SUSTAIN

Chapter Two-2

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her. Elijah. The raid. Luke. I didn’t. I wasn’t sure what she’d say to me. Our mom had never been a big disciplinarian. She let us make our own mistakes. She had to, though. She was too busy working to know half the times when we did get in trouble.

“There’s food in the fridge, if you need to eat something.” She hurried to the door, but turned and used her back to open it. “Oh. Can you wake your brother up? He’s napping, and since you’re here, can you give him a ride to Rowdy’s? He asked for a ride earlier.”

I nodded. Yep. Sounds good. I’ll tell you about the SWAT raid later…maybe… By the time she rushed out the door, I knew I wasn’t ever going to tell her. I’d tell her about Elijah. That’d be good enough. She liked him, but was wary after Braden shared his suspicions of him. Thinking of my brother, I went to wake him up.

An hour later, on our way to Rowdy’s for his practice, I told my brother the news. He exclaimed, “This is awesome!”

Had I heard my brother right? “It’s awesome I was taken to jail today?”

“No.” Braden faltered. “You said you were done with Elijah, right?” Braden scratched the back of his head. When his hand left his head, the hair behind his ear remained standing up. It worked for him. He was dressed in a simple black shirt and jeans like mine, except his were baggy and hung low on his hips. With a few leather bracelets on his wrist and his new tattoo, he had taken on the rocker bad boy look.

I didn’t know what to say. Hearing Braden say those words, that I was done, sounded alien to me.

The longer I stayed quiet, the more his grin slipped until it turned into a look of alarm. He turned squarely in his seat until he was facing me and raked a hand through his black hair. “Brielle, tell me you’re not going back to him.” He shook his head. “You told me you believed me earlier. You came in my room, kicked my bed, woke me up, and apologized for being a dumbass over the years. You said you believed me. You can’t take it back.”

I tried to shake my head, but my neck muscles had stiffened. We were done… We were done… I needed to keep telling myself that.

“Bri!”

I jerked out of my thoughts, realizing I had a death-grip on the steering wheel. “What?”

“You are done with him, right? I’m not going to shut up until you actually say the words.”

“Yes.” It came out hoarse, like I’d swallowed a boulder that was stuck in my throat. I coughed and said again, my voice much clearer, “Yes, I’m done. I’m sure Emerson told him already, anyway.”

“For real, real?”

“Yes!”

“Good.” He jerked back in his seat, a sound of relief coming from him. “Elijah’s not a bad dude, like in personality and stuff, but the guy’s messed up in other ways. For one, he sells drugs.” He gave me a grin. “I can’t believe he was able to hide it from you this whole time.”

“Yeah.” A lump formed at the base of my throat, blocking my oxygen for a moment. As my brother kept talking, so carefree now, pain sliced through me. With each word he spoke, the pain in my heart grew. s**t. Elijah and I really were done. Three years and now—that’s why it didn’t feel real to me. It felt like I was mad and just avoiding him for a weekend.

Braden continued chatting, excited to have his sister back. I could go to their practices, I could help with the band, I would have free time to hang out with him, blah, blah, blah. He kept going as I sat here, feeling as if someone was slapping me over and over again.

“Shut up.”

Braden stopped. “Huh?”

“Just...” Was there a nicer way to say this? “Shut up, okay?”

“Why?”

“Braden.” I closed my eyes for a second, wanting to just disappear and take a breather. I opened them again, but couldn’t look at him. “I loved Elijah. We’re over. Do me a favor and stop rubbing it in. I literally just told you.”

He was silent for a moment. “He deals drugs, Bri.”

“I know.” My voice rose in volume, and I flinched, grabbing hold of the steering wheel like I was going to be ripped out of the car. “I know. I’m not going back to him, but it’s hitting me for the first time here. For real. I just…” need a minute. I needed a minute.

“Okay.” He started to get out, but paused at the door.

I lifted my top lip, hoping for a reassuring smile, but when he frowned even more, I knew I had failed. Raking my hand through my long hair, I shook my head and tried to stir my thoughts. Now that we were here, I was tempted to head inside Rowdy’s and start drinking. There was a burning sensation in the middle of my chest, and the more reality was sinking in, the more painful it was becoming.

One of Braden’s eyebrows arched from confusion. Then he gestured behind him, toward the bar. “Come inside.”

“What?” I started to shake my head. Luke would be in there. Emerson, too. “No, no.”

“Yeah. I know I got all excited before, but you should come in. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

My head moved back. I harrumphed. “I won’t be alone. I have friends…” I didn’t. I’d had a couple of female friends in high school, but most of them had only used me to get to Luke or Braden. The others, who might’ve been genuine friends, had stopped hanging out with me. Well…I stopped hanging out with them. It’d all been about Elijah and his slightly creepy friends.

He snorted. “You have mom.”

I gritted my teeth. “Braden.”

“Stop it, Bri. I know you’re hurting. I can see it in your eyes. I’m sorry for being an insensitive jerk brother. Let me be your brother now.” His tone gentled. “Come inside. We’re not twenty-one, but I’ll make sure you get all the booze you want.”

I rolled my eyes, laughing a little. After Luke’s dad took off three years ago, the owner had given him a job doing whatever needed to be done around the bar. In the last few years, Luke had stopped working there, but the basement had been renovated for their practices. It was soundproofed and the manager, who took over most of the operations, didn’t mind having them down there. They could practice all they wanted since it never interfered with the bar itself.

“Come on.” Braden shut his door and rounded to mine. Opening it, he leaned inside and plucked the keys out of the ignition before I realized what he was doing.

“I don’t think I can handle Emerson tonight.”

“Nah.” He pulled me out, shut the door, and threw an arm around my shoulder. “It’s Emerson that won’t be able to handle you tonight. I mean it. You can do whatever you want, even play drums.”

He meant it as teasing, but at those words, my chest tightened again. I’d been a part of the band when they formed; half of my name was in the title, Braille. Damn, I hadn’t touched the drums in so long. Feeling the beat, pounding it out, making everyone else feel it, too, opened a whole new yearning I had tried to bury with so many other things inside me.

Three. Damn. Long. Years.

“I can’t.”

Braden studied me as he walked inside. “Yeah, well, we’ll see.” He held the door open for me. The basement stairs were in front of us, and I started down, but paused and glanced toward the bar area. Luke was heading toward us. He paused, too. Once he saw me, our gazes collided, and I tore my gaze away, hurrying downstairs.

Braden stayed back, saying his hellos to Luke, and then their voices grew quiet. I kept going, knowing they were talking about me now. Before I hit the bottom step, I heard Luke say, “Yeah, that’s fine with me.” I stopped listening and moved into the main basement area.

Emerson was already there, tuning his guitar. He glanced up, his eyes sparkling, but when he saw me, he gave the same reaction as earlier that morning. He straightened, lifting the guitar strap and placing it onto the floor. “No. Get out.”

“f**k off, Em.” I shot him an annoyed look and went for the bar. It was more of a bookshelf cut in half and positioned so it was sticking out of the wall. A run-down refrigerator was behind it, sitting in a corner of the room with a freezer next to it. The other side of the room was where they set up the equipment on a make-shift stage made from crates and recycled doors. The rest of the basement had three couches and two dark green lounge chairs spread all over. Each couch had a cushion that was ripped at the bottom and flayed armrests.

Braden and Luke walked down the stairs, and it wasn’t long before my brother said, “Yes. She’s here. Deal with it.”

“No!”

“Suck it up, Em,” Luke spoke.

Reaching for the bourbon, I froze. That was a new development. I might’ve been the poster child for avoiding Luke, but for him to speak up for me? And against Emerson? That was a new development. I shot Braden a look and saw he was surprised, too.

Luke added, “She’s practicing with us. We’ve been talking about bringing in a fourth person, anyway.”

Emerson snorted. “I thought we were talking about your friend, Gunn, not her.”

“That’s enough,” Braden piped in. “It’s decided. I decided. Bri’s joining the band. We were better with her, anyway.”

“No! Come on, guys.”

“Well, let’s not get too hasty.” Luke was trying to keep the peace, but what he said earlier was still ringing in my ears. They were considering a fourth person? After I quit, Braden took over my spot on the drums, and Luke played guitar as well as sang. They never replaced me, and knowing now that they were considering it? It hurt.

Screw it. I was playing. Needing a little liquid courage to steady my shaky hands, I grabbed the bottle of bourbon and poured myself a shot. After tossing it back, I turned and held out my hands. Braden was beaming as he held out the drumsticks. I took them as I passed him by and sat in my old seat.

Once situated, Emerson rolled his eyes at me and held his hands in the air. “I’m not playing with her. Sorry. No way.” He headed for the door.

“Emerson,” Luke called after him.

“I’m out. I need to go see if they let my best friend out yet.” He hurried up the stairs, his feet pounding on them until he shoved out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

“Let him go.” Braden went to the bar and poured himself a shot, too. After he emptied his glass, he picked up the guitar Emerson had left behind. “Call Gunn. He can fill in.”

I could feel Luke’s gaze on me. Instead of staring back at him, I examined the drums more thoroughly, adjusted the stool an unnecessary amount of times, rested my chin on my chest, and fiddled with the drumsticks. The longer he remained silent, the more I fidgeted with the drumsticks.

Was he rethinking this? Is that why he’s so quiet?

“Fine. Gunn’s practiced with us enough. We shouldn’t have too much of a problem, but don’t get too excited. We both know Emerson will come back tonight. He storms off, but he always comes back.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Braden was firm. “We should use Bri, anyway. She’ll remember most of the material, and she’ll pick up the new stuff tonight. She’s good. She’s the best.”

“Yeah.” Luke didn’t sound too happy about it. “We’ll see.”

When he left to call Gunn, I let out the small breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding. Looks like I was going to be Drummer Extraordinaire for the night. I had to admit, I was looking forward to it—anything to keep my mind off Elijah, and Luke, too. Sneaking a look under my eyelids when Luke took his place at the microphone later, I realized I hadn’t taken into account how it felt to play music with him again.