My Only Regret

Regrets And Nightmares

Avery’s P.O.V.

“Are you kidding me, dad? You know that I don’t want to go out from Carolina, especially New York. Still you made me incharge for this project?” I yelled at my father over the call while pacing to and fro in the living room of my apartment. I lived alone in a studio apartment as my father wanted me to grow up on my own as a responsible person.

“I did this for your good, Avery. For how long will you avoid the ghost of your past, huh? This project is also can be proved as a mild-stone in our growth. Use this opportunity to make yourself believe that you have moved on from your past,” he answered me in a calm tone but his voice raised in the end, and I groaned openly.

I stopped in my tracks and wanted to tell my dad that it was not easy for me to move on, but in the end, I decided not to dwell on this. My father was a stubborn personality and if he had decided then there was no way that I could make him change his decision. “Yeah… that I agree with you, but we don’t need someone for this expansion. We can handle this project alone,” I replied to him in the same angry tone and threw my hand in the air, and started pacing again but in a slow pace this time.

“We can, honey… but I need their help in two other projects in Atlanta and Maine which is their territory. I am a businessman, Avery, and I will be a fool if I let any opportunity go away from me just because I am not comfortable working with them. We have thousands of employees to take care of and that’s why we need to ignore our discomfort a few times,” he said to me in the same calm tone.

I stopped in my tracks once again and bit my lower lip furiously. I knew what he said was right but I didn’t want to involve myself with Sebastian. “Okay… I…. I agree with you… but assign someone else for this project. I can talk with Heaven Nector’s representative regarding this matter,” I said to him in a bit of calm tone this time. “Avery… why aren’t you understanding my point, honey?” he replied to me in an angry tone this time.

I could say that he was now losing his patience with me. I was trying hard to find any excuse to not let him send me to New York, but it was just a futile attempt on my end. I couldn’t tell why I couldn’t move on from my past and he wouldn’t understand. The other reason for not taking over this project was that I didn’t want to go against someone dear to me.

They hid everything from the whole world and that was why there was nothing about that day anywhere in the world. “Can we send Victoria instead of me?” I asked him while biting my nails. I heard him taking a deep breath.

“I will help her in every way. She only has to represent us there,” I immediately said in a hurried tone, giving him another option. “I need their association on two of our projects in Atlanta and New Mexico. After finishing your task in New York, you have to go to Atlanta to take over the project there with their team. I gave you five years to cultivate yourself, and I am very proud of you for what you achieved in these five years, honey. This time, I am not going to listen to your excuses. You are going, and this is final,” he said in a resolute tone with a final say.

I pursed my lips into a thin line while dropping my eyelashes. My heart was still beating furiously. I didn’t say anything to him this time. He took a deep sigh once again. “I know what I am doing, love. Trust me this time,” he said again after a short pause of a good few seconds. I resigned to my fate this time.

“Okay, Dad…. I… I have a few projects in my hands right now that I need to finish before taking over this project there. Provide me the email of the concerned person there so that I can correspond with them for the time being,” I replied to him in resignation and went towards the reclining chair near the window.

“I just sent everything that you need in this project. One more thing that I want to tell you,” he answered me and I rolled my eyes in the end while sitting on the chair. “You will not deal with Sebastian in any way. Although he is the one who is the in-charge of this project, but you will correspond with Mr. Miguel Parker there. I guess, it will ease your worry to some point,” he told me and I just widened my eyes in shock.

My father was really something. He could tell me this from the very beginning, but he kept a mystery until the end. If I didn’t need to even see that man, then I would have no problem with this project. Hiding myself there in the population was not a big problem for me.

“You are worrying for nothing, honey. You are not what they know. You are my daughter now,” he said in a serious but composed tone. A bitter smile crept on my lips and I looked outside the window. It was almost eleven in the night but the lighting outside had covered the deep darkness of the light. It was an irony in my eyes that humans have advanced so much in technology, yet we can’t find out any technique or instrument through which we can measure or know the darkness inside of one’s heart.

“You sleep now. It’s already late and you have work tomorrow,” he said after some time when I didn’t answer him. “Okay, dad…. You too…. Go and sleep…. Good night, Dad,” I also wished him night, and then we both hung up.

I leaned on the chair while looking outside the window. Five years……. Five long years of salacity…. Was this the life that I wanted for myself?????

I knew the answer very well. I wanted a happy family and a peaceful and prosperous life for me without any control from any man. But in the end, I got this solace, away from everyone who loved me and cared about me.

I closed my eyes and a blurred picture of someone close to me appeared in front of my eyes. I wanted to see a clear image but no matter how hard I tried, the picture didn’t clear. I felt tears in my closed my eyes but this was the price that I paid for what I did five years ago. "I am sorry", I murmured in my heart with regret. "I..... I am sorry for.... for leaving you j... just like that..... I am ....... really sorry." I apologized to the person so many times with regret.

The image stayed for a long time and I didn’t know when I fell asleep on the chair. However, this was not the first time that I slept on the chair. It seemed that it was like a routine to me. I was not uncomfortable, and I knew that I wouldn’t have any sour neck or back pain in the morning.

Soon, I found myself into the same nightmare once again. His angry face and eyes filled with pure hatred and pain, appeared in front of me once again. I was once again standing in front of him, froze, unable to move even a finger.

“You are a murderer…… you killed her,” he screamed at the top of his lungs while holding her dead body tightly in his embrace. If looks could kill, I would have been ten feet under the ground long ago. Yet, I felt like suffocating. I felt that he was strangling me through his eyes. I wanted to run away but my legs were glued to the ground. I wanted to refute his allegation. It was his fault that she died. It wasn’t me but I couldn’t say a word as my mouth was also covered with something invisible.

I wanted to breathe, but I felt that something had struck my airway. My whole body was tied to an invisible rope. He was still screaming at me. “Why didn’t you die instead of her? What she did wrong to you?” he screamed again, making me tremble hard in fear. I wanted to refute all his words. I was innocent too.

Suddenly, he lunged at me in a rage. “You should die,” he roared while lunging at me. He had a murderous gaze, making me widen my eyes in horror. I immediately opened my eyes and almost jumped on the chair in fright. I clutched my chest hard while gasping for air. I really felt suffocated.

I kept on taking deep breaths while beating my chest hard to ease the pain and stiffness. “Sebastian Walton…. I … I will never forgive you for …. For what you did to me,” I murmured in a painful tone, still struggling for air. I was completely drenched in sweat but had no strength in me to go to the bathroom to take a shower.

I slumped down on the chair after some time and closed my eyes again. I am better now than earlier. Dad was right. I had to move on if I really wanted to have a good sleep at night. These nightmares haunted me almost every night. Now I really wanted to have a good sleep. I picked up my phone from the coffee table beside the chair and sighed when I saw the time.

It was just 2. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore. So, I decided to take a shower first and then work on my designs to distract my mind. This was the only way for me to forget everything. So, I did what I decided this time. Now it was my life and only I could take decisions for myself.