Street Signs

Chapter 10

BRIELLE

The room was flooded with tears. When the vulnerable self felt the rise of sad tidings, the weeping would begin in that quiet and desolate way. I was trying to not create any sound because once Daddy Sy heard me, he would come to the room to check on me and he might be mad again.

A knock on the door rang in my ears, so I immediately wiped my tears and asked who was it. Fortunately, I was able to hear Akie's voice than Dad's, so I opened up the door for him.

"Why are you here, Akie?" I asked him as I stood at the doorway and looked at him with creased brows. "You must be sleeping now."

"I can't sleep," he said. "Can I enter your room? I have this bad feeling."

"O-oh... Come in." I held Akie and escorted him going through the bed before asking him what was wrong. "Did something bad happen in school?"

Akie shook his head. "But here, there is."

"What do you mean, baby?"

"I heard your soft cries, big sis, so I went here," Akie mouthed. "Even at dinner time, I noticed you're not feeling good. Dad's not telling me anything, and even you. I don't know what's happening."

I let out a sigh as I looked at his worried face. It felt like I had been shot and the bullet from my wound couldn't be removed; the sadness could not come out, it hurt like hell because it was, especially knowing that at a very young age, Akie was worrying himself with problems he shouldn't be overthinking.

He had always been like this.

Brushing my finger through Akie's hair, I forced a smile and said, "Nothing wrong is happening, Akie. You might be just thinking so deep. You must not be anxious about the things that don't even exist."

Akie looked at me in the eyes. "If it doesn't exist, I must not feel it then."

"So, you think when something does not really exist, you won't be able to feel it?"

He nodded. "It's lifeless. It doesn't have a presence and therefore, it couldn't be felt. But when I knew something is happening, I could sense it."

I let out a soft chuckle. "Why do you think like that?" I asked him. "You are like an adult talking to me."

He puckered his brow. "How should I talk to you, Brielle?"

"Never mind," I giggled. "You should go back to your room now before Dad can hear us out here. You have your classes for tomorrow, right?"

"Uh-huh..."

"Then, go to sleep now."

"I can't," Akie said, looking at me as if he was trying to tell me something.

"And, why?"

"You haven't told me yet of what's going on. Before I go to bed, at least I've known the reason why your eyes are swollen."

"Oh, these?" I chuckled, pointing out my eyes. "Do I look bloated?"

"Yeah, you seemed to cry."

"And why would Brielle cry? You know she's a strong woman, right?" I said. "I was just sleepless last night because I was loaded with activity sheets. You don't have to worry about me, swear. At this age, Akie, you must be enjoying games. Think of yourself more than me, alright?"

"I am more than fine when I think of you and Dad, Brielle. You should not also stop me from worrying about you because I care for you," Akie said. "If it's still about Zayden, I am sad to know you still can't get over him."

The cell was a field with deafening silence for some time for I'd been trying to register everything that Akie had told me. The thoughts that were running inside my head could not be comprehended anymore; it was like I was almost to explode, but because Akie was in front of me, I could not dare to burst out in guilt.

I felt bad for myself because I could not get over easily about what had happened to Zayden, but I knew it was all fine since it was really painful. As talking to my little brother, I knew he was too young to understand my situation; however, I much appreciated him because he had the heart to feel and a mind to understand even though it wasn't as easy as he thought.

After the confused passivation inside the room, with our thoughts being jumbled upon the condition, I tried to speak up to clear the matter.

Putting my hands on Akie's shoulder, I looked straight at him and said, "Alright, I think I can't hide anything from you." I sighed. "Brielle might be in a deep melancholy now, believe that it will pass."

"I knew it."

My tears then fell through my cheeks. I hugged him and thanked him for being there for me. Indeed, I was soft when it would come to Zayden, but my heart when talking to Akie was different. It would always feel like I was in a paradise even when the fact was that darkness was just right behind me.

After some time, Akie resisted and asked me if it was okay for me to let him sleep beside me. "I want to make sure that you'll not be crying again, big sis," he said.

I smiled. "I won't anymore."

Swallowing that lie, I fixed the bed and gave him the pillows and blanket he needed. I helped him sleep then by reading some stories for him. Gladly, I was able to make him sleep fastly.

When Akie was asleep already, I stood from the bed and went to the window to peek outside. I stayed there seeing the lights from the city while holding a bottle of milk which I got from the refrigerator.

The soft air breeze that was brushing my skin seemed to also wash the dolor away that was destroying my inner peace. I smiled for being glad that even once in a blue moon, I could feel the lightness I need to keep going on.

My life might be a ride of difficulties, but I was fortunate for it was a roller coaster that not at all times, I was at the lowest part.

Hearing the whisper of the wind, I viewed the exquisite lights in the city. How I wished the graffiti of my heart was as bright and beautiful as the cityscape. Behind that hope was my gratitude towards the cityscape that was serving as my dreamscape, the stage upon which my dreams uncurled beneath both black heavens and bright sun, the stage wherein my vision somehow unfolded, which was bathed in both black skies and radiant sunlight.

After these constellations in the darkness, the sun would moor itself again in the blue and the light would hug the land. And how I hoped as well that in the next day, the light could let my vivid hues sing so loud again, as to how it used to.

However, how would I surpass darkness if bad things always happened, like almost every day?

I was at the time of questioning myself with random things that made me so much disappointed when a knock on the door reached my ears. I knew it was Dad, so I immediately told him to enter because he might be looking for Akie.

"Daddy..." I uttered as I turned around.

"Brielle, why are you still awake?" Daddy asked, looking at me and then turning his gaze to Akie. "I knew he's here. Good thing he's asleep now."

"He might be so tried in school, Daddy. Are you going to take him to his room?"

"Supposedly... but he looks good in here, so I'll not bother him anymore." Daddy looked straight into my eyes as he asked, "Did you cry again?"

I avoided my gaze at him and looked instead at the view outside. "Of course not."

" I heard of the news. I was waiting for you to approach me about it, but you are just hiding in here all alone." In Daddy's sigh existed the moments he needed to respond with loving care. "I've been so strict with you, Brielle, especially with your decision of imprisoning yourself in this kind of situation. But that doesn't mean that I don't care about your feelings.

"It's just making me sad that whenever I see you cry, I feel like I am not doing enough as your father. I am not mad at you for crying, not as how you might be thinking, but Brielle, it's because I am worried."

"I'm sorry, Dad..." I said as tears shed down again through my red cheeks.

"You don't have to be sorry, I understand you. What's just I don't comprehend is that you're trying to hide from me. I am your dad and I am responsible for all your hurt. If you have problems, don't keep them to yourself, say them to me and I'll help you cope. It's not easy but if we are together, it will be easier."

I hugged Daddy tightly while sobbing. And because there was no space anymore to breathe, I could not also speak. I was just taking the moment to thank him with that warm embrace that I could not convert into words.

"C'mon, you can cry everything to me," Daddy mouthed. "I won't get tired of hearing your sobs, my daughter."

In that embrace, the world stopped on its axis. There was no time, no wind, no rain. My mind was still stuttering due to many things, but my inner soul seemed to be at peace. Nothing could be much more good than this hug from a father.

After some time of the emotional moment inside the room, Daddy spoke again. "I also heard of the camp that's going to happen in the university in the next day," he let go of me, "can you do me a favor by joining in it?"

My mouth was zippered and my brain could not process what I say. Should I participate in that camp despite knowing the fact that there was still Zayden's case I had to work on?