Chapter 16: Dark dreams
1470 Words
She leaned forward in her seat and took her glasses off to look at me, being all dramatic and s.hit.
“I don’t mean to be rude, I’m not entirely sure what kind of relationship you have with Rose, I know all three of you triplets are her true mates, I don’t know if you have arrangements where you can sleep with other women or—”
“We don’t.”
“So s.ex is out of the question?”
“Yep, not interested in anyone else anyway.”
“You’re sure?”
“What the f.uck is that supposed to mean? Of course I’m sure.”
“It’s just, well, I only share this because it concerns you, and perhaps you can give some answers, but Rose has mentioned before how she sometimes struggles when you look at other women.”
“I don’t look at other women.”
When she rose an eyebrow, I rolled my eyes, “alright fine, sometimes I look at pretty girls, I’m male, but it’s not like what she’s thinking.”
When she stayed quiet, I took that as a sign to keep talking. “I don’t really care about looks, but sometimes, yes, I notice how hot a girl is, but that’s it, I’m not thinking I want to f.uck her, I’m not really thinking anything, I’m just noticing her attractiveness and that’s it, shouldn’t matter anyway, Rose is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, she’s all I want.”
Pfft, slip forward a good few years, and I’d be back in that office chair when me and Rose were having problems.
By then I was used to Kathy, our therapists name by the way, I was relaxed around her because she never judged me, not even with her eyes. Sometimes I felt more comfortable talking to her about my dark s.hit than I did Rose.
I knew why I was here, by now we’d had our kids, and they were eight, and we were having a rough patch. I dropped onto the desk chair, she’d given up asking me not use it. I sat slouched down in it, legs spread wide, swiveling it back and forth.
“Talk to me about this argument you had with Rose.”
“It was her turn to wash up, she insisted it was mine, we bickered like any couple. End of story.”
“If I recall, apparently you called her a lazy b.itch.”
“F.ucking hell, she’s a right little snitch. Fine, maybe that was a d.ick thing to say, but it was her turn.”
“Really, Jax? Are the dishes really the problem?”
I got up and went over to stroke her ginger cat, he f.ucking hissed and bit me, f.ucker hated my guts. I jerked my hand back and yelped. “F.ucking evil cat.”
“He can sense a dangerous predator when he sees one,” she replied.
“Pfft, you mean an evil killer.”
“No, I mean what I say, you are a dangerous predator, and you are not evil.”
I touched her little swingy thing, I swear every therapist had one, you know the little ball things, you lift it back and then let it hit the others to make that irritating noise that I swear would make anyone a killer after five minutes of listening.
I accidentally knocked it off her desk and some of her books fell with it. “S.hit, sorry.” I bent to pick it all up and dumped it on her desk. Sighing, she held a hand to her head. “Please, Jax, leave the swing balls alone and come and sit down.”
I went to brush my fingers over her small plant, but she grabbed it before I could. “Sit!” She scolded.
“Sheesh, really protective of your plants aren’t you.” I sat back down, and she breathed a sigh of relief.
“Answer the question,” she said.
“What question is that, darling?”
She always blushed when I called her that. “Are dishes really the problem.”
“You know, you have a great body for an older lady.”
She blushed again. “Jax,” she muttered, straightening her glasses.
“I mean it, nice t.its, nice little a.ss.”
When I tried to get close to her, she stood up and backed away, I followed until her back hit the wall, and I pressed myself against her. “What’s your favourite s.ex position?”
“Jax, I know what you’re doing, sit back down.”
“I bet your p.ussy tastes good.”
She grew all flustered and then said, “please don’t make this unprofessional between us just because you don’t want to answer the question.”
Sighing, I backed off and sat down. “No, dishes aren’t the problem. My dark s.hit is back, I feel like killing again.”
“How bad?” She straightened her clothes, composing herself, and sat back down too.
“Really f.ucking bad,” I mumbled.
“You need to talk to me, Jax.”
“I can’t.”
“Jax, I can help if you talk to me, no matter what it is, I’m not here to judge you, only to listen and help.”
I folded my arms. “She tell you about the pirate thing?”
“Rose? Yes, she mentioned she saw you watching an adult video with blonde pirates.”
I laughed softly. “She’s so f.ucking insecure, I love her, but since our argument we haven’t been talking, which also means no s.ex, and I, well, she thinks I was watching it because of the hot blondes, I was just using it as a distraction to stop thinking about killing, every time I try to w.ank—” she frowned at me, so I rephrased it, “fine, every time I try to give myself a handjob, I start thinking about it, my kills, or I’m tempted to watch the video of my first kill as an adult. I try focusing on more normal s.hit, but it does nothing for me, not lately, and then I dreamt—” I trailed off feeling sick just from remembering it.
“What did you dream, Jax?”
“I dreamt of Rose. Don’t know if she’s told you that sometimes we role-play my dark s.hit?”
“No, she hasn’t mentioned that.”
“Ok, well, uh, sometimes she likes to be my victim, I tie her up, and we pretend, she likes the danger of it all, I don’t actually hurt her or anything, only normal stuff like spanking her, having my hand lightly around her throat, basically it’s a role-play where I kidnap her, and then I decide to keep her to play with and f.uck.”
She nodded, “ok, role-play can be a healthy way of acting out without actually harming anyone, does it help?”
“Yeah, quite a lot actually, but we haven’t been having s.ex lately.”
“Which led to this dream?”
“Maybe,” I shrugged.
“What happened in this dream?”
“It was a f.ucking evil dream.”
“You have to tell me if you want me to help, remember, it’s just a dream, and you can’t control your dreams.”
I took a breath. “Ok, I dreamt I kidnapped Rose for real, took her to the warehouse, chained her up, t.ortured her and s.hit like I do with my actual victims, but it was worse.”
“Worse how?”
“After I t.ortured her, I, uh, f**k. I started to r.ape her.”
“Have you ever had fantasises of r.aping her before?”
“F.uck no! I’d never f.ucking hurt her like that, not ever.”
“It’s alright, I was only asking to try and understand what might have prompted the dream.”
When I was calmer, she said, “and you’ve never been s.exual with your real victims?”
“Ew, f.uck off, no.”
“I ask because you’ve mentioned m.asturbating in the past.”
I cringed when she said it like that. “I’d never touch them, I’m not even near them, and I’ve only done it like twice.”
“I’m not judging you, Jax.”
I stayed silent, and she said, “was the dream only the once?”
I nodded.
“I don’t think it’s anything to worry about, I think it was just an interpretation of your role-plays that’s all, nothing more, unless you’re feeling any urges of—”
“F.uck off! No I’m not, it’s just the killing.”
“Then relax, it was just a dream, a horrible one but a dream.”
- Writer
