SUSTAIN

Chapter Three

Gunn arrived within thirty minutes. He was a large man, and when I said man, I meant man. We were all twenty and twenty-one, but Gunn looked to be in his thirties. Like Emerson, he was sporting a bald head, but unlike Emerson, he was taller than Luke. He was big, just big all around. Height. Weight. Muscles. When he came down the stairs, I wasn’t sure if he would be able to fit through the doorframe, but he did. He ran a hand over his head, giving Braden and me a wave before ducking his head back down. That was the most interaction I had with him.

Luke called out the songs and did the countdowns. There weren’t a lot of hiccups during practice. I was rusty, but I could get through a set. By the end of practice, I was breathless. My pulse was racing, and I was drunk without touching another sip of alcohol. I’d forgotten how a good set on the drums felt like great s*x. I was buzzing, and I didn’t want to stop.

“f**k, yeah!” Braden held a fist up as he went around the stage. Luke gave him a shaky grin as he stretched his hand out in the air. Braden pounded it with his, then went to Gunn. He pounded his fist with Gunn’s head lightly and circled to me. As he held his hand over the drums, I hit it softly with one of my sticks, and he shook his head. “This is what it should always be like, Luke.” He winked at me before turning back, lifting the guitar strap over his head. “I love the grumpy bastard, but Emerson’s full of drama ninety-seven percent of the time. Today’s no different.”

When I stood, my legs were even a little wobbly.

Braden saw my reaction and pointed at me. “See. I never get like that from drumming. That says something.”

Luke stiffened. “Braden, come on.”

My brother shrugged a shoulder. “I’m not saying we kick him out; I’m just advocating bringing her in.” His hands went up in surrender. “That’s all. I love my cousin. I’ve kicked ass for my cousin, but,” a dark cloud came over his face, and his eyebrows bunched together before he continued, “whatever. I’m just looking out for my sister, and on that note, I want to drink. I’m heading upstairs.”

“We go on in a couple hours,” Luke called after him.

Braden was already halfway up the stairs. “I know.”

After he left, the room was suddenly very quiet, very awkward, and very tense. Gunn had put Luke’s guitar to the side and seemed to be waiting, standing there. So was Luke. Both were watching me.

I raised a hand to the ceiling. “Uh, I’m sure Emerson will be back. So, no worries. That’s all I’m saying.” My tongue swelled, doubled its size, and I couldn’t talk around it. “Yeah, so.” I pointed upstairs again. “Braden’s a little heated right now. I’m going to make sure he doesn’t get into trouble, or worse, get naked.”

I was halfway to the door before Luke said, “Braden’s not wrong, but he’s pushing this because of Elijah. You know that, right?”

Elijah. There went another punch to my gut. I turned around.

Luke stood there, a hand resting on the microphone stand, and my god, he looked lethal. A serious expression filled those eyes, an intensity clung to the set of his shoulders, and his lips were set in a firm line.

I tugged at the collar of my shirt. “I know. Braden wants me in the band. He thinks I’ll get bored and go back to Elijah.”

“Will you?”

Luke’s words were so soft, I almost missed them. My senses were already in overdrive, but he sped them all up again. That was the power he had over me. s**t. I’d forgotten why I had avoided him all these years. It had become habit to stay away from him, but man, I turned around. I needed to not look at him. “I don’t think I can anymore.”

Too many memories were threatening to spill in my mind, all about Luke, so I hurried upstairs and joined Braden at the bar, sliding onto the empty stool beside him. He slid a beer over to me and held his hand up. “Another, barkeep.”

His second beer was placed before him, and the girl leaned forward. “I don’t give a s**t what pretty boy band you’re in, I’ll boot your ass out if you call me barkeep again.” She was thin, tall, and had long straight blonde hair that fell past the middle of her back. She had a heart-shaped face and dark eyes. Straightening, she skimmed a hard eye over me and nodded. “I’m Kelly.”

“Bri.” I pointed a thumb next to me. “The i***t’s my brother.”

“The i***t can be all nice to me in the morning hours, but when it comes to—” She stopped. “You know, I’m not even going there. Be nice or I’ll tell everyone you have a tiny dick.”

“I don’t.” He sat back, as if offended, but the wicked gleam in his eyes told me otherwise. He liked this one.

“They don’t know that.”

He groaned, picking up his beer to take a sip. When she left to help another customer, Braden watched her go, his eyes trained right on her ass. “See that, Bri. Don’t walk like that. Ever.” He turned to me, lifting his beer in a salute. “A public service announcement courtesy of your former womb-mate.”

I took his beer away from him. “You should stop drinking. That’s my public service announcement.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re worked up. If you drink any more, you’re going to get drunk, and Luke will get mad at you.”

He took his beer back. “I play better when I’m drunk. I think he’d thank you.”

Then I looked over his shoulder, and a new ball of tension formed in my stomach. This wasn’t going to go well. “Yeah, well, you shouldn’t drink for another reason.”

“Why?”

I nodded behind him. Emerson was coming through the door. He paused at the bouncer, said something, and threw his head back to laugh. He was in a good mood. That meant I probably wouldn’t be by the end of the night. Then he looked behind him at the door that was held open by someone, but I couldn’t see who it was.

An arm appeared first. As they walked inside, a tattoo on the inside of his arm was visible, and I knew who it was. That ball of tension doubled in size. I wanted to smack myself in the forehead. I should’ve known. There was only one person who made Emerson forget to be an asshole…most of the time.

I said, “Because Emerson’s back.” And so was Elijah, but he wasn’t my brother’s problem. He was mine. Just as I thought that, Elijah’s green eyes scanned the bar and landed right on me, like he knew the exact location I’d be.

It was done. For real. Judging by the guarded look in his eyes, he knew it, too.

“Oh hell,” Braden muttered. “Are you going to be okay?”

I felt my head moving up and down. “I think so.”

Then Elijah was right in front of me, and without a word, I slid off the stool. I led the way, knowing he would be right behind me. Luke and Gunn were coming up the stairs. I opened the door that connected the basement stairs to the bar. Luke paused at the top of the stairs, drawing to his fullest height as he saw who was behind me. I felt Elijah’s hand touch the small of my back, and all the nerves in my body jumped.

Luke’s gaze fell to his hand, and just like that, his grey eyes turned dark. I shivered at the anger shining in his eyes. I looked away and walked outside of the bar. Elijah followed behind me.

Once outside, he leaned against the building and put a cigarette into his mouth. Exhaling, he said, “You with him now?”

I folded my arms across my chest. “No.”

He paused, narrowed his eyes at me, and then shook his head. “I should’ve remembered who I was talking to. Always such a coward.”

“f**k you.”

That got a laugh from him as he put the cigarette into his mouth again. Then he murmured as the smoke left him, “I don’t get you. It took one night, and you were my girl, but Luke—s**t. How long have the two of you been dancing around this? You screwed him already?”

Rolling my eyes, I turned away. He was hurt, and he was lashing out. This wasn’t the normal Eli, but I understood it. So be it. I guess we were just jumping right into it.

He let out another cocky laugh. “You did. I can tell.” He pointed the cigarette at me. “Did you ever cheat on me with him?” I shot him a look, but he shrugged. “Yeah, yeah. You knew Emerson was going to tell me. He told me you called Luke and showed up with him. Thanks for that. I really enjoy being dumped by my girlfriend through my best friend.”

My jaw tightened. “I don’t date drug dealers.”

“I’ll ask again. Have you been f*****g him the whole time?”

I scowled. “No. Why don’t we talk about you and the lie you’ve been telling me? How long have you been dealing drugs? How long have you been lying to me about that?”

“Like you didn’t know,” he taunted me. “You knew. You just didn’t want to deal with it. Like me, I guess. I’m asking again. Were you with him while you were with me?”

“No,” I folded my arms tighter over my chest. “I’m not a damn cheater.”

“That’s up for debate.”

His gaze bore into mine. I wanted to look away, but I didn’t. He was gauging my response, and then his shoulders slumped down. As he took out another cigarette, he said, “I don’t get the two of you. I saw that look just now. I remember how tight you used to be. You want him. He wants you, always has. Are you really that scared of losing him?”

I flinched again, but lied. “What do you mean?” I knew what he meant.

“Stop jerking me around. This is me. We’re now exes, Bria—”

“I’m not Bria anymore.”

He sighed, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Bri. Bria. Brielle. Whatever.” Cupping his hand over the cigarette, he lit it and took in a deep drag. “Are you together together?”

“It’s none of your business.”

He laughed at that, but the sound bordered on being bitter. “It’s not, but I’m curious. I’m roadkill on the Luke and Bri Road.”

“Stop, Eli.”

He didn’t comment, but started laughing again a moment later. “Every girl I’m going to screw this week will be a one-time deal. They won’t be the same. No, Bri.” He drew in a breath and let it back out slowly. “You’re going from a three year deal to that. Skeet’s been crawling into your bed since you were nine, whether or not you two were screwing. He’s always been just there.”

“Are we done? Are we officially broken up now?”

I felt the shift then. Looking up, I saw the rage barely blanketed in his eyes; this was the same guy who was going to jump out of his second-story window and run from the police. It was like someone had snapped a whip. A shiver ran up my back as I remembered how dangerous Elijah was known to be. He had never been with me. I knew he wouldn’t, but this was that guy now.

He spat out, “You think this is a joke? That I’m here out of the goodness of my heart? You left me in there, Bria—Bri—Bria. You left me in there all day, and I get out to hear this s**t. It was only a few hours.” His voice rose.

“Stop, Eli.”

He tossed his unfinished cigarette and rounded on me, raising his voice as he continued, “I feel f*****g used. This whole time, why weren’t you with him? It’s obvious you love the guy…”

I couldn’t listen to another word; I’d had enough. I started for the door, but he grabbed my arm and yanked me back. “Stop,” I snapped before shoving him away. He backed off, holding both of his hands in the air with a snarl on his face. “Shut up, Elijah. You can’t say a word.”

“About what?” His anger went down a notch, but it was there. It was right under the surface. He crowded me, looming over me as my back hit the wall. “You’re going to preach to me now?”

“Better than you mocking me.”

The corner of his mouth lifted into a half-grin. “You think you’re so badass, Bria. You’re not. You’re a little girl that was broken a long time ago.”

My head went down, and my voice lowered. “Stop it.”

He didn’t. “Your dad left you guys. You blame yourself, for some stupid reason. It wasn’t you that pushed him away. No kid sends a parent off…” He frowned as he trailed off.

“Except your dad took off and your mom’s a mess.”

“Shut up.”

The tables had turned. I moved from the wall, facing him now. My jaw hardened. “Your mom’s a joke. Your best friend is an asshole, your roommate is a shut-in, and your girlfriend...” I gave him a sickening grin. “Scratch that. Your ex-girlfriend has officially left you.”

“Stop, Bri.”

I snorted as my voice rose. “How many nights a week do you scrape your mom off some bar floor? How many afternoons do you find her in her own puke on the kitchen floor? However you want to spin it—that I’m a broken little girl, whatever. f**k you. You’re just as broken. It’s why we were together.”

“No, it’s not.”

I stilled, hearing the softness in his voice.

He murmured, “I did care about you.” The green in his eyes grew warm. “I do care about you.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “You want me to feel sorry for you? Why? Because I dumped your ass? You sell drugs for a living. Everyone told me, but I didn’t believe them. I turned my back on my family and friends for you.” Liar, a voice inside my head called me. “It’s because of you my cousin went to rehab last summer, wasn’t it? You’re the one who sold him the drugs. He never said who it was, but it was you.”

“It wasn’t.”

“It was.” I knew it. It made sense now. At the thought of it, my anger started to rise again. “What kind of friend are you? Giving drugs to your best friend? To your girlfriend’s cousin?”

“I didn’t sell him drugs!” He pushed me back before I realized I had crowded him.

I blinked at his hands that had forced me away from him. Then a laugh gurgled up from the bottom of my throat, and I bent over and clutched my stomach, unable to stop laughing. This was what we did. We fought, and then we screwed. We never had a real relationship. Who was I fooling? I had no reason to feel guilty for breaking up with him. It was time to move on. It was time I became better.

“Stop it.” He had grown quiet again. His head hung as he shoved his hands into his pockets, and his shoulders hunched forward. “I didn’t come here to fight with you, whether you believe me or not.”

“You and me.” I shook my head, everything growing hard inside me again. “We are not good together.”

He let out a deep breath.

“You know it, and I know it.”

“Yeah.” His eyes were haunted once more. He looked away, straightening from the wall. “I have to go. Take care…Bri.”

He moved around me, but I grabbed his arm and wheeled him back around. “What’s going on? What are you doing?”

A different Elijah looked down at me. The passion wasn’t there. The cold anger wasn’t either. Instead, he looked at me with politeness. I let go of him as if his arm had burned me. I backed away, but asked, “What’s going on?”

“‘What’s going on?’” He flashed me a smile, though his eyes were dead. “This is when we break up. There are no ties anymore. You don’t have to feel guilty for wanting to screw the guy you love now. We’re done.”

“Eli, don’t do anything stupid.”

“Like what?” With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he added, “Like sell drugs for money?” He started walking backwards, moving away from me, and he touched two of his fingers to his head in a salute. His lips twitched, mocking me. “Not your problem anymore, Bri. See you around.”

A scream built inside me, twisting its way up from the bottom of my feet and gaining speed with so many damned emotions attached to it. It wanted to rip from me, to let loose all the frustration, all the sadness, pain, bitterness, everything with it. I didn’t let it out, though. I swallowed it and shoved it right back down, and then, smoothing a hand over my pants, I went back inside.

I’d deal later.