The Defiant Luna

CH 12

Nathan Pov

He was listening to her talk, but it was what Havoc was feeling the whole time, that was bothering him. Kora was annoyed and getting more so by the minute, something was wrong. Something he said had caused some sort of conflict within them. Jay-la had gone from staring aimlessly, to concerned about his anger, and then there was just pure annoyance rolling off of her wolf, directed right at him. Havoc could feel it.

His Mate was becoming unhappy about something, he didn’t think he’d done anything or said anything to cause that. Had actually given her the time to make her call, not interrupted it, hadn’t even brought it up. He kept himself in check over that human and his need to have her tell him it was over.

Even talking about the situation with Nate, which seemed to be ticking her off. She was on the defensive pretty much right away. She didn’t even want him touching her right now, she had brushed his hand off her arm, with one hard swat at him, in fact. More of a slashing at his hand away, and Nathan wondered if Jay-la realized just how hard she hit him, in an attempt to make him let go.

He doubted it, and if she did, it didn’t concern her at all. Got the feeling there had been a little bit of Kora in that.

Jay-lay had also suddenly started referring to the children as my girls, my boy. He could feel it, there was something going on with her, she might be standing there discussing the situation at hand with him, but she was internalizing something else. Then there was just anger. Not only could he see it, he could feel it rolling off of her, ‘you want what you want.’ The anger he was feeling rolling off of her had started with those words. Knew she was annoyed before that, could hear it in fact.

She’d told him before she wasn’t angry with him right that minute, but now she was, and she wasn’t shy about letting him know it either, stated she would never apologize to him for raising the children as she had. He was to never expect it. He’d not asked her to apologize for it. Couldn’t, it was his and Havoc’s doing.

Then they were shut out, like before earlier in the day, closed off to her. Kora had taken control of their bond and closed it to them. Not before Havoc had sensed pain in them though, shut themselves down from him, from his wolf.

They still had pain where he was concerned, and it probably wasn't going to go away anytime soon. If one had pain, they both had pain. He could see she was trying to bring Nate around, wanted the girls to stay happy with him. She was trying, doing the right thing by the children, by him. But nothing was actually fixed at all between them, between him and her.

Right that minute he knew she’d just pushed everything aside, let the Mate Bond take over. He knew she had always been a believer in accepting ones Goddess-Gifted Mate. Now standing alone in the kitchen, he wondered if she accepted him solely because she was supposed to. Not because she wanted to.

Touching her felt amazing, and he knew she liked it, had kissed him back less than an hour ago, leaned into him, and he’d smelled her arousal, but it could well be just the Mate Bond and nothing more. They were together, but she was not happy about it, and he knew it now. Together but still broken and apart.

Their wolves were happy, to say the least, separating them was not likely going to happen, not that he wanted it to, it wouldn’t be him who walked away, but he clearly needed to work on Jay-la before she did that. He didn’t really know how to though, where to start. She or Kora actually shut them out anytime they didn’t want him to feel what they were feeling.

Havoc certainly didn’t like it at all. Was stalking around inside his mind, though he was quiet right this minute, he didn’t seem to understand either. Kora loved him. He knew that, but she was Jay-la’s beast and only Jay-la could control her. Perhaps when they were close to losing it, unable to cope. That’s how they handled their emotions, just shut everything down.

He really wanted to bring his Gamma into this suite right now, to find out what she was feeling, why she kept shutting them out, what it was that made her actually do it, or Kora do it. It had not been Jay-la, Havoc had thought Kora had been about to surface and then, bam, they were just cut off from their Mate’s.

He tried to reach out for her, but got nothing at all. Felt Havoc test it and also got nothing. He really needed to ask his father about that. Perhaps it was something that was normal he didn’t know. But he couldn’t establish a mind-link to her at all. She was completely closed off to him. How was it possible that one could shut their own Alpha out and keep him out? It didn’t sound right to him.

Nathan stepped into the living area to see her sitting with the three children, looked at them all and found Nate’s eyes on him, saw something in his son, and knew right away that yes, those children of theirs were affected by her mood. He looked as annoyed as she did, in fact. “I’m going to duck out for a bit.” He commented and left the suite.

Mind-linked to his parents to find out where they were. Thankfully, not going at it, were in their own suite having dinner with Halley. He went right there, and sat himself at the table, saw them both look at him questioningly, as he ruffled his little sister's hair, and then asked his pressing question. “Mum, can you shut dad out, stop him from mind-linking to you?” He did not beat around the bush he needed answers to his questions.

“Sometimes, it depends on the situation. Why?”

“Kora and Jay-la have done that three times now, in one day. I can’t reach her at all.”

He heard his father sigh heavily, “I don’t think that’s a good thing.”

“It’s not.” His mother answered, “I only do it when I’m severely ticked off and am not interested in hearing what your father has to say anymore.”

“So, when you fight?”

“Yes, it does happen. Though we do keep that behind closed doors.”

“I try not to tick your mother off in the first-place, son. It is the better option.”

“I wasn’t trying to. Wasn’t even near her the first time. And I don’t even know what started it, the third time. We’re not…”

“It will take time, Nathan. There is a lot of history there, son. The girl has real pain and fear. You can’t expect that to just disappear overnight.” His mother frowned at him. “Did you really think everything would be okay just because you Marked and Mated her?”

“I guess I did.” He sighed.

“Fool.” His mother muttered. “Have you even sat down and apologized to her yet? Told her how you feel.”

“I’m certain she knows how I feel, I couldn’t keep my hands to myself last night. Craved her like no other.”

“Son.” It was his father. “Don’t mistake the Mate Bond for feelings, girls are…” he looked right at his own Mate “emotional creatures. You marked and mated last night was all. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Even if you told her, you love her, and she said it back.” His mother sighed “It is just the Mate Bond. Your first time together as a mated couple, since scenting each other, you will feel loved and cherished when Marking and Mating. You, son, have bad history that is unresolved. Till that is done.” His mother shook her head “you’ll fight, or she will pick fights with you. Your wolves mated to each other first. She might not feel she has gotten a say in being your Mate. Might not have wanted it with all that was going on.” Shook her head.

“Then why would she come to my bed?” He frowned “Accept me.”

“The bond, her wolf pushing the agenda likely. You have no idea what I felt with her. I don’t wish that on you either, son. But that is not going to just blip away with Marking and Mating.”

“So, you’re saying I’m mated to a woman who hates me, only the bond makes her want me?” He did not like the sound of that.

“Son, it’s not hate.” His father sighed. “No, she-wolf would mark and mate someone she hates. Not even her wolf could make her do that. On some level, she would have to want it. But you did banish her, drag her back here. Frightened the life out of her, I saw her that day. She was actually terrified of you. That, like your mother said, is not just going to go away overnight.”

“I don’t understand how to fix it. I can’t change the past.”

“No, you can’t. But you could start making up for it.”

“How?” he huffed, he didn’t even know where to start, and he knew that. “She barely talks to me, and Kora bit me today, right on the face.”

Both his parents were staring at him now. “Why?” they both asked in unison.

“I don’t know, Jay-la just stared at me when she was given back control, didn’t apologize for her wolfs bite. I don’t think she thought it was uncalled-for.”

“Hmm, seems her wolf is likely reacting to something Jay-la is feeling. Perhaps you need a sit down, ask her outright how she feels.”

“Has pain, we got shut out damn fast by Kora, as she felt it. Havoc felt it for a moment, then they were gone from us; currently still are.”

“Going to take time, son.” His mother sighed, “Be nice to the girl, smile at her, hold her hand and tell her your happy, want to be with her, love her.”

“Apologize for everything.” His father sighed, “No matter what it is, or how small a thing to you, it seems, it might not be so small to her. Apologize, and then apologize some more.”

“I don’t see how apologizing constantly for every little thing is going to help.” He raised both his hands at his parents' look of irritation at his words, as though they thought he wasn’t going to at all. “Yes, I will be, for the life she led, already told her I’m sorry she had to raise the children on her own.” And he had though that conversation got interrupted by Tim calling her, it might have gone better if they could have talked more, if not for that man calling her.

“A good start, son.” His mother nodded. “Though she said something to me about not wanting to work in the Luna’s office. Thought it had been Sophia’s. I got the distinct impression she didn’t want to be anywhere that woman was with you.”

“Can’t blame her on that one.” He muttered “neither do I.” and he didn’t, hadn’t so much as gone into that room he’d shared with her. Had gutted it and had it remodeled, then lived elsewhere. At least she’d never been in his Alpha Suite, frowned at that thought, then got up and left.

He walked into his suite and looked right at Jay-la, took her by the hand and led her out into the hallway, excused her from the children, and closed the door behind them. Looked down at her raised eyebrows, “I have never had a woman in this suite. No one at all ever.” He told her “I didn’t move into his suite and claim it as the alpha suite until I took over.”

“Alright.” Jay-la nodded, she seemed confused to him, as to why he was telling her this.

“I don’t want you thinking that she was ever in here. She was not.”

“Okay.”

“This is our suite, yours and mine. If you want to, you can redecorate it to your liking. I want you to be happy here. This is your home, yours and the children’s, so feel free to make it as you want it.”

Saw her just stare up at him, didn’t really say anything much, then just nodded her head. He looked down at her, didn’t really know what else to say to her, right that minute. He wanted to hug her and kiss her, but wondered if she wanted that now? Was concerned that what his mother and father had said was right. Had Kora made her be with him?

“I’ll let you talk to Nate. If he doesn’t want me there, then perhaps its best that I’m not.” He sighed heavily “I’m used to being in-charge Jay-la, not stepping back or aside even. I do realize he is uncomfortable around me.”

She nodded in agreement with him.

“As are you.” Nathan murmured, acknowledging what he thought was going to be their biggest hurdle. “I want you here, to be my Luna. I know there are things that need sorting out. But I want you to know that.” He leaned down and kissed her softly, chastely “I’ll give you time with the children.”

“Thank you.” She nodded.

Wondered why the “Thank You” as he stepped aside and opened the door for her to go back into the suite. Hoped his words would help to start the path for them to come back together once more. They’d been good together once, he wanted that again, but knew now it was never likely to happen. They probably couldn't ever go back to that fun, playful relationship they’d had, there was just too much hurt and pain in her. Pain and hurt that he had caused at that.

Nathan walked down the hall and wondered if he’d broken that part of her, was there even any of that girl left in his Mate. He sighed and headed off to find Ethan. He hadn’t come to him yet with any information. He needed to find a way to fix her, and didn’t think telling her he loved her was going to solve anything. He needed a better approach to the situation. Needed to find a way to resolve her fears and doubts, and didn’t know how. But had to figure it out, first.

Then not just tell her he loved her, but show her, something else he had to figure out how to do.