Someone I'm Not

1. Time to Confess

The snow falls slowly from the clouds as it delicately hits Phoenix's thick brown jacket, as he excitedly walks out of his apartment as he clenched both of his hands, wishing for his fingertips to not freeze before Phoenix could even get to a particular place, the only reason he is going out for the night.

Phoenix was never a fan of going out too much, especially at night, not because he is boring and an outcast. As a matter of fact, they even call him to join late-night parties, and he could respectfully decline some. But tonight is an exemption for him. Despite the cold weather, he still is determined to go out and meet the person he's been wishing to see for the past few months.

Getting into college is tough, especially when you're new to everything; the place you'll be staying, your neighborhood, where the market or mall stands, from your new classmates to another new circle of friends, and so much more for someone to realize how different life is when you're used to the old things and now, you have to adapt.

Phoenix exhales as he rubs both of his hands in front of his lips as he puffs out the warm wind from his mouth to keep his hands warm. He forgot to wear his woolen mitten gloves made specially by his mother. Suddenly, his phone vibrates, indicating that someone is trying to reach him. Phoenix brings out his phone from his inner pocket of the coat he is wearing, reading the caller I.D. A smile forms on his lips as he stops walking for a second before answering the call.

"Hey!" He greets her, showing how jolly he is tonight. Soroya chuckles from the other line, hiding how he missed his voice so much.

[Hi!] She greeted back, trying to contain her excitement to see him. She had made up her mind tonight and that she is ready to unveil the secret she's been hiding ever since. Even if she's eager to tell him about it, she still has doubts about how Phoenix will react. And it is something that she's not ready for.

"I thought you wouldn't give me a call after I invited tou to come here and see me?" He asks as he pouts, wanting to talk to her until they meet each other personally. His one hand clench his phone that's already pressed on his right ear, as his free hand fixes his bonnet before sliding inside his pocket.

[Of course, I had to! I don't know any streets here! I'm not even sure if I got the correct train to ride!] She exaggerates, wanting to spend more time talking to him. She's tightly seated there, as a kid beside her is fast asleep. Phoenix, on the other line, chuckles as a response before talking again.

"Do you want me to come to fetch you into the station instead?"

[But you told me that you're far from the train station. One mile, right?]

"Yup, but I can still make an exception to my best friend." And my crush. The thought suddenly came crossing into Phoenix's mind. He is confident that he already had fallen for his childhood best friend s***h crush since third grade, but he doesn't have the guts to admit that yet. He is already in college, and Soroya is a year younger than him, and confessing to Soroya at the moment might complicate things, especially that they're far away from each other. And if they want to see each other, they might need to deal with 13-15 hours of travel. Soroya managed to enjoy the ride, even if it could be a bit scary to travel all by herself.

[You don't have to! I was just exaggerating to see what your reaction will be. But I tell you, everything seems to be just fine.] She assures as her eyes stare at the kid beside her. It makes her calm down a little bit.

"Are you sure?" Phoenix asks as he halts on his step to look at the bakery beside him. The smell is too good not to go and buy himself even just a pair of hot bread to take along the way. "I mean, I could grab a cab right now-"

[Just chill, my too caring best friend. I got this, okay? You know I'm independent.]

"Yeah, you always mention me that at times like this. Gosh, I could still remember in tenth grade when-"

[Dont even mention that! God, I hate to remember that freaking incident. But don't you worry, I am so damn sure that I won't make the same mistake.]

"Oh, are you sure?"

"Yeah, a hundred and one percent! So wait for me there because if I see you at the train station, you might only receive a flying shoe and a helluva kick!] They both laugh at it as Phoenix pushes the door open, making him enter the silent bakery. There are a few people inside; a couple, a family with two kids, a woman in her office outfit, a man with his casual clothes, two persons behind the counter, and a dog.

"Okay fine, I won't go there. But promise me you'll give me a call, okay?" He could hear the train as the background on the other line. "Hello?"

[Phoenix? Hello?] All she could listen to is a static sound from the other line while Phoenix could only hear her choppy voice.

"Ray, I think the connection is bad right now."

[Nix? I'm sure, but I can't hear you! I might have to end the call right now-]

"Ray? I'll message-" he hears the continuous beeping sound from his phone, indicating that the call ends there. He sighs as he is about to slide his phone back inside his inner pocket when he decided to send her a message, hoping she could receive it and skim it.

To: RayRay

From: Nix

Hey Ray, give me a call when you're already at your stop, okay? It else, I have to run and come to you. Got it?

As he sends it, a woman, probably in her mid-twenties, greets her with a smile.

"Good evening, sir! What would you have?"

"Uhm, can I have this Bagel, Anpan, French stick, and Banana bread, two slices each?" He smiles.

"Sure! Anything else?"

"Oh, I almost forgot. Can you give me six slices of your brownies?"

"I can say you love brownies and bread, don't you?" The woman asks as she delicately picks the bread with the use of the bread tong and put it inside the paper bag.

"My best friend is addicted to brownies. She loves sweets more than I do. She can even eat a jar of Nutella in a day!" He proudly reveals to the woman.

"Then maybe this woman is too special for you." She smiles as she takes the third brownies inside the paper bag.

"Yup. She's too damn special."

"Do you like her?" The woman asks directly, making him stare at her with wide-open eyes. "It's okay not to answer, kiddo. I know admitting your feelings ultimately might be difficult when you're not ready for rejection yet, considering the fact that she's your best friend... Wait, does she know how you feel about her?"

Phoenix shakes his head.

"Well, I understand that feeling. But hey, if you want her to know what you truly feel about her, talk to her now before it's too late. Maybe one day, when you think you're also ready, she might be in another man's arm." Phoenix wasn't able to cope up with the bread already packed in different paper bags and already packed in one big plastic bag.

"Here you go, sir!"

"Oh!" He exclaims as he removes his gaze from the woman. He takes out his wallet and pays for all the slices of bread he just bought. As the woman gets herself busy on his change, his mind quickly sinks into everything she just told him. His heart races as an idea pops up in his head.

'You have to tell her how you feel. Or she might end up in another's embrace, and it will be too late!'

"Here's your change, sir-"

"Thanks!"

He rushes out into the bakery as the desire to see her grows into flames in his heart, slowly killing the cold temperature that he is supposed to be feeling.

That became an eye-opener to him to confess the moment he gets to see her. To see the woman he's been liking since third grade.