Secrets I've Held in My Heart

Chapter 2 : Christian

MY WORLD STOPPED as I heard Ava's confession.

"Jonas and I, we love each other."

"I love Jonas"

"I'm sure you must have dreams about your future wife, and I'm not even in a side role in your dream. I know, you don't love me either."

Her voice was playing on a loop inside my mind, and her each and every word was ripping up every nerve of my heart.

I slouched onto the couch, rummaging around in my pocket until I managed to fish out this small, cool blue box. Popping it open, my eyes landed on the ring inside. This was supposed to be Ava's engagement gift. Its delicate design featured a crescent moon shape, intricately engraved and adorned with silvery stones that sparkled like stars against the night sky. Yet, the true centrepiece was the silvery stone at the heart of the platinum band, meticulously carved to resemble a crescent moon. Except, this wasn't just any stone—it was a real moon rock.

Only God knows how many millions I've been spending on those stupid NASA projects so that I can get this tiny piece of stone.

"I'm not even in a side role in your dream." I smirked at her previous statement. Oh naive girl! How am I supposed to tell you that not just as a "side role" but also as the MAIN ROLE, you're there in every episode of my life.

You're my dream and my reason to dream. You're my life and my reason to live.

You're my happiness and my reason to smile.

And the only wish I've ever had is to see you walking towards me through the aisle.

TWO YEARS AGO…

Ava and I went out for a long drive when our car broke in the middle of nowhere, and there was no network at all. We worked our ass off to push the car and parked it aside the road.

It was a starry night. The sky was filled with divine stars, and in the crowd of those beautiful stars, there was a silvery crescent moon, standing more beautiful than any of them. The one and only and rare, just like Ava.

"You know, I love the moon. I can watch it for millions of hours and still won't get bored. Watching the moon gives me a different kind of joy and relief." Ava said while beautifully grazing at the sky. I wonder what's more beautiful, she or the sky? Obviously, her. No doubt. The moment when the silvery moonlight brightens her face is the most beautiful scene I've ever seen in my entire life.

"I can relate to you." I said while adoring her calm and peaceful smile. Obviously, I can relate to her. I also can watch her smile for billions of hours and still won't get bored.

"I can relate to you." She mimicked me. "Can't you be a little bit more romantic? I was expecting you to say some poem about the moon." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "God! Who's gonna marry such a boring person?"

"I'm romantic. Who said I'm not?"

"Your past girlfriends would beg to differ."

"I never had a girlfriend."

"Exactly!" She flashed a triumphant smile. "You never had a girlfriend. How can you consider yourself as a romantic person?"

"You don't need a girlfriend to be romantic. Romance has nothing to do with relationship experiences."

"Oh, really?" she exclaimed, her eyes narrowing in playful contemplation. "Alright then, I'll give you ten seconds. How about this: compose a romantic poem inspired by that mesmerizing moon?" With a dramatic flourish, she pointed her index finger high towards the moon. "If your poetic prowess impresses me, who knows, I might just consider marrying you."

"Marry me? Are you sure?" I quirked an eyebrow, a mixture of hope and amusement dancing in my eyes. Though I understood she was teasing, a part of me couldn't help but secretly wish her words held a hint of truth.

Her countdown began, and I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts before I began.

"One... Two... Three... Four... Time is ticking, Mr. Forbes. Five... Six... Sev—"

"She questioned if it's the morning's golden sun or the night's crescent moon above. I replied, it's the radiance of her smile with the sun's glow and her tears that the moon knows.

While everyone adores her laughter, I cherish even the tears she sheds, In a world ready to offer everything, I choose to share life's threads.

Under the moon's gentle glow, wrapped in a star-studded embrace so wide, I reveal my heartfelt desire, to love you wholly, including your scars and every stride."

I don't know if it's nice or not, but I just said whatever came in my heart and slipped through my mouth.

For a moment, the air seemed to hang suspended, and she simply stared at me, her eyes reflecting a myriad of emotions.

"Oh God, she's probably going to burst into laughter any second now," I thought, bracing myself for her reaction.

However, much to my surprise, a rosy blush tinted her cheeks as she finally broke the silence. "Wow, just wow! That was... um, impressive! Superb! For a second, I literally thought you're confessing your love to me, and I was a breath away from accepting it." She started fanning herself playfully. "God! You literally got me, dude. It was so beautiful and marvellous. You— really, did you make this within ten seconds, or do you have a hobby of writing a poem, and you got this from your stock?"

"I don't know, maybe, maybe not. What do you prefer?" I asked.

"Umm…" She pushed her index finger into her cheek and processed the words. "I would prefer one more. Tell me one more poem."

"Nah, I won't. You're already in debt due to the previous one. First pay that, then I'll think about it." I teased her.

"Debt? What debt?" A frown of confusion added to her beautiful forehead glowing under the moonlight.

"You said you'll marry me if I'll create a poem in ten seconds. As you challenged, I did it, so now, as you mentioned, I want my reward." I rested my arm around her waist and pulled her closer, her hazel green eyes intensifying my heartbeat. "You have to marry me now, moonlight."

She smirked and pushed me back, saying, "Only if you'll put a real moon rock ring on my finger." Translation: You need to work your ass off if you wanna marry me.

"Moon rock ring? Ava, you know it, right? That the moon just looks pretty when it's glowing. If you bring a piece of the moon to earth, it won't glow. It will look the same as those silvery grey stones or some ugly, black, and dull stone if it's a lunar meteorite." God, what's with women and bringing moons? Why don't they understand that the moon looks beautiful from earth, and it's nothing but rock if it loses its light.

"I know, I know…" She gave a dreamy smile for a second, getting lost in her own thoughts, and I got lost in her beautiful smile. I didn't say anything, I just gazed at her, waiting for her answer. "But… I still like to have a real moonstone on my finger so that when someone says 'look at the moon'," She held her hand in air, closed one of her eyes to focus the moon in-between her fingers and added, "I'll hold my hand in air and say, 'I'm looking at it.'"

Cute! But I'm luckier than her. I don't need to spend millions on moon rock, I just need to see her and say, "I'm looking at it right now."

PRESENT DAY…

"Christian, why aren't you ready yet, my son?" Dad interrupted my past memories as he walked in my room and turned on the lights.

"Dad.." I wiped my tears and adjusted my posture. "Umm.. I—Umm, Yeah.." Take a deep breath, Christian, you're gonna be alright. For Ava, you have to do it. "DAD, I…" I stood up from the couch. "Can't do this."

A furrow of doubt as well as confusion crept into his forehead. "YOU CAN'T DO.." He raised a brow. "WHAT?"

"I can't.." Breathe in, breathe out. You can do it, Christian. You're the f*****g CEO of Forbes Crop. You handle a multi billion dollar empire. If you can do that then, you can do this too. You have to do this for Ava, for her happiness, you have to say it. "I can't do this engagement. I don't want it." I'm sorry dad, but I can't snatch Ava happiness, even though it means, stating the biggest and bitter lie of my life.

"What do you mean you don't want this engagement?" Dad yelled at me and a sudden chill crawled into my spine. Dad had never yelled at me like that.

"I.." I guess I'll turn into ashes if I say it, but for Ava, I'm willing to burn for her. "I don't love her, which is why I don't want Ava as my wife."

"CHRISTIAN! Are you out of your mind? Hundreds of guests are waiting to witness your divine engagement ceremony and you're bailing out?"

"I'm sorry, dad. I tried, I tried a lot to live upto your expectations, but I couldn't. I can't see Ava as my wife and I won't marry her. As for guests, I don't care about them. I won't marry her and that's my final decision."

"Stop talking nonsense, Christian." He grabbed my arm and tried to drag me out of my room. "I'll consider I never heard this conversation, let's just go down and complete the ceremony."

I pulled my arm out of his grasp, "I'm sorry dad.." I lowered my eyes because I couldn't face him after saying the cruel things that I'm not supposed to. "I won't marry Ava and about this engagement, over my dead body."

"Christian!" He yelled, his eyes red as hell and before I could notice anything a big and strong hand clapped hardly at my face. My dad slapped me. He slapped me for the first time. I got slapped for the first time in my life.

Everyone, my sister, Bob, Ava, Martha entered my room.

Dad grabbed my collar and started yelling at me. "How dare you say that? What's wrong with our Ava? Why don't you wanna marry her? How dare you reject her? How dare you insult her?"

I didn't do anything to free myself from his wrathful grasp. I just stood there as a failure, as an i***t who just ruined his biggest dream.

Ava was standing beside me, she was holding my arm. When dad started yelling at me, she squeezed my arm as she flinched. I held back her hand and gently squeezed her back, giving a "everything is gonna be fine" bink.

Bob pulled back my dad and freed me from his grasp. God knows, I've never seen him this angry. If Bob hadn't pulled him back, then maybe, today, dad would have strangled me to death.

Ava came in-between me and my dad so that dad won't hit me again. She looped her arm around mine and dragged me out of the room.

AT THE TERRACE…

Ava was applying disinfectant on the corner of my lips. I must say, dad may have aged, but his slap was as hell as stronger as young blood. Just one hit and it made me bleed.

"Aaowhhh.." I reacted to the burning sensation from the disinfectant.

"Is it that bad?" Her lips blew a cool air from her mouth to my bruise at the corner of my lips. Her eyes were mourning my pain. Call me mad, but it's one of the most beautiful moments I've ever experienced. I'm the one bleeding and she is the one shedding tears and feeling the pain for me.

I took the cotton ball from her hand "I'm fine." I'm not. How can I? Especially after strangling my only dream by my own hand.

She squeezed my hand and said, "I've never seen uncle Alfred that mad. I'm so sorry, Christian. I didn't know he'd hit you." A bead of tears like a moonstone escaped from her eye. "You're too good, Christian and I'm lucky to have a best friend like you. Thank you SO MUCH for existing in my life. Thank you so much for sacrificing for me. You'll see, God will give you each and every happiness you've wished for."

I don't think so. The one and only happiness in my life was Ava and god played a really nasty game before snatching it from me.

I wish I could tell her how much I love her.

I wish I could be selfish enough to grab the back of her neck and brush my lips on hers and tell her how much I love her, want her and need her.

I wish I could rip off that radiant purple gown and press myself against—NO, not going there. I love her and my love can't be this filthy.

I cleared my throat. "Maybe, but for now I wish, God will save me from my dad's warth." I made a little joke, but I guess it was terrible as always. "It was a joke. Come on, I saved you from a forced engagement, at least show some respect and laugh at my terrible joke."

A little laughter escaped from her mouth that cooled my burning heart and shortly my laughter joined her. "I'll always do everything for your happiness, moonlight and you don't have to thank me for that."

We stare so intensely at each other that for a second I literally forgot that she loves someone else who was not me.

"Does it hurt?" Her soft hand caressed my cheek.

I closed my eyes to feel her soft touch on my soul. However, reality hit and I opened my eyes. "No…" I pulled her hand back from my cheek and forced a fake smile. "I'm fine, moonlight."

"The girl who's gonna marry you will be the luckiest girl in this world. She must have done a really good deed to get you as her husband."

Maybe, but for you, I would do it for free. You don't even have to do anything, I'll still marry you and give you all the happiness in this world. Even if you've done sins, I would still accept you with all of it because, even your sins sound like a beautiful melody to me and I would love to drown myself into your song.

"Trust me, if I hadn't fallen in love, then maybe I would feel blessed to be that girl." My heart clenched at her statement. She would've loved me if it wasn't for Jonas?

No! I can't blame Jonas, it's all my fault. If I wasn't a coward that I'm, and if I confessed my feeling at the moment I felt it for the first time, then may be today, the story would be different and she would be smiling beside me, wearing that crescent moon shaped ring, engraved with silvery moonstone and surrounded by little shiny star-like diamonds.

"But now, Jonas is my everything." She said, "He is my blessing, he is my curse, he is my life and he is the afterlife, he is love and he is my hate, he is my mate and he is my fate." She squeezed my hand and brought a bright smile full of hope and blessing. "And I wish, one day, you'll find someone whom you can love like the way I love Jonas. Trust me, love looks nasty from outside but when you fall in it, you'll understand how beautiful it is."

Yes, I know how beautiful my love is. Infact, she is even more beautiful than the moon. The moon has its own flaws but she is flawless—both from in and out—and now, the only thing I want is her permission, her permission to fall deeper in her and lose myself into her.

"I understand.." I gazed at her mesmerising hazel green eyes and added, "Love is very beautiful and I would love to devour myself into it." Including sacrificing it for her happiness. Afterall, the other name of love is sacrifice and I'm sacrificing my love for you.

However, I'm gonna be a little selfish. I'll take all your tears and give you all my laughter, Ava Rinehart. You'll never know the secrets I've held in my heart.

To be continued…