The Luna: Braver Than We Are

Chapter 10

“How did you feel back then? When his behavior towards you changed.” The therapist was a middle-aged woman who emanated inner peace and warmth. Her name was Eve, she had a soothing voice and reminded Viola of an auntie she read about in books but personally never had. Viola was hesitant when Anita told her that she had set up a meeting for her in the morning. But now, after an hour of conversation, she started opening up and felt some relief. Just the fact that someone knew about her feelings and didn’t judge them was helping. Eve told her that if she decides on regular therapy, it could take months and even years to sort things out and that they would probably need to open up some old wounds. She’d give Viola time to think about it.

“Doubtful. Unease. Unworthy.”

“Why were you so harsh on yourself?”

“Now that I look at it from the distance, I don’t know. My parents loved me, maybe even spoiled me a little and my life was good, without any worries. I was happy and joyful. I don’t know what happened. I wanted Mason to accept and love me, the vision of him rejecting me was mortifying, and he did so when I behaved to his liking. So I did everything he expected”

“I understand. Maybe you are denying something that happened earlier that disturbed your self-confidence? It wouldn’t be anything uncommon. We can return to it anytime later when you are ready for it.”

Viola smiled hesitantly. She was still nervous and had a strange feeling that something important has changed. Her thoughts still circled around the documents and mails she found on Mason’s computer. She didn’t fully understand it but she had a feeling that things in the company weren’t as Mason told her.

“Now let’s move to the future. Did you think about what you are going to do? You can stay here as long as you want and no one will be pushing you to move forward, but at some point, you will have to.”

“I don’t know.”

“We have many options, counseling, education opportunities, even a fund that helps to start your own business. Anita will get you some folders. Just think about what you’re good at.”

“Planning parties,” Viola snapped out and felt that her ears are getting red. She thought that was embarrassing. She was a trophy wife whose life had no meaning or impact. She was throwing those damn parties and focused on things of no meaning and thought that it was all perfectly ok. She realized that her life since she met Mason was so sad and empty.

“This is a good start,” Eve said and Viola looked at her doubtfully. “This means you have some certain skills, a foundation that you can build on. You don’t believe me now, because your self-esteem was destroyed by your husband. This is a common pattern in an abusive relationship. The abuser makes the victim dependent, as this makes it easier to control them. We will work on it, I will explain it all to you and help you understand how worthy and wonderful person you are.”

“No, I’m not. I knew my husband was a bad man, and that my love was long gone, but I still stayed with him. Who does that?”

“A broken person does that,” Eve said. “You are broken, your view of yourself and of the world is broken. We are going to fix you. And the first step will be explaining that none of this that happened to you was your fault. It was he who broke and wrecked you. You are braver and stronger than you think. You’ve shown it by coming here. This was the hardest step for you. We will find a way and you will see this person too.”

Viola smiled and touched her belly. She wanted to become that person Eve talked about, for this little human inside her. She wanted her baby to be showered with love and to grow to a strong and confident person. If it required for her to change, she would change.

“As a matter of fact, I think ergotherapy, therapy by work, can help you. We would adjust it to your state and capability to boost your confidence.”

***

After the meeting was finished, Anita came to her room and handed her the folders and a new sim card.

“You may want to change the card in case your husband tries to track you down. The facility is safe but you will have to travel outside, to the doctor and to take care of other things.”

“Thank you, I will change it right away.”

“Here are folders with our offer. Maybe you’d want to take some courses. You don’t need to hurry, but you could use your pregnancy to raise your qualifications.”

“I spoke about it with Eve. I’d like to help. I mean, I don’t have a degree, but I’m good at organizing things. I think I could do some work with children's animation. I used to volunteer in high school. I could help with other stuff if needed.”

“It isn’t required.”

“I know, but I need to do something that matters. Please, could you help?”

“Ok, I will find you something and we will employ you formally, so your employment history looks better.”

“Thank you,” Viola beamed a happy smile.

“Now I will show you the way to the doctor’s office. Jonathan will come later and probably will want to speak with you. That is if you are ready.”