Unbreakable

1. Aftermath

“You’ll lose everything!” his voice rings out in my ears.

I want to laugh, but only a mere huff escapes my mouth, “I already have,” I scream.

I’ve lost everything because to me, that was you, Nico. That was Sam.

Now the sound of your voice haunts me. It’s taken up residence in my head, reminding me every single time that I allow the dark thoughts to seep in, that I still have something to live for. Someone to live for.

*****************

I’m standing within the sea of flowers that Nico planted for me. All that he thought he was leaving for me. Instead, he left me with this life growing within my body. And I know I should be happy. I should be over the moon. But I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m frustrated.

He did this to us. He left me behind in this wretched world without him. Sam thought he was being noble, and bless his heart, he tried, but Alpha Xavier was crazed. I could feel it. I’d never be able to prove it now, but the man cheated. I know it.

When Nico challenged Alpha Xavier for his title, the thought crossed my mind that it was possible I could lose him, but I held onto the fact that he was strong. That we were strong together. I couldn't lose my mate, right? And Sam, he wasn't even a part of the challenge. He was my human mate. The other piece to our triangle. Despite being a human, he was both brave and noble, with the strength in his heart of a wolf.

But when I truly think about everything, all I feel in the depths of my soul.....is guilt. The events of the last few weeks happened because of me. I thought that I wanted to stop time, so that I could enjoy it for just a moment longer, but now, I wanted to go back in time. Back to the moment that I decided to stay in Mount Vernon. It was that one decision that sealed Nico and Sam’s fate. Had I not been there, they would never have crossed paths with me. I would never have accepted them as my chosen mates. We would never have come to Canada together. I wouldn't have joined them on their trip to Blue Ridge. I probably would never have crossed paths with Alpha Xavier. He would never have had the opportunity to concoct his insane plan to force me into his life for strong pups. This moment was the first in my life where I wish I hadn't been born a female Alpha.

They would still be alive......

I’m wearing a stupid black flowy dress that moves with the wind. I hate what this dress resembles, and I will have to throw it away after I leave here so I don't stare at it as a reminder of the one and only time I wore it.

Today is their funeral. Grant insisted they have an honorable burial. But with no family, it was going to be just for me. I didn’t want to see their faces again. My heart couldn’t take it. Not that there was much left of it. Most days, I didn’t feel like moving from the confines of my bed.

Bailey reminded me that this was what they would have wanted. For me to say goodbye. She mentioned closure, but I don’t want closure. There was no coming back from this.... Closure is just bullshit that people spew in hopes that it will bring you some sense of peace.

I wanted death.

But as fiercely as Loki wanted to defend our honor, so did Aspen. She chose to avenge her mates. I still don’t remember much from the fight. It’s coming back in flashes, which brings a new wave of pain each time. The only sentiment that came out of that dreaded day was the look on Alpha Xavier’s face when we ripped his heart straight from his chest.

That memory has been on loop because I made sure to see the look on his face as Aspen elongated her claws, plunging them into his chest. The sound of his muffled cries. The feel of his warm blood wrapping around my hand like a wet blanket. The beautiful gasp that escaped his lips as we squeezed the life from his body, tossing his dead heart to the side, just as he had done with Sam.

Then I woke up in that hospital room. I wanted to stab the doctor. How dare she smile at me, the words congratulations slipping off of her tongue with such ease. There was nothing to congratulate. Sure, I had life growing within me, but when your heart is dead and your soul hollow, how can you even imagine bringing a new life into this world? Let alone two..

I realized in that moment that the Goddess does in fact hate me. I’m like a rat trapped in a maze of mirrors. Searching for a way out, growing desperate with each futile attempt to escape, and finding myself falling away from the person that I thought I was going to become. Each door that opens in my life is a test that I always seem to fail, falling just short of the happiness that I have been so desperately craving.

The breeze around me picked up, sending the hundreds of different floral scents into my senses. Something that would have typically brought a smile to my face before, but now, it only brings me sadness. I never thought that I was the type of person who would long for the smell of caramel or candy over flowers.

“This is all for you,” his voice whispers loudly in my head. It feels as if he’s still here with me. Like I can feel the heat of his breath as the sound of his voice meets my ears. The warmth of his arms wrapped around my body as I stared at this beauty before me.

I still haven’t decided whether or not I want to set it ablaze. The idea is so appealing. I wanted to hate him for leaving me with this field of beautiful flowers. That now, I wouldn’t even get to enjoy. Not only is it a reminder of his ‘goodbye’ gift, but I must return to Blue Ridge after the funeral.

That was another thing that I never wanted.

I’m the f*****g Alpha, taking Alpha Xaviers place. Part of me considered running the largest werewolf pack in the America’s into the ground, but do his people deserve that? All I wanted was to be a nurse and live my life in blissful peace. Get the house. Get the family. Get the future. That was the plan before Nico went and f****d it all up.

“I hate you,” I screamed at the flowers, falling to my knees, “I f*****g hate you for abandoning me.”

‘You don’t mean that.....’ his voice filled my head.

“Go away. I don’t want you in my head,” I paused, feeling the tears flow freely, “I wanted you in my arms.”

My voice felt foreign to me. Not much higher than a hoarse whisper.

Aspen was long gone too. Her soul too tired to be any help to me. That, and she was using what little strength she had to keep our pups safe.

“I thought I might find you out here,” Brody’s voice met my ears.

He’s been depressed too, but keeping his distance. Part of me feels guilty for not trying to console him, but right now, I’m just a shell of my former self. I don’t have much left of myself to give.

“It’s time, isn’t it?”

Brody frowned, meeting my gaze and nodding. He offered a hand to help me off the ground. I brushed off the dirt and grass from my dress, walking back towards the burial grounds. The pack was gathered in chairs that had been set up in front of two caskets.

Those caskets were going to lower into the ground, taking my heart with them.

I don’t know if I can do this. My legs wobbled, the weight of my body feeling like a ton, but Brody’s arm quickly snaked around me, holding my body up, “I’ve got you,” he whispered, basically holding my body weight up so my legs could move forward.

We walked up to the front row, where Grant, Summer, Bailey, Wes, Gabriella, and Dakota waited for us. Wes has also been taking their deaths hard. He explained it to me like survivor's guilt. Nico had a hand in the reason that he’s here today, and now, the man that saved him is dead.

A few members of Blue Ridge that knew Sam and Nico had travelled here to pay their respects, though many of them stayed behind, grieving the loss of their Alpha.

Sitting down in my chair, I felt numb. I don’t want to be here. I never wanted to be here. We were supposed to live happily ever after.

My hand instinctively moves over my belly. The last living parts of Sam and Nico are fluttering around, though I can’t say I’m truly happy about it. The guilt in feeling that way is a lot. I’m not sure what I will do if they are born looking exactly like their dads....

Grant was standing at the podium, beginning his speech, but I no longer could hear the words he was saying. My eyes were glued on the two black caskets in front of me. Everything else just melted away as I stared blankly ahead.

I could feel the cool dampness on my cheeks and the wind licked my face, but that was it. Even the beating of my heart was drowned out by the sorrow that I was feeling staring at those two rectangles.

I heard Wes’ voice on the microphone, my eyes moving for the first time to meet his. His chocolate brown orbs glistened with unshed tears.

“Nico and Sam, along with Brielle, are the reason that I stand before you today. I was being hunted, and eventually, was shot with an arrow. In a last second attempt to save my life, I sent a widespread link out to anyone that was in the area, pleading with them to come and help me,” he paused, the tears now flowing freely from his eyes, “Brielle and Nico, and I thank the goddess every day, were not far from my location. They ran towards me, risking their lives in the process, to see if they could help. Nico carried me on his back all the way back to Brielle’s apartment where they took care of me in the aftermath of being shot by the Eradication hunters,” Wes paused, wiping furiously at his cheeks, “Because of that sacrifice, I met my mate and have the opportunity to simply live in freedom. Nico was a selfless man. He and Sam were best friends, and lovers, their kindness never falling short..... I am devastated that they are gone,” his voice came out choked by the end of his speech.

Wes quickly rejoined Bailey as she pulled him towards her. His sobs rang out in my ear.

Dakota stood from his seat, limping towards the podium, “Not many of you know me, and may also hate me by the end of this speech, but that’s okay, I deserve it," he paused, chuckling dryly, "I met Sam back in the States when we joined the Eradication together. It wasn’t until much later that I learned why he was there in the first place. Sam joined the Eradication specifically to help your kind” Dakota paused as a few gasps and murmurs erupted throughout the crowd, “He was an amazing man, a good friend, and most of all, a great partner. He had your back, no matter what. There wasn’t an ounce of judgement in his eyes, no matter who you were. He treated everyone with respect, and I looked up to him. He was funny, smart, and the man was built like a God,” he whispered, causing a few laughs, “Sam, I’m going to miss you man. Nico, I didn’t know you well, but Sam spoke so highly of you, I can imagine your presence will be missed.”

A few people from Blue Ridge took the microphone, but I had long tuned out their voices, my eyes remaining trained on the two caskets before me once again. This whole thing feels like an outerbody experience. I know I'm sitting here, but it doesn't feel like I'm really here. Like my soul is somewhere else. Gone I presume. Or locked away in those boxes. I probably will never know.

I haven’t even started to process losing Sam. When he ran onto that field, I had no idea what his plans were. Even he thought that would end in just him spending awhile in the dungeons. He never thought he would take his last breath on that field.

Pain spread throughout my chest like a wildfire, taking my breath away. I so desperately wanted this day to be over. I silently pleaded with these people to stop talking. Brody reached over, grasping onto my hand and I held it like a lifeline. It was so miniscule compared to the pain that I was feeling, but nonetheless, I held onto his grasp like it was a life preserver in the raging ocean that was now my life.

‘I....I’m sorry, little wolf,’ Loki’s words played on repeat, drowning out everything around me.

Closing my eyes, the darkness was met with striking blue orbs. That was the blue ocean that I wanted to be drowning in.

It was time to lower them into the ground. Part of me hated the idea that they would be here forever. Stuck in one place for eternity. That seems too permanent to me.

Using the last ounce of strength I had for today, I walked up to their caskets, watching as they slowly lowered into their final resting place. I wanted to climb inside the hole, lying next to them until my life faded away itself, but that wasn’t an option. I had two tiny lives that were going to depend on me now. That was literally the only thing that kept me going.

The reel stopped, signaling that they were at the bottom of the hole.

I pulled out the single crimson poppy that Nico had planted in honor of me, from the pocket of my dress. When I plucked it from the ground, I remembered my mother’s words about disturbing the afterlife. But the darkness that had grown inside of me won, and I smiled as I broke it free from the stem.

I held it to my lips, placing a kiss on the petals, before dropping it into the dark abyss with my mates.

My lips curled ever so slightly, hoping that I had disturbed their afterlife. That’s what you get for leaving me here without you, broken and bleeding from a wound that would never heal.