Chapter one
I knew that something was wrong as soon as I walked into the living room. I had been at work all day at the coffee shop, helping to pay the bills my mother was no longer able to. Usually my phone would have gone off at least five times with messages consisting of "Why me?", "Do you think he ever loved me?" and depending on her mood "It is all your fault." Today though, it had been radio silence, which although made for a much easier shift, made walking into the living room ten times worse.
On the coffee table was an empty bottle of Tesco vodka, a tipped over glass lay on the floor, its contents seeped into the carpet, and on the sofa was Anna, my mother. I took a deep breath to calm my frayed nerves thinking the worst, that this time, my mum had finally done it and drank herself into an early grave.
It wasn't always like this, we used to be a happy family. Anna, William and me. We would have day trips to Knowsley Safari park, driving round the animal enclosures, even the monkeys who always seemed to keep part of the car as a souvenir. We went to York and climbed the steps in the cathedral to the top, looking out over the wonderful city. We even went to Chester to walk the mainly crumbled wall, visit the zoo and ate at fantastic restaurants.
All this ended when my dad came home, with lipstick on his collar, smelling of s*x and another woman's perfume. My mum had ignored it at first, pushed past the feeling that she was not good enough for her husband of twenty years anymore. They made a life together, they made a daughter together, how could she just throw all of that away. William started to stay out over nights and at the weekends, no more day trips or happy memories. One day my dad came home and announced he had met another woman Pamela, and was leaving. I stood back as my father walked past me like a stranger to get his things while my mother collapsed on the floor and wailed. She begged him to stay, even saying that he could stay with Pamela as well. William just looked at her with pity and walked right out the front door.
Since then Anna had been a broken woman. I dropped out of Sixth form and got a job to help to pay the bills as Anna no longer woke up in the morning to go to work. She didn't do anything apart from cry, drink and yell. I loved my mother, despite being teased for my name throughout school, Lilith, I knew she was a good woman that bad things happened to. However, it had been twelve months since my father walked out and it was getting harder and harder for me to come home, afraid of what I would find when I did.
I knelt down next to the side of the sofa and picked up the glass from the floor before holding it in front of my mum's face. When the glass steamed up slightly I let out the long breath I had been holding. She was alive, just in another alcohol induced stopper. I got up and grabbed the empty bottle of vodka, taking out to the recycling bin. Feeling a wave of anger at the five bottles that were already in there. It was me who was paying for this new found habit of hers. We were living off the bare minimum and still Anna spent what little we had on drowning her sorrows in vodka.
I walked back into the house and grabbed the carrots from the fridge. I peeled and diced them up as good as I could before doing the same with an onion. I grabbed some tomato pure and pasta and turned on the hob to cook the modest meal that I could afford. Meat was expensive so we had not had that in a long time, we made do with vegetables and pasta most days as it was filling, and cheap. Once the meal was cooked I plated up two meals and carried them through to the living room. "Mum." I called out, nudging her foot.
"Uhhh." Anna replied waving her arm in the air.
"I made your tea." I said as I placed the plate on the coffee table nearby.
Eventually Anna sat up and forked a few pieces of the food into her mouth. "This would be better with mince." she hissed.
"Maybe if you stopped buying vodka, I could start buying meat." I quipped back, feeling angry at how ungrateful my mother was being when I had been at work all day to keep the lights on and she had spent all day inside a bottle.
"I know sweetheart. I am trying." Anna said, hanging her head.
I sighed and moved closer to my mum. "I know you are mum, you are doing the best you can." I said, pulling my mum into a hug and letting her sob into my uniform. About five minutes later the we pulled apart and ate the rest of our meal in silence. I was tired of having to be the adult, sure I was eighteen, but only just, and I was having to be the mother in our relationship. All I wanted to do was be a selfish little kid again, get drunk and hang out with the few friends that I had. I wanted to finish college and go to university, make something of myself. Instead all I had were my GCSEs and a job at the coffee shop.
Once we had both finished eating, I took the plates back to the kitchen, washed them up and headed to bed, hoping tomorrow would be a better day.
I hated the sound of my alarm going off. I grabbed my phone and swiped the screen before letting my head fall back into the pillow. This was my life, wake up, go to work, clean up mum, repeat. I got out of bed and quickly showered before putting on my clean uniform, bundling up the used one to go in the wash. I went downstairs and dropped the clothes in my arms as I entered the kitchen. The sides were clean, the floor had been swept and mopped, the stove had been cleaned. I picked up my clothes and stuffed them in the washing machine before throwing in a three in one tab and heading to the living room. The curtains were open, there wasn't a sign of alcohol anywhere, the floor had been hoovered and the pillows plumped.
Instead of putting me at ease, this new found cleanliness put me on edge. Had my mum put her affairs in order before doing so thing stupid? I ran up the stairs to my mums room and found her already awake and dressed, sat on the edge of her bed, beaming at her phone. "Morning sweetie." she smiled as I looked at her slack jawed. "What do you want for breakfast?" she asked as she got up, phone still in hand and walked out of the room.
"Emm, I don't have time. I have to get to work." I said in shock running after my mum. "Are you okay?"
My mum turned and smiled at me, cupping her fragile hand around my face. "I have not felt this good in a long time." She leaned in like she was telling a secret and whispered. "I met someone."
"You met someone?" I asked dubiously. "When?"
"Last night."
"Last night?"
"Online."
"Online?"
"Are you just going to repeat everything I am saying?" my mum laughed.
"Sorry it's just. You know he could be like an eighty year old fat guy right mum. You should be really careful."
"He isn't, I have face timed him." I was surprised my mum knew what face timing was, never mind managed to do it on her own. "He is late forties and has a son of his own. He is a business man and him and his son work together in their company."
"Where is he from?" I asked, still wary that my mother had met a mysterious stranger online, over night.
"America, how exciting is that?"
"You didn't send him any rude pictures did you mum? Because once you put that s**t out there you can never take it back."
"Lilith language."
"I'm serious mum! Your t**s will end up on MILF website or something."
"What is a MILF?" My mum asked.
I shook her head, it was too early to be explaining this to my mother. "Look just no rude images okay and promise you will be careful."
"I will sweetheart, have a nice day at work." I waved goodbye to my mum and walked the short distance to the bus stop to get to work. I hated the bus, but my dad had left with our only car and we did not exactly have the money to buy a new one. I was not ungrateful, I knew things could be worse, but I also knew things could be so much better, had been so much better.