Deeper Than Temptation

CHAPTER 3 | Parker-2

An hour later, I’m coming down again. This time, we’re in Aiden’s bed and it’s probably the softest, best thing I’ve ever felt. I know that’s the s*x talking, but I’m struggling to keep my eyes open. Aiden’s hard and warm next to me and I can practically feel the smug radiating off him. He’s really pleased with himself. With other guys, it would be annoying, but this makes me smile. He loved satisfying me, focusing on me.

And you loved it too, I think, smiling wider. Maybe I should get back to our original argument, the one where he got jealous of Brandon talking to me, but I want to enjoy my bliss right now.

Might as well. After all, I just slept with my boss. There are consequences to this.

And just like that, there’s my twinge of discomfort. I watch the shadows seep up the bare, white walls and tuck my pillow closer to me. We both know my job as nanny to his sister’s kids isn’t going to be forever. The twins have been living with Aiden ever since he moved to the States, and while they’re amazing, they’re also holy terrors who were recently thrown out of school for inciting a small riot during class.

That’s where I came in. They needed stability. I needed a job. And Aiden? Aiden needed—and still needs—wins at international competitions, not a girlfriend. I frown. Wait. Strike that. I am not his girlfriend. I’m...whatever this is. I’m not sure.

And for a second—okay way more than a second—my body remembers his and it’s entirely okay with ‘whatever this is.’ In fact, it would put up with a lot to have him again.

I shake myself. Get a grip. Aiden’s in the U.S. for work, not for play. He rides jumpers for Caleb Reese, owner of Jacks or Better stables. They travel to all the major East Coast competitions, and even though he’s only been here maybe six months, people are already whispering about how he’s sure to take gold at the next Olympics.

He’s getting his life on track, which I totally understand. I’m getting my own life back on track after marrying my boyfriend straight out of high school, moving across the country to help him with his business, and making him my world.

This is dangerous enough with normal people, but my ex was—is—a narcissist and I walked away with nothing just to get away from him.

And now you’re sleeping with your boss, I think, listening as a horse neighs again in the distance. Typical of you to make such bad decisions.

Which unfortunately is the biggest truth about me: I made a terrible decision to marry Matthew, and now I don’t trust myself not to make the same mistake again.

I’ve had these sorts of feelings before—well, almost. s*x with Matthew was never this good, but those butterfly stomach twirls I get when Aiden looks my way? How my heart double-thumps when Aiden gets closer? I know now those are warning signs. I like him too much. I let my feelings override everything.

Like when you rode him on the kitchen table, and then he took you against the wall, and—I mentally slap myself. The s*x isn’t the point. The point is I can’t trust my feelings.

The idea makes me sigh, and suddenly Aiden’s curving me closer to him. My back fits his chest, and for a moment, all I can think about is how perfect he feels against my shoulder blades. He holds me like he’s trying to soothe me, and it threatens to lull me straight to sleep. I shouldn’t. I should get up. I should go. But it feels so right to stay.

This is more than just lust and crazy attraction. Lying in his arms, I feel safe—and that’s really saying something for someone like me. I feel like I’ve been walking on eggshells most of my adult life, but Aiden and I always talk freely. It’s one of my favorite things about us.

There is no us, I remind myself, and as I drift off I promise myself there never will be. To protect myself, I need to keep him at arm’s length, keep my heart firmly out of reach.

Even if I know I won’t be able to resist having him again.