Starting over

Chapter 9: Poetry reading

Chapter 9

Charlie

"We were thinking that maybe you guys wanted to join us on a picnic this afternoon", Paisley says.

Four weeks. I've known Nova four weeks. Each and every day I feel my feelings grow for her. And each and every day she amazes me.

I would never miss an opportunity to hang out with her to see what she can do. We’re currently in a cafe. Like we always do in the mornings, it’s a good way to start off the day

"Yeah and apparently there's going to be like an open poetry reading in the park as well, with a scene and everything", Katie says. "And Nova promised to read something".

"I did not!" Nova hisses as a red color spreads across her cheeks.

So cute.

"Yes, you did", Paisley and Katie say at the same time.

Nova just sighs. "You do poetry?" I ask and smile, looking at her.

She shrugs her shoulders.

"Well I've only read some parts of her writings", Katie says. "And I think it's really good, so I can only imagine how good her writing is in full”.

"Stop", Nova smirks. "I'm not that good, I’m just playing around with words, that’s all".

"Well we're just going to have to wait and see", Paisley says with a smile.

And that's how we ended up in the park that afternoon. The girls had brought a lot of food with them. They've bought it all. Nova cheerfully told us that she's a terrible cook when we unpacked the picnic bag. She's so cute. I can't even put in words how cute she is. And beautiful, oh my, so beautiful.

Poetry reading has already started. People are up on-stage reading poetry. A few of them have very good poems and a few of them have really bad once. We focus half on them and half on the food.

"Hey what's up with you and the honey?" Nova suddenly asks, looking curiously at Jake who just this second put another spoon with honey in his mouth

"It’s sweet and delicious", he says and then get a sly expression as he looks at Paisley. "Just as Paisley here".

Paisley's cheeks start to heat up and are soon just as red as her hair. She looks down with a small smile on her face.

"Yeah okay you can keep that and your honey to yourself", Nova says shaking her head.

"So, you don't want to know when your best friend has great s*x with av great man?" Jake asks.

Seriously Jake? I just want to smack his head. Grey sighs and Katie start laughing. Paisley's face becomes even redder if possible and she bites her lip.

I don't know exactly when Paisley and Jake became a couple, but it went pretty fast. I think that the rest of us didn't really catch on in time just because it went so fast, and then suddenly, they were a couple.

Oh well, they really seem to like each other so that's good. As long as they make each other happy everything is great.

"Um no that's kind of Paisley's business", she says.

"I thought girls talks about everything", Jake argues.

"We do, but there are limits", Katie says. "I mean we tell each other if we have s*x but not ... What we do during s*x".

I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. It's not that it's talking about s*x that makes me uncomfortable, but yeah. I have some strong feelings for a certain girl, and I don't want to have fantasies when she's around. Besides, Nova seems a bit uncomfortable and maybe that's why I am too?

"So, you didn't tell them that you were on top the whole time like an animal?" Jake winks at Paisley.

"Jake!" Grey says.

"Okay, okay I was just joking", he laughs. "She was tender and..."

"Nova get up and read your poem", Paisley interrupts. "Like right now".

Nova and Katie start giggling. Oh, Nova giggling. Oh, she has such a sweet giggle.

"Do I really have to sing?" Nova asks.

"Yes!" Paisley and Katie say.

Nova sighs and stands up.

"Fine", she mutters and starts walking towards the now empty stage. I follow her every move. Her steps are light and fast. She moves in a gracious way that almost makes me drool as her hips swings lightly.

"Could you be staring more at her, you creep?" Jake asks, hitting my shoulder playfully.

"What? I'm not staring", I say feeling my cheeks heat up.

"Yes, you are", Paisley says smiling.

Nova is now up on the stage, taking up the poem she’s written down on a piece of paper, she looks down at it.

"She's beautiful", I say. "But she's hard to get contact with".

"Yeah she's difficult that way", Katie says nodding. "But give it time Charlie, she'll warm up soon and once you c***k through that hard shell of hers, you’ll reach the pot of gold in her heart".

I hope Katie is right. I really do. I really like her. I hope she’ll warm up to me soon.

"The poem I’m about to read to you is very special to me, it’s got a dark theme because I was in a very dark place when writing it", Nova’s voice sounds loud and clear throughout the entire park and everyone's eyes are now on her. "I do hope you’ll like it; the poem is called Darkness".

Darkness? I have a feeling this poem is going to get us deep inside of Nova.

The darkness surrounds me, making me blind to everything else. I have a hard time finding the light.

It's cold and it's dark, and I'm broken inside.

No matter how hard I try, the darkness keeps wrapping its colds arms around my weak body, dragging me into its cold arms, rocking me like a scared little girl.

Scared. I'm scared to be in the dark forever. I'm scared that I will never see the light, and to never feel warmth again.

The darkness cold arms wrap tighter and tighter around me, making it hard for me to breath, to feel air in my lungs, to feel... Anything at all.

The darkness is too strong for me. I try to break loose from its grip, but it only tightens and tightens, almost squeezing the life out of my body, making it hard for me to move. To lift my arm, wave my hand and call out for help.

The darkness tries to push people away from me, making them leave me. Even when I need them the most. The darkness wants me to be all alone, so it will be all I have left. To go to for comfort, to let in completely and be someone else. Someone no one would recognize.

The darkness is not kind, it's evil, it wants to destroy me, slowly and painfully. It wants me to suffer and choke on my own tears.

I'm trying to fight the darkness, but it's too strong for me, I don't know how long I can resist it. It's growing too fast and too strong every day. Too strong for me to handle. Too strong for me to fight.

Even though the darkness is dangerous, there is something with it that attracts me to it, making me curious to find out more, to let it be a part of me completely. To explore it and find out if it really is as dangerous as it seems.

Because no matter how cold and evil it is, it always has its arms open for me, to comfort me, and to make things better. Maybe not the best way, but it's a way.

I do want to see the light and to feel it, but right now the darkness is maybe all I have.

The darkness won't go away without a fight, a fight that I do not think I'm strong enough for, not now, not soon, but maybe someday.

I don't want to be in the dark, I don't want it to attract me to it, I don't want to be curious about it or find out more. It's the darkness mysterious opening that makes me want to feel all these things. The darkness is a mystery. A dangerous mystery that the weak once cannot resist and cannot survive. The weak once need help to get out of it.

I am one of the weak once, but I'm too scared to ask for help, I do not want to seem like a coward, to seem weak even though I am.

Who knows, maybe the darkness isn't so bad after all?

When she's done, I have no words. Nova has tears glistening in her eyes, but none flowing. She has caught the attention of everyone in the entire park. Like they were following her voice here. It is this moment I know I'm a goner. I have to have her. She's beautiful and warmhearted. She's cute and sweet. She read her poem with such empathy it felt like the darkness was surrounding us as she spoke. Her enchanting voice almost scared me. I... She's incredible. She's the best thing I've ever come across. The most genuine girl I've ever talked to in my life.

Nova walks off the stage and towards us. Her skin is shining as the sunlight hits her, making her glow. She has white shorts and a blue crop top. She has flip flops on her feet and sunglasses on top of her head. She looks like a freaking goddess. Everyone looks after her as she walks with so much dignity and a small smile on her lips. She comes up to us and sits down without a word.

We are all looking at her, waiting for her to say something. But she doesn't. She doesn't say even one single word. Katie breaks the silence. "If you ever say that you’re not a good writer, I don’t know what I’ll do", she says.

Nova looks up at her and smiles. "So, I did good?" She asks.

"Are you kidding that was freaking amazing", I burst out without being able to stop myself.

Nova looks at me, first with a blank face, then a smile appears on her lips. "Thank you", she says.

I smile back at her. I just want to take her in my arms and tell her how wonderful she is, how beautiful she is.

All my energy goes to not do exactly that. She'd think I'm such a creep and slap my face and ugh. I strain myself and sit put exactly where I am, which is in front of Nova.

But when I look at her, I can't help to think that I may be in love. Something is haunting me though. The darkness in her poem. Has she felt that way? Is she still feeling that way? It’s terrible. It felt like she’s describing loneliness, and that’s just so awful. No one should be lonely and feel the things Nova describes in her poem. I hope she doesn’t still feel this way!