I spent the next few hours pacing up and down in my room, trying to think of the words to say to Lucas. A way of explaining how I felt that would not be 'pushing him away' as he had put it. But maybe I wanted to push him away, maybe subconsciously I knew I could not handle a relationship with this man and I was looking for an out. My mum was the one who wanted me to stay, begged, cut up my passport so I couldn't leave, and I had barely seen her. Lucas occupied my time, whether he was there or not. This was the first time that we had been apart except for my first night here when I was asleep alone and obviously school, where he ended up appearing, twice. I mean that is not normal. I couldn't get through one day of school without Lucas showing up, what would be be like for the rest of the y
