Huntress and The Alpha King

Irina The ocean was a pale blue in the dawn light, so pale that at the horizon it was almost indiscernible from the sky. Like my grief, it stretched on endlessly. The line where the anguish ended and I began was blurred. We were one. I tumbled around in a sea of guilt and sorrow. I was now the last pure-blood hunter. An endangered species. Like a tiger in a cage, and I was the beast who killed my fellow tiger. I was the reason I was on the endangered list. I killed Demetri, the last male pure-blood hunter. The hunter had become the hunted. I wondered numbly what my mother would have thought. I still didn’t know her name. Would I ever find out? Would my remaining brother return and tell me? Demetri had left more questions than answers, that psychotic bastard. The only thing that pierced through my pain these days were thoughts of resurrecting him. I would force him to answer all my questions, just so I could kill him again. I slid the knife between his ribs. His flesh opened to accept my blade like an embrace. I drove the hilt home and twisted. A grunt issued from him. He gurgled and slumped forward. Pain and anger faded from his gaze and triumph filled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. My will shall still be done.” He coughed and blood bubbled from the corner of his mouth. “The plan is already in motion. You will bring down the council. They are coming for you, moya doch.” He coughed again, a serene look on his face. “I will be reunited with my lily.” His blood splattered me. “The only place you are going is to hell.” “I’ll see you there.” I looked at my hands, they looked clean. Demetri’s blood no longer stained them crimson. His sticky life essence no longer invaded my olfactory senses with its metallic smell. Its wetness no longer dyed my black sleeves a shade darker as it seeped into the fabric. But the clean hands before me were an illusion, like a calm sea that hid vicious currents beneath its surface. Around me the cliff was just as windy as it had looked on the video call all those weeks ago. The leaves rustled, and waves crashed against rocks; it should have been a beautiful place. But horror and violence had imprinted on this peaceful setting. I felt it in my bones, and in my tiny hairs that stood up on end. The cruelty that took my lifelong friend hung in the air like coastal fog. Impenetrable, incomprehensible, blinding. I knelt and raked my hand through the sandy soil. I brought it up to my nose, it smelt of the sea. Alec would have loved the smell. Alec loved the beach, he wanted to see them all. Years ago, after a mission, we tried out every beach on the coast of a tiny English island. He heard the beaches there had been voted the most charming in the world. “They haven’t yet had the Alec test! I’ll be the judge of whether they are the most charming.” He grinned broadly; his eyes twinkled with excitement. “Do we have to visit all of them?” “Hell yeah! I’m going to get in as many as we can till we get the next call. This is aaaallll I’m going to do when we retire!” He threw his arms behind his head and stretched like he was already on a lounger. “Become a beach bum? You’re too clever for that, Alec. You’d be bored within a week.” “Well just watch me, Mejai. Look and learn gurl!” After through consideration he concluded they weren’t the most charming beaches. It was fun. I would have stayed in and trained if it weren’t for him. That was the story of my life, he saved me from myself more times than I could count. He helped me pretend I was normal. He was vibrant, opinionated, and full of life. But he was gone. Heartbreak slammed into me full force. What would I do without him? Another wave of sadness passed over me like someone had pressed a buzzer that sent for more emotion. I didn’t need any more, I needed less. I needed my usual control back. I needed to not be trapped in this maelstrom of feelings. Undergrowth crunched, it signalled Quinn was behind me. Silent, supportive. He didn’t agree with being here, he thought it was too risky with the elders after me, but he accompanied me none the less. He was that type of person. Someone I didn’t deserve. A tear slipped from my eye and rolled down my cheek. I tasted it; it was salty. Alec always said the sea wasn’t far away if your tears were salty. It wasn’t worth arguing that tears were always salty. “How would you know, Mejai? You never cry. Those tears could be solid gold for all we know.” They weren’t solid gold though; they were salty, and I was near the sea. He would have laughed at that, he liked being right. If he could see me now. But he couldn’t. He never would again. The sandy loam fell through my fingers, I watched it go like all the things I had lost. Alec, my dragon, my mate bond, my freedom. “We could get that back,” said my wolf, her voice weak. This was the first I’d heard from her in weeks. It had never been so quiet in my head. There was no need to shut my beasts’ voices out. My dragon’s voice would never be heard again, just like I would never hear Alec’s voice again. A chill ran over me and I hugged my middle. It wasn’t cold here, but I felt cold, dead, empty. I approached the cliff edge and Quinn moved to stand directly behind me. He didn’t trust me. Did he think I would jump? Would I jump? Would it make everything go away? Would it quiet the deafening noise inside my mind? Maybe. But I wouldn’t do it. I’d come here to try and make sense of my grief. It was like an immovable wall. Each time the pressure eased, a memory would rush in, and hit me again. Like a room with walls that move inwards to crush the occupants. They should use grief in torture training because it was more painful than any physical trauma I had endured over the years. It reduced me to a shell, just like Demetri had wanted all along. My throat was permanently full of a lump. I couldn’t swallow passed it and sometimes I could barely speak passed it. I closed my eyes and drew in the salty air. The wind whipped the loose strands of my hair around my face with more ferocity now. I braced myself to look down to the spot I’d seen him disappear. What did I think I’d see? The wind buffeted us, and Quinn’s warmth held steady behind me. The air between us buzzed. Its energy pushed and pulled like opposing ends of a magnet. It repelled but at the same time twisted to try and pull together at the right end. Maybe that energy would finally push me off the cliff? I kept my eyes closed for a few more minutes. It would still all be there, a few more breaths wouldn’t hurt. Blood rushed in my ears. Look down you coward. I looked. Nothing. The same freeze frame I’d taken in my mind after his body was dragged below the waves. It was just more panoramic now. I saw more of the space than I could through the phone’s screen. There was nothing there, though. The surf churned and pitched. Waves hit rocks that jutted up, the force sent white spray into the air. There was no beach. Just unforgiving grey rocks and swirling angry surf. He would have hated it here. There was nowhere he could have laid in his speedos, while he perfected his tan. There were no over-the-top cocktails with colourful umbrellas, adorned with fruit. There was nowhere he could have sat and ogled the beach talent from behind his shades. Just rough seas and rocks. It was grey and uninviting, the exact opposite of his vibrant colourfulness. This wasn’t where he should have ended up. Lost to the sea with a beach-less shore. I stared and stared as if I could will him back out of the sea that claimed him. The salty air whipped at my face and my eyes prickled and stung. A sob rent the air and I realised it came from me. Tears streamed down my face and their droplets carried off on the breeze. A strong warm arm closed around my torso. I hesitated a beat then folded back into Quinn’s strong body. The firm lines of his frame splinted me upright as I shattered. The tingles where his skin met mine were like faint wasp stings. A macabre remnant of the mate bond, a reminder that everything between us had been changed and tainted. It was wrong. Usually, the tingles made me flinch, but I couldn’t even muster a reaction right now, I was so overwhelmed with anguish. “It’s not fair.” I screamed at the ocean. “It should have been me!” My arms flailed angrily, as I gesticulated my rage at the ocean. Snot ran freely from my nose as I cried and sobbed. Quinn pulled me fully into his arms. His leather and pine scent weaker than it once was, but it still calmed me. He tucked in my head and whispered quiet words I couldn’t hear into my ear. Why did I let Alec go that morning? Renewed sobs wracked through me. Pain carved chunks off me. Why didn’t I try harder to kill Caleb at the warehouse? I swallowed the huge lump in my raw throat. My skin crawled and I wanted to remove it. I felt simultaneously too hot and too cold, all at once. I raked my nails down my arms. The sting roused me marginally. Why was I alive, and Alec was dead? I balled my fists as emotion pounded into me. Slammed again and again, against the rocks of my guilt, my shame. I deserved this. My nails sliced into my palms. I relished the flash of physical pain; it was stronger than the sting in my forearms. I held onto it like a life raft in the storm had overtaken me. “Let it out baby, just let it out. I’ve got you,” said Quinn. His voice cracked at the end, as my emotional tsunami swept him away too. He shuffled backward a few steps and folded us downwards. He slid me onto his lap as he held me through the pain. He rubbed my forearms and un-balled my fists. He kissed my palms as they healed and rocked me like a baby. I yearned for things to be the way they once were. Before we were forever changed. We sat for a long time near the edge of the cliff, buffeted by the wind. Eventually, when my whole head felt swollen, and the tears ran dry, I came back to myself. A headache hammered behind my eyes, and I hiccupped as the episode waned. I’d only cried once since we returned home. I had gone to Alec’s room to put my weapons back. Even when his scent assaulted into me at the door, I’d stayed strong. It wasn’t until I rounded the desk and saw the post-it note stuck there. His loopy handwriting jumped out at me. Order tops for Irina. Biach needs some colour! A small stupid voice in my head asked, “Who would do my shopping now?” It smacked into me then, like a sledgehammer. He was gone. I broke down right there at the desk. The broken little pieces I’d scraped together when I left headquarters scattered back to the floor. They fell around me like confetti. Quinn found me a short while later, on my side in the foetal position, the tear-soaked note clutched in my hand. I’d smudged it and it was barely readable. He tried to pry it from my hand, and it ripped, well more liketore soggily. I screamed and threw things from Alec’s desk at him. He should have left my craziness. He should have walked away right there. Instead, he took a stapler to the chest and gathered me up against him. He said I’d hate it if I ruined anything else. I wanted to scream at him; that’s all I did! Ruined things, damaged things, broke them beyond repair. But I couldn’t speak, my throat was swollen shut. I sat there on the floor in his lap. Here I was again, same s**t, different day. “Already so much collateral.” Demetri’s harsh words replayed in my head. Guilt assaulted me. A white room drenched in Quinn’s blood swam into my memories, I watched again like a voyeur as his life force slipped away. Me, too weak to fight. Demetri’s black magic tightened its hold around me. It pulled me under his control. I was lost again. I took a steadying breath. I owed it to them to continue to fight. Touch something. Look at something. You are present here, not there. I repeated the mantra I always used to pull myself out of flashbacks. I could feel Quinn’s arms securely around me. I touched his arm and goosebumps raised below my fingers. I stared at a patch of sandy dirt off to our left. We were at the cliff. I inhaled the briny air and closed my eyes. The wind feathered across my face. Was here much better than there? Here was Quinn, here was what was left between us. Here, he was still fighting for us. Me, I hadn’t even gotten the strength to step into the ring yet. Once again, he scooped up my broken pieces when I could not. It must be like holding together a shattered vase with no glue. When would he give up and decide I wasn’t worth it? Pain stabbed dully at my chest. I rubbed the spot with the heel of my hand. Why did he still want me? Our bond had been ripped apart by blood and violence. The magic Demetri used to sever it was darker than the blackest void. It stained the very fabric of our connection. The ends were singed and burnt now. They were ragged like the edges of my heart. Could they ever recover? “Come on, let’s get you back to the pack.” Quinn’s voice was rough, it sounded like it came from a long way off. He lifted me effortlessly. He cradled me to him like a priceless treasure. I knew the truth though; he’d been sold a dud. I didn’t argue. I was exhausted. Emotionally bankrupt. He settled me into the truck and clipped in my seatbelt. I was useless, numb. The sun had risen in earnest now, I squinted at it with my sore eyes. The drive home was initially silent. He gave me space. He was very good at giving me space. For weeks, he’d given me space. So much space that a giant elephant had come to sit in the huge space between us. We barely talked. Did I want this cavernous space? The space just seemed to fill with noise and pain. It echoed as thoughts bounced off my mental walls. I started think what I needed most was a distraction. I focused on my fist and flexed my hand. I couldn’t make this pain go away, nor did I want it to go. I deserved this pain, I vowed to protect Alec and I failed. I let Caleb into my bed. I trusted Demetri. I left Nina in that monster’s clutches. I allowed my mate to be taken. My dragon sacrificed herself to save Quinn when I couldn’t. I failed her too. Yes, I deserved the pain, but I needed to function. Alec wouldn’t approve of me moping around and being useless. It was an insult to his memory. I deserved the mental torture, but I needed the buzz in my head to be less loud. It could torture me behind closed doors. Closed mental doors. I needed my steel shutter back, my icy control. There was only one way that ever worked to excise unwanted emotion. Hard physical exercise and fighting. A plan formed and I decided I might as well kill two birds with one stone. It was time the pack benefited from my expertise. “I want to start training the warriors,” my voice, sounded rough and raspy. Quinn blinked at me a few times. “Okay. Are you sure you feel up to that?” “No, but what I’ve been doing so far hasn’t been working. It’s time I did something useful.” I wiped dried snot away with my hand. “You’ve been grieving, baby.” His eyes brimmed with compassion. That endearment again. One, like the compassion, I didn’t deserve. “Well, this grief s**t is getting old. If Caleb rebuilds the hybrid army...” I trailed off. “We don’t even know if he’s even capable of that.” Quinn’s jaw flexed. “We must be ready. I must be ready.” I’d made up my mind, no more indulging my emotions. I’d given into this weakness for long enough. This wasn’t who I was. Quinn blew out a breath. “We can set something up for next week.” “Let’s join Grady when we get back today,” I said, my voice already stronger. “That’s…” He blew another out a breath. “That’s really soon after.” He motioned to me. I pulled down the sun visor and winched at my reflection. Wild hair, puffy face, and blood-shot eyes. What did the Americans call it? A hot mess. “Do you have some water?” He pulled a bottle from the centre console. I yanked my shirt off. Quinn inhaled sharply; his knuckles tightened on the steering wheel. “What are you doing?” he said thickly. I drenched the top in water, then angled the air conditioner vent towards me. I gulped down the last of the water. “Reducing the swelling.” I slapped the top over my face, and I leaned closer to the jet of cold air. “I’ll be fine for training,” I said, my voice muffled by the fabric. I settled back against the leather seat. I let the chilled compress work on my face as I worked on regaining my control. Time to get your s**t together, Huntress.