F-orbidden Dalliance: Enemies to Lovers Romance ENGLISH

Chapter 3

― I don’t think it’s good to let people

tell you who you will become.

“You know what I’m talking about,” I said and followed him. My heavy heels are cracking beneath me. My hands fisted on my sides. “And I’m telling you not to spill it again in front of anyone.”

He halted and gave me a sideways glance. I stopped as well, leaving enough distance between us. “Miss, I think―”

I gasped in utter disbelief. Now, he’s trying to pretend not to know me when just earlier he’s demanding to open up about what happened that night? Is for real?

“Stop it!” My patience ran out. I pushed his chest without even thinking. We were both startled with my sudden action. But I was more surprised as my tears started to well up. It’s out of utter frustration. “You know what I mean. You clearly remember! That’s why I’m telling you right now not to tell anyone. What happened that night was already in the past. I am not running after you for it, and I don’t give a damn about it anymore. We were drunk, but I was serious when I said we were both consenting adults. I won’t pester you for it and I’d be glad if you do the same thing for me.” I was breathing hard when I finished. My face heated badly, not only because of anger but also because of the hot atmosphere in this basement. And his menacing eyes directed on me are not helping. The wicked smile on his lips was joined with his piercing gaze.

“I really thought I was talking to the wrong person,” he muttered to himself.

Completely stunned, I took a step back, bringing out a smirk to his heart-shaped lips. The triumphant was in his eyes. I couldn't move and he used that opportunity to leave me dumbfounded. He let me watch his retreating back. He approached the white mirrorless Audi, which was one car away from my red Range Rover.

“And miss, I was never born to make sure everyone’s glad,” he said as his own means of goodbye before getting inside his car. As he started his engine, I walked to my own car. I locked myself inside until that man was completely out of my sight.

* * *

And the moment to really judge your own judgment came. During the initial plan preparations, we thought everything’s going to be okay. Nothing would go wrong. We have to live for what we think is right. We’re doing what we think is just and nothing should be wrong about it. So we did it! No remorse because we are sure we are doing the right thing. Until the result of that decision came.

If it’s a good outcome, then good. Right decision.

But what if it's otherwise? How can you convince yourself your decision is right if the result is too bad? How can you prove a point if you have wasted one precious decision for nothing?

How can you defend it if the failure can be seen from all sides? I even said I’d have the same decision whatever may happen. Now I’m not sure about that.

“Your dad agreed to wait for weeks or a month until the design of the unit is done. I have bought a place in the tower near our company building but the interior design takes time for preparation. If you have a suggestion, I can tell the designer to contact you. Mine is a bachelor’s pad so we can’t really live there. I’m planning to sell it before we move in.”

I understand what Leonid is trying to say but my mind is flying to the basement of the hospital.

Leonid already bought a unit. There’s no turning back from this. Sooner or later, we have to live under the same roof without the watchful eyes of our parents. Everything is getting more inevitable. It’s getting serious now because I’m deceiving Leonid. He let go of his own relationship for this and yet, I am doing this to him.

When dad told me the news of my marriage, I thought it’s the end of my dream to have my own decision in life, but I made one big mistake for that will be freedom.

I was mentally rebellious to my parents and it drove me to prove who really has control over my choice.

But look at where I ended up. What’s the use of freedom if your decision will ruin you?

I should have thought about doing it thoroughly before letting my emotions rule me. Do I regret it now? I’m not sure. Until now, the defiant part of me wants to prove I made the right decision if not for the life starting to grow inside my womb.

“Are you listening?” Leonid’s face creased with worry.

He's undeniably handsome. The boy-next-door type of man. But the burden in their company makes him a little older now. Looking more mature. He's become one of those serious men in the corporate world. Young but competitive. He's that someone who has so much to prove to the world. I really wished I could be as bold as him into proving my worth.

I quickly nod my head to reassure him and straighten from my seat. I won’t be eating any of these foods served to us if I’m only not worrying he will notice something wrong. “Yes, I’m listening. I guess I don’t really have a decision about this matter.”

“I’m sorry about it.” He looks apologetic. “Our parents are right. We will have to move soon so there’s no need to keep it longer.”

I nod in agreement. I distractedly stared at him. He stared back, too, watching my reaction, and waiting for my response. After only a second, we both look away.

Despite the times we ate together outside, the formality between our conversation never changes. If we happen to care for each other, it must never be shown with intimacy. It’s like friendship at a higher level but no intimacy involvement. I don’t really understand the relationship we have. But we are both wishing for real emotion. Real love. Real commitments. Real passion.

I feel the exhaustion after we make it to his car. He left his ride in the restaurant’s parking to drive for me. We are expecting my parents to be waiting for me at home. We have to do this. I told him I’m fine driving on my own, too, but he insisted. Of course, I know it’s for the sake of our ‘public relationship’, which literally means our relationship for the public’s sake. With that public are our parents.

I turned to the dashboard, where I put the medical result to keep hidden from him. His free hand works for the radio as we get stuck to the traffic.

“... tied down my brother in a responsibility that doesn’t concern him! She was pregnant with another man’s child and made my brother take responsibility for it!”

I instantly turn off the radio. My chest heaves from the reaction. Leonid glances at me with a curious and worried face. I cross my arms over my chest in a defensive act and lean on the backrest of my seat. I glance outside the window to hide my growing anxiety. “It’s loud.”

He breaks his curious eyes off me as the cars ahead of us start moving. The angry voice of the girl on the radio lingers on my mind.

“You can change the station if you want. Or if you want to listen to music, you can pick a song you like. This is your car, anyway.”

I bite my lower lip and don’t say anything. He doesn’t ask anymore or even tries to strike a conversation. We reach our home on time, but my parents are not waiting for me. Dad is in his office because I see the light from the room downstairs still open. The light on the floor coming from his that room gives little to the already dim lighted hallway.

Leonid doesn’t regret driving me home. It’s a great practice for us so it will become normal for us. I suggested bringing our driver and car to drive him back to the restaurant, but he declined. He took a taxi instead.

I am lying on my bed when I receive his message.

Leonid:

I’m home.

I smile and finally am able to sleep. But sleeping becomes difficult. My conversation with Mr. Racini and the girl on the radio alternately screams in my head. The more we ignore to entertain a thought, the more it lingers on our head. We tried so hard to remove it from our minds and not think of it without realizing we spent all our time actually thinking of it.

“Kisu, honey, are you okay?”

I move around in panic. I feel nauseated and dizzy. I feel like crying. I feel like this is punishment for trying to go against my parents’ word. And now I have worried the whole household because I keep myself locked up in my room.

“Honey, I’ll open this door.”

I envisioned the spare keys for all the rooms. I shake my head and lean on the door. My fisted hand is on my stomach as I fight the urge to vomit, yet again. I prefer to stay in the bathroom and throw everything in the bowl no matter how my stomach hurts, but I can’t do it knowing my mom can easily get inside if she wants to.

“Mom, please. I’m fine. I’m just sleepy, that’s all.” I close my eyes and wipe the sweat off my forehead.

“It’s already noon, Kisu. Why don’t you open your door? Did you and Leonid get drunk last night? You want your soup to be ready?”

“No need, mom. I’m fine. I just need some...rest.”

“What’s wrong?” It’s my dad this time and it alarms me. I covered my closed lips with my fisted hands to stop the sudden retch. I helplessly take a look at the open door of my bathroom, wanting so bad to run for it. “Kisu, are you okay?”

“Y―Yes, dad.”

“Open your door,” he ordered. I shake my head to nowhere, my head lightheaded, two dark spots moving around my closed eyes.

“I’ll go down after my bath!” I scream in an attempt to send them away. I distance myself from the door and wait for their response. I jump in surprise after hearing another knock. I’m sure it’s the side of a fisted hand against the door. And I’m sure even before I heard my dad’s voice it’s his.

“Open this door. Why are you hiding?”

I scan the room, realizing I can send them away just like that. After seeing everything’s okay around, I ran for the bathroom and locked myself in. I take my night robe off and throw it in the bin before going inside the shower room. The water is still too cold but I let myself get wet. I gritted my teeth to prevent myself from screaming because of the cold. I really feel it because of the tension.

I jump again as the door to the bathroom opens. It is not really surprising because dad is with them. They also use the spare key to my bathroom.

“Love, she’s taking her bath,” Mom informed dad but they are already inside the bathroom. The shower room glass has an intricate frosted design in the middle that covers my body from my chest to my knees. I turn off the water and turn to my parents to see their big wide eyes. Dad is because of suspicion while mom is just worried.

“Are you hiding something here?”

I am startled at dad’s straightforward question. He is sure it is the reason I can’t open my room for them. He gives me a warning glare before he walks back to the room. Mommy follows him. And because I feel guilty and defensive, I follow them, water dripping from my body under the white robe I covered myself with. Dad is searching for something in my room. He even pulls the comforter, sheets, and pillow of my bed. He looks around with the determination on his face. Mom looks worried while trying to stop daddy. They turn to me.

“Honey, are you okay?” Mom walks to me and cups my face between her cold hands. “You look pale.”

I glance at daddy who is watching us with a glare. I’m glad he stopped his search. “I’m just tired.”

Without saying anything, dad leaves us. Mom gently squeezed my arm to get my attention back at her.

“Please, understand your dad. We are so worried about you. Are you sure you’re okay? Do you have problems? You can tell us.”

I give her a tight smile and barely shake my head, no. She gives me reassuring and motherly smiles before going after my dad. I follow after her to lock the door. I ran back to the comfort room and to the toilet bowl.

“This is a long-standing promise and we’re sorry we are only saying it right now.”

I scoffed to myself as I remembered those words from Leonid’s dad. Dad agreed with it with his precious nod that seems to always give the last verdict of my life’s decision. Not only once did our family didn’t have dinner together. It was so often that we got used to treating each other as family. Leonid and I greeted and talked. We are like friends with no official relationship because we never had any interaction unless it’s something our parents had planned. I was aware he had a girlfriend even though we don’t have common friends. I have seen her with him once and he was able to introduce me as a family friend. I just don’t remember the face and the name. It was one of the night events. I didn’t pay much attention because I didn’t think it’s necessary. We were not that close.

I am waiting for him to tell everyone about it. But he didn’t look surprised by the announcement of our parents. He kept his eyes on the table and did not say anything. My shoulders fell. He knows already. I waited for him to lift his head to me to plead for him to speak up but it didn’t happen. I only got to talk to him after dinner.

“I’m sorry about it. I learned just recently.”

“But you have a girlfriend,” I whispered with a demanding tone, hoping he’ll understand my anxiety; hoping that truth will make him move.

“We broke up already,” he replied without hesitation.

My lips parted in utter disbelief. He tiredly closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Since when? I’m sure Tito knows you’re already committed. You don’t have to break up with your girlfriend. If you tell your parents, they’ll understand.”

“You don’t want to be tied down with me?” he casually asked. When I looked away, he added, “you heard them, it’s a long-standing promise. I’m glad they let us know early.”

His last words were an irony. It’s not early because he has a girlfriend. His eyes were vacant, without any hint of slightest happiness to at least prove he is really glad. Or he’s glad he had known about this now before it’s too late and he marries his girlfriend?

“I don’t understand. Why is it so easy for you to let go of your relationship? How many years are you together again? Why is it so easy for you to agree with their decision?” My voice was low and full of determination. I wanted to make him realize how serious the situation is.

“Five years,” he was quick to answer again. “You know that more than anything, it’s easier to oblige our parents.”

“And we will suffer the consequences of it? Leonid, this one is a life-changing decision. If we do what they say, it’s our life and future at stake.” I felt exhausted and tired. I was helplessly pressuring this situation seeing the same determination I have on his face, but with the opposite purpose. He is determined to do as he was told. Why couldn’t he use that determination to fight for his relationship with his girlfriend?"

“Do you suggest otherwise? You want us to talk to them and tell them we won’t do the marriage?” He challenged me. He narrowed his eyes down at me because he knew what my answer would be.

I could only shake my head, helplessly accepting our fate. “You know I can’t do that.”

“I know, Kisu. I know,” he said with great understanding.

“I know, Kisu. I know,” he said with great understanding.