Huntress and The Alpha King

Not His Weapon!

Irina

The harsh sound of smashing glass and a guttural roar filled the silence of the corridor outside Quinn’s office. I clutched the document I’d retrieved from his desk. I didn’t need our ruined bond to tell me that Quinn was frustrated and upset. He was an open person; he didn’t play games, but this was eating at him. I was a huge part of the problem. Last night had been the first bit of peace I’d gotten in weeks. I wasn’t plagued by nightmare flashbacks. Images like, Alec’s bloated corpse washed onto a pale sandy beach. Demetri’s cruel smile as the light faded from his eyes. Nina’s diminished demeanour in Quinn’s office. Erik’s burned form on the video monitor. My hands marred by the blood of my victims and friends alike. Or, worst of all, Quinn’s pale corpse hung from a pole. Quinn’s wolf helped me shoulder that burden for a night, just like when we were bonded.

“We need mate,” said my wolf.

“Our mate can’t absolve us of our crimes,” I replied.

“He wants to help us,” said my siren.

The first I’d heard from her in a long time. She sounded like my wolf, tired and careworn.

“He deserves better.”

“No, he deserves us,” said my siren.

I refused to argue with them right now. Part of me desperately wanted to re-bond with Quinn, to let him help me. I’d tasted what that was like before Demetri ruined it all. But the more dominant part, the one riddle with guilt, told me he would be better off not being bonded with me. Logically, the next step was to extricate myself from his life, but that was too painful to consider right now. I’d already established that my plans usually went to s**t.

My stomach rumbled and reminded me that with all this extra training I needed food. My appetite had died away with everything that went on, but it was back with a vengeance.

It felt good to be equipping the pack to fight vampire-hybrids. Was it enough though? I needed to move onto weapons soon. I really could do with Erik here. I’d lost my details people. Clearly, Demetri trained me to be more of a mindless weapon than I thought.

“Hey! What did that document ever do to you?” asked Grady. He sat stuffing his face at the breakfast bar, a small omega hovered near him with a tray of food.

I looked down at the document and found I’d screwed it up. My feet had taken me to the kitchen while my head was miles away.

“Paperwork can be dangerous.” I said and took a seat next to him.

“Don’t I know it.” He laughed and shovelled in more food.

“Beta, do you want me to take some of this up to the alpha and the gamma or will they be joining us?” the tiny she wolf asked.

“I should eat their share for never coming to eat down here anymore!” Grady grumbled. “Yes, take it up.”

“Just for Quinn, Duncan’s otherwise engaged. And mind the glass on the floor,” I said.

She looked at me like I’d spoken a foreign language. I was fairly sure I’d said it in English and not Russian.

“Why is Duncan busy? Does Quinn need my help? Damn it! Those two are always leaving me out! I’m just as capable.” He slammed his fist on the table and made the food jump.

“You don’t act like it,” I said.

He looked at me for a moment as his face went red. “What the fu...” He sputtered, then shook his head, he took a deep breath which he blew out. “s**t, you don’t pull the punches, do you? I guess I’m not surprised.”

“I don’t sugar coat.” I tore into a baguette without bothering to fill it.

Grady ran a hand through his hair and laid down his fork. “Is that what you think of me? I’m not as good a fighter as Duncan and I can’t be trusted?”

“What I think and how you act are two different things.” I cut off some cheese and ate a chunk. It smelled like the type Alec used to buy when we stayed in the US safe houses. Sorrow washed through me.

“What does that mean?” He turned fully to face me; all food forgotten.

“Means you act like a d**k. You aren’t a d**k, but you prefer that mask. As for fighting, you’re strong for a beta but you-over rely on it, just like an arrogant alpha.”

He stared at me a beat. “I guess we are both guilty of wearing a mask.” His jaw ticked and he turned back to his food. “You were raised by that psychopath, and I was... well never mind. Good talk luna, you should hold a clinic.” He pushed away from the counter and strode off.

I think I’d successfully alienated all the ranked members of the pack in one day. Great work Rina. You’re on a roll. I forced down some more food, not bothering to fix it into a discernible meal. I used to eat like this all the time on missions, it would drive Alec mad. There it was again. Would it ever get easier?

“Ah, luna there you are,” said a brown-haired she wolf as she entered the common room.

“I am Kara, from the clinic, Brian’s daughter. Doctor Jones would like to see you if you are free?” She had Brian’s brown eyes.

What did Avery want with me?

When we got to the clinic, Avery was held up with a wolf that had nearly chain-sawed off his toes trying to cut his hedge. According to Kara own his steel toecaps had saved him. She left me sat in Avery’s office to go and see if she could assist.

Avery’s office faced the training grounds. She could probably see the injuries before they happened from up here. I checked out her shelves that were filled with books about supernatural healing. There weren’t any human medical books. Maybe she already knew all of that?

My eyes caught on a diecast dragon. Its fiery red colour stuck out; golden spikes ran down its back. I picked it up, it felt heavy for something so small. My dragon has golden spikes too. Had golden spikes. I closed my eyes as pain rippled through me.

A throat cleared behind me and I placed the dragon back down in its dust square.

“I need to dust those shelves,” said Avery as she moved to join me behind the desk.

“Don’t the hospital cleaners do it?” I moved back to the patient side.

“They want to, but I don’t like people touching my statue or books.”

Too late.

“Sorry,” I said.

“Don’t worry, I’ve just had bad experiences with cleaners knocking ornaments off back in my old office. Mind you, they were human so perhaps the wolves here have better reflexes.” She looked out the window, her gaze distant. She cleared her throat again and straightened her white coat. “Anyway, I didn’t ask you here to talk about cleaning.”

She pulled a file with the Hunters council emblem on it from a stack of notes.

Really? Would I never be free of that place? I looked away.

“First I wanted to ask how you were doing?” She placed the file under her hands and peered over the desk at me.

The only times I’d seen Avery before had been socially, not counting the time I woke up on her table. This steely eyed physician look wasn’t one I wanted bearing down on me.

“I’m fine.” There was a spot of dirt on the back of my left hand. “Where did you get the dragon ornament?”

“You don’t have to lie or deflect me, Irina. I’m here to support you.”

I held her gaze and she looked steadily back.

I swallowed. “Not big on talking about things.” I looked at the back of my hands again and rubbed the spot off.

“Everyone needs to talk sometimes.” Her hand hovered over the folder. “These are your medical records from the hunter council.”

Wow, that must have made great bedtime reading. I made a derisive sound.

Avery gripped the papers and shuffled them. “I’ve never read anything quite like them in all my years as a doctor.”

I bet she hadn’t.

“When I say I’m here to listen, I mean it. It’s clear from these notes when you returned to the medical bay from your times in the tank-”

“No.” I threw out my hand and rose to my feet. Everything tensed inside me as icy slimy memories washed over me. “Do not reference that!” I hissed out through clenched teeth.

We were not f*****g going there! EVER AGAIN!

That sadistic bastard threw me in there time-after-time. Now I realised he wanted to break me, make me more malleable.

“Okay, okay.” Avery remained sitting but held up her palms. She eyed me like one might a dangerous animal.

That’s what I am.

“What I mean is, you will likely have a lot of trauma and repressed memories. They will be affecting how you interact.” Her voice was calm and professional, but I barely heard it over rushing blood.

“Do you have flashbacks?”

“I didn’t know you were a head doctor, too? They had those at the council. Probably all working at Demetri’s behest! More brain washing for Irina. The biggest weapon in the arsenal.” I paced the room. Anger, rage, and fear swirled inside me.

I wasn’t his to command! I wouldn’t be controlled. I wasn’t his killing machine.

“I’m not his weapon!” I bellowed.

Nurse Kara careened into the room wide-eyed as she looked for danger. “Luna, Doctor are you ok?”

“We are fine, Kara. Please close the door and make sure we aren’t interrupted again.” Avery said, still sat behind her desk.

Kara left and closed the door. Avery surveyed me with a calm look. Didn’t she know I was a dangerous beast? A mindless missile sent at a target? Did she think because we’d gone out one night, she’d be safe from me? No one was safe from me!

I paced some more, and Avery said nothing.

Jeez, she was better than the council interrogators! I was making a fool of myself. I bent down and clutched my head in my arms.

“I’m sorry for my outburst.” I stood again then slumped back into my chair.

I was losing it. Losing the last of what I had left. My mind, Quinn, friends I thought I’d made. I was a mess of guilt, shame, and fury.

“I’m glad you shouted.”

My head snapped up. “What?”

“You’ve were taught to show no emotion all your life, Irina. You’ve been conditioned. Yes, honed into a weapon as you said. But you are no ones to command. You are your own person. Showing emotion and asking for help is not weakness.”

Heat prickled at my neck. I worked alone, I helped myself.

She held a hand over the desk to me.

Did she want me to take it? I didn’t do hand holding. I don’t need to hold hands. Why is she holding it there? I don’t need any help.

“We need help,” said my wolf as she pushed forward.

Shock shot through me. My alpha wolf never asked for help. I lifted my hand and studied the back of it as it moved as if in slow motion and took Avery’s. Her delicate hand slid over mine and for the briefest of seconds she clasped it. She caught my eyes, and she tipped her head at me, her lips set in a grim line. I knew then this woman would stand in my corner. Doctor or not. I blew out a breath as she released me.

“Asking for help is the first step but the next is accepting it when it’s given. I’m going to suggest EMDR for the trauma. It’s the quickest way to release some of the issues that hold you without having to re-live every minute of them.”

I shivered at that thought of reliving everything. “What’s EMDR?”

We studied a lot of anatomy as hunters, mainly working out the best place to kill or torture but they taught us a fair amount of medicine to get by in the field. I’d always found it fascinating. We healed fast but sometimes needed extra help.

“Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy. It uses rapid eye movements to reframe traumatic events.”

“f**k, we’d be here for a year.” I said under my breath.

“Well, have a think about it. I trained in it back in the UK. I was a psych trainee for a while, and I developed an interest in trauma before I move onto family medicine.”

We sat in silence for a while. I mulled over the idea. I could be miraculously fixed? Would I get a more social personality blown into me? I almost snorted again; I’d settle for not sending everything I touched to s**t.

“I’ll think about it. Was that all? That file can’t have been fun reading.”

Avery’s lips pursed again. “That’s enough for today.”

“Oh no, doc. Don’t go thinking I’m too soft to handle anything else. I can handle it. I’ve taken care of myself long enough.”

Not entirely true but close enough. It was crystal clear my boys had been my anchors now that I was floating about like a rudderless ship.

“You’ve shouldered your burdens alone for too long,” she said and fiddled with the file some more. It became apparent she was uncomfortable.

“Just tell me.”

“Do you remember the operation you had at age nine?”

I stiffened. “You mean the operation were they surgically removed my innocence so it wouldn’t interfere with missions.” I asked my voice came out cold.

They did it to all female hunters. Protocol apparently.

Y-yes. That was barbaric but...” She swallowed. “What did they tell you when you came around?”

I barked a humourless laugh. “They told me nothing! I was nine, they hardly ever told me anything as an adult. I learned to avoid the medical wing and their quack doctors. At least at the Russian base. Some of the other bases were ok.”

“Did you notice scars afterwards?”

I rubbed my abdomen and searched my memory. “I think they said I had a cyst?”

There had been two small scars that grew with me over the years.

“You didn’t have a cyst.”

The pricking began at my scalp and the hair lifted on the back of my neck. As if Demetri had reached his dead fingers out to touch me.

“Show me the report.”

“I-I…”

“Show me,” I commanded.

Although Avery was human and couldn’t be commanded, she flinched at the power and coldness in my tone. She slipped a note from the file. The operation note was in Russian. I lifted my brow to her.

She blushed. “My roommate at medical school was Russian, she taught me to speak and read it. I thought it might come in handy one day.”

I scanned the document and skipped over the name of the most evil doctor there. He’d been savagely attacked by a hybrid hunter last year and I hadn’t mourned his loss. My eyes zeroed on the operation title. “Laparoscopic sterilisation and division of hymen.” Farther down. “Indication Classified.”

Buzzing filled my ears. Those bastards had tied my tubes! Indication classified, of course it f*****g was.

“We can’t have pups?” my wolf cried.

“How much more will he take from me?” I whispered. I stared unseeing at the rest of the document.

“I know it’s a shock Irina but now we know, we can do something about it. If that’s what you want.”

Do something about it? I thought numbly. Resurrect Demetri and introduce him to my knife again? Throttle the life out of his eyes for taking everything from me? No, the doc wasn’t suggesting that. I shook my head to clear it.

“Do something about it?” I said, my lips numb. I felt paralysed.

“Yes.” Avery rushed on, looking animated for the first time. “To work out how to reverse it. You’ll noticed it doesn’t go into detail how they did it. Clips or tying, but we could find out by getting a laparoscopy and dye test.” Her voice droned on, she explained things I couldn’t take in right now. She said something about eggsand in vitro as my mind swirled with thoughts and emotions.

I got up and walked out of the room; her voice died away behind me. I walked outside and the sun hit me, it blinded me. I felt lightheaded. I blindly headed into the forest where it was darker. I stumbled through the forest for a while, undergrowth rustled beneath my feet and birds chirped. Eventually I crumpled on a tree stump. For a while I just stared at some leaves on the ground. They were curled and brown. After a while, I gathered my scattered thoughts.

It occurred to me that I really was no use to Quinn. A wanted murderer, an emotionless weaponised shell and now infertile. I knew how important the alpha linage was to a wolf. They needed heirs to take over the pack. Quinn was going to be king! He needed an heir more than most alphas. Maybe this was fate’s way of preventing me from making a mess of a child? Perhaps it was a good thing?

My wolf whimpered in my mind. Point-in-fact that wolves wanted to procreate. Plenty of humans were happy without offspring but beasts had a strong primal side. A drive to procreate.

Maybe it was time I took myself out of the equation. Time I entered the fray and searched for Caleb myself. Perhaps if I took him out, it didn’t matter if I died in the process. With no bond it wouldn’t hurt Quinn and I’d be out the picture. He could take a new mate without feeling guilty.

Anger tore through me at that thought and my siren and wolf both whimpered this time.

“We’ll do what’s best for him,” I said.

“What’s best for him is us at his side,” said my siren.

I closed off their links. A loose plan formed in my mind. Yes, it would be best for Quinn and for everyone.