Forgotten Passion

The last time

For a few seconds I just stood there staring at the window shocked and shaken, making my stomach clench.

“What do you mean?” I could barely speak the words.

“He was driving from Milan when he crashed into a  lorry. Blake did not see it until it was far too late. It took them an hour to cut him out of the car.” Kate stifled another sob. “He lost a lot of blood Lara."

Oh God! I could barely speak I was shaking so much that I had to lean against Kate or I would have fallen. All the colour had left my face. Kate held me in her arms.

“Is he unconscious? I asked after a moment.

 “That's why I came,” Kate said quickly. “When he gained his consciousness yesterday, the first thing he said was your name.”

“Mine?” I closed my eyes.

“He asked where you were and when were you coming.” Kate was speaking amazingly fast as though I would run away. “He still thinks you are his loving wife.”

The silence stretched between us for a long time. I was breathing heavily and could not speak a word.

Then I said quietly, “Why do you say that?"

“It was obvious,” Kate told me,. “ He said :where's Lara? where's my wife? At first I thought he was just dazed but then after a few minutes I realise that I was wrong Lara he has lost his memory he does not remember anything that has happened in the last seven years and that you had left him and filed for a divorce.

“Was he concussed in the accident?" I asked worriedly.

“The doctor says so. His head injuries are serious. They operated when he was first bought in and they thought that they had relieved some pressure on the brain but who knows?” Kate said grimly.

I motioned my lips. “You said he was dying.  Is that what the doctors think?"

“He is  being treated by very renowned doctors in Milan and they have confirmed that he has seriously injured his head and has lost his memory." Kate said shaking her head.

“But What do they say exactly?” I asked desperately.

Kate shook her head and said, “He is not doing too well that is how they put in. He is very seriously injured. They told me if you come it would be healthy for his recovery.”

If I would come! My eyes widened and I bit my lower lip, “Kate there can be no question ….”

“He asks for you all the time; wants to know why we have not brought you to him. Oh, Lara do not you see Blake is afraid that you are were in the car when he crashed, that you are dead, and we are keeping it from him." Kate said desperately.

I watched Kate with piercing eyes not knowing what to say. I could not conceive of Blake as anything but strong. Death was an empty concept in my picture of him.  He had always been so vibrantly alive.

“I know he has treated you badly,” Kate went on and that remark made my lips twist with bitter amusement.

“What an understatement!" It came out of my mouth before I could stop it.

“But he's dying you can't refuse to see him Lara you know you can't.”

I did not know, and it made me angry again to face all the facts again. My eyes were red, and I looked outside the window.

“I'll book the flight for you, you can come with us immediately.” Kate said quickly. “All you have to do is stand by his bed for few moments to let him see you are safe. That will not kill you will it, Lara? There was a faint sarcasm. I noted, surprised since Kate was always so gentle.

“Alright” I said wearily.

Kate sighed with relief.

“I need to get back home and make some arrangement for Mike; you need to give me time till tomorrow. I will go by my own after I take care of things back home. “I said Sternly.

“Mike? Your son how is he? Kate asked curiously.

“Don't worry Kate we are both surviving and will do in future as well. I hope when I go there, Blake will recover and would sign the divorce papers, so that I can move on and get married to Charles.”

I ran my hand through my hair and Kate stared at me.

You can’t wear that.” She burst out.

For a few seconds, my face was blank as I stared back not understanding then my face flashed deeply as I looked at the ring on my left hand.

“If he saw that.” Kate groaned.

“I am engaged to be married.” I said stubbornly.

Kate looked distraught and said, “Laura don't you understand he thinks you are still together.”

“Well he's wrong then. “I said firmly.

“You've got to pretend it's true just for  a few moments.” Kate cried with sort of anguish, “It would be too much of a shock to tell him the truth Lara, he isn't strong enough. Anything could tip the balance. Do you want his death on your conscience?

“Oh, God!  I gritted my teeth. “You ask a good deal lot Kate.” Slowly I removed the ring of my finger . “There, I hope you are satisfied. Now I must be heading back as I need to catch the train, or I will get late. I will call you when I reach home and tell you the situation.”

I exchanged my number with Jamie and walked out without looking back.

 When I reached back home in the evening, I was having doubts as to whether I had been sensible enough to accept Kate's request. I did not mind meeting Blake again, but it was surely foolish of me to fly down to Milan  just to make sure that he was okay. Just this   last time. I thought.

I was turning restlessly on the couch and I heard Mike calling out. “Come on mum hurry up and get dinner, it’s getting late, I want to sleep early.” He complained.

“Oh no, I had totally forgotten about it I'm so sorry sweetheart I fell asleep.” I groaned loudly.

Mike grinned at me, I stared at his likeness to his father, with his thick dark hair and long eyelashes and the deep tan, which he seems to acquire without any effort. No one who saw them together would be able to doubt their relationship. He was the most adorable child in the entire neighbourhood, and everybody loved him.

“Okay now go out and start setting the table I will have a quick wash and come straight away, as dinner is ready I just need to heat  it up." I added with a smile.

Over the dinner Mike seemed a little preoccupied, “Are you feeling okay Mike? I asked looking at him anxiously.

"What! of course mum I'm just thinking something …..” He answered.

“OK, so tell me what you are thinking?”

He said uncertainly, “I can see that it won’t be possible for this to happen so perhaps I should not mention it…”

“Say it if you don't say it how will I know it.” I said urgently.

“Mum since you and Uncle Charles are getting married pretty soon. Can we go for a holiday to Milan?”

I stiffened slightly. “Why are you thinking of going to Milan for a holiday, sweetheart?"

Mike shifted a little uncomfortably in his chair but continued bravely. “Well you told me that my father was born there, so I just thought I'd like to see it and  also I want to tell my friends about where my father was from. Ben is always asking me about my father, where he came from? and everything and I do not know what to say but if I go there I can at least tell him about that place.”

I looked at my six year old son adorably and said, “ Mike your father is dead I don't really think it's a good idea to start living in the past,”  then I softened slightly as I saw the down cast look on his face.  “Look if it makes you happy I promise that as soon as I get a long holiday from my company, I will definitely take you to Milan, but it won't be next week or next month.” I added.

Mike grinned happily and said, “Its okay mom, any time would be fine.”

He came and sat on my lap hugging me.

As I had to break the news about my trip to Milan I  kissed his cheeks and said, “ Honey, mom has to go to Milan for some work, do you think you can live with aunt Beth for some days? I promise I won’t stay there for a long time and return as soon as possible.”

“Does this trip have anything to do with my father?" Mike asked seriously.

“Sort of I need to do some paperwork and I will be back. Think you can live without me for a few days? I asked hesitantly.

Mike smiled and kissed me on my cheeks and said, “Its okay mom you need a break anyways. And I will be happy to stay with Aunt Beth as I can play with Ben every day. But don’t forget to get me some souvenirs from Milan.” He added excitedly.

I was relived as I had never left him alone and was scared to keep him at someone else’s house, but Aunt Beth was the only person who has been always there for me, so I could count on her.