My Only Regret

Paying For My Sin

Sebastian’s P.O.V.

I sighed and pushed the laptop away from me after reading the mail about the bidding for a new project. Once again, I lost that project to Dave. I closed my eyes and tried to be calm. It was not like losing one or two projects would affect me or my company, but Dave was now doing everything to take his revenge on me.

I opened my eyes when suddenly the door of my room burst open with a bang. I sighed once again when an angry Victor entered the room and closed the door with a bang once again. “This is a wooden door, Victor,” I said to him in a calm tone.

“How can you still be so calm, huh? Once again…. Once again (He put some strength in this time), he snatched this project from us,” he yelled while taking a chair in front of me. “You know why he did this,” I said in a calm tone, but my eyes were completely blank. I was not even looking at Victor with all my concentration.

“For how long is he going to take his revenge, huh? You made a mistake. I get this, but it’s not like you didn’t suffer, and didn’t try to find her,” he whined again angrily, and he looked in the other direction. I chuckled dryly and looked out of the French window behind me. The sky was clear with bright sunlight but there was a loneliness in the atmosphere, just like it was inside my heart.

“You have to do something, Sebastian. We can’t just stay idle now,” I heard Victor muttering in a frustrated tone. “What else could I do, huh?” I asked him while moving my gaze towards him. “You want to give up everything for what happened five years ago, then?” he asked me angrily instead of answering me.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly while looking at him blankly. Victor was my best friend and the COO of my company. He also belonged to a wealthy family but joined me instead of joining his elder brother. I couldn’t blame Victor for cursing Dave or getting angry for losing this project once again. He worked so hard for this project. Dave knew that he would be at loss by quoting less than us on this project, but he still quoted less than us.

“I can’t blame him for holding a grudge against you. After what happened that day, if I were in his shoes, I might have done the same thing. Everyone knows that Dave treated his sister like his daughter”, Victor spoke again in a calm tone this time and looked back at him, still with blank eyes. I didn’t say anything about his remark, because there was no use arguing with him on that matter.

“But I am not ready to pay for that with my hard work. He snatched this project again even when he is at lose… fine… but I will not let him win again. You are right that we can’t let him do whatever he wants just because he lost his sister. I lost someone dear to me too”, I said in a determined and cold tone. Victor scoffed and straightened his back while putting both his hands on the chair.

“And how are we going to do this, huh? He has the best designers in his company. To hell with that, he is one of the best designers in this industry. You are nowhere near to him in this field. All the designs that he chooses to bid on are designed by him personally or he assists. How are we going to defeat him without a better ….. no…. best designer, huh?” He asked me in a mocking tone this time.

I just kept on staring at him blankly while listening to his banter. He was not wrong, though. Dave and his sister were known for their design skills. Violet was a much better designer than Dave, but she never designed for anyone other than her brother's company. She designed our wedding rings. Unintentionally, my fingers went to the wedding band that I still had on my finger.

I loved her designs. I still remember that we both agreed to start a new venture with her as a designer as she wanted to do something independently. I had no problem with that. I always liked her boldness and very clear thoughts.

“Back to the present, Sebastian,” I came out of my trance when Victor yelled aloud. He huffed and got up from the chair. “I am getting going now. We have to attend a party tonight and this is important,” he said while pointing towards me. In the past five years, I have avoided social gatherings because of what happened back then.

“Think about how to deal with designer problems, Sebastian. I am going to instruct HR to gather information about the best designers in the whole country. Let’s try to find someone from outside,” he told me and I just nodded to him. He then walked out of the room with a calm pace this time.

I took a deep breath and leaned back on the backrest of my chair. I put my head on the top edge and stared at the roof blankly. Victor was right and it was really a big problem for us. We had so many good designers, but Dave had the best.

Everything was going well for me when that happened back then. I felt a bitter taste on my tongue when a thought of Emily appeared in my mind. Emily, my first love…. The first person for whom I wanted to pluck the stars. The only woman who had the power to rule me. I was ready to go against the whole world for her. She was the one for whom I broke Violet’s heart in the worst way.

A knock on the door made me look in that direction. I recomposed myself and asked the person to come inside. My PA, Max, entered the room. “It’s time to leave, Mr. Walton,” he said in a polite tone, making me nod. I looked at my wristwatch and exhaled through my mouth. “Is everything ready for the party?” I asked him while standing up from my chair.

“Yes, Mr. Walton. Everything is ready in your apartment,” he told me in a formal tone. I closed the laptop and took my phone and wallet from the table. He came forward and took the laptop from the table. I walked towards the door at a steady pace. I went straight to the elevator and stopped for Max. He has been with me for the past seven years. He joined me after one month of my joining the company. He was efficient in his work and got married last year. He was going to the party with me tonight as I had to meet with some businessmen there.

We both entered the elevator together, and he stood beside me. “Is there any progress?” I asked him in a calm tone after some time. . He shook his head negatively. I was still trying to find Violet and Max was doing everything to get any information on her. “No, sir… it seemed that we are once again at a dead end. After abandoning her car, she went towards the area which still didn’t have cameras. We got the same information once again”, he told me, the same thing that I had been listening to for the past five years.

I clenched my jaw but said nothing to him. It wasn’t his fault that we got the same piece of information every time. That area had three different paths going to different places. She could have taken any path but the problem was that one of them went towards the cliff, and there was no trace of her on the other two paths.

Everyone said that she also committed suicide and that’s why no one could find her, but deep down in my heart, I knew that she was still alive. Although she was pampered by her father and brother all her life, she was still a strong girl. She couldn’t commit suicide over heartbreak. She was stronger than that. The police failed to find her body and it was the only thing that kept my hope up all these years and I was still searching for her.

The irony of my life is that I lost two of the most important women in my life on the same night and I was responsible for their pain and suffering. Emily, my girlfriend, committed suicide in front of me, and I blamed Violet, my newlywed wife, for ruining everything for me. Violet was an innocent girl with a kind heart. She was like a fresh breeze of air but I accused her of my wrongdoings. I vented my anger and frustration and I paid a huge price for that. I was still paying for my sin. She ran away and no one, not even her brother, succeeded in finding her.

After five years of that incident, sometimes I still felt that my life had taken a pause there, where I had Emily’s dead body in my embrace and Violet ran away from there without looking back at me even once. I could stop her but I didn’t because I was angry. If I had known what she would do, I would have run behind her and stopped her. Now, I have only regrets about not thinking about her at that time.

“Your father asked you to meet him before going to the party tonight”, Max informed me in a low and respected tone when I was about to enter my room in my apartment. I didn’t give any reaction to him and entered the room. My father had a friend in Carolina who also had the same business. In the past three years, his company thrived thanks to his daughter who was also a great designer. My father wanted me to meet him so that I could create an opportunity to work with him.

After getting ready for the party, I came out of the my room. Max was already in the living room, ready for the party. I had a royal blue tuxedo with a white shirt, and he was in a black suit as usual. “I got the list of all the CEO’s who are attending today’s party there”, he informed me once again and then gave me his tablet when we entered the elevator to get down to the parking of the building.

“It’s really a grand party?” I chuckled when I went through the list. “Yes, Mr. Walton. I have selected some names. They are marked by blue color,” he told me, and I looked at him with an amusing smile. He smiled sheepishly and lowered his head. I laughed and looked back at the tablet. Blue was his favourite colour and he always used this colour to mark anything. I hopped in the back seat of my car, and Max took the driver’s seat. I took a deep breath and went through all the names that he had marked. It was going to be a long night for both of us.