Confessions of a Modern U’Makoti(BWWM)

Confession #12

Confession #12

Aaron - 11:40: Hey Thati, I’m sorry I walked out. I just needed some air. I promise I’ll make it up to you the second I get home. I’m sorry babe.

Aaron – 11:54: Thati, why aren’t you back at the house? Ma just said you had a car come get you? Call me.

Aaron – 12:02: Thati, I get it you’re pissed but please answer your phone. I need to know if you’re okay? Okay? Call me.

Aaron – 12:05: Thati, you’re being ridiculous! You’re just as much to blame for the fight as I am. Yeah and sure I was being an ass but you’re not innocent either. Just pick up your damn phone!

Unknown – 12:10: Thati dear, it’s Maria. Aaron’s having a bit of a moment, we’re all worried about you sweetheart. Call us back.

Unknown – 12:12: Dearie, it’s Wessel. Aaron just broke a lamp. Please do call him.

Aaron- 12:17: Listen, I’m sorry I was being an ass again. This is the first time I’ve ever lost my girlfriend. Yeah, you heard me. You’re still my girlfriend. So will my girlfriend please call me back or at least pick up the phone.

Aaron- 12: 20: Where did you go? I need a clue. Or at least an indication that you’re alive. Call once for being alive and twice for ‘I’m alive but I don’t want to talk to you.’

Aaron- 12:24: Any day now. I’ve even personalised my ringtone. My phone’s on the charger. Waiting.

Aaron- 12:30: This is f*****g ridiculous. You’re not gonna answer are you? No? Nope.

Aaron-12:35: At this point I’m just calling to hear you voice on your voicemail. You sound so rehearsed, must have taken you hours to prefect that. I really like your voice. Does that sound like something a stalker would say? Weird. I think you should call me back.

Aaron – 12:42: Thati, answer your phone. This is driving me crazy.

Aaron – 12:48: Tiger? I just need a call here babe.

Aaron- 12:54: You know I’ve never called any of my exes more than I’ve called you within a single hour. That just goes to show just how special you are. I mean you can be an i***t at times but you’re my i***t. Now will my i***t girlfriend please answer the phone so I know she’s alright. I miss her.

Aaron – 13:00: Hey, you think I’m attractive right? I was reading a magazine and it said one of the reasons why women randomly leave their men is because they aren’t attracted to them? I mean I thought I was pretty sexy last night. You remember last night? God, you look beautiful with your shirt off. f**k I’m hard- you weren’t supposed to hear that.

Aaron – 13:03: Listen when I said you should go, I didn’t mean like this! I just meant you should go to our room or something. I don’t know what I was thinking. You weren’t making any sense and then you slapped me. You have a really good slap by the way. Almost gave me whiplash. Gonna call you Whiplash-Attack. I think I’m done now.

Aaron – 13:10: I just can’t believe you left. Look I’m sorry. I’ll do anything, all you have to do is call. Call me back Tiger.

Those were the messages that helped me stop crying when I landed in Joburg. After an awkward tearful trip, it was all that I needed. Hlogi managed to get me a car ride home which was greatly appreciated but one thing I didn’t appreciate was the heat.

Once I set foot outside the airport, hot air smothered me like a sad co-dependant mother-son relationship. But by the time I got home I’d pulled off all my clothing and lied down on my tiled kitchen floor in only my white stained t-shirt. Aaron hadn’t called, I think he grew tired of my voicemail, so I called.

“Thati!” He answered on the third ring.

“Hey, I –“ I began but he interrupted me.

“You’re not in Cape Town are you?”

“No, I’m at home.”

“Home? As in Joburg home?” He asked.

“Yeah, you said I should go, so I left.”

“How did you even- forget it. I’m sorry. I was being an jackass.”

“I’m sorry too. I was being an even bigger jackass.” Damn right you were. That boy had done nothing but take care of you!

“Maybe romantic getaways aren’t for us.” He joked but I could tell it wasn’t a light-hearted comment.

“Probably not. I’m sorry, I freaked you out.”

“Thanks for that, all that stress took about five years off my life. I’m just happy to hear you’re okay. “ He paused.” I’ll be home tomorrow. How about dinner?”

There was a slight hesitation on my side, I didn’t like where this was going. Lately everything I’ve done with Aaron seems to backfire. But I threw caution to the wind. “So does that mean, you’re still together?”

It was his turn to hesitate. My stomach knotted as my tear ducts began regenerating tears yet again. “Of course Tiger. I can’t seem to let you go.”

And I don’t know why, but his words seemed to make me giddy with excitement. “I’ll see you tomorrow night babe. And be careful okay?”

“Will do.”

“Send my love to your parents and stop breaking lamps.” I warned.

“I can’t promise anything. But I’ll call you later tiger. Someone’s one the other line.”

Surprisingly this new revelation about my relationship status left me a lot happier than normal. I felt like giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And after an incredibly relaxing shower. I found one of Aaron’s t-shirts in my closest and felt an overwhelming sense of pride putting it on. I’m so whipped. I’m so cuffed.

And in the midst of my celebration Dimpho and Nadia invited me over for dinner at their place and being the lazy person I am, after such an emotional day I figured some girl time would be great. But I wasn’t. Dimpho and Nadia were fighting about how neither of them takes their relationship seriously. I rolled my eyes, the pair had this fight every year as though it was an annual event. Although the couple was on polar opposites when discussing their relationship, they seemed to agree on one thing; I was an i***t for reacting the way I did.

“I think it’s because she hasn’t been in a real relationship in years.” Dimpho reasoned trying very hard to psycho-analyse me.

“Well with the way her dad breathes over her neck, I think we know why self-sabotage is her middle name.” Nadia joined in on the discussion.

“I’m right here, you know?” I pointed out my presence but the two were too deep into their discussion.

Carrying on about my relationship with both my parent and Aaron and Tumi, I grew bored. Soon the task of listening to the conversation became tedious. And I was on my way home before desert was served. Throughout the entire 15 minute trip I kept replaying Aaron’s messages in my mind. This could actually work.

Well it could only really work once we talked about my father. He does deserve to know about that that, but telling him on the phone seemed a bit impersonal. So when he did call, we didn’t discuss my sudden relocation in great detail. He seemed content just knowing I was alive and I was content knowing that this relationship wasn’t anything like my previous ones. Probably cause Papa didn’t pick this one for us.

“So what are you doing right now?” He asked, my eyes were beginning to heavy but I was determined to stay awake.

“I’m in bed.” I yawned.

“What are you wearing?” I could hear the sudden gruffness in his words.

“We’re not having this conversation. You need to sleep, you’re driving back alone tomorrow. “

“Yeah and I’m sleeping alone tonight. Cuddling with a pillow wasn’t how this weekend was supposed to turn out.”

“I’m sorry, how many times do I have to tell you that?”

“I’m going to milk this as much as I possibly can. I plan on getting some really good make-up s*x tomorrow night. So this isn’t going to stop until I have you naked in my bed, tiger.”

I stayed silent for a moment; sleeping was getting harder and harder to fight off. Aaron took my silence as a reason to speak again. He was more serious this time.

“I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. You have no idea how much I miss you already.”

“I miss you too.” And that was me being genuine. Aaron and I had made a dramatic shift in our relationship. Sharing emotions wasn’t something I usually did.

The rest of over conversation was filled with sleepy pauses but we both seemed admit that neither of us were hanging up. And when I woke up the next morning Aaron had hung up, he was probably on the way back. And I had to get to work.

And while on my lunch break Dimpho stormed into the writer’s room. It was really a three cushioned couches with laptops scattered across the room. But it had a fridge and a coffee machine therefore I was happy. And after taking longer than usual to beat around the bush Dimpho finally spat.

“I’m thinking about proposing to Nadia?” Her words were laced in nervousness and her eyes constantly jerked between me and the floor.

“That’s amazing!” I hugged her, she look as if my reaction put her at ease.

“I mean it makes sense right? We’ve been together for seven years. She’s been hinting for it for years now and I think she deserves it. I think it’s time to make it legal.” I didn’t know who she was trying to convince more, herself or me.

“Listen, you guys are the ultimate couple in my eyes. I’ve been waiting for this day for ages. In fact, we should go ring shopping soon!” I jumped and so did Dimpho. Seeing her this happy had me doing mental cart-wheels.

“Yeah! Listen I’m going to go take a shot. This is the first time I’ve ever said any of this out loud. And I’m shitting myself. I’ll see you later okay?” She gave me a tight embrace.

“Later.”

By the time I was heading but home I’d grown nervous. Aaron hadn’t called yet. And if my calculations were correct he would have arrived back in Joburg around lunchtime. But I still remained optimistic. Maybe he was really tired. I stopped at the bar hoping I’d find him there then I’d take him out him out to dinner; my treat.

But the bar was closed. Which was weird considering it was a Monday night. Aaron’s bar was the place to be if you wanted to get drunk on a Monday night. I peeped in through the closed door and spotted Chloe reading through a textbook. Knocking on the door, got her attention. She gave me a sad smile.

“Hey, you okay?” I asked.

She nodded. Her eyes weren’t watery but you could tell she wasn’t her usual bubbly self.

“What’s going on tonight? You guys are usually packed?”

She opened her mouth but closed it again. “Uhm, the water’s been cut off for an entire week.”

I thought it was pretty typical considering we were in a drought and sometimes random subdivision’s within Joburg got their water cut off. It was usually an error in this system that got rectified within a few days.

“I’m sure it will come back before the end of the week. You know municipal errors? Or maybe you guys forgot to pay the bill.” I joked but she faked a chuckle in response.

We stayed in a pregnant silence for a while before I asked. “Do you have any idea where your brother is?”

“Uhm, the gallery’s got no electricity, so he’s probably at home.” I nodded, it seemed a bit odd that both his business were having a municipal errors but I wasn’t going to dwell on it.

“Thati?” She asked gingerly.

“Yes, Chlo?”

“You wouldn’t intentionally hurt my brother would you?”

“No, never Chlo. I have such strong feelings for your brother sometimes, I think I might just puke out rainbows and chocolates, just thinking about him.” She seemed satisfied with my answer, engulfing me in a bear-hug.

We shared our farewells. I got back into my car and drove to Aaron’s house. The lights were on so I only assumed the best from there. Music blared through the house. I required a lot of knocking and screaming to get him to open the door, which made both my knuckles and throat bleed. And when Aaron finally opened the door, he was a lot colder than usual.

His eyes as unresponsive as steel and his lips in a single straight line. He had a black smear of something on his left cheek and his fingers were covered in paint. He didn’t smile when he saw me which I thought was extremely odd, I didn’t even get a tight lipped smile.

“Hey you! You didn’t call? You okay?” I asked while giving him a hug, it felt forced and he remained unresponsive. When I tried to kiss him he shifted his head to the side, my lips grazed his stubble covered cheek.

“Okay, what’s going on? You’re acting really weird.” I grew tired of the one sided affection.

“Thati, you’re too smart to be acting this dump.” He simply said with a voice layered in distain.

“Aaron this is stupid. Can you please explain why you’re so pissed?”

He rolled his eyes, exhaling a deep breath. “Both my business are losing a lot of money because one has only water while the other only electricity. Do you realise how frustrating that is!”

“I know babe, and I’m sorry.” I tried to cup his cheeks but he shook out of my touch. “You seem to be directing a lot of your anger towards me? Are you blaming me for this?” I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’ve had this discussion before; a long time ago, but it was opening a very fragile old wound.

“Blaming? Thati this is because of you!” His words caught me off guard, yeah I’ve had this discussion before.

“Wait, what are saying? I didn’t have a thing to do with either one of your business not having water or electricity. It was a municipal fluke.”

But he wasn’t listening he simply stood with his arms crossed over his chest, with a painfully uninterested look plastered across his face.

“You don’t even have any proof! How the f**k would I manage to get that stuff switched off? You do you realise how moronic you sound? Me ? How would damaging your businesses benefit me?”

“I don’t know Thati! But what I do know is when I called the municipality all they said was it was an order from above! And you’re the only person, I know is freakishly wealthy. Maybe your dad called one of his golfing buddies.”

“Are you listening to what you’re saying? Does that sound like me? Why would I go running to daddy?”

“Fine, this isn’t getting us anywhere. But did you or did you not talk to your father yesterday?”

Shit.

My eyes began to sting as I began piecing everything together. “I did.” I spoke meekly.

“And let me guess, you told him we broke up. And this is his way of getting back at me for breaking your heart?” His words were like a slap in the face.

“Okay hold on. I get, my dad’s crazy but he wouldn’t do this!”

“Then call him.”

“What?”

“Call him.” His tone was as icy as his eyes.

I nodded my head, fishing my phone out of my bag. I dialled my father’s number. He quickly answered the phone. Aaron insisted I put the phone on speaker. I’d begun to fear for the fate of our relationship from that point on.

“Sweet Naledinyana, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Papa, you didn’t switch off Aaron’s water and electricity did you?”

He paused for a moment then sighed. “My little Naledinyana, was in tears over that white boy. He had to pay. And he deserves it. I called a friend of mine, his ensured the water will be off for a week. I can make it longer if you like?”

“Papa! Are you crazy?”

“Nthatile watch your tone.” He warned. But I the look Aaron sent me had me more fearful than my father’s words.

“Why would you do that? I didn’t ask you to do that? I don’t want to hurt Aaron. I never did.”

“I know but I did. I mean, we’ve let him off easy. If you two hadn’t broken up sooner, he would be in a far worse situation. You can’t dilute our blood with that trash.”

“He’s not trash! You ruined it you know! You ruined one of the few things that were actually mine.” At this point I wasn’t thinking straight, I could see my relationship falling apart right in front of me.

“Thati, this is pointless. What’s done is done. If you’re really that upset, I’ll have his water and electricity back on by Wednesday, latest tomorrow evening. But you have to come back home, your Lobola negotiations are starting on Saturday.”

“Negotations?”

“Yes, Lesego’s intent on making you his wife. Now, I have to go. I’m at a gala dinner. I’ll talk –“ I hung up. Aaron had clearly had enough and so had I.

I waited for him to say something, anything but his face stayed as hard as a stone wall. The silence unnerved me.

“Say something?” I begged but his jaw clenched even tighter.

“So you’re getting married. Leaving the trash behind. Was this all just a game to you?”

“Aaron, please don’t be like that. Look at me! I’m just as shocked as you are. “

“Was this all a game to you!” He screamed the harsh words as he held onto my wrist. His grip unrelenting and the rage in his eyes had me paralysed in panic.

“Aaron you’re hurting me!” I tried to pull out of his grip but it only tighten even more.

“Answer me.” He spat menacingly.

“No! No it wasn’t some game. Feeling don’t get involved when you play games. I was beginning to fall for you. “ Once the words slipped from my lips and I had realised exactly what I had said, we both remained silent. I took his silence as a chance to explain myself further.

“My dad never liked you. He’s been threatening you, but I didn’t tell you because… Because I didn’t want this to happen. I thought he’d see just how happy I was with you and he’d get over it. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just needed more time with you. And I know that sounds self-fish but Aaron you have to believe me when I tell you, I was- am falling for you. Please just say something.” I could feel the coolness of my tears rolling against my cheeks, but I was only focused on the man in front of me.

“You’re too dangerous. I need to take care of my mom, Chloe and Wessel. You have way too much baggage and apparently you’re engaged now. Its-” He shrugged his shoulders indifferently.

“Don’t say it.”

“I think you should go.”

“So what does that mean for us?” I was practically chocking on my tears.

“This is us breaking up.”

“Aaron, please just –“

“And you know what the s**t part is? I was starting to fall for you too. “

“Aaron –“

“You need to leave. Goodbye Thati.” And with that he shut the door in my face. And my heart felt as though it had been cut up into thousands of pieces with a blunt pair of scissors. I probably sat in the car for an hour, bawling until I grew tired.

Crying took too much effort. Thinking about Aaron took even more. I just needed to be alone for a while. I wanted to blame my father but deep down I knew this was all my fault. I let this all get too far, I let my father believe he was my superhero and now he can’t stop trying to save me. I needed to save me.