F-orbidden Dalliance: Enemies to Lovers Romance ENGLISH

Chapter 4

― new lie, new heartache

I bit my lower lip as it started to tremble. He took a step near me and was about to make contact with my shoulder but I took a step back to avoid him. I scowled at him with disbelief, frustration, and anger. He didn’t say anything, not even a fake consolation. We both know my frustration and anger are not all meant to him. It was for myself. I knew he felt the same way to himself. I looked up to the ceiling and blinked the tears away. 

“Don’t you love her?” I use my last card. If you truly love a person, you ought to do everything for them. Wasn’t it why the people who loved each other fight for everything that they misunderstood wrong to be right? Why can’t he do the same? I’m sure their love is true before all of this takes place. Why can’t he make a fight for the sake of that love?

I patiently waited for his answer but he hopelessly stared at me. My dad came to tell us we were going home. I didn’t get Leonid’s answer. I wanted so bad to grab my own hair because of too much frustration. I didn’t fully understand everything. It all happened so fast. Leonid is an acquaintance, a family friend. And all of a sudden, our parents were informing us of our engagement with us.

Long-standing promise, huh. I don’t really have a decision on this matter. All this time, our growing closeness was polished and planned. How f****d up was that, right?

“Be wild and feel the night! Be free!” The DJ roared from his booth. 

I grimaced and took my fourth glass vodka in one difficult gulp. Be free. Easier said than done, huh.

“Miss, here.”

With hooded eyes, I glanced down on the sticky pad and ballpen, Kai, the bartender slid on the table. I peered up at him in question. He kindly smiled and pointed to the lighted wall behind him. The crimson and brown slanted wall has a dim orange light creating a romantic background. In the middle of it is a 3D brown metal letter V, which stands for the bars named, Varghain. I have to squint my eyes to properly see the light brown sticky notes on it. I thought it was a design, but it makes sense now why this sticky note pad was given to me. I raised it up to Kai for him to clearly tell me what he wants me to do. 

I’ve been here several times and I thought those notes in light brown colors were part of the interior design of this bar. Why did I know about this only now? And why Kai is only informing me about it just now?

“You’re drinking our heartbroken shot so I thought you might want to write something here.”

I darted my eyes down to the empty glasses in front of me. “I ordered vodka.” And it’s my fourth glass now. 

“Yes, Kisu. It’s vodka but we add something with it to make it strong, bitter, and a little sweet. I’m waiting for you to comment about it, but I guess you’re too heartbroken to say anything?”

I stared at him a little longer and laughed. He smiled at my reaction. “Aren’t you being judgmental?” I muttered to myself. “But what am I going to do with this note? Can that wall help me if I put my problem there?”

He caressed his nape in a shy gesture. I motioned for him to get me another glass as I think of what I should write. What’s my problem? Am I heartbroken?

Oh, right. I’m broken-hearted because of my parents' selfish decision, and because I feel pathetic not being able to achieve what I really want. 

“Let me see one of those notes and I’ll write mine.” I pointed at the notes on the wall after he put another glass of alcohol on the counter. 

“I can’t. It’s all private.”

I grimace. Private but posted in public. I rolled my eyes at how it almost resembled my private, yet public life. I narrowed my eyes to the undecipherable letters on the notes. I put my arms on the counter and leaned forward to understand the handwriting of some of it but it’s impossible with me feeling dizzy, the distance, and the light.

“Look at this one.” He quickly picked a note from the bottom. My dizziness gets worse reading the small and thin writings on it. I couldn’t tell if it’s a woman or man’s handwriting. The letters were clean and intricate.

Why don’t you want to marry me?

― Billy

I laughed at the irony of the situation. I hate this sudden fixed marriage because I don’t want to be married, while this  ― if whoever this is Billy is a man or a woman ― was so desperate to get married to write it here. 

Shaking my head, I grabbed the pen and thought of what to write. Should I write that I hate fixed marriages? Or better not. That’s not really my problem. The problem is the sickening control of my parents over me. Their negligence in my opinion. They couldn’t even personally talk to me with regard to future engagement. Marrying their daughter off is only a business to them, and their prior goal is to seal that deal without giving a damn with what I want.

Or maybe, I’m the real problem. It’s been twenty-three years but I still haven't got to break free. Am I afraid to disappoint them and be mad at me? Or I know to myself I couldn’t do good things for myself so I’d let them do things for me?

That’s how my mind works ever since I became aware of the state of life and family that I have. So far, I could easily get over with whatever decision my parents made for me. Little by little, I get to understand them. I just can't help reacting to this because this one's different. It’s marriage after all. It’s the thought of settling down with someone I don’t love that way and knowing that someone is in love with someone else.

“Oh!” f**k me. I wrote it down without writing my name. 

“One old-fashioned, sir?” Kai asked the man who situated himself one stool away from mine. A strong rich male perfume instantly gets to my nostrils. 

I checked out my own handwriting as I waited for Kai to also serve the second customer who just got to the counter. 

“Bourbon sour, please,” the guy barely breathed. Kai worked on it enthusiastically. He has the face and the body, plus his great sense of humor. He’s happy with his job because it’s his passion. I wonder if I would find that enthusiasm if I were able to follow my passion?

“You’re here again, sir! Business again?” Kai greeted the second customer with his friendly tone. I shrugged my shoulders off. He is always like that. It’s like two years ago since I started going here because of his welcoming presence. What if I work here? This place seems to always set up my good mood. I snickered. As if that would be one of my parents’ parental decisions for me. 

“VIP event,” the guy answered. I glanced at the far entrance of the VIP room to the left where guests come in and out. They all seem made with this kind of party. It’s unmistakable signature dresses despite the darkness and their posture despite the alcohol in their system. I’m used to it by now. 

“Oh!” Kai nodded. On my peripheral view, I saw the guy take his drink in one large gulp and abruptly stand from his seat. I handled Kai the note. He grinned maliciously after reading it. I shrugged my shoulders.

“Your name?”

“I don’t want you going to my parents and showing that,” I joked, earning a bark of laughter from him.

“You don’t trust me, I see.”

We smirked at each other. He knows it’s not about trust. There's just no sense in writing my name. I lifted my hands and brought out my index finger. 

“A glass of water, please.” I motioned using my fingers how long the glass should be. I better start sobering myself now. It’s almost time to go home.

After serving the water, I handed him my card to pay for my drinks. I started drinking the water in one gulp when someone accidentally bumped me from behind. I gasped as I spilled little water on my front. I felt a little dizzy because of the impact.

“I’m sorry, she’s drunk,” the guy with the girl, who accidentally bumped me, said apologetically. He helped the girl with a fixated grin on her face, her eyes were dreamy. I opened my palm out for him to stop apologizing and just go with the girl. I let go of an irritated sigh as they go. 

“f**k me.”

My attempt to get the glass of water from the counter ceased. I looked up to the guy who somehow managed to get closer to me without my knowledge. I thought he had already gone to the VIP room after taking down his drink. 

“Excuse me?”

He jerked his head to the wall opposite in front of us and to my note that Kai placed at the bottom. My cheeks heated badly. My attempt to avoid him failed as he cornered me on my seat. 

“Stop,” I said and put my hand between us to keep a distance, making sure not to touch him. But he took a brave step closer, my palm touched my palm. Startled, I took my hand back. I warningly glared at him but he tilted his head for a challenge. I gaped at him in disbelief. 

Who the hell is this guy and what the―

My eyes grew wide as I studied the whole of his face and traveled down to his frame. That familiar coat that seems to be his trademark. Whenever I see him, he’s always this formal, neat, and… intimidating. 

His hooded eyes and my widening pair were fixated at each other. He’s aware I recognized him. 

“Wh―What are you doing?” Looking away, I cleared my throat. What the hell is he doing coming this close to me now?

“Follow me here.” He stepped back, allowing me to see a card he put on the counter. I took a secret glance at it. It’s a room card to a hotel nearby. 

My eyebrows knitted so much that it made me feel dizzy. I don’t understand. 

“Let’s see what I can do to grant your wish.”

His hypnotizing eyes and stoic face remained on my mind. He was cocky and so full of himself. He’s determined he could order me to follow him just like that. 

Who is he to order me around? As if my parents are not doing that work so well?

Oh, right! It’s only my parents who have all the rights to order me around as they pleased. 

“Really, Kisu?” I sipped the water, but later on, I drank everything as if that could erase the fact that Mr. Racini approached me to give me a room card to a hotel. It’s absurd and surreal. If I were to share this with the media, he’d be doomed. But then, my parents will be so mad at me for messing our family name with a Racini. 

That name is like a curse for anyone out there who knows him well enough. 

I wouldn’t dare go against my parents that boldly.

I have defied my parents with my mindless and selfish decision from that night. I know they’ll be broken-hearted to know the truth. And next to them is someone I have also tainted the name. More than anyone, he has the right to know the truth. I have caused this to myself anyway; no need to drag anyone with my recklessness. I should try fixing it by now. 

“Is there something wrong?” Leonid asked in a mild tone as he accepted me in his office. He orders his secretary to bring us snacks. I’m not here for that, but I wish to be alone with him so I let her go. I pinched my fingernails as we were left alone. 

His office still looks the same. It’s as simple and moderate as it was before. There are changes to the furniture, like the white L-shape cushion from before it is replaced by leather and a bigger one. But all in all, it’s still the same office I saw on my last fifth visit. This is my sixth. It’s not often for someone who is engaged, I know. That is why I understand the confusion on his face seeing me here without notice, and especially because I’m here without my parents which is really odd. Our family came here for business, not for something personal as my reason for going here alone.  

Her secretary knows he’s engaged but she’s not yet familiar with my face. If I didn’t insist on being inside, I would have to make an appointment or call Leonid. I know the rules inside companies but I lose the manner in desperation to talk to Leonid. 

He studied my expression as I sat uncomfortably on his sofa. I tried to relax but it was a challenge. He voluntarily locked the door I’m here for important matters and locked the door. He sits on the two-seater sofa adjacent to mine.  

“What is it?”

I bite my lower lip as drops of cold sweat start to make its way down my neck and back. The chill is making me feel dizzy.  I didn’t put enough makeup on because of uneasiness, not even lipstick. I lost hope after the ordeal I received this morning. I can’t do it on my own. One way or another, it will be revealed to the world. I better announce it now before it gets worse. 

“Kisu,” he called in a worried tone. He used the remote control to lower the temperature of the air conditioner. He must have noticed how my knees shake. “I’m sorry about Judy if she doesn’t recognize you.”

I shake my head. It’s not because of that. He knows I won’t be offended by it. I’m grateful for the patient he’s giving me.

“Do you need water?” I shake my head to stop him from getting off his seat. It doesn't only halt him. It is a shock for him to see my tears threatening to fall. It’s not my usual self to be running to someone’s office to look like a weakling. He knows it, too. But I just can’t help being emotionally when I’m not even saying anything yet. I’m making myself look ridiculous here. 

“I really have to say it now. I’m sorry,” I immediately muttered before he could say another word. I swallow the hard lump forming in my throat.“This will be a surprise to you but…”

He smoothly moved beside me with ease. He held my hands between him and gently squeezed them. His gives me a reassuring nod, his eyes nothing but gentleness that I suddenly want to burst in tears. “Tell me.”

My parents will hate me for this, but that’s one of the possible things I expect. For now, I want Leonid to forgive me. I was about to start with my explanation but I was stopped by the knock from outside his office. My head and shoulders fell, disappointed with the intrusion.

“Excuse me.” He gently tapped my shoulder. It’s as if I have a choice, I already heard his secretary’s voice. I sat up straight and watched him open the door. I expect her to have the food Leonid requested but her hands are empty. Even Leonid is confused. 

“I’m sorry, sir, but―”

“Please, cancel all my appointments for now. I’m busy.”

“But Mr. R―Racini is here.”

Leonid and I turn rigid. Coming from the side and behind Judy, the familiar face of Mr. Racini appeared. Leonid turns his eyes from the visitor to his secretary. 

“I’m really sorry, sir, but he insisted on seeing you.”