BROKEN & SCREWED (BS #1)

Chapter 11

11

My mom came home a month later, in time for the Thanksgiving holiday. However, when the bell rang on that last day and I knew I had four days of freedom, I wasn’t thrilled. Everyone else was giddy. They loved the days away from school. They loved being able to sleep in and they loved all the food and family time.

Not me.

School was my retreat from the house. And sleep still escaped me most nights. As for the food and family time, I overheard my dad on the phone in his office one night. He was booking two plane tickets for the Caribbean for him and my mother. The two of them could heal together and escape another Thanksgiving without Ethan.

The one thing I looked forward to was Jesse’s basketball game. It was going to be televised on Friday. I had the whole day planned. I was going to sleep as long as I could, I was going to get coffee, maybe some popcorn, and then I was going to take my blankets to the couch. I would wait for his game for the entire day if I had to.

As I headed to my car on Wednesday, Marissa bounded up to me and hooked her elbow through mine. She panted and gave me a silly smile while she smoothed some of her sleek black hair down from the wind. “Whatcha doing, buddy?”

I hid my grin. She’d been cautious with me since she had started dating Eric. The two of them had been enjoyable to watch at bowling that night. She’d been flirty and seductive while he had stumbled over his feet more than a few times. It was a month into their relationship. She seemed happier than I’d ever seen her.

“Not much.”

Her smile kicked up a notch. “Okay, can I ask you a favor?”

When wouldn’t she? I shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

“Are you doing anything tomorrow?”

“Besides eating turkey with my parents?” I had to fake it. No one knew how pathetic my family life had become. “Not much. Why?”

“Can I tell my parents that I’m going to have Thanksgiving at your house? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I got two tickets on discount for Vegas. It’s not Hawaii or anything, but it’s something special. I really, really like Eric. He’s going to tell his parents that he’ll have his meal at your place, too. It’ll be like a friends thing with your folks. Can we do that? Can we use your place as an excuse? You’ll cover for us if they call?”

Sometimes I had to shake my head at my own stupidity, but I nodded. “Sure.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Alex!” She bounced up and gave me a tight hug. “This means the world. You don’t even know it.”

The glow on her face was unmistakable. I couldn’t help myself from asking, “Do you have something special planned for the trip?”

Her mouth clamped shut and her cheeks reddened. But her eyes sparkled. They seemed so alive, which was something I hadn’t seen in her since Cord had shattered her.

“Well?”

She giggled and leaned close. “We’re going to do it.”

“It?” I frowned. I thought Marissa would’ve had s*x with him by now. I loved my friend and all, but she wasn’t known for taking a month to get underneath the covers. “You haven’t had s*x yet?”

She bit her lip as she shook her head. “I know. I know. But after Cord, I wanted to take my time and make sure this was the right guy.”

“And is he?”

Her head bobbed up and down. “I think so. I really do. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I might be in love with him. Can you believe it?”

My grin faltered. She had been in love with Cord, too. But then a little hope lit inside me. Did it change so quickly? Could I feel the same for someone else after my last time with Jesse? Maybe things weren’t so depressing for me. I could fall in love again . . . but as I considered that, I knew I wasn’t wired the same as her. It wouldn’t be that easy for me and I really didn’t know if I could fall in love with someone else, especially that quick. It’d only been a month for her.

“Okay. I’ll see you later!” She gave me another cheerful wave before she skipped away. I was sure she was going to find Eric and share the good news of their lie.

“Ugh,” Angie groaned as she sidled up next to me and stared off in the direction Marissa just disappeared. “Why am I friends with her? Seriously. I have no idea. She has no idea of what loyalty means. I don’t think she’s capable of empathy. Why are we both friends with her?”

I shrugged. “Because she’s got our backs at times and because we both love her, faults and all.”

She tipped her head back and let loose a loud sigh. “I have no idea how you can stand her. She craps on you more than anyone else, I swear. And she’d crap on me if I weren’t with Justin. Remember how she used to flirt with him? I’m going to drop kick her head one of these days and finally score that goal the football team should’ve got our last game.” She patted her chest. “Me. I’ll do that. And I’ll enjoy it.”

“Stop.” I nudged her with my elbow. “If I really liked Eric, she—”

“She would’ve still gone after him.”

That stopped me, but I wasn’t going to let it depress me. There was already a list she had no idea about, Marissa wasn’t anywhere on it.

I hooked my elbow through hers and dragged her to my car. “Can we talk about something else? Marissa’s love life can be tiring at times.”

“I know. I’m sorry. You’re a better friend than me.”

“Not really. I’m just not that mad because she helped me out without realizing it.”

“She did?” Angie’s eyebrow arched high. Her hand found her hip. “How so?”

I shrugged. Did I really want to get into this? “I was avoiding Eric. I’m not ready for a relationship.”

“And she took him off your hands?” She pursed her lips together and shook her head. “It wasn’t even like that, Alex. She took your man. If she wanted him, she should’ve asked for your permission. She did none of that, and she’s been hiding from you the past month tells me she’s guilty. She’s not that good of a friend.”

I sighed. This wasn’t going to go anywhere productive, so I purposely lightened my tone. “What are your plans for the break?”

Her eyes stayed narrowed and she kept them trained on me. She stared and stared some more. Finally, she rolled them and sighed in disgust. “You are so infuriating sometimes. You should be mad as hell and instead you’re over here, Miss Little Forgiveness. How can you sleep at night? With halos over your head? Or are you keeping secrets, too?”

I froze. My heart stopped for a second.

Her hand went in the air, and she groaned again. “And now I’m being the horrible friend. I feel like I have to be perfect to catch up with you. You’re so damn holy and selfless. What the hell’s wrong with you?”

I stared at her.

She cringed. “Jesus. Don’t listen to me. I’m cursing, using His name in vain. I’m the one going to hell. Marissa will get away scot-free, but not me. I’ll be going down South while she folds her wings around her and floats to heaven, all innocent and crap when we both know she’s not.”

I laughed, but I couldn’t help but feel some of my own guilt. Mine might not have been the type of secrets to hurt anyone else, but they were still secrets. And one of them was how I was going to spend my Thanksgiving. I shook my head and plastered a fake smile on my face. “What are your plans for the break?”

“Yeah, yeah. I heard you the first time. I’m just so damn irritated with Marissa. She’s getting away with being a really crappy friend and the one person she shouldn’t be crappy to, is you. But you won’t say anything.”

Because I had my own lies. But I held my tongue.

Then she cursed under her breath and sighed. “Okay. What’d you ask? Oh, my break. I don’t know. Family thing tomorrow. Justin will be around. That’s all I have planned. I think we’re going to his house tomorrow night for family game night. You?”

I lied through my teeth. “Family dinner, that’s it.”

“Oh. Well. I’m sure that time together will be good for you guys.” Then a different look came to her. It was more serious, deeper, and it sent a kick to my stomach. I readied myself when I heard her ask, “Why haven’t you said anything about your mom? I know that I know, but no one else knows. I mean, my word, Alex. You’ve had a hard time the past year and a half, and now your mom was in the hospital. I think you should say something.”

I blinked back a sudden rush of tears. The sympathy loosened them, but I hardened myself. Crying never fixed anything and I didn’t want to appear weak. No one would respect me after that, and that was all I had left. I shook my head, forcing my voice to sound normal. “No, I can’t. It’s all right. My mom’s a lot better.”

She sighed again, and then wiped her own tear away. “I’m sorry. I am. I just . . .” But she bit her lip and turned away. Her shoulders shook a bit, but I waited with a knot in my stomach until she turned back. Her voice rose on a sob, “I just can’t imagine if that’d been my mom. I would’ve lost it. I know I would’ve.”

And that was the gist of it. As I heard her, the truth startled me. I had lost my mom when I had lost Ethan. I had lost my father as well. I’d lost my whole family. I still had Jesse, in some ways, but nothing was the same. I wasn’t the same.

When Angie grasped my arm, I jerked back to our conversation. I was shaken as I realized a few tears had slipped past my eyes. They streamed down my cheek, but Angie had her own. She pulled me in for a hug and whispered in my ear, “I love you. You know that, right? I really do. If you need anything, anything at all, please, please, please call me. Please, Alex.”

I hugged her back and nodded, but when she didn’t let go, my arms tightened around her. And then I found myself hugging her back as much as she did with me. Something loosened in me. I didn’t know what it was, but it was something and it was important. When I felt more tears coming, I pulled back and brushed them away. I couldn’t lose it. I didn’t know if I’d put it all back together again.

Her hand fell to my arm. “I just feel that you’re hurting a lot more than you let on and it kills me. You’ve always been a great friend and have been there for me. You deserve that back, you deserve more than that.”

I grasped her hand in mine and squeezed it tight.

Then Angie groaned. “Oh hell. Look at us. We both look like blathering idiots. Where’s that passive aggressive b***h Sarah Shastaine at a moment like this? She’d wet herself, I swear.”

Some laughter ripped out of me. My eyes went wide, but then I couldn’t stop laughing. And Angie joined in. Both of us were giggling so much, we were drawing attention. It wasn’t long until Justin found his way over to us. A perplexed look was on his face as he knelt and slung Angie’s bag over his shoulder. “You guys aren’t high, are you?”

Angie snorted and swatted at his shoulder.

We laughed harder at that.

Then he shook his head and sighed. “Okay. I’ll see you at the car, honey.”

She nodded. “Oh, my word. That felt good, painful but good.”

I nodded, grinning like an i***t.

“Okay.” She hugged me once more and took a breath. “I’ll see you later. Call me if you’re bored and want to get out of the house tomorrow. Otherwise, there’s a party Friday. We’ll pick you up at six for that.”

“What—no—”

But it didn’t matter. Angie gave me another wave and headed across the parking lot for Justin’s truck. As she rushed him and threw her arms around his shoulders, pain seared inside my chest. They were happy. They were in love. I wanted that, but I’d never get it. Another flare of pain surged through me, but I stopped it. I put it on hold and pushed everything down inside me. Self pity wouldn’t get me anywhere, and right now, I needed to survive.

And then I got into my car and headed home to an empty house.

When I got home, I found a note from my dad. He had gone to pick up my mom from the hospital and they were going straight to the airport from there. And then I got another surprise. They would be gone for over two weeks. Apparently, my mother needed a vacation; it was a long awaited one for the both of them, and they would see me when they returned. A last line of the note told me not to get in trouble.

Trouble?

What trouble would they even care about now?

Then I remembered Angie’s hug and her words. I just feel that you’re hurting a lot more than you let on and it kills me. When the same tears came to the surface, I brushed them away and headed to my room. It wasn’t near evening, but I changed into my pajamas and curled underneath my covers. I had texted my friends that my mom was out of the hospital, but I didn’t text them anything else. At this point, I didn’t know what was worse. Having my mom in the house when I knew she was suffering like the rest of us, or not having anyone here at all. I gulped, being alone in the house when I felt Ethan’s presence was so overwhelming sometimes I could only gasp for breath and hold on to where I was at the moment. Sometimes I was in bed. Sometimes I was at the kitchen table, gripping the table in front of me. When I was on the couch, I hugged the cushion. By the time it would leave me, I was so shaken and pale that I was sure I looked like a ghost myself.

I always wanted to call Jesse, but I never did. I did now, though. I gave in, but I hung up almost as soon as the line started to ring. No good would come from hearing his voice. Only pain.

I sighed and stuffed all the pain down again.

I’d been doing it for over a year.

And with that last thought, I took a deep breath and then put a movie in. It was after my fourth one when the doorbell rang, my cell phone buzzed an alert, and my parents’ landline rang. I jumped and hoped I hadn’t crapped my pants. I threw back the covers and hurried downstairs. The phone kept ringing, so I grabbed that one first.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.” Angie sounded out of breath.

The doorbell went again.

“Someone’s at the door. I’ll call you back in a second.”

“It’s me. I’m freezing my ass off.”

“Oh—” I hung up and went to the door. As I swung it open, a burst of cold air blasted me. Angie and Justin were both shivering and dashed inside. I was pushed against the wall, but when I followed them into the living room, I couldn’t hold back a smile. Angie dove for the blankets and wrapped one around her shoulders before she hurled herself on the couch. Justin gave me a slight wave as he was stomping his feet up and down and shaking his hands.

“What are you guys doing here?”

Angie rolled to her back on the couch and grinned up at me. She was cocooned like a butterfly. “Marissa called. She found another good deal. Pack your bags. Our plane leaves for Vegas in three hours.”

“What? No.”

“Come on.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

I opened my mouth, a lame excuse on the tip of my tongue, when Angie rolled her eyes and struggled to sit up. Then she made a show of looking around. I closed my mouth. I already knew where this was going. I beat her to it. “It’s date night.”

She snorted. “Yeah, right. No one’s here.”

“I told you. Date night. They’re allowed.”

Her eyes narrowed. “When are they coming back?”

“Tonight.”

“Fine.” There was movement under her blanket and I guessed it was her arms crossing over her chest. “Then we’ll stay and wish them Happy Thanksgiving.”

My eyes narrowed and I spoke through gritted teeth, “They’re coming back tomorrow, but I’m not supposed to tell anybody that.”

“Why not?”

“They don’t want overnight guests.” I cringed at that lie. It wasn’t even a believable one.

“And what overnight guests wouldn’t they like? Me? Since when do they not like me?”

I glanced around for Justin, but he was gone. Not a surprise. He had a habit of wandering anywhere we would go. “What’s the point of this? I don’t want to go to Vegas. I can’t afford it.”

“I told you. It’s a good deal.”

I sighed, “I still can’t. I have no money.”

“What about the Coffee Hut?”

“Minimum wage?”

She flinched. “You’re right, but that’s okay. It’s my treat. I owe you for all the years of great friendship.”

And then Justin came back in with a note in his hand. He held it up with a weird expression on his face. “Since when does date night consist of two weeks?”

My stomach hurled to the ground.

Angie’s mouth dropped open.

I hissed at him, “What are you? A ninja? Stop poking through my house.”

He shrugged as Angie threw the blanket off and snatched the note from his hand. Then she cried out, “Are you serious? Your parents left you alone for two weeks? That’s insane.”

“It’s no big deal.”

“No big deal? It’s a huge deal. That decides it. Shoo. Go pack a bag for the weekend. We’re all going to Vegas.”

I folded my arms over my chest and dug my heels in. “I’m fine being alone.”

She snorted again.

“I am. I have a whole day planned tomorrow.”

“What? Eating? Maybe sleeping?”

She wasn’t far off, but I puffed my chest out and tried on my best indignant expression. “No, I was going to watch Jesse’s game tomorrow. It’s being televised.”

“Well, guess what?” Her eyes gleamed at me with purpose.

I was suddenly nervous.

“You can actually go to his game. They play in Vegas, and Marissa’s already got tickets for us. She said Cord owed her and he’s on the team, so what’s your next argument with that?”

She’d beaten me. Or the idea of seeing Jesse again had done the trick. I tried to tell myself that I was going to pack a bag because Angie had won this argument. Then I shook my head, and my heart picked up its pace. I couldn’t lie to myself. I was going to see Jesse. The idea had my hands sweating already.

“Fine.” I said it slowly and oh so reluctantly.

She smirked. “And don’t even try to pretend that you’re not excited about seeing your guy again. We all know differently.”

I froze. What did she know?

Then she admitted, “I’m a little excited to see him play. He’s our hometown celebrity. Maybe we should ask for his autograph.”

Justin frowned. “I don’t like that idea.”

Angie laughed before she draped herself over him, fluttered her eyelashes, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Oh, come on. I love you, but Jesse Hunt is gorgeous.”

A small grin escaped his frown. “I have a little bit of a man crush on him. I’m man enough to admit that.”

As I went up to my room, I couldn’t hold back my smile. I was excited. I wasn’t even going to try to stuff it down. It was the first time in a long time I’d felt that emotion. When I checked my cell phone, I got even more excited. It was a text message from Jesse, but then I read it.

Jesse: U in Vegas? Your folks are here, said they stopped in for a few days before some trip? U here? Call me.

I plopped down on my bed.

Everything went numb. The phone fell from my hand, and I couldn’t do anything. I sat there. And I didn’t know how long I was there before Angie poked her head around the door. She had a wide smile on her face, but it vanished in a heartbeat. She pushed through the door and sat beside me. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head. I couldn’t speak.

Then she bent and lifted the phone from the floor. After she read the text, she studied me for a moment. Her voice was so small when she asked, “You didn’t know they were going there?”

I shook my head. I still couldn’t speak.

“How long has this been going on?”

Everything in me throbbed. My heart ached. My head hurt. I couldn’t get my fingers to work, but I rasped out, “What?”

She lifted my phone. “Your parents. They up and left you. Now they went to see Jesse and you didn’t even know. Or did you?”

I shook my head. Why did everything hurt? It always hurt.

She sighed. It was a soft sigh, one that spoke of so much emotion. “I’m sorry, Alex. I really am.”

I jerked a shoulder up. What did it matter?

Then she asked the question I’d been dreading. “How long have you and Jesse been texting?”

My eyes closed.

She watched me. I felt her gaze. And I shook my head. This wasn’t the time to push that button, and she knew it. “Okay. I’ll leave that one alone, but I’m going to ask you later. You know I will.”

I nodded as I bit my lip. Even that slight bit of pain was welcomed. It distracted from the other pain inside me. I was helpless against that form.

One of Angie’s hands caught the side of my head and she pulled me against hers in a sideways hug. “I’m sorry, Alex. I really am for what I can’t even imagine has happened.”

My eyes clasped shut. The tears were there, they wanted to cascade out, but I couldn’t let them. It’d be over if I did. I’d been holding everything in so well until then. I couldn’t break.

But my hand grasped her arm, and I held on tight. I didn’t want to move away, not in this lifetime.