Red Creek Renegades

Chapter 3: Hawk

As I pull into my brother's driveway, I can't help but feel a clenching in my gut. At twenty-six he's got everything I want: a home, a woman to come home to every night, and a thirteen-month-old baby boy who looks up to him like he hung the moon.

All my life I've wanted to be settled, to have as an adult exactly what we never had as children. I never expected Dominic to beat me to it, but he met Alyssa, and it was all over from there. Just over a year ago they welcomed Jacob, and now they are the perfect family.

Parking my bike, I shiver in the cold for a moment before walking into the carport and knocking as I enter.

"Y'all home?"

Immediately I hear the excited squeals of my nephew. At thirteen months he's verbal as hell and already walking around. Last time I was over here, he made it up a few of the stairs on his own, scaring the hell out of Alyssa.

"In the kitchen," I hear her voice call.

Scooping up Jacob as he toddles towards me, I loudly kiss his stomach as we make our way down the hall and into the main room that houses an open-concept kitchen, living room, and dining area. Alyssa smiles from where she stands at the stove.

"You here for dinner?"

My stomach growls loudly. "If there's enough, I'd love to stay. Just came by to say hi and see the little man, but I won't say no to food." Jacob giggles as I turn him upside down, holding him by his ankles.

"Be careful," she warns as she watches the two of us.

"Like I'd ever harm a hair on his head," I say with a grin and pull him back around, kissing the blonde hair he has on his head that he gets from Alyssa. Dominic and I have dark, almost black, hair.

Her voice softens as she looks over to where I hold him. "I know you wouldn't. You're a great uncle, and one day you're going to make a great dad."

"As long as I have Dominic to show me how." I nod to my brother as he walks down the hallway, apparently coming from a shower as he rubs a towel over his head.

"You don't need anybody to show you how. I promise, once you have your own, you're gonna want to do everything differently than our parents did. Trust me; you'll be great at this."

Jacob reaches for his dad, so I hand him over. Watching them as Dom holds him close, running his hand over Jacob's blond hair, it's evident in the way my big brother holds his son like he's the most precious thing on earth, that he loves him. Dom is an excellent example of not doing what you've been taught. I don't ever recall being held by our dad or hugged by our mom. I'm sure we were at some point, but damned if I can remember it. "Whatever you say, big bro," I grin as I take my jacket and cut off, hanging them on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. "Need any help?" I ask Alyssa.

"If you can grab the bread out of the oven, I'll get the rest of this over to the table," she says, indicating the pan on the stove.

"What are we having?"

"Easy tonight, it was a rough day today. Hamburger Helper, salad, and some garlic bread."

Doesn't even matter to me what it is. If I were responsible for feeding myself, it would have been through the closest fast food drive-thru as I was heading back to the clubhouse. I'm one of the guys who lives in the dorm section of our clubhouse, but I don't typically join everyone or food. It makes me feel slightly uncomfortable another carryover from my childhood.

"Why so rough?" Dom asks as he puts Jacob in his highchair before coming over to grab the pan from Alyssa's hands.

I watch as he sets the pan down on a trivet she's put on the table to protect the wood, and then he pulls out a chair for her to have a seat.

"People don't seem to understand that glitter dipping and monograms aren't something that can be done in less than thirty minutes," she sighs. "The store was jam-packed."

She mentions her store which specializes in custom dipped drinkware and all things monogrammed. Because we live in the south and monograms are a way of life, it's trendy.

"Tell them to get on your fuckin' list and deal with it," Dom growls as he brings the salad to the table and I bring the bread.

She makes a noise. "I mean I make a good living from the orders on the internet. My i********: and website are super popular, but now people are coming into the storefront which was amazing when I had product built up, but we're getting closer to Christmas and inventory is dwindling. I might need to hire help."

"Whatever is going to help you," Dom answers as he hands out plates. "If I knew what to do to help you, I would."

Alyssa laughs loudly. "I'm scared to let you touch anything that anybody orders."

"Hey, I do my job quite well at the shop," he defends himself. "I'll have you know I'm one of the best at pinstripes we have. Steady hand and all that shit."

Alyssa and I glance at each other, both of us rolling our eyes as we laugh. Throwing a piece of bread at him, I cough, "Bullshit. What we do and what she does are two totally different things."

"I love you for wanting to help me," she says with a smile and grabs his wrist, bringing him down to her level.

I watch them as they kiss not because I'm pervy or anything like that, but because I wonder what it would be like to have this with another person. Given our childhood, I was surprised when Dom introduced me to Alyssa. From the time he introduced me to her, I could tell she was it for him. Just the way he smiled at her, the way he talked about her, and the protective way he'd held his arm around her, I knew she was it. Leaning over, I help give Jacob his food. These two deserve some time on their own, and I know they don't get nearly enough of it. I'm sometimes convinced they call into work and then take him to daycare so that they can have free days.

"Who was helping Racer with the cars this morning?" Dom asks as he has a seat and the two of them start serving dinner.

"Banner," I answer carefully as I take a bite of my food.

For my brother I might as well be a plate glass window because he can see through me so well. There's never been anything I've ever had to hide from him, but this is something I don't want to tell him about.

"She's grown up, huh?"

His tone is conversational, but I know my brother. He's obviously seen me looking, and he's trying to gauge where I am in my feelings for her.

"Wouldn't know; she's the club princess."

"Mmm hmmm," he murmurs and takes a drink of his beer.

Alyssa glances at me. "Hawk, do you like her? She's turned into a gorgeous young woman with that dark hair and those green eyes. Most people would kill for that combo."

How do I answer without giving everything away? This is the most uncomfortable I've been in a while. "She's pretty "

Dom laughs loudly. "Pretty? You forget, Racer's not here. You can be honest with us."

Sitting under both their gazes is almost painful as I shift in my seat. "I'm interested and I think she is too, but it's never going to happen because of who I am and who she is."

"Just like neither one of us was ever going to have a normal life after the childhood we endured? Most people are molded by their circumstances, Hawk, but the two of us? We said f**k those circumstances, and we've been making our own way since we left home."

While I understand what he's saying, I'm unsure of how it can work out for Banner and me. Racer's one rule around the clubhouse is not to touch his daughter.

"If wishes were stars that floated in the sky, maybe I'd believe it could happen," I give him a grin. "But they aren't, and we're not that lucky."

"I was." He gives me a pointed stare as he grabs Alyssa's hand. "Maybe you can be too."

My gut churns as I look at the two of them, a feeling I've had off and on throughout my life. "Anytime something good happens to me, something bad happens too," I sigh. "I'm not sure if I want to mess with the universe like that. What I have going on right now seems better than I'd ever hoped for as a kid, so I'm thinking I'm going to be happy with what I have."

"Don't settle," Alyssa admonishes and shakes her finger at me. "Don't settle, Hawk. You deserve the best."

As I take another bite, I wonder how I'm supposed to explain to them that every time I get something I want, something I need is ripped from my grasp. This time feels no different, and honestly, I'm just not sure I'm willing to lose anything at this juncture in my life.