Confessions of a Modern U’Makoti(BWWM)

Confession #2

Confession #2

You know the phrase; Blue blood flows through these veins? Well in my case that is true. Yes, my family may not be a celebrated European monarch but we were an African monarch. A BaPedi monarch, see my grandfather was a chief. What? I know right. But he had two sons and one – not my father- is now the current chief and my father? He inherited a mine. Not just any ol' mine, the Letsie Platinum mine, one of the country's largest platinum producers. So, this blue blood wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. And after a long line of chiefs and great warriors there was me...

I was a disappointment.

A bit harsh, but if no one else was going to say it, I sure as hell would. Okay, so I wasn't some leeching bum living in my parent's house still expecting them to feed me three times a day and do my laundry. However I had downgraded considerably from my wealthy upbringing with my modest career.

I'd lived my life blindly thinking my parents were actually proud of my career, they were... I think. I mean they have to be right? Well of course I thought that, since they'd started a tradition when I started working at the Theatre. Once every two months, they'd escape their lavished living and slum it down with me, by watching a production.

And I don't know if it was the play – Kgotso (Ironically named; seeing as this word itself meant peace and the play is a story about a young Kgotso who was r*ped by her uncle, contracts the HIV virus, spirals into dementia and ends up stabbing said uncle fifty-six times and then slits her wrist) – gruesome, I know. It could have been the play or some odd external factor or even my brother; Lehlohonolo, and my sister-in-law; Dineo's presence but my parents seemed odd...

But they still remained sweet by bringing me a bouquet of flowers like I was some 1930's thespian and congratulating me on a job well done. I could have been overanalysing this entire situation but I could feel some underlying tension. Seeing as Dineo was pregnant yet again (clearly my lovely niece/God-daughter; Mpho, was not enough for them) and I was still very much single. I decided that would be the foundation of my parent's disappointment.

So there we sat, all five of us at a six seater table in one of those five star restaurants my father had suggested. And so the conversation flowed between Sepedi banter and English phrases and we'd laugh and reminisce about the good old day when I lived closer to my family.

"So what has my Naledinyana, been up to?" My father – a tall man with a sweet smile, wisdom filled eyes and a greying beard spoke. And no, he didn't confuse my name, he'd been calling me Naledinyana since I was a little girl, seeing as I was his only girl and his little star, it was his way of showing affection without being deemed as weak by the elders.

"Oh you know, just work. I've been super busy. Yeah, like Hlogi and Dineo. How far along are you?" I sipped on my wine, hoping we could change the subject until my darling mother spoke.

"Nthati, where is my mokgwenyana?" Although her question made me choke on my wine, I knew she meant well. With her stout frame, short hair beneath an expensive wig and warm smile, deep down I hoped my mother meant well.

"Yes, I've been meaning to ask you about that. Since you don't date, I was wondering if I could set you up with one of Hlogi's golfing buddies. He just got divorced and –" Dineo beamed as her hand unintentionally rubbed her small baby bump.

"Listen, I don't think Lefa would want you setting him up. Plus, Thati's a bit too much for him. He's a bit traditional and Thati is more urban." Hlogi reasoned. If it was up to him I'd stay single forever, little did he know I was doing a great job of that alone.

"Hlogi what does 'urban' mean? We're all urban. I don't live in a hut and make dinner with a fire?" Dineo furrowed her eyebrows very unimpressed with her husband's reasoning.

"You know what I mean." Hlogi raised his eyebrow at his wife, as if they had some weird Morse code with their eyes and after a few seconds of silence Dineo finally got it and nodded her head in agreement.

"Wait no... I don't get it? What do you mean I'm urban?" Another reason why I hated couples, Nadia and Dimpho would do the same when trying to hide something from me. And after a moment of hesitation from the entire table, Hlogi finally spoke.

"You're a coconut." He announced with a defeated sigh as though he'd lost a fight.

"I'm not a coconut!" I rebutted, offended by those simple three words.

"Thati, it's okay. You live in Joburg. You're surrounded by white people. You speak more English than you do Sepedi. Of course you've lost a bit of your culture and language while living here. Everyone does. Lefa would just be too..." She didn't finish her sentence, instead Hlogi did for her.

"He'd be too black for you. " He stated with a shrug and a blank expression. "Just find a guy from the city, he'll get you and you'll both be coconuts together." His faux enthusiasm made me roll my eyes.

"But you need to be careful with these city boys Naledinyana, they only want one thing. And who wants to pay Lobola for a second hand car?" My father finally entered the discussion with a hearty laugh. Little did he know I've been around the block.

"Wait so if I get married you're going to ask for Lobola?" I asked very much surprised that this practise still existed. The dowry which was tribute to the parents of the bride, is traditionally paid in cows. I couldn't imagine my future beau, looking for cows.

"Well of course we are." My mother pitched in almost surprised that I'd asked such a senseless question.

"With cows?" I asked slower this time, making sure they understood just how odd this requested actually sounded.

"You're a chief's granddaughter. Of course we're going to ask for cows." My father also spoke slowly, cementing the traditional idea in my urban skull.

"But it's the 21st century?" I asked in amazement.

"That's why you're a coconut." Hlogi pointed out matter-of-factly, only to be shushed by his wife.

"I'm a coconut because I don't understand why I must be bought from my parents with cows?" Now, infuriated with their tribalistic traditions I waited for my answer.

"Thati! You are a Letsie! O u'Makoti wa Letsie! You can't keep running away from your culture or yourself." My mother spoke as though she was reasoning with a five year old.

"I'm not running away from anything. Yes, I'm going to be a Letsie bride but Lobola isn't necessary. Especially with livestock involved. It's not some trade at a local Spaza Ma. I'm a person. And I think I'm entitled to reject the idea of Lobola if I so wish to do so." I spat.

"Nthatile." My father spoke in a warning tone, clearly exasperated with my rejection. "We will not discuss this matter further. I have given you, your freedom. Allowed you to entertain these ridiculous career choices and do lord knows what with this city boys. But you will not undermine your father or your culture. I could easily arrange a marriage for you. But seeing as your mother and I fell in love organically, I want the same for you. However when that does happen, mokgwenyana waka will be expected to accept our culture. Setšo sa rona. Is that understood?" He asked challengingly, I bit the inside of my cheek as though I was a child and who had been scolded.

"Yes, Papa." I bowed my head avoiding further humiliation.

With that said, the rest of the night went down without a hitch. We'd exchanged goodbyes and they'd promised to come back two months from now. I'd forced a smile throughout the entire ordeal. And although my father had apologized for reprimanding me public, the words still remained imprinted onto my mind.

And yes, I'd realised the ugly truth... I was in fact the disappointment but after a day or two of silent sobbing a got over it. So what I was the family disappointment? I was independent with two lesbian best friends and I could drink myself to bed every night. A lonely life? Yes. But I was a far cry from disappointing.

And that's probably why Thando and I had decided to aimlessly drive around Joburg one Saturday late afternoon after a day filled with retail therapy. I may complain about not having money, but having two jobs leaves a lot of room for unnecessary trips to designer boutiques.

"Princess," Thando sighed, she had adopted the name after finding out about my family. Although I hated the name, it had grown on me.

"Yes peasant?" I kept my eyes on the road, seeing as the taxi driver in front of me couldn't decide if he wanted to stop or keep driving.

"I want to get drunk. And seeing as we're in Braam, I think it's only fitting we get drunk here. Plus it's happy hour." She jumped in her seat.

"No, the last time I got drunk here. I found a white guy in my fridge. We'll get drunk some other time." I reasoned still annoyed by the mini bus taxi in front of me.

"That's exactly why we should get drunk again. I want some vanilla model in my fridge! Why can't you just do this for me?" She whined.

"Because this stupid taxi doesn't know where the hell it's going!" I muttered. She'd noticed I was distracted.

"So... Can we, taxi, go to, taxi that bar, taxi that you, taxi got drunk and met Mr Vanilla at? Taxi." See, Thando had developed this technique, if she put the word of something I was focusing on in her sentence enough times, it would sound like we were talking about the same thing and make me agree to whatever it was she was talking about.

And since I had been focused on not dying behind a mini bus taxi I'd agreed to exactly that without thinking. So I accepted defeat, and drove to Aaron's bar while Thando grew giddy for her own Mr Vanilla.

I found myself, yet again in Koppi Tribe with my favourite plastic sheet hanging from the walls and Thando eyeing our waiting like he was a prime rack of meat hanging in the butchery's window.

"Thando!" I snapped her out of her trance before she could pounce on the poor busboy.

"What? Did you see him?" She asked still staring at the waiter.

I rolled my eyes. "Listen, I wanted to ask you. When you get married, are your parents going to ask for Lobola?" Thando was just as 'urban' as I was, seeing as we both went to English medium private schools and had somewhat 'lost our culture' within the confides of the Joburg concrete jungle.

She laughed as though she'd just hear a joke. "My parents are Zulu... Of course they're going to ask for Lobola. "

"With cows?" I asked with my eyebrows knitted.

Thando's eyes seemed to bulge. "Of course not! We're not that rural. People do it with money these day, or with gifts you know... Like my cousin had to buy his bride's family a new TV, fridge and give them like fifteen grand," She laughed. "Why does the great King Letsie want to barter you with cows?" I could hear the laughter in voice.

"Yes." I spoke meekly, only encouraging more laughter from her.

"And I thought my parents were old fashioned." She spoke once her laughter had died down.

"Apparently not." I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, stop worrying. You're still very much single and that's not going to change anytime soon. So relax, your days of being exchanged for a few cows are far ahead of you. Now let's-" She was interrupted by a man.

Not Aaron... Just in case you got excited but a guy with those cheesy smiles and dreadlocks. He looked like the alpha male, a total Shaka Zulu.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but you look familiar, are you an actress or a model?" He smiled down at Thando. I'd been ignored completely. Thando, on the other hand was ravelled in her suitor.

She giggled girlishly. "Well... I do dabble in a bit of everything." She winked flirtatiously. I wanted to regurgitate my lunch.

"I don't doubt that one bit," He licked his lips before his eyes raked over her body hungrily. "I'm Phuti by the way... And you are?"

She gave him a sultry smile, "I'm Thando and this is my friend, Thati." She finally took note of my existence. Phuti gave me a smile and a brief nod before returning all his attention back to Thando.

"So... Can I buy you a drink?" He licked his lips, the image was truly gross but Thando seemed to be entrap by it.

"Sure, but if you get me a drink, you have to get one for my friend. We're a package deal." She smiled sweetly. I was not about to hold their metaphorical candle any longer, nor was I about to be a third wheel, so I'd excused myself from the entire equation with this.

"No, that's okay. I'm just gonna head over to the bar. Thando, call if you need me." I stood with the tiny shred of dignity I still had left and sat on the first empty bar stool I could find.

Once I sat down, a loud crash erupted from the kitchen behind the bar. I wanted to laugh, but then I'd look like the drunkard moron at the bar who laughs at everything. A door I'd assumed was for show had opened and there stood a fully-clothed Aaron with a look of confused plastered onto his face. So he does stop smiling. He huffed and quickly walked into the kitchen. I'd tried everything I could, to hear what he was saying but bar was noisy and the kitchen was a few yards away and all could hear was mumbles. Soon our golden boy reappeared guiding a few waiters out the kitchen.

He held the shoulder of a blonde waitress, pulling her back. The pair had a very hushed conversation before he sighed yet again and walked to the bar. Sh*t. was all I could think, imagine how this looks; the girl who paid for your breakfast is now at your bar alone, for the second time. If this didn't scream desperation don't know what did. So instead of attracting any attention to myself. I quickly bowed my head, attempting to hide my features with my hands. Moments later, did I only realise that my plan was in fact not working because he was standing right in front of me. He leaned in towards me, making me raise my head in shame.

And there was that stupid smirk.

"Thati?" He gave me a lopsided grin.

"Hi Aaron." I waved leaning back into my chair, giving us a bit of room. "So, how's your life going?" I stupidly asked remembering how I'd wished him a great life before leaving him.

"What are you doing here?" He was still very much amused.

"Oh, well isn't it obvious. I'm here to get drunk." I stated, waving my half-finished cocktail in the air.

He chuckled. "Is this your way of telling me, you wanted to see me again?"

Whoa, there Mr Self-Involved. I laughed... Like genuinely laughed at how stupid that statement sounded. "You're joking right?" I only received a cocky shoulder shrug. "Okay, so you see that girl over there, with the guy with the dreadlocks." I nudged my head in the direction of Thando and her new found toy.

He nodded once he finally found them. "So you're spying on your ex-boyfriend?"

"No, you moron! She's a friend of mine. She begged me to come here. Then that guys pops out of nowhere, with zero macking skills but still manages to get buy her a drink and keep a conversation flowing for at least five minutes. So here I am being her bloody chaperon, and now you're here thinking I would come all this way for you? Oh dear G*d, I'm surrounded by a bunch f*cktards." I huffed as I took a gulp of my cocktail.

It was his turn to laugh this time. "Since you're so irritated, why don't you just leave?"

"Leave?" He nodded his head as if the concept was so simple. "I'm not going to leave her here. I brought her here. She has no idea who or what that guy is. He could kill her or –"

"Nope, I think he just wants to bone her. And by the way his walking it looks like he has a boner." Aaron annunciate the words precisely, allowing my mind to imagine those two in bed, making me take one finally gulp of my beverage.

"Princess!" Thando beamed from behind me.

"Yes, Thando." I turned to face her slightly annoyed by her jumpy demeanour.

"Phuti and I are heading out." She winked. "So, I'll call you. And please drop off my things on tomorrow night. I think I'll be a bit busy in the morning." Her hints were about as subtle as an ultra-violet ray of light.

"Okay sure... Have fun." I spoke puzzled by her suddenly abandoning me. So much for chicks before d*cks.

"Great. Bye!" She pecked me on the cheek before she dragged Phuti out the bar.

I sat there in silence trying to understand what had just happened... I still didn't get it.

"So..." Aaron spoke while I was still in shock. He was interrupted however by the same blond haired girl he'd spoken to earlier.

"Aaron, we lost twenty-five glasses and plates and three bottles of vodka." She reported while playing with a hand towel in her hands.

Aaron huffed as he ruffled his hair. "Okay, record that and remind Ricky to keep that in the books." She nodded her head and quickly returned to serving people drinks.

"So I'm gonna go now." I began to search through my bag looking for my purse. Aaron eyebrows furrowed.

"Now? You're not even drunk yet?" He joked but I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh or order another drink.

"Yeah, no. I'm not... Actually, I don't have to explain myself, it was interesting seeing you again. If it happens again, it's just gonna get weirder. So, yeah bye." I began to move out my stool before he stopped me. He reached out and grasped my hand... This was a violation of my personal space.

"If you stay, I promise, your next drink will be on the house." He bargained.

"You know you'd be losing profit. And I have to drive home tonight, alone. And I don't know if you might drug me-" I halted my list of reject and once I realised what he'd just asked, I laughed, "Aaron, is this your way of telling me, you wanted to see me again?"

He chuckled, leaning into the countertop so we we're at eyelevel. "Well seeing as your girlfriend just dumped you for Shake Zulu. And you did pay for my breakfast, it's the nice thing to do."

I could have accepted that night. I really could have but I...

I didn't.

"Tell you what, I'll come back here in a few days' time and then maybe I'll considering your offer. For now thought." I paid for both mine and Thando's first round of drinks. "Here's your money."

He crossed his arms entertained by my rejection. "So am I allowed to ask for your number?"

"My surname's Letsie. Go f*******:, Twitter and i********: stalk me first. And then decide if you still want my number. Now can I go?" I smiled sweetly, trying very much to get out of this bar.

"Grey, it's Aaron Grey on all three. I look forward to stalking you." He smiled. "And now you can leave."

I rolled my eyes. He thinks I'm going to stalk him? Lol! "Okay, bye Aaron." He smiled and wave, allowing me to exit the bar.