is I can't tell if it's for better or worse.

Either way, I tell myself I'm going to make some sort of move. I'm not sure what that move is going to be, but I will make it. Come hell or high water that is if I don't chicken out first.

Sighing deeply, I just know I'm going to chicken out first.