Chapter 5For a few days, we try our hardest to make everything as normal as possible between us. The first heavy twenty-four hours was so exhausting, and even if I know I’m avoiding things I shouldn’t, and even though my head spins with questions and what-ifs, I don’t have the energy to ask them. Or to hear the answers. So we’re carefully trying to navigate our new reality. It’s difficult; I’m torn between the instinct to touch him, kiss him, and love him like usual, and taking the easy way out and pulling away.
The only reprieve is the nights when I can hold him in my arms without questioning it. Sometimes I wake up and don’t want to go back to sleep again, because I want to enjoy holding him without it being a big deal. We’re hardly touching except for when we’re sleeping—and that was m
