One day

Chapter 17

I'm Sen, one day my secret got worse.

“I…” Honestly, I still can't figure out what I did wrong to them, I still don't understand everything on the day Sana disappeared, James didn't give me a chance to ask him- then why? Do I have to bear this unlucky label?

“How, what are you still attached to? If you're close to us, neither side will get any benefit, so don't think about it, just pretend you've never met Sana, you two aren't close anyway."

I was about to stroke my hair back to hair don't cover my eyes when I realized that my hands were so numb that I could no longer feel anything, my hands kept stiff like my mood right now. I started to have a hard time breathing, it felt like an invisible pressure was on my head, forcing me not to raise my head.

It's like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, I just need to fall down, forever engulfed by darkness. I tried to think of something fun to calm myself down, but strangely enough, I couldn't think of anything.

Sana and I have never known each other.

Sana and I have never known each other.

Sana and I never knew each other-

"What are you still doing here, hurry back." James pushed me, unexpectedly I fell to the ground.

The people around saw this and immediately gathered to help me up, they also said a lot of things like blaming James, but I couldn't hear anything. When I regained consciousness, I was sitting on the hospital bench, someone pressed a cold water bottle to my neck, of course in this cold weather, that action is extremely horrible.

The person said, "You're so weird, you got ice water on your neck and you still don't react."

Hearing that, I immediately shrunk my neck because of the cold, it wasn't that I didn't react, it was that I didn't react in time. I saw his clothes were all white, realized it was the person on the bus this morning, I glanced around again and felt sad because James was nowhere to be seen.

I need James to confirm that what he said was a joke, or else I won't sleep well tonight. 

Now I don't know what to do anymore, so I watched the psychiatrist task for me today.

All the things I needed to do, it couldn't be more normal, I guess I'll just as easily do it. Putting the phone away, I began to say my first words to the person in front of me.

"Good morning."

He looked at me like a rare animal, confused, and said: "What are you talking about, why are you suddenly greeting me? Besides, it's noon now."

Ah, I forgot, I should say hello to Lilith when I get home, not say hello to a stranger. I stiffly stood up, then again not knowing which way to go, I wanted to visit Sana, but it was time for me to go home.

What should I do?

Stress - yes, maybe I was too stressed, now I just need to be quiet for a while and everything will be fine. I need to find a quiet place.

When I calmed down, it was already sunset, the warm afternoon light covered everything, I was under that warm aura pulling my tired body home. At the foot of the bridge is really quiet, almost no one passes, only the sound of insects around.

Standing in front of my house, I smile a little, self-reflection so that a meaningless day is not too bad.

I said loudly, "I'm back." Then go inside the house.

I went straight into the bathroom under Lilith's eerie gaze, changed into my dirty clothes, and silently watched the steam rising, I stretched out my hand to touch the surface of the water causing it to appear in ripples.

It's meaningless, everything is meaningless, but I still want to do that nonsense, want to be like other normal people.

A small porcelain vase rolled to my feet, I still remember throwing it away but I don't remember when I picked it up again. My wound is almost completely healed, it's not me who needs it, I should have given it to Sana.

Thinking of this, my head hurts like hell again, the thing that I shouldn't get close to Sana keeps haunting me, reminding me that I'm forever alone, lonely with no way out. It's a tragic truth, that I "don't deserve" what I have, but I still want to affirm that I already have those good things and no one can take them away from me.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and soon I heard the voice again: "What are you doing there for so long? Shower quickly so I can take a shower.”

It turned out to be Lilith, I was out of my mind for so long that the hot water had turned cold, so I changed into another round of hot water, then showered as fast as I could and returned to my study room.

My mother pushed the door open and entered, I stopped writing in my hand and looked at her, waiting for her to say her purpose in coming up to my room. Recently, it's been very difficult for me to be able to focus on studying like that, being disturbed is of course a bit unhappy, so when I didn't hear what my mother said, I had to work hard to continue my homework.

My mother still looked at me blankly, after a while she came up behind me, picked up my hair, and said, "Your hair is long too, let me cut it for you."

I inexplicably held her hand. Her hands are so thin that when I touch them, I startle, how long have I not noticed her? Maybe it's been a long time, now I don't know what my mother wants, I just feel that she is acting very strange.

I said, "I don't need it."

My mother didn't say anything later, and I wouldn't say a second word, so to avoid this eerie silence I continued to do my homework. But my mother is still very attentive, going down to the kitchen to get me a glass of warm milk, when drinking it I feel much more comfortable.

Although her mother's eyes were tired, she still held her head high, exuding the aura of a talented woman, adding to her neat style of dress, she looked like a leader.

And she is my role model.

I always wanted to be like my mother in the future, she is smart, talented, and very skillful, she can do almost anything. Moreover, mom can often go on business trips with my father... I often wonder how talented a woman who contributes to her husband's career be.

However, I have never seen that I have anything in common with my mother, we are completely different, although we do not often disagree, I still seem to lack a connection with her.

Perhaps because I couldn't be like her in any way, she became my role model.

I slept very late that night because I didn't feel any attraction from going to bed, even dreading it because of the nightmares that followed. And yesterday I said I would visit Sana, but this morning I didn't even see her, resigned to James' request to stay away from her.

I really wanted to say good night to Sana, but I couldn't contact her, so I told myself not to sleep. It's just that I'm so tired today, I can help but sleep forever.

Luckily that nightmare didn't haunt me tonight, but I was woken up by Lilith because she wanted to eat for the night and asked me to make her food. 

Being woken up suddenly, I was very tired, most of all, I lost my good night's sleep, which made me angry.

Lilith nagged for so long that I sat up, annoyed, and said, “Lilith!”

Lilith pretended not to hear me yelling, rolling all over the bed, sometimes even intentionally pressing on me. "I don't know, you go cook, I'm hungry."

I pushed Lilith away and smiled, carefully covering myself with the blanket. Lilith also knew what my intentions were, her reaction was even more intense, she must be planning something in her heart.

I was about to say I was going to sleep when she directly pulled me up, I didn't have time to react and was immediately dragged to the ground, fortunately, my room has soundproofing otherwise I would fall from the bed as that parents will hear.

"Stay away!" I said dejectedly to Lilith, getting ready to go back to sleep under the covers.

"Don't sleep anymore, I'm hungry, just get me some fast food."

I rolled my eyes at her, telling her to go get it on her own because I had to get back to the good night's sleep right away. Also, I'm not Lilith's servant, why should I go get her food?

“You haven't had dinner today, so you must be hungry by now, right? Then hurry up and get some food, by the way, get it for me.” Lilith said eloquently, making sure that if I didn't go get the food, I would be bothered.

I've never met anyone as defiant as Lilith, she really opened my eyes. Honestly, I'm also really hungry because I haven't eaten anything all day, so I went to the kitchen to get some fast food for my room.

Now I understand why Lilith insisted that I go get it, it was because the darkness in the kitchen was so scary. Never before have I needed to go to the kitchen at night, right now it's just a reluctant situation that's why I have to fumble around in the dark like this

Hope I don't run into anything.

“Bang-” The sound of dishes shattering came from behind me, I guess there was trouble, Lilith must have followed me and carelessly broke the furniture.

I stood still in frustration, waiting for my parents to run up and turn on the lights, unexpectedly after a long time, I still didn't see anyone moving. I called out carefully, "Lilith, are you okay?"

There was no response, I took a few steps forward but stopped immediately because I would accidentally step on shards. However, no one answered my call which made me very worried, afraid that Lilith was seriously injured and had lost consciousness, suddenly a warm liquid touched my leg, I jerked my foot back and heard the faucet water flow.

“I am washing away all your sins.” Lilith's voice echoed in the darkness, it seemed she was washing something.