A Secret Affair with the Billionaire

09

My whole energy felt like it all left my body with no will to return again as I sat on my couch, still wearing the same dress I wore while announcing to everyone my engagement. I don’t have any energy left to even move an inch while I deal with the heartache I have in my chest. It was so hard to accept yet I should have expected it already.

“I have someone I love.”

My eyes blinked a couple of times as I stared at him, wishing that I probably just misheard him saying those words. It was like my whole world starts crumbling down around me. For the very first time, I was praying so hard that it was just a joke. That what he said was just to mess with me. I know that it was impossible for him to feel the same way as me but… he didn’t need to use another excuse to reject me.

“W-What?”

All those thoughts, that one stuttering words is the only word I managed to say. It was hard for me to bear.

The man that I only put my attention to and gave my love to even if he doesn’t know it just told me that he has someone he loves… and it wasn’t me. It wasn’t me… and it was never me.

“Ciara,” He tried to reach for my hand, but I instinctively backed off without knowing, making him sigh heavily. “I know that this is too sudden, and I also understand that you are mad, but…”

“But you love her.” I finished his words because it was the only way to do so now. I look at him with teary eyes, trying my best to keep those tears in there as I force a smile. “Of course it is impossible that you don’t have someone you love.”

He swallowed hard, looking in front as he bit his lower lip for a second then letting out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know about… what you feel. Maybe I was too careless with showing my kindness and care towards you that you ended up thinking differently, and now…” He looks at me with those apologetic eyes. “I am really sorry, Ciara.”

One thing that hurts the most when it comes to love is when you hear someone you love apologizes to you just because they can’t reciprocate the same feelings you have for them. To make it more painful is that, the love you expected he could give you is something that he already gave to others.

I forced a smile despite the excruciating pain deep inside my chest. “You don’t have to apologize. It wasn’t your fault that… you don’t like me back.” I can only say it even though I meant it in a different way.

So when he said that he was only forced to agree, he wasn’t lying at all. All this time, he was just going with the flow in order not to disappoint his father. All this time… I really am just nothing but… a friend to him. I was never and can never be the special someone… because someone already took that place.

“I should be the one saying sorry to you, Elijah. I shouldn’t have developed any feelings for you nor look at you in a different way. It was a bad choice for me because I can never be that person in your life.” I look at him as my vision starts to blurry as I smile. “I am a bit tired so I should go now. Thank you for the ride.”

“Ciara, wait—”

I shut the door instantly as I ran my way inside the building where he doesn’t have any access to come after me. Besides, it’s not like he would actually do it anyway. If it is the woman he loves, he might do that, but… I am not that person. I am just keeping my hopes high for nothing… and I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.

“It was stupid to believe in Mom’s words.” I whispered to myself while staring outside the huge window in front of me, feeling the heaviness of my chest. A scoff in disbelief escapes my lips. “An arranged marriage which can be a way to love. Stupid.”

It was crazy of me to even believe that. At some point, for a moment there, I wished I could end up in the same way that my parents and my brother did when it was their time to be in such a marriage. I was hoping that it could be fate playing with us and slowly turning our moments into love where we can enjoy the rest of our lives together but… it looks like I will end up living it all alone.

Come to think of it, it was ridiculous that I actually hoped we could be something more. Since the very beginning, I already knew my place and he made it clear with me many times. However, the whispers around me made that tiniest bit of hope feel big for me to think that we can truly be possible. But… he just slapped me with the truth a moment ago… and I probably wouldn’t be able to forget that moment anymore.

For the rest of the night, even if we have an important appointment tomorrow with the wedding coordinator, I ended up drinking until I just blacked out. My mind was so clouded and my chest was so heavy to even think about stopping myself. I can only keep pouring alcohol in my glass while staring outside dark skies with timid eyes and in silence.

I was so lost… and I never expected that I could ever reach that point.

With the heaviness of my head, I let out a groan as I heard an annoying sound of a phone call ringing in the entire room. Slowly, I open my eyes, only to be greeted by the blinding sunlight rays coming from the window I forgot to close last night. I reach for my phone slowly, only to see Joana’s name as the caller ID.

“Hello?” I timidly asked, letting the phone rest above my ear as I tried to go back to sleep more.

[“Miss Ciara, I am sorry for disturbing you but you really need to wake up now. You have a 10AM appointment with Mr. Barnes and the wedding coordinator.”] She panicky said, evident that she is already rushing things out.

A groan escapes my lips once again. “Just tell him that I am sick and I won’t be able to come.” I reasoned out, though it is slightly true because of my hangover.

[“I wanted to, Ma’am, but…”]

“But what?” I questioned.

[“But I think your father has been contacting your wedding coordinator to check if you attended the appointment.”] She revealed, making me sit up right away, which I ended up regretting. [“Mr. Montellero’s secretary came to me earlier and told me to call you right away or your father will come and get you himself, Ma’am.”]

Of course Dad will monitor me. I am his child who needs to be monitored in case I do something wrong because I am a disappointment for him. What did I expect?

“Fine. Let me just get myself ready then I will head there already.”

Those were the only last words I said before hanging up the call and preparing myself to go out despite the pain in my head. I dressed up in a white long sleeve polo, with one buttoned unbuttoned, tucked in a navy blue wide leg trouser with a pair of cream colored heels. I also put on lots of perfume and brought my sunglasses with me to cover up my puffy eyes before heading out after putting on the rest of my accessories and my makeup.

It took me more than half an hour before arriving at the boutique where our wedding coordinator’s office is. As soon as I finished parking and hopped off my car, my eyes caught Elijah’s familiar parked just two cars away from mine. Why did he have to come early when he didn’t even want this marriage?

“Ms. Montellero, I thought you weren’t coming anymore, especially that your fiance said that you weren’t feeling well.” The wedding coordinator, Yasmin, exclaims upon seeing me enter the room where one of her staff guided me to.

I force a smile and share a peck on the cheek with her. “That’s impossible. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” I only said before occupying the chair next to Elijah.

The whole time, I didn’t bother glancing to Elijah’s side and just focused on giving my ideas and opinions to Yasmin about her recommendation for the wedding. It’s actually funny because it looks so obvious that none of the two of us are interested in the whole planning because Elijah barely talks while I just keep agreeing to Yasmin’s suggestions. It was like we just came there because we had to and we had no other choice.

And it wasn’t wrong anyway.

After half an hour, the meeting ended with Yasmine telling us that she will call whenever she needs to confirm something from us. However, I assure her that she can do whatever she wants because… this wedding is just for formality now anyway. Elijah already made his side clear, and I just need to accept that.

“Thank you for coming, Ms. Montellero and Mr. Barnes.” The receptionist said before we stepped out of the building.

I was about to head to my car when Elijah suddenly stopped me by my wrist, pulling me towards him. As soon as I noticed how close we had gotten, I pushed myself away from him right away, avoiding his gaze.

“Ciara, I know that you are probably mad but… please, can we talk?” He pleaded, making me look at him for a moment. He looks so desperate that it just softens my heart even though I don’t want to. “Please?”

I will have nothing to lose anyway. Besides, I can just tell him as well about what will happen now that I know about his secret.

“Fine.”

We left our cars in front of the boutique for a while before walking to a nearby cafe where we could talk. Elijah ordered coffee for the two of us, which is something I badly need right now to keep myself awake after everything I have to go through since last night. We sat on opposite sides and I only kept looking down at my coffee the whole time until he finally broke the ice.

“Ciara, about last night—”

“Don’t think about it anymore, Elijah. I already told you that I understand and it wasn’t your fault. But…” I look up to him this time. “What are you planning to do now? We are getting married.”

He nodded slowly and took a deep breath. “Yes. And that is the reason why I wanna talk to you.”

Is he going to cancel the wedding?

“I wanna tell you that I am still going to marry you.” I raise a brow in return. “But I will be honest with you. I… cannot break up with her.”

He… cannot break up with her. Wow.

I swallowed hard and tried to maintain a straight face. “So, you want to marry me… yet you also want to keep her.” I lick my lower lip, suppressing my anger. “Is that really what you planned to do? To be with the both of us at the same time?”

He lowered his head with my harsh words. “It wasn’t my plan… because getting married to you was never in my plan.” He whispers, but enough for me to hear.

That was harsh. Why doesn't he just shoot me with a gun so the pain can just eat me completely? I already know that fact but… does he really need to slap it right into my face? Really?

I cleared my throat, stopping the forming lump in there. “You do know that if you continue being with her while we are married, that only means that she will become… your mistress.” I pointed out as she nodded with no hesitation. “Yet you don’t even mind.”

“I already talked to her about it and she was fine with it.” He confessed, making me scoff in disbelief. “To be honest with you, I was about to ask her to marry me already but Dad beat me into it and told me about the arranged marriage, so I didn’t have a choice. You know that we can never say no to them, right?”

No matter how much I think about it, he was so willing to make her his even if she will be his mistress after we get married. Is that how deep his love for her is? So deep that he doesn’t even think about hurting me anymore? Where does all those care and kindness suddenly go now?

“Do you love her that much?” It came out of my mouth out of nowhere. I look at him with bitterness in my gaze. “Do you love her that much that it doesn’t matter if you are hurting others already?”

I caught how his gaze went from confidence to guilt. He lowered his head down, and it was enough for me as an answer. He didn’t need to say it, but he still chooses to say it… to hurt me more.

“I do.” He looks up to meet my gaze with sincerity in his eyes. “I love her so much, Ciara.”