Marriage
2088 Words
Dressed in white ,a bright smile in her soft moist lips. She walks down the isle with her father. Only my heart knows how long I've waited for this moment to happen.
To picture this beautiful day when i would see her dressed as a bride, ready to make all the promises and vows that'll be imprinted forever in words of legal papers and heart of listeners.
But my brief imagination breaks when a man holds her hands, kiss her knuckles making her blush. I remember how many times I've brought crimson red tint on those adorable cheeks when we made passionate love.
As the saying goes When you're at first stage of love it feels like you're finally living your own fairy tale, everything seems perfect. But when days pass by you realise ......to love is one thing but making it last becomes a challenge.
Jenifer and I met at university , we were young and had so much in common. It didn't took much time for us to fall madly in love with each other. Within a blink we were living together starting our jobs, that's when it all started.
We met new people, our work schedules messed our time together. New friends, new commitments. Movie night begin to turn into argument nights, weekend began to feel like torture. We started to arrive home late to the point where we were more like a strangers than lovers.
First heart changed then room, following mood and number, we decided to call it off than to drag and hurt each other. It felt liberating when she left me but who knew it would soon bite my ass off.
A month without her was peaceful then i realized what have i done. Every action came back with a full force hit of strikiing lightening in front of my eyes. I realized there's no more sticky notes on my fridge saying
' food is inside the fridge, eat before you sleep' or 'i love you a lot you know that'
no more. 'good morning and goodnight kisses'. No more 'i miss you try to be back early' texts from someone, nobody to wait for me at home. No more warm hug or cuddle when I'm sick or cold.
I begin to crave her soft lips on mine , her smile whenever i did something even small as gifting her a flower. Eating or Staying at room felt suffocating. This was the time when i tried to flash light upon my actions of how it all went south.
I met new friends , my time divided between more at work and friends rather than home and my girlfriend. Partying and office meeting dates became more important than our anniversary, I took her for granted.
As she stands Infront of her ideal man i can see in his eyes how he's looking at her like she's a princess ,indeed she is.He wipes his happy tears as if he's having hard time to believe that this moment is true, trust me I'm having hard time to believe too. Her vows .....tho it pierce my heart but i know i deserve this pain when i hear her say
'i know you'll never hurt me like I've been before and i promise to do my best to love you more than i ever did.....and we have forever to make it happen'
A warm tear escape my eyes when i remembered once i heard faint sobbing noise when i came back drunk midnight. I ate the cake inside fridge along with my favourite meatball pasta. The top icing was ruined with just last few letters visible that had 'ary' on it.
I was too drunk and hungry to notice that i totally missed and forgot the special day when i met this precious women of my life. Too tired to walk back i slept on couch near dinning table.
When i woke up i was wrapped up in a warm blanket with a note on kitchen table that said " I love you a lot, I tried but I'm sorry I can't take this anymore. We're done, Don't try to call me I'm changing my number"
A hungover me at that moment just crumbled that piece of note and went back to sleep after taking medicine which felt heavenly with pleasing silence. If i could go back in time i would like to slap my shitty self.
Slap for not going out to search for her, slap for not realising what i lost, slap for thinking that sweet venom of silence was worth loosing an awesome person like her and a biggest slap for thinking i would get someone like her in no time.
As they kiss and now are declared as husband and wife i clap in joy because i know she deserves happiness. It's not about us anymore , and it's not about sexuality anymore, it's only about her and happiness that she always deserved.
I had my share of time and opportunity to be the lucky one but i took her for granted, mistreated her, made her cry and suffer. In middle of chasing my ambition and having fun with new people , i lost love and joy of my life.
She was all i need but i striped her off my life like a clothe without any remorse. This heartbreak is all i need and deserve now because I'll never be able to forgive myself for loosing her.
When i realized my mistake and loss , i began to look for her everywhere. After madly Searching for her on cities , visiting her friends and surfing social media I couldn't find her. I knew her like none else but those days she vanished like a thin air from my life.
She even gave up on her favourite ice-cream parlor and peace park that we frequently visited whenever she felt sad. Perhaps even my memories were painful for her to continue things that made her happy.
I always felt her presence around me when i searched for her like a crazy women, sometimes alcohol would give me joy of hallucinating her pretty image taking care of me like before but morning would be like ice-cold water on my assumption that maybe she's back.
After a year i gave up on looking for her, accepting my defeat and hope on getting her back. And now 2 years after when i finally collected myself from a heartbreak i received a wedding invitation of my Love.
I thought she's taking revenge on me by marrying a man , by being here i thought i would show her I'm strong now and it wouldn't effect me anymore. I made mistakes but I tried to make things better too. Somehow i was still angry for not getting to say my explanations.
Lord made me realise how wrong i was and i still am to think that way. I still love her a lot , i still want her a lot even if she's married to someone else. But i know better I don't deserve her at all, i never did.
I turned around leaving the venue when wedding was over. I cherished every moment of her beautiful day till it lasted. Crying, drinking but hiding from her whenever her eyes would roam around my direction. I know she's looking for me too but I'm too coward to face her, afraid that i might break further if we met.
Moving towards parking lot my feets felt heavy with each step i took, my lips began to wobble. I couldn't even open the door of my car before i fell on ground breaking in sobs and tears. Finally i let it all out crying hysterically.
Someone embraced me from side ,holding me tight. I accepted the comfort in my Vunerablility , for someone who lost everything in a moment this was god's grace that i felt.
After good moment of crying on cold road floor i raise my teary eyes to see my love who looks beautiful in white. She was crying with me , her eyes even when it's red n puffy with her make up ruined , she looked gorgeous than ever.
I take out my handkerchief to wipe her tears to which she chuckles. "I'm sorry Jan. I'm really very sorry, i am an asshole s**t. But I'm happy for you. I love you so much but now it's late to realise. I know saying all this things doesn't matter anymore but i just want you to know I'm happy for you.
I'll always be there for you whenever you need me as a friend. You look gorgeous baby......i mean sorry not that......i mean gorgeous yeah but baby no" I sob and blurt to which she chuckles and kiss my lips hard.
My eyes widens in surprise but my body having mind of it's own kissed her back. Having those Lucius plum lips that i craved for years made me harder to stop but i push her back gently. My tears now flooding even more freely "Please stop jen i have already lost you. Don't make it harder now. This is wrong for him, you're better than this love" I say
She just Chuckles Saying "You were an i***t back then You still are baby" She says wiping my tears off from my face with my own hanky
"Do you even remember what i used to do before i left? " She asks holding my cheeks in her hand.
"Theatre drama" I say realising the possibility but still holding my breath before making assumptions because i don't want to go through hell again. Realising that i refuse to speak anything she sense my fear as she kiss my forehead in loving way.
"I got a big opportunity to be part of a traveling theatre club back when we were together. Pay was good and work was challenging, i wanted to say no for us at first. When we broke Apart i waited outside our door hoping you'll come out looking for me but you didn't." she says her voice cracking with each word she utters.
I hug her tight as she drops those hot tears on my shoulder. " My heart shattered when you didn't even cared to look after my whereabouts for a week. You were all i had when i left my parents home Mon" My heart fell revived when she finally called me by the name she used to call.
"But i had to collect myself. I took this separation as motivation to make my career better so i went on with this theatre places to places, meeting awesome actor and actress, learning and shaping myself even more.
Today's theme was wedding highly demanded by a famous director who wanted to surprise his wife who's in wheelchairs on their anniversary. They had a beautiful love story and very rough ups down in their relationship before they finally tied knots.
While reading scripts and preparing for the act my heart thought of you baby. My friends and family used to constantly tell me how you're trying to become better and how remorseful you were, i knew it all love.
There were times when i wanted to leave it all and be back to you but i needed time to forgive you. Scars of your love was too much to handle. I wanted to see if you really loved me or just it's a moment of guilt that's eating you.
But you waited and you didn't moved on and that was it, i couldn't forget you no matter how hard i tried. So this is it Mon it's all over now, but this time this travelling journey is what's over. I'm all yours Mon , just yours" She confess crying.
"Is it true ?? You're not married jen ?? Are you still mine baby?? I can't believe this is all real........God am i dreaming all this jen ....pinch me" I say shocked, excited, surprised wiping my tears of joy now raising my hands Infront of her to pinch.
But she just kiss me back with all the adoration, love and passion that still flow between us. I kiss her back holding her in my arms. It felt right , it felt heaven , My jen in my embrace felt home even though we were sitting in road kissing like teenagers in love but nothing mattered anymore in this moment when i finally had my love back.
- Writer
