Heart Of A Lycan Prince

12.

SHERNEIL.

It's been hours. Long grueling hours of waiting. Waiting for a sign. Waiting for my mate to wake up. Waiting. Just waiting.

There is a saying that you never know what you truly want until you are about to lose it.

Okay, maybe it doesn't really apply to this case, but at the same time, it does. Maybe I don't really ‘want’ Maverick. Maybe I do want him. It might even be possible that I need him. Whatever the case may be though, he is still my mate, and the bond speaks for itself.

It was why, despite it being late in the night, despite how chilly the facility tends to be at a time like this, despite the fact that I hated being around others or being in an uncomfortable situation, and hated being in places with unfamiliar sounds, I stuck by his side. I stayed and I held his right hand in mine and just…waited.

Waiting for something. For any sign that he was okay. That he would wake up.

Like everyone else, I waited. The only difference here is that I am scared. Scared I may lose him before we both could make it clear what the bond between us means. Scared that I may never get a clear answer to that. Scared to never experience what others have with their mates.

I was scared of… losing him.

Which was cause for alarm. Normally, when something happens, I don’t react the way others might. I can compartmentalize it. Some might think that I don’t care, but it isn’t that. It is that I just process things differently. It takes me lots of time to focus on my thoughts and filter through them. Today, however, it was different. I could feel the way something pulled at my heart, as though about to snap it in two when I saw him slumping to the floor. I vividly remember the rush of fear that choked me. The slithering paralysis for a moment as I tried to think of what to do. This was like when I would get overstimulated and unable to regulate myself, the difference is, without him waking up, I can’t center myself through these big emotions. I can’t process it with the tools I have learned throughout my life.

But I couldn't. I didn't think of anything. At least, not until men wearing the facility coats rushed to heave him up. Everything after that happened in a blur, all I remember was staying by his side regardless of what anyone said.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what a neurotypical person would do. I don't know if I should cry quietly or wail loudly. I don't know which of said emotions I should mirror because neither of the two describes how I truly felt on the inside.

So, instead of trying to fit in, instead of trying to pretend, I choose to be myself. I choose to forget what people would think of my lack of crying, or my lack of panicking as I watched my mate lying unconscious. Instead, I let the fear simply eat at me from the inside as I slowly embraced it, as I listened to the heart monitor's steady beeping while focusing on his breathing.

*Beep.* Breathe in. *Beep.* Breathe out. *Beep* Breathe in. *Beep* Breathe out.

I always try to find a new pattern that gives some semblance of comfort or normalcy while I process something so very much out of my control. It tends to help ground me in a stressful situation. Something steady in the chaos.

“I will have Kane take you home. It is late already. I will stay with him,” the King, Aiden, who is also my friend and somewhat of a brother figure to me said from beside me. “I will keep you updated on whatever it is but you need to go rest. You look exhausted, Sherneil.”

I fiercely shook my head, still keeping my gaze fixed on his tortured sweaty face. “I am staying,” I mumbled, lightly squeezing his hand in mine. “I'll stay until he's awake.” I added.

“We’ll stay with you,” Natasha said from behind me.

I nodded, unable to say anything. Instead, I tugged a little onto the slight glimmer of the bond between us. It was alive, albeit faint. But, it was enough for me. Enough to calm the raging feelings within me. Enough to calm Robyn.

‘He's going to be okay, right?’ Robyn asked quietly, her face crestfallen.

‘I don't know, Robyn,’ I answered truthfully. I don't know anything. Heck, I don't even know what to make of this. Today, neither the ring nor the counting seemed to be helping, and I'm left with a crashing wave of panic crushing me from within, enough to cut off my sanity if I wasn't careful.

I felt it. I felt the pull the moment he drove into the pack, and it got stronger when he parked outside. At first, I wasn't sure if it was truly him, or if it was something else entirely different. But when I finally caught a glimpse of him as I was returning to my office with a bunch of papers in preparation for my meeting with Aiden, I knew I wasn't imagining things.

He came, even though I told him I was busy. Which was one way for me to sort through my confused feelings. His actions are confusing, and they leave me quite unstable after every encounter, which I absolutely do not like. And so, the only solution I could come up with was to distance myself from him as much as I can.

Which failed miserably considering the fact that I woke up with his scent all over my house. The couch precisely. And I liked it. A lot.

“What do you think happened?” I heard Natasha ask.

“The doctor said he couldn't identify anything wrong, except fatigue,” Aiden answered, “but it doesn't make any sense since he's been unconscious for hours.”

“He…he…” I began, then paused to swallow the tight knot in my throat. “I don't know what happened, but when I saw him, he looked like someone…possessed?” I said. “I don't even know if I'm making any sense, but his eyes had turned white and blank and he looked to be in so much pain. It doesn't make any sense that fatigue could be the cause.” I finally finished.

“Do you… think it has anything to do with him being rogue? We all know Amadi hasn't gone feral yet, but that is just a matter of time. Do you think him returning triggered it?” Natasha continued, placing her hand on my back.

Aiden stared at Mav thoughtfully, the same way I did. Her argument made absolute sense, and it could totally be the reason. But until we confirm what really happened to him, I don't think I'll be at ease.

“We just have to wait until he wakes up now. Maybe it is something we aren't expecting,” Aiden offered and both Natasha and I nodded.

Silence descended once more. I had always loved silence. The calming type that comes with the soft sound of the wind and the crickets singing. The type that calms the heart. But this wasn't that type. This was the soul shattering type. The type where you're left to wonder and think if you're still sane. The type that feels as though, despite everywhere being quiet, there are voices calling to you. The same type of silence that calls to me now. The type that instills fear.

I never craved for company as much as I did now. But the funny part is that I wanted said company to be shared with… Mav.

“We’ll go get you something to eat,” Natasha suddenly said, breaking the silence. “Call us if you need anything before we return, okay?” She added, tapping my shoulders.

Again, I simply nodded.

I knew she was trying to give me some space, and I appreciated that.

Once the door clicked shut behind them, I released a shuddering sigh, bringing my right palm to his forehead to feel its temperature.

He was cold. As cold as ice. Just as he had been for over two hours after burning for more than five. I shifted a little, adjusting my sitting position so I was pressed against the bed he laid on.

*Beep.* Breathe in. *Beep.* Breathe out. *Beep.* Breathe in. *Beep* Breathe out.

‘He looks…plain,’ Robyn said.

‘I know,’ was all I could say as I brought my index finger to his brow and traced it carefully. I repeated the act on the other brow, before I allowed my finger to trail down the curve of his nose. And I started to wonder if he'd been safe had he not come. And the thoughts flew in, as though waiting for a small gap to slip in. They pummeled me like relentless waves crashing against a jagged beach until it was too much to contain.

‘Do you think he'd have been okay if I had agreed to have dinner with him?’ I asked.

‘You aren't allowed to blame yourself for this!’ Robyn snapped.

‘I'm just saying. If I wasn't stubborn and had just said yes, he wouldn't have driven down here. Then maybe he’d have been okay.’

‘Or not. This may have happened to him anywhere.’

I kept quiet, weighing what I wanted to say next as I allowed my thumb to trace his bottom lip. ‘He keeps confusing me, Robyn. I don't even know how I truly feel about him. There's the pull of the bond, and then there's him. His brooding, sweet, confusing personality too. And it makes it hard to know, to decide what I should stick to.’

‘He keeps confusing you and me both, Sher. You and me both.’

Then more silence. Way more uncomfortable than it had been when Aiden and Natasha were still around. I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit.

‘Can you feel his wolf?’

‘We aren't marked, remember?’

‘Oh. Right. We aren't.’ I sighed.

More silence.

‘How are you doing, Sher?’

Good? Okay? Sad? Hell, I have no idea. And I didn't know how to respond, so I kept quiet, and kept staring at him. Taking in his appearance, sucking him in, as though to engrave his every feature within me. As though that would wake him up.

I had called Ammi and told her I wouldn't be coming home tonight. Well, not me, exactly. Aiden told her that. I could sense she didn't like it, but when Natasha stepped in, she succumbed. Now though, I wish Ammi was here to tell me everything was going to be okay.

‘When he wakes up, I'm going to ask him to stick to one side and stop confusing me. I have a very frail heart that is easily swayed by unclear things. And while I want his mouth on us and his length deep within us…’

‘Robyn!’ I gasped, cutting her off. ‘This isn't the right time for your wild imaginations!’

‘Really? I don't think my imaginations have a specific time to run. I mean, how do you want me to control my primal urges? We wolves are known to be s****l beings, especially when said wolf is as sexy as I am with this gorgeous shiny black fur. Do you think his Lycan is as wild as him when pounding too or…’

‘For Nyala’s sake Robyn!’ I hissed a small laughter bubbling in my throat. ‘Just shut up!’

‘Now, there is my Sher,’ she whispered with a soft sigh. ‘I didn't like seeing you… that way. You seemed… emotionless. Almost like you are… empty.’

‘I know you were trying to help,’ I mumbled. ‘Thank you.’

‘I have faith Nyala will heal him. Whatever happened, I'm sure he will be safe. Besides, I would like to think this happened for the best. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not happy about this at all, but then, aren't you sitting here with him? Holding his hand and tracing your finger along the ridges of his face? Would you do that if he wasn't lying here unconscious?’

Absolutely not. I definitely wouldn't have.

So, instead of replying, I focused my gaze on him once more, taking in his beard, his full lips, the hollow of his eyes, to his bare chest, scattered with hair, down to the trail that hid beneath the sweatpants he now wore. I sucked him in completely. Then I sighed, and before I could stop myself, I leaned in and pressed my lips lightly against his. The sensation that ran through me was foreign, yet welcoming. It was wholesome, yet draining. And I basked in the sensation.

I jolted back a bit as a small groan rippled from Mav, his body shuddering beneath the pressure of my palm. The monitor beeping changed to indicate the slight increase in his heartbeat, but it was still steady. He was okay. I moved back a bit, eagerly looking at him to see if he's finally awake. But his eyes were still shut tightly, and his hand squeezed mine that held his.

‘Is…is he awake?’ Robyn asked, leaning forward.

‘I think so. Or maybe not?’ I answered, furrowing my brows.

He squeezed my hand again, then his mouth opened and he spoke. But I couldn't make out what he was saying. So I leaned closer and asked.

“Hey, are you awake? Do you need anything?”

“Lie…with…me…Hibba…”

It was a relief to hear his voice, albeit a bit groggy and off. However, instead of questioning if I wanted to or not, I removed my shoes and squeezed myself onto the bed. The bed was small, enough for only one person, which made me press myself tightly to him, my face directly pressed to his chest as I inhaled his scent. Soothing and calming.

Then quite suddenly, he pushed one of his arms beneath my head and pulled me closer to him, while the other was wrapped around me, making me fully enclosed in him. Into his cold body. His scent.

“It feels…good…to have…you…in my…arms,” he whispered, tightening his hold around me.

And I embraced it all, without thinking of anything, I embraced my mate and let the sound of his harsh breath lull me to sleep.

Far in the distinct daze of my sleep, I thought I heard him mutter ‘You're all I ever wanted, Hibba…’

Now, who in the freaking hell is Hibba?