Hers Always

Chapter 7: Learning new things

Jade's P.O.V

I'm think I'm losing my f*****g mind. It's been two months and all I'm allowed to do is walk around the house. That's it!

Not go outside, or train, or even go for a walk. I feel like a complete stranger here. Everyone else had their set routines and is always busy doing stuff, whilst all I can do is sit in my room. 

I barely get to see Kaiden. Oh don't get me wrong, he pops by time to time but that's probably just to check I'm alive. All he says is hi, kisses my cheek and then leaves. 

Some mate bond. 

He told me that he couldn't live without me and that we're meant to be together forever but I don't know if I want to be with him forever. 

I mean, he just ignores me and doesn't spend any time with me. 

I'm still trying to recover from the my past and I don't know if he thinks that he's giving me space but it's too much. I need comfort and love to help me move on. 

My mum used to sleep with me in my room, since I used to wake up in the middle of the night screaming, but now my nightmares have calmed down so I sleep by myself. 

Mum just sort of slipped out of my mouth, a couple of week ago, when we were laughing our heads off and painting our nails on my bed. She started to cry and then I started to cry. 

Ever since then it's sort of stuck and I know that it hurts Lex sometimes, but I don't really feel comfortable calling him dad yet. We're not as close as me and my mum.

I get lonely though and sometimes I wish that Kaiden would sleep with me but I know it's too soon for that. 

As Luna, my mum has a lot of work to do so she normally comes to see me in the morning for twenty minutes, before she has to leave. I hang out with Lily, Kai and Harry as well but they all have school. 

My mum told me that I was too old to go to school and I'm glad because Lily always tells me how much it sucks. Uncle Jack used to homeschool me and Oli anyway, so I think I'm fine. 

I mean, it's not like I need to graduate to be a werewolf. 

I don't see Lex, unless we all have a family dinner together and Jacob is always busy working with Kaiden.

Apparently the Alpha title can be handed down to me or Jacob, since we're both the same age, but I was happy to reject any claim I had as Alpha. 

I have no interest in leading this pack. I don't even know anybody, plus I know how much Jacob wants to be Alpha. 

Since everyone else does their own thing during the day, I made a friend to keep me company. She's called Alana, and no she's not imaginary. 

She's a couple of years older than me, almost 5 foot nine, has raven coloured hair, legs to kill for and apparently my mum saved her life when she's was younger from an attack orchestrated by Elijah.

About six weeks ago she accidentally spilt boiling hot coffee on me, as I was walking up the stairs, so she rushed me to the pack infirmary. 

Thankfully, it wasn't that bad of a burn and I just had to apply some cream onto my arm and let my wolf do the rest of the work. 

Kaiden was furious with Alana and even tried to kill her but I managed to stop him and from then on we've been the best of friends. 

I know it's a weird story, but we have a weird friendship. 

Most of the time we walk around the house, laughing our heads off at the stupidest things. I love being with her. 

She makes me feel... normal. Everyone else just walks on eggshells around me, but Alana talks to me like she would with anyone. Sure she's a bit crazy, but I think that's just what I need. 

She convinces me to the wildest stuff. Things that I would never have imagined to ever day, like the other day when she convinced me to sneak out so we could go to a party. 

I was more than up for it, since it meant that I could finally leave the borders. I always wanted to see what a human party is like. 

We managed to make it all the way to the border, before getting caught by Kaiden and Lex. Let's just say that they weren't very happy. 

Especially Kaiden. He didn't even speak to me for three days. Like it even made a difference anyway. 

"Jade, open up." Lily continues to knock on my door until I open it. She runs it and jumps onto my bed, whilst Kai and Harry stroll in.

Alana's goes to college on Tuesday's and Friday's so I normally just hang out in my room by myself until Lilly, Kai and Harry come back from school. 

"Hey sis." Kai says as he gives me a hug. 

"Hey. Hi, Harry." He just gives me a small smile in response and lies back onto my bed. At least he's stopped ignoring me or giving me dirty looks. 

I mean, I understand where he's coming from. I'm a stranger still I guess. We've gotten to know each other a little better, so I think he's warming up to me. 

They proceed with telling me all about school and Lily tells me about how Jennifer stole Georgia's man and the huge cat fight that went down. Whatever that means.

"Uh Kai, Harry can you leave us alone for a second?" Lily asked nervously, as she played with her fingers.

"Why?" Kai and Harry said at the same time.

"Because I f*****g said to!" She screamed at them and I jumped at how loud her voice was. 

I watched her carefully as Kai and Harry left the room and then quickly moved to sit next to her. "Hey what's wrong?" She refused to look me in the eyes and I held her hands. 

"You can tell me anything. I won't tell Kaiden or your parents." 

"Swear." She said, looking up at me.

"Sisters before misters right." I repeated the phrase she taught me and we both laughed.

"I kissed someone. A boy. He's my friend though and we were just hanging out at school when he leaned in. He's a human so he doesn't know about mates or anything. I was shocked and I wanted to pull back but I didn't. I liked it. I felt something and I think I like him more than a friend. I don't really have any 'girlfriends' so I wanted to talk to you about it, since you're pretty much like my sister. I know you probably don't know anything about this but I just needed to tell someone." Her eyes started to well up with tears and I wrapped my arms around her, whilst she cried. 

A box of tissues and fifteen minutes later, Lily finally stopped crying. She went into the bathroom and came back with a smile on her face. "Why are so happy all of a sudden?"

"I just realised that I like the guy who likes me. There's nothing wrong with that and if my mate can't deal that I had a relationship with a human, then screw him. It's not like I'm going to marry him, just date for a little while. I've got another four years before I can find my mate anyways." She skipped over to me and launched herself onto my bed. She placed her hands under her chin and looked at me with a huge smile on her face.

"So, let's talk about you and Kaiden." I scoffed and leant back against my head board. 

"What about us? I barely ever see him. He's always working and when he's not he's either training or sleeping. I don't want much but what I do want just a little bit of attention and love. It's like we're not even mates." She rolled her eyes and moved so that she sat cross legged in front of me. 

"That's boys for you. You need to tell them what they're doing wrong otherwise they don't know. He's probably oblivious to everything and thinks your perfectly happy." Boys are so stupid. Does Kaiden really think I'm happy? 

"Have you guys done anything yet? Have you kissed? Or better, have you mated?" I felt a bit uncomfortably talking about kissing with my mate's sister but she looked more than happy talk about it.

"We haven't kissed. And I don't know what mated means but we probably haven't done it?" Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened.

"You don't know what s*x is?" She whispered. s*x. That's such a weird word.

"No, I don't. What's s*x?" She giggles and a mischievous grin appears on her face. 

"You were never taught s*x Ed." I shook my head and she squealed." 

"Your so cute Jade. Okay. Let's start with the basics. s*x is what two people do to make a baby or show there love for one another or just to have plain fun. s*x can be with two girl, two guys, or a girl and a guy. You are straight and your mate is Kaiden so we can just ignore gay s*x for you. So, you do you know what your private's are called? Like the correct term." She was pointing down and I felt a little bit of pride since I knew what it was called.

"Yeah, it's called a private woman hole." She suddenly burst out into laughter and I just looked her in confusion. 

"It's called a v****a. And a guy, i.e. Kaiden had something called a p***s or a dick." That's what it's called. The thing that Kyle used to stuff down my throat. 

Ugh. Just thinking about it sends shivers up my spine.

"Now, the p***s goes into the v****a. Then, the pen is goes in and out of the v****a until they both c*m. c*m is like this white sticky stuff and it's also called sperm. Sometimes it fertilises the egg so you can make a baby, which is why people wear condoms. To stop themselves from having a baby. It's all very confusing and werewolves don't really use protection." I was so confused but fascinated at the same time. 

Uncle Jack told me that babies were carried down by a bird from the sky. Now I just feel really stupid.

"I know it all sounds very complicated and weird but it's supposed to feel really good. I never down it myself, but I know people who have and they all said that it hurts at first but then feels really good. You can do different positions and use toys as well." Toys. I like toys. I only ever had this one doll but it was the only fun thing I ever had. 

"It brings you closer too. Someone people call it making love because it shows that two people care and want each other. It's a sign of commitment. That you want to be together."  She looked at her watch and then started to climb off my bed.

"s**t, it's already five. My mum will be wondering where I am. Bye Jade and I hope that you feel more educated." 

"Bye and thanks. I learnt a lot." She gave me a quick hug, before running out of the room. I sighed and fell back onto my bed. I still had another hour and thirty minutes until dinner. 

I could have a shower, or practicing painting my nails like Alana showed me. That's my new favourite thing to do. Apparently, I have a thing for art. 

My room is decorated with other paintings and drawing I have created over these past few months. I have a lot of spare time. 

I've only really told Liv and Alana about my favourite new hobby, Kaiden hasn't really bothered to learn anything about me. 

I could start another painting but that would take too long, plus I can't really think of any inspiration. 

For some reason the only thing in my head is s*x. It's all I can think about. 

I groan and pull myself off of my bed. I open my door and walk down the hall, towards the balcony at the end of the hall. 

I love just sitting on the balcony, looking out at the amazing view especially at night. "Oh, Sorry. I didn't realise anyone would be out here." I say to Jacob, as I close the doors balcony doors behind me.

"It's fine. Here sit." He moves to the left slightly and I climb up to sit next to him. 

"How are you adjusting to everything?" I look at him but he's just staring out at the sky.

"Good. It just gets a bit boring and lonely sometimes. I can't go to school, I can't help you and Kaiden so I really just have nothing to do." 

"I would let you help us but what we do is really boring, plus I don't think Kaiden or dad would let us." I just nod and we both sit in an awkward silence. 

"How's it going with you and Kaiden? You haven't done anything with him, right?" His tone becomes worried and I place my hand onto his shoulder to comfort him. 

"Don't worry we haven't kissed if that what your worried about. He doesn't really speak to me and we hardly even see each other." He turns to me with a clenched jaw and his eyes turn black.

"He's ignoring you. I'll beat him up for you if you want. Best friend or not you're my sister and family comes first." He growls and I shake my head.

"I don't want you too. It breaks my heart to think about him getting hurt." He nods in understanding and we both turn back to face the sunset. 

"Can I ask you something?" I ask and he just nods in response.

"Have you had s*x?" His eyes widen and he starts to turn all red and flustered.

"Uh, I don't think that's something you should talk to your brother about." 

"Why?" He was acting like s*x was forbidden or something. 

"Because I'm your brother. It's weird. Don't talk about s*x to family. That's like the number one rule in life. Why are you asking about s*x anyway? You haven't had s*x with Kaiden right? Because I would have to kill him as my duty as your older brother." 

"No we're not having s*x. I don't get why you can't talk about it, it seems fun." I said casually and he starts to laugh.

"You c***k me up Jade." He gives me a one armed hug and then jumps off the balcony. He offers his hand out and helps me climb down.

"I've got some work to do before dinner, so see you later." I nod and gives me a hug, before leaving. 

Me and Jacob have got quite close. Sometimes he sneaks into my room with popcorn and chocolates and we watch movies on something called Netflix. I love our movies nights, they're so fun.

I walk down the hall and decide to go help out into the kitchen for a bit, when I see a familiar figure walking with his back to me. "Kaiden!" I shouted and he stopped in his steps and turned around. 

A big grin appeared across his face and he started to walk towards me. "Hey, I feel like I haven't seen you for ages?" He says as he brings me in for a tight hug. 

Yeah, no s**t Sherlock!

"Yeah, me too. What are we Kaiden?" There was no point skirting around the truth. 

"What do you mean?" Confusion was plastered all over his face. Lily was so right. Boys are clueless.

"Are we boyfriend and girlfriend, friends? What Kaiden? Because I'm getting sick of hardly seeing you, being left in my room with nothing to do and being confused about what we are?" I took a step back so I was out of his arms. He reached to hold me again but I put my hands up to stop him. 

"What do you mean? We're mates, so technically yeah we are boyfriend and girlfriend. What's going on?"

"We never spend anytime together. I feel like I barely know you, Kaiden." 

"What do you want me to do? How do we fix it? I'll do anything Jade." He begged and grabbed onto my hands.

"I know how to bring us closer. Let's have sex." I said and his jaw dropped.